Quickies...

* If you don't know who Joe Piscopo, then shame on you, first of all, and second of all, click here. For a pic, click on more photos.

* Don't get too excited about the Spurs beating the SHIT out of the Nuggets last night. I've noticed that with this Nuggets team; they either win, or lose BAD. Good job by the Spurs for nutting up and playing with some pride though. Tony must have left Eva at home and decided to play this game.

* I'm enjoying the Memphis-Suns series a lot. Last night was a really good game. It showed the problem with the series though; Memphis did everything perfectly, except one thing (hit their free throws), and it killed them. They have to play ABSOLUTELY perfectly to beat the Suns, and I just don't see that happening more than once, maybe.

* I loved how TNT kept saying "Amare Stoudemire has a career playoff high!" Wasn't this his second playoff game?

* I'd like to comment on the Washington-Chicago game, but TNT stuck with a 30 point blowout of the Nuggets and Spurs instead. Good thinking.

* I want to roll on the floor laughing everytime my second favorite player of all time (Charles Barkley) talks about how you have to play defense to win a championship. Irony, thou ist Charles Barkely.

* Southpark was fucking awesome last night.

* Peace.

NBA Trophy Time

Time for the individual season awards; the best the NBA had to offer. Here we go...

Coach of the Year: Tough year. My respect for coaches is usually pretty low, but I have to admit there were some good coaching jobs this year. Nate McMillian and Mike D'Antonio helped revolutionize NBA basketball this season with the Sonics and Suns, respectively, thank God for both of them. Rick Carlisle dealt with all of the insanity that happened to the Pacers this season and still got his team into the playoffs, with a decent chance to go to the second round. George Karl damn near singlehandedly turned around a Nuggets squad into one of the best teams in the league. Scott Skiles somehow not only got a team of underachievers in Chicago not only into the playoffs, but with home court advantage. All of these men did outstanding jobs and deserve consideration.

In the end, I'll go ahead and go with D'Antoni. The Sonics were probably more surprising in their turnaround, but they had the same coach last year, and they didn't finish as well as the Suns did. D'Antoni did an outstanding job in his first NBA head coaching stint, and brought a breath of fresh air to a league that needed it. Congratulations Mike.

Rookie of the Year: Congrats to Dwight Howard and Ben Gordon for having nice years. But this is pretty much Emeka Okafur going away. 15.1 points, 10.9 reebs, and 1.7 blocks. But most impressive is him leading the Bobcats to 18 wins as an expansion team. I mean, the Bobcats were the third worst team in the NBA this year. They should have been by far the worst. So good job, Emeka.

Most Improved Player: Bobby Simmons, LA Clippers. To be quite honest, I don't even see how there's much of a doubt. The is the Most Improved Award, not the "It's nice that you finally recovered from your injury award", so no to Grant Hill. Teyshaun Prince did improve as a scorer, but he raised his scoring average 4 points. Had anyone even heard of Simmons? He improved from 7.8 to 16.4 ppg, 4.7 to 5.9 reebs, and upped his FG% from 39.4% to 43.5%. He was instrumental in the Clips huge improvement.

6th Man of the Year: I'm sorry, but what is everyone's obsession with Ben Gordon? I think it's cause he went to college. Ricky Davis--yes, the insane Ricky Davis--is the 6th Man of the Year. Ben Gordon will win it, but why? Ricky averaged more points, more rebounds, more assists, had a higher field goal percentage, averaged twice as many steals, and had more blocks. Team success was pretty much the same--within two games if I remember correctly. And come on, is there anyone less likely to win this award? Give the guy some credit! In a year of crazy guys doing bad things, let's reward a crazy guy for doing good things.

Defensive Player of the Year: I'll go with Shawn Marion, since he guards a much more versatile list of players (anywhere from 2 guards to power forwards). Bruce Bowen will probably win it, though, and is just as deserving.

MVP: Tough year. Steve Nash was incredible for the Suns, but he does play with Amare Stoudemire, Shawn Marion, Joe Johnson, and Quentin Richardson. Would the Suns be so great if they lost any of them? No. And on top of that, Nash is without question a defensive liability. You can't be the MVP only on one side of the court. Shaq was great this season, but so was Dwayne Wade. I'm sorry, but I honestly feel that Wade is the MVP of that team, not Shaq. If you look at his stats, he's actually a little down this year as compared to last. Lebron was incredible, but team success is a big factor, and his team didn't make the playoffs. Next year, Lebron. Timmy was hurt too much to be the MVP again. AI was great, but I still feel like his team has underachieved. How can you put up the numbers he did and still finish 7th in the East? Something was missing there to crown him MVP.

So, that leaves me with something I can't believe I'm writing, but it's true...

Dirk Nowitzki is the MVP of the league.

I swear to God I'm not being a homer here. But when I add up all the important things, Dirk stands out. He averaged career highs in scoring, assists, and 3pt%. His defense was REMARKABLY improved this year. His team was going through incredible changes and faced injury problems all year, and yet he still guided them to third in the West. He stepped up as a leader for the first time in his career.

Dirk--already without question before this season a top 15 NBA player, and arguably a top ten--singlehandedly led an overachieving team to unanticipated regular season success.

I think that's the definition of an MVP.

Some other awards...

Player We'd Most Like To See Hit by a Mack Truck (or the Shawn Bradley Memorial Award): Vince Carter. Is there anything worse than in the middle of the season, Vince gets the trade he wanted, and suddenly starts playing like an All Star? Not only that, but he admitted to not playing hard in Toronto! I'm reminded of a really funny Onion article I read once, "Asshole admits to being Asshole in supremely Asshole move." That's Vince. Hi Toronto, I gave up on you guys after signing my big contract, fucked you over for three years, and then as soon as I left with all my money I started trying hard again.

Hey Vince: FUCK YOU!

Best Charles Barkely Comment of the Year: On St. Patrick's Day: "Just what the Irish need, another reason to get drunk." Who else in the world can get away with saying this? And yes, I laughed. And yes, I'm Irish.

Player I Cannot Wait To See Play Next Year: Ron Artest. Come on. Was there any doubt? And you know you want to, too.

Most Quotable Player of the Year: Jalen Rose, Toronto Raptors. Let's take a quick look at the Jalen Rose hit parade this year:

"There's always going to be criticism when your name is Jalen. You have to wear a bulletproof vest and be ready for it."

"Like I told the guys earlier, once he turns 21 and is able to drink, it's over."
After LeBron James (20) scored 56 on the Raptors.

"He probably was a little tired from All-Star weekend. While he was running up and down the court throwing it off the backboard, I was laying on the beach drinking a fruity drink with an umbrella. So I probably gave myself an unfair advantage on that one."
Explaining why he outplayed Vince Carter two days after the All-Star Game.

"Was it for Richard Jefferson?"
After hearing that Vince Carter had been traded to New Jersey. Unfortunately, Jalen, the answer was nothing. Can't you see the expression on his face? "No All Star for you Jalen; VC got traded for nothing!" The real question: was shoot first Jalen mad that they didn't get Jefferson, or happy, because that meant he got to shoot more?

"I'm a GM in fantasy basketball and I'm a GM on Playstation, so on Playstation I probably would have got a little more, but this is real life, so I don't know."
After the Raptors traded Vince Carter for, well, nothing.

"I've got to stop this. My entourages are getting entourages."
Explaining the trouble finding tickets for everyone when he returns to Detroit, his hometown.

The Lebron one has to be my favorite. Thanks for a great season of quotes Jalen! Keep up the good work.

Most Underappreciated Player in the NBA: Shawn Marion. Look at this guys stat line: 19.4 pts, 11.3 reebs, 1.9 asts, 47.6% FG, 33.4% 3PT, 83.3% FT, 2.0 steals, 1.5 blocks, and only 1.5 TOs a game. "Wow", you might say, "he had a breakout season!" NO HE DIDN'T. He's been doing that for five years! Throw out his rookie season, and those are all career averages for him. And he's fun to watch! He has a really different but cool looking shot! And his nickname is "The Matrix!" I have no idea why, but it's cool! I love Shawn Marion.

The Antoine Walker Memorial Most Overrated Player in the NBA: Yes, this is my favorite award. And this year, it was a no brainer. I don't even need to put why this guy was the most overrated player. I don't even need to put his last name.

Kobe.

NBA Postseason Pics

Now, some of you will say I'm cheating, since the playoffs started this weekend. I promise not to cheat and use what happened this weekend (all of my picks will be the same picks I would have made last Thursday), except one, and I'll tell you when I do cheat.


ROUND ONE

Phoenix Suns v. Memphis Grizzlies: The Grizzlies are the poor man's Suns. They do everything the Suns do, just not as well. There's not even anything to talk about here. Suns win in 5...maybe even 4.

Dallas Mavericks v. Houston Rockets: Here's where I cheat. I would have said Mavs in 6 here. However, after watching the Mavs lose game 1, I realized a coupla things: 1) All of the Mavs good players (Josh Howard, Jason Terry, Marquis Daniels, Erik Dampier, Devin Harris, their coach Avery Johnson) except Dirk and maybe Stackhouse are in the playoffs for the first or second time. 2) The Rockets revamped roster is full of saavy veterans like Little Bobby Sura, David Wesley, Dikembe Mutombo, and Jon Barry (I love that fricking guy...I mean, I love him when he's not playing the Mavericks). What scares me is I can honestly see the Mavs collapsing BIG TIME, like losing in 5 or 6. I'll still say Mavs in 7...but I'm really scared that's the homer in me talking.

Seattle Supersonics v. Sacramento Kings: The Kings are so banged up their doing good just to be walking at this point. Oh, and Seattle is a lot better than they are. Sonics in 6.

San Antonio Spurs v. Denver Nuggets: Nuggets in 6. Now, I know you all are thinking I'm cheating on this one, after the Nuggets won Game 1. I'm not. Here's what I've said since last year until this day about these two teams:
# The Nuggets will be the most feared team by the time the playoffs start.
# I have serious questions about how tough the Spurs are after rolling over to the Lakers last year.
# There might not be a team in the league that matches up to the Spurs better. Nene, Camby, and Ken will take turns beating the Hell out of Duncan, and are quick enough to stick with him, too; Andre Miller is better than Tony Parker--Hell, Earl Boykins might be better than Tony Parker; Carmelo better be able to beat Manu, after all the shit he talked this past summer about deserving to play more in the Olympics (can you tell I don't really like Melo?).
# I haven't believed for a second that Duncan's ankle is truly healthy. Carly (The World's Biggest Spurs Fan) can back me up that I've been saying this for two months now: since the All Star break, the Spurs have been saying, don't worry about Timmy's ankle, it's fine, he just needs a week off. And then he takes a week off, comes back, and hurts it two weeks later. He was on my fantasy team this year people; trust me, I KNOW how often he was injured this year. He's not even close to being 100%.
# Denver honestly believes that they are the best team in the league, and are truly motivated to go prove it.

In other words, watch out for the Nuggets. I feel this is the most overrated Spur's team in years.

Miami Heat v. New Jersey Nets: People...let's calm down here. Even if Richard Jefferson came back, was 100% ready to play, and somehow had flow with Vince Carter, this team would still not beat the Heat. And besides...remember what I said in my "How to Pick the NCAA Tournament" Post: A player coming back from injury at the end of the season is not always a good thing. Heat in 5.

Chicago Bulls v. Washington Wizards: So you're leading scorer (Curry) and a key rotation guy (Deng) are out on a team oriented squad. Don't get me wrong; I don't like Curry, I'm much more concerned about Deng being gone. But that's still two players missing off two evenly matched teams. Plus the Wizards are more fun to watch. Wizards in 7.

Boston Celtics v. Indiana Pacers: Here's another gem to be used from my NCAA post: "If everyone in the media/world is picking a surefire upset, it's almost always not going to happen." I like the Pacers. I really do. But Jermaine O'Neal is hurt, Reggie Miller has got to be getting tired by now, and I think the Pacers are looking past the Celtics. I think they've already got their eyes on Detroit in the next round, and how they're going to get them back, and how they're going to show them. And I think that's going to cost them against the Celtics, who are still quietly playing GREAT basketball. I think the Celtics all of the sudden go up 3-0, the Pacers go, "wait, what?" Play super inspired and win the next two, and then the Celts finish them off in a TIGHTLY contested Game 6.

Detroit Pistons v. Philadelphia 76ers: Yawn. Is anyone going to watch this series? Cause I'm not. Pistons in 4. Okay, Iverson is having a great season...Pistons in 5.

ROUND TWO

Suns v. Mavericks: Great series if this happens. I think the Mavs can beat the Suns...I just don't think they're ready to, yet. Too many first time players and coach in the playoffs. Cuban, please stop messing with this team. You can tinker with it, just don't do anything drastic. Suns in 7, but watch out for the Mavs next year.

If Houston wins, the Suns blow them out in 6, and the series isn't really even that close.

Sonics v. Nuggets: I almost feel sorry for either the Sonics or the Kings. Nuggets in 6...and again, I don't think it will even be that close of a series. Seattle is just too banged up to keep up with the Nuggets; Ray Allen will need to average 50pts a game on 50% shooting for it to be competitive.

Heat v. Wizards: Yeah...not even close. Heat in 6, as Brendon Haywood and Kwame Brown get manhandled by Shaq. And I'm loving Shaq, Zo, and Laetner on the same team, BTW. Makes me laugh every time I see it.

Detroit v. Boston: Great season Celts, and I think this series will be more competitive than the media will give it credit fro being. That being said, I think the Pistons have just a little too much firepower. It'll be closer than everyone thinks though. Pistons in 7.

WESTERN CONFERENCE FINALS

Suns v. Nuggets: This series is going to be incredible. I honestly can't decide who exactly is going to win; I could make the case for either team here. I'm going to go with the Suns though, because I feel that the Nuggets have a hole at 2 guard that they've never quite filled. And Joe Johnson, Quentin Richardson, and Jim Jackson can fill that hole. Yeah...anyway, Suns take Nuggets in 7, in what is one of the greatest series in the history of the NBA. This is gonna be so much fun to watch, I can hardly wait.

EASTERN CONFERENCE FINALS
Heat v. Pistons: Man, I REALLY don't want the Pistons to go. I really want to see Dwayne Wade in the Finals. I really want to see Shaq in the Finals without Kobe. But I just can't see a team that's third best player is Damon Jones going to the Finals. I just can't see a team with Eddie Jones and the Artist Formerly Known As Zo in their regular rotation in the Finals. Especially not against the defending champs.

NBA FINALS

Suns v. Pistons: David Stern will decide this series. You think I'm kidding. This is the new versus the old; the new, young, exciting, offense oriented team verses the old, physical, smart, boring, defense oriented team. If David Stern (or the NBA Refs, I should say) let's the Pistons play super physical ball against the Suns, they will win. If Stern has them call a really tight game and not let the Pistons be the Pistons, then the Suns will win.

In an honest series, again, I really want to pick the Suns, but two things keep me from doing that. 1) As we've already discussed, if everyone is picking something to happen, go the other way. And everyone has the Suns winning it all. 2) Another rule for picking basketball games, which doesn't apply for the NCAA, is: No one wins it all the first time. Experience does matter. There is truth to the "Suffering Apprentice" theory. And none of the starters on the Suns has any significant playoff experience except Nash, and they are playing the DEFENDING CHAMPS.

So I'll say Pistons in 7...but dear God, please let me be wrong.

THOUGHTS AFTER THE FIRST WEEKEND OF THE PLAYOFFS

$ Did you see that Tony Parker showed up to the game with Eva Longorio (his girlfriend, the Desperate Wives chick) while wearing a Spurs championship from two fricking years ago? To quote Bob, "WHAT A QUEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR." First of all, you don't show up to the game with your girl. Never. Ever. Ever. Not even your wife. Second of all, you don't wear a championship shirt from TWO YEARS AGO. You don't have bragging rights. The Pistons can show up wearing championship T shirts. If I remember correctly, Tony, you curled up into the fetal position and let the Lakers waltz right over you after Derek Fisher hit that miracle shot last year.

Sorry Carly...but I'm rooting against the Spurs now.

$ Did anyone see Ben Gordon catch a pass at halfcourt off of a steal, have two teammates standing wide open underneath the basket, and instead of passing it up, he dribbled in and scored it himself. I'm sorry, I know he's played real well, and been an exciting rookie, but I don't like this guy. And plays/an attitude like that come back to bite you in the ASS in the playoffs.

$ I don't think the Celtics will go up 3-0 on the Pacers anymore. I think they'll still win in 6, but I think that the ASSWHOOPING they laid down in game one was enough to make the Pacers go, "Oh shit, we'd better wake up and remember we have to beat the Celtics if we want to get to round two to play the Pistons."

$ Is it just me, or are the Suns and Pistons just toying with the Grizzlies and 76ers, respectively? I feel sorry for the Grizzlies, but I'm LOVING it with the 76ers.

$ Why do the Nuggets always have some of the worst uniforms in sports? I hate their powdered blue, wanna-be Carolina uniforms.

$ I love Shawn Marion. He is so incredibly awesome to watch.

And remember kids...the NBA...it's FANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTASTIC!!!!

NBA Western Conference Postview

Time for round 2. Here's the West, if you want to know how this is set up, scroll down and I'll explain in the Eastern Conference Postview.

15. New Orleans Hornets (12): Wow. I mean, WOW. It didn't help that Jamaal Magloire got hurt, and that Baron Davis played uninterested all season, but...wow. I didn't think they'd be THIS bad.

14. Utah Jazz (5): The second most disappointing team in the NBA this year. How were they this bad? Sure, they had injuries, especially to Kirelenko (yes, I know I didn't spell that right; yes, I'm too lazy to look it up), but he's not THAT good. Is he? They had a stacked lineup! It was so balanced! I just don't understand it.

Oh wait, yes I do. And I quote: To make matters worse--the owner of the Cavs is a BLIND GUY. He (Carlos Boozer) stabbed a blind guy in the back! If that is not inviting misfortune on yourself and your team, I don't know what is.

You think I'm kidding. This team is too talented and too well coached to be this bad. For all the injuries and everything...it's karma. There is a God, and sometimes there is justice in the world.

13. Portland Trailblazers (11): Wow. Second only to the Knicks in "you know, let's just fire everyone--coach (already did that), front office, players--and start over. Fuck it, sack the waterboy, too." And like I said in the preseason, they're not even the crazy guys anymore! Especially after the brawl! At least before they were bad, but so nuts you enjoyed watching them. Now they just suck, have bad attitudes, and are crazy enough to piss you off but not crazy enough to amuse you. They're the Cincinatti of the NBA.

12. Golden State Warriors (13): Well, Chris Mullin isn't a completely hopeless GM. For some reason, the Hornets gave him Baron Davis for, well, nothing. I don't know why really. Time for an aside: I think I'm going to make this it's own post, but how many competent GM's are there in the NBA right now? 4? Maybe? Maybe 5? IT'S NOT THIS HARD!!! How can they not find ANYONE qualified for this job? Seriously, I'll write about this next week. Or maybe today, depending on how long the, uh, evening drags.

And we're back to the Warriors. So they got the Baron, which was a good pickup, and they finished the season nicely. So for like the third year in a row, there is "hope" at the end of the season. Yeah...good luck with that, Warriors fans. Maybe Mullin will surprise me this summer, but I see this team sucking for a long time.

11. LA Lakers (8): See, I think this team is either going to gel together, and be a little better than everyone thinks (7th or 8th), or they are going to crash, and finish 10th or 11th, and Kobe will absolutely lose it. You have no idea how happy I am about writing this. Not only did the Lakers miss the playoffs, but they finished BELOW THE CLIPPERS!!!!! I'm so happy right now I can't even stand it. And let's look to the future: the Lakers are stuck in that no man's land where they are good enough to never get a good lottery pick, but bad enough to not actually get into the playoffs (you know, like the Dallas Cowboys are, Mashard). No free agent is going to come here because of Kobe's reputation, and their salary cap situation is a mess. Shaq must laugh himself to sleep every night.

In other words, Kobe, you're going to be on a bad team that you made for a long, long time. And I couldn't be happier.

10. LA Clippers (14): The Clips have got a little something. But you know what? Elgin Baylor and Donald Sterling will find a way to fuck it up. So good job Clips, be proud, and Bobby Simmons I love you for being awesome on my fantasy league team, but I'm not even going to bother writing about you, cause it will all get blown away by the worst owner and one of the worst GMs in all of sports.

9. Minnesota Timberwolves (1): The most disappointing team in the NBA this season. Sam Cassell, Latrell Spreewell, and Michael Olowakandi: I hate you all with all my heart and soul. I hope you get gonorrhea (I'm too lazy to look up how to spell Kirelenko, but I'll look up how to spell that. I'm a weird guy) and burn in Hell. Wally Schzkfjdafjla;ezdfazz, go fuck yourself. You suck, so don't be making trade demands. I HATE YOU ALL FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO KEVIN GARNETT.

8. Memphis Grizzlies (10): Good job Memphis, you made the playoffs again. Now, get a sign and trade going with Stromile, package him with another player or two, and go get another star to put with Pau, because you're never going to be more than a 7 or 8 seed with this lineup. Sorry. It's true.

7. Denver Nuggetts (3): Trust me on this: this team will get better and better and better as the season goes on. By the end of the year, no team in the league will be as feared in the playoffs as the Denver Nuggets. Now, I can't toot my own horn too much here. Obviously, since I picked them to finish third, I didn't pick them to start as badly as they did. They started HORRIBLY. But they are definitely the "team that no one wants to face in the first round." Still, I consider this season a disappointment. They should not have finished seventh, and they will probably lose in the first round because of it. As long as they build off this season, however, they'll be okay.

6. Sacramento Kings (9): I was a season ahead of predicting their fall. They've been barely .500 since the Webber trade--I think they're two games above it? Tru, they've had a lot of injuries, but is that unusual? Bobby Jackson always gets hurt, Peja usually gets hurt, and we'll see about Brad Miller. I'm just saying, if Peja is your best player, you don't have a good team. And...congrats goes to Chris Webber, who--for the first time in his career--actually deserves some praise for playing well this season, and isn't getting it. He did great for this team to start the year, and no one seems to think so. I still hate him, but I have to give credit where credit is due.

5. Houston Rockets (4): Good for you, TMac and Jeff Van Gundy. You started the year off struggling, but you fought through it and came together at the end. BIG props go out too Carroll Dawson, their GM, who did a fantastic job of acquiring a bench for the Rockets without giving up too much (they really only lost Jim Jackson).

4. Seattle Supersonics (15): Yeah...so I was a little off on this one. Good for Seattle; they found a different way to win at basketball, and it's fun to watch, which is good. Good for Ray Allen and Reshard Lewis for finally stepping up for their teams. I get the feeling, though, that this is another 2004 Milwaukee Bucks (like the Celts); that everything went right for them this season, and next season they will be back in the toilet. We'll just see. And it REALLY pisses me off that they get third place since they won their division, but the Mavs are in fourth even though they won 6 MORE FUCKING GAMES! How stupid is that?

3. Your Dallas Mavericks! (6): Wow. So many good things happened this season.

! Dirk became a legitimate MVP candidate, and a true team leader. He also developed defensive skills. In other words, he is the best Maverick ever.
! Erik Dampier proved not too be a thief with his contract, and played well. Not great, but well.
! Jerry Stackhouse did a fantastic job as Sixth Man, and didn't complain about it.
! Josh Howard proved to be a GREAT draft pick, and will be an All Star once or twice in his career.
! Jason Terry did a great job replacing Nash at point. He's not better than Nash, but for this team, I think he fit in better.
! Marquis Daniels played well once he got healthy, and didn't go crazy on us.
! Allan Henderson was fantastic. A genuine good job dirty man.
! Thank the Lord God above, Don Nelson finally left, and it looks like we've got a good coach to replace him. I'm so glad he's gone.

This team is one of the deepest teams in the league, is outstanding offensively, and is finally good defensively. Time will tell if it's well coached, but it's definitely better coached than it was before. Seriously, there are a lot of teams out there who can beat the Mavericks, but there isn't a team in the NBA that I'm afraid of. And that's a great thing.

2. San Antonio Spurs (2): Same old, same old. I don't think they'll win it all this year though. I have serious questions about Timmy's ankle. We've been hearing since the All Star break "it's hurt, but it should be fine in a week!" every month it seems like. I don't expect him to make it through the playoffs without an injury. And the Spurs are going NOWHERE without him.

1. Phoenix Suns (7): Thank you, Phoenix Suns. Thanks for bringing the fast break back to the NBA. Thanks for playing so well together. Thanks for being so much fun to watch. Thanks for changing the way the NBA plays.

If the Mavs don't win, I hope the Suns do, because I want to see this style of basketball rewarded. I want to see it encouraged. No more football without pads. And all of this thanks to the Suns. I knew they'd be good, but I had no idea they'd be this good. Keep ballin fellas, and I'm rooting for you. If the Mavs don't win it, I hope the Suns do, and not just because they've always been my second favorite team.

NBA Eastern Conference Postview

Well, another NBA regular season is complete. What a fantastic year! This has been the best season the NBA's had since the mid 90s. I'm so pumped! The NBA is back! The fast break is back! Offense is back!

Anyway, one of the things that annoys me about the sports media is there is no accountability. I could say something like, "The Hornets will be the best team in the NBA this season!" on ESPN, and nobody would fire me. The sports media gets the priveledge of hindsite, the blessing of being able to throw out predictions that can never be tested, and have no accountability to any of their predictions.

Well I hold myself to a higher standard! Here's my NBA Conference Postviews. I'll have where the team finished in the conference, their name, in parentheses I'll put where I predicted they would finish before the season started, and then comments. If I'm ever quoting myself from my Previews, I'll put it in Italics, like this. Next week I'll have my awards (MVP, LVP, ROY, Player you'd most like to run over with a Mack Truck).

One more thing: I'm not going to list the conference standings in the official NBA capacity. You see, the Sonics finished third in the West because they won their division. However, the Mavs won 6 FRICKING MORE GAMES than they did. So I refuse to acknowledge the Sonics as finishing third. They get fourth. The division thing is so stupid. If you want more on that, ask me in the comments and I'll explain it in there.

Starting at the bottom...

15. Atlanta Hawks (13): Congratulations. You were worse than an expansion team. Much worse. But don't worry; they have a bunch of cap room to sign free agents with this summer! Oh, wait, they had that last summer, too, and no one would come here...

14. Charlotte Bobcats (15): Good job to the Bobcats. They won 18 games as an expansion team, and didn't finish in last place. I don't think this team is in as great of shape as some pundits seem to think (Other than Okafur and Primov Brezec, I don't see anyone having a long term future with this team), but hey, they're ahead of schedule now.

13. Milwaukee Bucks (4): So this team could easily drop a lot further. I hope they keep the same magic they had last year, because I love Michael Redd, and of course Desmond. Root for this team because as a sports fan you should want them to win. They are good guys who play the game the right way. We’ll see though…

So I kind of new they were going to suck. This was the Law of Averages working out: last year, everything went right for them. This year, everything went wrong. I just couldn't pick against Desmond though. I'm sorry.

12. New York Knicks (9):
 There are few more egotistical and disgusting people in the world than Isiah Thomas. So watching him TOTALLY DESTROY ANOTHER franchise is hilarious to me. Seriously, how many chances will he get to fail? This guy literally put an entire LEAGUE out of business (the CBA). Fantastic. Keep embarrassing yourself, Isiah.
 Stephon Marbury and Jamal Crawford are both on this team. Two shoot first, selfish point guards who don't try to play any defense. And aren't great shooters. And are ego-maniacs (especially Marbury). I seriously think they will get in a fight at least once this season.
 Vin Baker was RESIGNED to play on this team. Not only that, but the Knicks had a shot at landing Erik Dampier, and decided to sign Alcoholic Vin instead! I don't even have a joke here. Let's just move on.
 Sorry Knick fans: Allan Houston and his 100 million dollar contract did not die. They're hurt, of course, but still alive, well, and on the bench/salary cap. Wow. Thank God I hate New York--otherwise I would now light myself on fire.

So, in conclusion, this team was even worse than I thought they'd be, and I thought they'd be pretty damn bad.

11. Toronto Raptors (7): I'm not going to talk about Vince Carter here, because he will win some very prestigious awards next week. But yes, for like the third season in a row, he completely fucked this team over. But he's not the only thing. The coach is bad, and Ron Babcock is LAUGHABLY bad as a GM. Seriously, this franchise finishes third to the Knicks and the Blazers as, "you know what? Just fire everyone and start over."

10. Orlando Magic (10): Even though I nailed this team dead on, I'm so disappointed in them. When I was picking them to finish tenth in the preview, I fully expected to be wrong. And so many things went right for them this season: Steve Francis played great, Grant Hill finally played--and played well--Dwight Howard played really well. They started off the season great. But the GM of this team is an idiot, too, and his tinkering and negative attitude really hurt this group. I've got to admit, I've got some questions about Stevie Franchise now. This team should have made the playoffs...it was on pace to make the playoffs...and it didn't, and he didn't exactly have a stellar attitude this season. He needs to prove something to me, and soon, or I'm going to jump on board with his detractors.

9. Cleveland Cavaliers (8): David Stern is beating his head against a wall right now. The Cavs went from possibly being the 3 seed to not making the playoffs. I'm surprised he didn't change the rules for tiebreakers (the Cavs tied with the Nets, but the Nets won the season series). In fact...how about we do this: If two teams are tied for a position, each of their best players plays one on one to see who takes the spot! We could do it on Pay Per View! You wouldn't pay to see Lebron and Vince Carter play one on one, WITH THE PLAYOFFS ON THE LINE? I'm about to pee my pants I'm so excited about this idea! Taj, get David Stern on the phone right now!

Oh, and Cleveland: you'd better get your shit together, RIGHT NOW. If you don't make the playoffs next season, Lebron is walking. So get busy...oh, wait, you don't have a first round pick the next two years? And you don't have a coach, and you're about to not have a GM? Well...shit. Good luck getting someone with that cap room.

8. New Jersey Nets (14): Good for Jason Kidd. He pouted to start the season, and he bitched at times during the season, but when he was on the court, he played his little ass off, which I wasn't expecting him to do. And good for Rob Thorn for getting Vince Carter for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Great trade there. It just sucks that they are associated with Vince. God I hate him now. Let's just move on.

7. Philadelphia 76ers (6): Again, I was pretty close picking this team, but I'm still disappointed in them. Allen Iverson had the best season of his career, and this team has good talent, and the best they can do is finish 7th? I think they should trade Iverson this summer. I'm sorry, but he'll never play this well ever again. The talent they have on this team is what they are stuck with for a while, thanks to the Webber trade. (Good luck with that, BTW.) So while everyone is amazed at how well he played this season, deal him. If not, you'll be trading him in a year or two for $.50 on the dollar.

6. Indiana Pacers (2): Wow. What a season for this team. The brawl, the suspensions, the injuries, and they still finish fricking SIXTH? Hats off to every single member of the Pacers except Ron Artest, and a standing ovation for their coach, Rick Carlisle, and--as much as I hate to say it--Reggie Miller, who played out of his fricking mind this season. These guys were great, and I hope they keep this team together, because I think after this season they have a great nucleus and will be ready to KILL teams next year.

That being said: Ron Artest is not a part of this team. Larry, get rid of him this offseason as soon as possible (which I'm SURE he's planning on doing). You don't even need anything for him. Trade him for Steve Kerr. Hell, just cut him. But make him gone. But seriously people...I don't have to say that. I know Larry Legend will get rid of him. And the Pacers are a better team without him.

5. Washington Wizards (12): Now this was a fun team to watch this year. Kudos to Antawn Jamison, Gilbert Arenas, and Larry Hughes for turning both their individual (which weren't that bad) and team (which were HORRIBLE) careers around this season. I was so impressed. This team was fun to watch. The ran a lot, tried to dunk on everybody, passed well, and shot well. And they have an edge to them...they don't mind getting dirty. They also play the bulls in the first round of the playoffs; the same Bulls they got into a fistfight with in the PRESEASON. This will be a great first round series.

4. Boston Celtics (5): Remember earlier, how I said everything went right for the Bucks last year, so they finished about here? Well, welcome to the 2005 Milwaukee Bucks. EVERYTHING--up to and including the impossible--went right for the Celtics. Let's take a look at what happened, and the odds of it NOT working out.
* The Celtics rookies (Al Jefferson, Tony Allen, and Delonte West) played well and were good contributors to the team (30%).
* Gary Payton was able to stop the slide that started in LA, and was an above average point guard (45%).
* Doc Rivers'--who I like, don't get me wrong, but he has a problem with these two things--in-game coaching and ego did not hurt this team as the season went on (55%).
* Raef La Frentz was actually able to stay healthy all season, and be a successful contributor (60%).
* Ricky Davis played himself to a 6th Man of the Year candidate, and was a truly indispensable part of this team (65%).
* Mark Blount's poor play combined with his ridiculous contract did not poison this team (75%).
* Danny Ainge actually traded to get Antoine Walker back, who played great for the Celtics and ended up being exactly what the C's needed the second half of the season (99.9%).

It's the last one that kills me. I can't believe that actually worked. I'm dumbfounded. Walker was EXACTLY what the Celtics needed. He played great, and his attitude was a huge boost to this team. Good for him. I guess.

And good for the Celtics.

3. Chicago Bulls (11): I cannot believe how well this team has played. Kudos to Kirk Hinrich, the only good Kansas player other than Paul Pierce. Kudos to Ben Gordon, who can score on anyone, at any time. Kudos to Scott Skiles, for putting it all together. There is no star on this team; ever player plays to their strengths, and as a whole, they fit well. Every player on this team has a HUGE hole in their game, but as a team, they cover it well. Great job Chicago.

2. Detroit Pistons (1): I have no idea what to make of this team. The first half of the season, they seemed totally lost. Not listless; listless is okay for the defending champs the first half of the season. They seemed lost, and confused, and unsure of how to play with each other. But they turned it around the second half, thanks largely to the play of Teshaun Prince, who is Michael's pick of "Most Unbelievable Team MVP". Have you looked at this guy? How little he is? There is no doubt in my mind I can beat his ass. But he's become a really good player. Good for you, Teshaun!

As for where the Pistons will finish in the playoffs, who knows? I could see them losing in the second round. I could see them winning it all. Who knows with them? They're not that good, but they've got...it. They're a team of saavy veterans who know how to play together, and are totally committed to winning.

1. Miami Heat (3): Wow. What a great season for Shaq, Dwyane Wade, Udonis Haslem (anyone can play PF with Shaq and look good, can't they? That's got to be the best job in the world...Shaq's PF), Damon Jones, and maybe even Eddie Jones. They managed to put a full starting five together, and so are probably my pick to win it all (We'll find out later for sure). But Dwyane Wade was incredible this year. Just totally took his game to another level; I couldn't be more impressed with him. I cannot wait to watch him in the future. With Lebron and D Wade leading the NBA, I can't wait to see the future.

Well I'm spent. Western Conference coming soon!

Halo 2 Update

So the new Halo update came out last night. Here's my thoughts...

* Plasma Rifle/SMG combo downgraded: This was a very subtle change, but I'm okay with it. It is barely noticeable...I was close to a guy at one point, and he was able to leap forward and beat me down. That's exactly what the designers were going for, but like I said, it only happened once, so it's fairly minor. Even though it's a downgrade to my favorite combo, I think it's okay.

* Grenades upgraded: Thank you thank you thank you. I've been saying the grenade damage--especially the frag--was laughably bad. They actually hurt people now, which is nice.

* Melee attack upgraded: Again, thank you thank you thank you. If you get close enough to a guy with two guns, your melee attack shouldn't be penalized. They finally made it to where you can actually kill a guy with a couple melee hits. Very nice upgrade.

Magnums: Didn't use them, can't tell. Didn't really notice anyone else using them.

Cheats: We'll see if they're really gone. No one cheated last night, but I rarely play BTB, so that could be why.

In other words, good job Bungie. You made the right changes, and we're proud of you. Looking forward to the (free) maps.

The Definition of "Necessary Evil"

Unions.

Now let's not get off on the wrong foot; I'm not anti-union. Unions have played an extremely important part in history, and are definitely needed from time to time in business today. More than anything, the THREAT of unionization is needed in business today. Like the bumper stickers say, unions are the folks who brought us the weekend, and the right to unionize is one of our most cherished rights.

Here's the problems with unions: they don't go away. I see a great union as the White Knight, emerging from the forest--or perhaps the castle--in his armor of purity in order to fight the rampaging ogre who is laying waste to the countryside. Now, here's the difference between a union and the White Knight: when the ogre is dead, he goes away. He returns to his castle, or his forest. He takes off his armor, stays in his castle, and enjoys the peace and prosperity he helped establish.

Unions don't do that. They hang around. They allow--even encourage--workers to get lazy. They keep demanding higher and higher wages, even when the wages are unreasonable. They make it so you can't fire any member, even when a member needs to be let go. They get a "groupthink" mentality that instead of encouraging the worker and the business to work together, they convince the worker that the business is the "enemy" and is "out to get them". They use inhuman, criminal, and atrocious actions to get whatever they want, and don't care who they hurt in the process.

I'm sure a lot of union guys are offended by the last paragraph. Well, too fucking bad. My brother and my best friend work in the construction business. I've heard firsthand stories of the union guy walking in, sitting down in someone's office, laying a gun on the desk, and saying, "Let's discuss the rework of the current Union contract." I've heard firsthand the stories of a union bus pulling up to a company, drop 50 guys into a lobby where some nice receptionist making just above minimum wage is working, and videotape everything she says. They'll yell, scream, and harass her about the union contracts or lack thereof (like she has any idea about the hiring processes of her company) in order to get her on video saying something innocent like "we're not hiring union workers right now", meaning they aren't hiring anyone, but since they're screaming at her about union workers, she'll throw that one word in there. The unions will then sensationalize that into discrimination in order to get a better deal from the company.

I saw this article on MSNBC the other day. Take a moment to read that please. Now, let's pull some quotes from this article:

"I never had a job as good as this before," said Lynn Morissette, 44, who tracks inventory in the store. "I worked in the daytime. I thought I had a good wage, and I was a shareholder, too, so I could save up some money. I was going to retire here."

Those who did not want a union say organizers harassed them to join. "People signed the cards just to get some peace" from the union organizers, said Noella Langlois, 53, who works in the clothing department. "They thought they would vote against it in a secret vote."

The move sharpened apprehensions in the community over the loss of high-paying union jobs to lower-paying retail jobs. Mayor Tremblay said new, smaller manufacturing and retail concerns will provide new work. But he acknowledged that they are not likely to be at the union wages of $21 to $35 [U.S.] an hour found in the paper and aluminum plants.

"A reasonable union is good. Workers have to live. They have rights," the mayor said. "But maybe our wages were too high."

"We were duped by the union. There was absolutely no need to unionize," said Rejan Lavoie, 40, a single father who took a job as a department manager at Wal-Mart in order to be home in the evenings with his 8-year-old son. He fears he will not find another job with a workable schedule.

This story is very typical. Well, let me take that back, it's not that typical: more often that not, the union wins. But the underhanded tactics...the unreasonable salary demands (no offense to anyone working at Wal Mart, but can you think of anyone working there who really deserves $35 an hour?)...it's what we've come to expect from the modern American union (yes, I realize this is Canada, but they are following our mold).

So, in conclusion, fuck the union. I have no problem with workers unionizing to fight an injustice; anyone who trusts a company to be fair and just with their workers because it's the right thing to do is a fool. But the modern union is lazy, makes ridiculous salary demands, and quite often is downright criminal. They need to go away and return to the castle, but unfortunately, the unions make too much money off their constituents to leave. So they don't.

The NBA Draft

Well, college basketball is over with. I don't know about the rest of you, but to me this was a very uninteresting season. OSU did not reach expectations as a team (they were good, but I thought they would be better), no team really...I don't know, stepped up and impressed me. I mean, there were some great teams, no question. But let's be honest people, in ten years, when you think of great NCAA tournaments and teams in recent years, will you think of this one, or any of these teams? I didn't think so.

Anyway, here's my thoughts on several "name" players. This isn't my pick of the best players, or of where they'll be drafted; it's just players that we either here a lot about, or that I have some interest in, or that I think you, o dear reader, might have some interest in, and how they will do in the NBA.

Sean May, F/C, UNC: He could be either the next Charles Barkely, or the next Brian Williams. And that is high praise on the high end, and Sir Charles is my second favorite player of all time. He DOMINATED the NCAA tournament. However, he can be lazy. Running back on defense is not his strong suit. However...didn't people say the exact same thing about Barkely? He needs to go to a team with a strong veteran leader, because he needs to be pushed. If he is pushed, he could be great.

Deron Williams, PG, Illinois: Even though he wasn't great in the championship game, he had a great tournament. Damn near singlehandedly won the Arizona game for AZ. I think he's going to be a great pro. Sure, he's not the quickest guy in the world, but neither is Jason Kidd. That's right people...Jason Kidd is FAST, in that he can run up and down the court in a short amount of time. However, when it comes to being QUICK, as in having really fast cuts, crossovers, etc., Kidd isn't that great. Same with Williams. But he's a great shooter, as strong as an ox, a great point, and a smart player. And he's clutch.

Chris Paul, PG, Wake Forest: Described as T.J. Ford with a jumper, and I like that comparison. He's quick, he's a great point, and he can shoot. He's going to be an awesome point.

Marvin Williams, F, UNC: Everyone loves Marvin Williams, and I understand why. He has great skills, and a fantastic body. Buttttttttttt...there's something about him that worries me. I can't put my finger on it, but there's just something about him that makes me want to say to all these analysts that he's going to be an All Star to slow down. He didn't have a good tournament, and I understand that having him be the "6th" man was just a bit Roy Williams was playing, but I just never saw the greatness that I feel like people are already putting on him. He has incredible potential, and SHOULD be an All Star, but he's my pick for the "player who is can't miss who will miss." That being said, he'll be a top 3 pick. I just hope he realizes that while he's got a ton of potential/talent, he's also still got a TON to learn.

Raymond Felton, PG, UNC: We've talked before about my "law of averages". That is, that things aren't spaced out evenly, but happen in clumps. Well, the NBA is WAY overdue to have a clump of good point guards, and they finally have some. Felton proved this season that he can shoot. If he keeps working at that, he's going to be awesome. He's super quick, and has great court vision. He kept all the gunners at UNC happy, and that says something. I think he's going to be an outstanding NBA point guard. You'd kind of figure that one of the big "name" points would fail, but I just can't see which. I like all three.

Rashad McCants, SG, UNC: Rashad, save every penny, because you suck. You will be out of the NBA in three years. You're not any good, and you think you're the shit. I'm excited about seeing him fail, cause he's such an ass.

Gerald Green, SG, HS: The SG class this year SUCKS. Not just sucks a little, I mean we're talking Blade II sucks here. Gerald Green is by far the best SG prospect. I have some SERIOUS questions about him. He's got tons of talent, true. But people are already comparing him to TMac, which is HEFTY praise, and he already has a problem with "working hard", as in he doesn't do it. His best hope is that he slides to the mid or late first round, goes to a good to decent team that doesn't need him right away, and he gets some vets who will teach him how to play and work, and won't let him be lazy. You just never know with High Schoolers.

Danny Granger, SG, New Mexico: I think he's going to be this years Paul Pierce Memorial, "Holy Shit, he didn't get drafted until WHEN?" Award winner. He's got a fantastic body, great skill set, fierce drive, and is a hard worker. He's going to be great someday, and nobody knows it, because he's playing in New Mexico, so no one has ever heard of him. I mean, what good has ever come out of New Mexico? HAHAHA, just kidding Halley, I love ya.

Francisco Garcia, SG/SF, Louisville: I'm sorry, but I don't see Garcia doing shit in the NBA. He's an above average player, true. But he is a turtle. That's right, in big games, pressure situations, or against top opponents, he drops into his shell and disappears. He's got a nice stroke, so he might hang around for a few years, as a poor man's Eddie Jones. But that's a best case scenario.

Joey Graham, SG/SF, OSU: I'm sorry, but I just don't see it happening with Joey. He's INCREDIBLY strong, and has good potential, but he's not quick enough, can't shoot well enough, and doesn't have the handle to be a 2, and he's not tall enough to play the three (and maybe not quick enough, either). I really expected him to take it to another level (I need to come up with a phrase for that; Up A Level? Does that work for you guys? Feedback please!) this year, and he didn't. His jumper needs a lot of work, and he doesn't have a real move. You know, a really good, damn near unstoppable move that he can score off of. At best, I think he'll be a poor man's Corliss Williamson.

Andrew Bogut, PF, Utah: LOL. Whenever a 7' white player is listed as a power forward and not a center, well, that's not a good sign. He's another in a long line of stiffs. If he reaches Chris Mihm status, he'll have exceeded my expectations.

Ivan McFarlin, PF, OSU: IMac is the reason for this article; several friends have asked me what I think about him. He had a great Chicago camp, which is good. I just don't see him making it in the NBA though. I like him a lot, and I admire him. He's not a prototypical power forward, but he knows his strengths and weaknesses, and he has a great head for the game, and does what he's good at, and doesn't get pressured into doing what he's not good at. He is just so damn small though! He doesn't have the skills to play small forward at all, and he just is not strong or tall enough to play power forward. He's smart though; if anyone can find a way, it will be him, and I'd definitely like to be wrong about this prediction.

Man, it's been a long time since we've had an NBA column! This felt great. If you want to know my opinion on another player, just drop it in the comments, and I'll answer. Of course, your opinions on anything and everything are more than welcome there.

One more thing: Thanks to Tim for providing me with an ESPN Insider pass, so I can read Chad Ford's stuff and confirm my previous thoughts on him: he's an idiot who doesn't deserve to be asking people to pay for his columns. Of all the people in the world, how is he working for ESPN? Let me put it to you this way: this guy is STILL insisting that Darko will be a great player. Wow.

Have a great day everyone!

The King and Queen of OSU sports have been crowned...

and they are our own Sam Pondrom and Whitney Warren! Sam (my baby brother) and Whitney (my middle brother Bob's better half) are the Male and Female OSU Intramural Athletes of the Year. Together they have ruled Intramural athletics with an iron fist, dominating as no pair of friends has in the history of OSU athletics!

Congratulations to both of you; you both rock ever so hard, and without question deserve this prestigious award. And Sam...put this on your resume. And no, I'm not kidding.

I love...

I apologize.

So I'm hanging out with my friends on Friday, and the subject of this very Website came up. My good friend Marc (whose name you've seen here before), brought up that PJ's Place can more often than not be a source of negativity. "You always take about what you hate; what do you like?" was a question Marc asked. The sad thing was...I had to agree with him. In The Hobbit, Tolkien has an interesting bit of writing on how disappointing it is that things that are good and pure do not make enjoyable stories, but how things that are dangerous and scary do make good tales. There is more than some truth in this. I have always, however, been a believer in focusing on the positive. It's important to say and do good things, in order to encourage them to happen in the world. If everything you focus on is negative, then negative things will happen.

So here are things I like, or love. I hope you enjoy these things, as well, and if you've never experienced them, I hope you give them a shot.

^ I love my family. They're awesome, and I miss them every single day I don't get to see them.

^ I love basketball. I love playing it, watching professionals play it, watching kids play it, watching guys at the park play it, coaching it, watching it in person, watching it on TV, thinking about it. I love that fricking game.

^ I love candy. Thank you God for candy. Jolly Ranchers, Sour Patch Kids, Terry's Milk Chocolate Oranges, Starburst, M&Ms (peanut to eat; plain for cookies), Snickers, Heath bars, Adelaides (HOOOOOLIE shit people...I just found out while looking up the spelling for that word that you can build a box of Russell Stover candy online. And that you get free shipping for products over $30! See, good things are coming from being positive already!), orange sticks, chocolate covered strawberries, cookies, lemon and lime bars, brownies, lemon cake. Mmmmmm...

^ I love the movie Van Wilder. I watched it three times on Saturday, I swear to God. Wow. Maybe I shouldn't have told you that...

^ I love science fiction and fantasy. Star Wars, Star Trek, Stargate, Dan Simmon's novels, Transformers, X Men, Batman, Superman, The Lord of the Rings, Stephen King, the first couple of seasons of the X Files, The Matrix. I love how it makes us wonder what we "know"; how it makes us dream of the future; how it makes us believe that we can all be something more; how we can escape to a world that is totally different from out own.

^ I love America, which is the greatest nation in the history of the planet Earth.

^ I love music. All kinds. I love R&B, I love pop, I love classical, I love rap, I love metal, I love rock, I love jazz, I love Frank, I love oldies, I love techno, and I even love some country. I love to dance. I love to sing, whether it's in the car on the way to work, in the shower, to my friends, or in a bar with the Karaoke Naze, or anyone else. I love to quote song lyrics to people.

^ I love working. Sure, there are days I don't want to clean the apartment (or whatever), and there are mornings (many) I wake up and don't want to get out of bed and go to the job, but I love the feeling of accomplishment, the satisfaction that my effort has meant something to me and/or the world around me. I love feeling like somehow, I've helped accomplish something good. Or at least tried to :-)

^ I love Mom jokes. Not as much as your Mom loves me, ____, because she loves me more often than I make Mom jokes, but I still love the Mom joke an awful lot.

^ I love to read. Sci Fi, fantasy, mysteries, biographies, short stories, comics, horror, whatever. I love to use my imagination, and reading inspires me to do that.

^ I love women. I love how you feel, I love how you smell, I love how different you are, I love how similar you are, I love how kind you are, I love how crazy you are, I love how you dress, I love how you shop, I love what you like. I love how you drive us crazy, I love how we couldn't be half the men we are without you there to inspire us, to drive us, to encourage us, to support us, to help us. I love giving you hugs, I love holding your hands, I love talking to you. I love my Mother and my Grandmothers.

^ I love God. Yep, I do believe in Him, and I do believe He loves us, and is looking out for us. And I love Him for everything He's done for all of us.

^ I love Nike Air Max, the greatest shoes ever. Thanks Phil!

^ I love men. ...okay, hopefully you're done laughing now. I love our camaraderie, I love our power, I love our sense of right and wrong, and honor, and dignity. I love the fun we have together. I love my Father, and I love my Grandfathers, and I love my brothers, and I love my best friend.

^ I love movies. I love comedies, like Super Troopers. I love action, like Indiana Jones. I love Sci Fi, like Star Wars. I love romance, like What Women Want. I love thrillers, like Ocean's 11. I love drama, like To Kill A Mockingbird. I love fantasy, like Willow. I love them all.

^ I love food. I love to eat it, I love to cook it. I like to try new things, I like to try to make new things. I love that exciting feeling that comes when you're about to eat, and you know it's going to taste SOOOO good. I love to create something that is going to cause that feeling in others. I love the feeling when you're done, and you get to enjoy that good meal.

^ I love my friends. I love how you all are always there for me, how you care about me, how you inspire me, how you give me new ideas and insight, how you give me shit, how you hold me in check. I love how you need me, and I love how I need you.

^ I love showers. I do my best thinking there. And it gets me clean clear through, and deoderized too.

^ I love love. I love being in it, I love seeing people in it. I love hearing people talking about it, I love thinking about it, I love watching people act about it. I love how it makes us all better people.

That's a start. I hope you have good feelings today, whether you read this or not. I'll try to stay more positive in the future.

:-)

God I love Bo Jackson

So I haven't really touched on the steroids scandal, and there's a reason: it's cause I don't care. Yes, almost everyone in all pro sports juices, in some form or another. This isn't really shocking to anybody.

Moving on...God I love Bo Jackson.

Bo has always been one of my favorite athletes of all time, and I consider to be one of--if not THE--greatest athletes of all time. This man had it all: he was incredibly strong, blindingly fast, shockingly quick, and could jump ridiculously high. He also had a sense of grace, a...smoothness that all the great ones have. Whether it was breaking of incredible runs for the Raiders, or running UP the outfield wall to make a catch for the Royals, Bo was incredible to watch.

Bo also came off as a genuinely likeable, honest guy. He loved his mother deeply, and his bond with her was well documented. He was one of those guys who came off as a nice guy, and you wanted to believe that it wasn't an act.

So the steroid scandal comes along, and athletes are being accused right and left. And when it comes to thinking whether they are guilty or innocent, we all tend to feel the same way, and The Sports Guy had a good reason why (from his mailbag, where readers ask questions and he answers on his site):

If somebody writes a book and goes on "60 Minutes" and says, "I helped Bill Simmons plagiarize some articles when we were working together at The Crusader," wouldn't you file a lawsuit?
– Roby Butler, Arkansas

SG: In a heartbeat. Take Raffie Palmeiro, for instance. The guy has made a crazy amount of money over the course of his career, probably in the neighborhood of $50 to $60 million. We already know that Canseco is pretty much broke. So if Palmeiro was innocent, why not hire a high-powered attorney and blow Canseco out of the water? I would think that any of these wrongly-accused players would be reacting like Harrison Ford in "The Fugitive" right now – risking their lives to clear their names. And yet none of them has done anything. Makes you wonder.

Thanks Bill. And I totally agree, and I'm sure most of us do.

Well, we all remember what a great athlete Bo was, so of course, the inevitable steroids accusation came today. Here's a link to the article: Jackson accused of taking steroids.

Is that great or what? That's what we want to see from innocent players. We don't want the Gary Sheffield bullshit of, "I'd take a steroids test, but the Union won't let me." Fuck you, you're guilty. I don't want Mark McGwire's crap of "I'm here to talk about the future, not about the past." Fuck you asshole, you're guilty. If I'm accused of that, and I know I'm not guilty, I'm getting on national TV and saying, "You know what? Fuck all yall. I got where I am today by working my ass off, and using the physical gifts God gave me. Come test me, in public. Give me a blood test, check my body for needlemarks, take my fingerprints, fuck it: give me a pap smear. I don't care. I'll take it, and I'm suing the shit out of anyone who says otherwise, cause it's not true, and you're insulting my good name and reputation." So good for you Bo! Stand up for yourself. Because of how you've stood up for yourself, for the first time ever I'll say about an athlete accused of taking steroids: "I don't think Bo Jackson took steroids."

That's why you're one of the greatest ever Bo. Thank you.

Pet Peeves...or Things People Do That Really Piss Me Off

Morning everybody!

Now, I'm a pretty laid back guy. It takes a lot to make me angry, and it really takes a lot to annoy me. Of course, like everyone, there are things that people do that just drive me up the wall. My dear friend Nirupa and I were discussing these the other day, and I thought that I would share them with you.

Now another thing about me is I don't like to be negative. I want to focus on the good, stay positive. One of my favorite quotes is "Fix the problem, not the blame", and it would be today's quote if we weren't running Alcoholic Week in the Quote of the Day section. So, not only will I complain about these pet peeves, but I will give advice to people that have to witness these actions and are also annoyed/insulted by them. Remember: we're fixing the problem here.
Guess what time it is kids...YAY!

@ People who don't wash your hands in the bathroom: Do you have any idea how revolting you are? This one is so obvious that it shouldn't even be mentioned here, but way too many people do this. Do we not have a fundamental understanding of what germs are? I would think by now it should be pretty obvious. This is one of the simplest things you can do, and is one of the most disgusting things that you can not do.
Responses: One of my favorites is the date nonwash. You're at a movie theatre or a restaurant, and as you wash your hands, a guy comes out of the stall and walks out with you--neglecting to do something. Waiting outside is his date, whose beautiful hand is extended--and then taken--by our nonwashing compadre. Start walking up to the date and telling her, "NO!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T TOUCH HIM! HE DIDN'T WASH! AND IT WASN'T EVEN THE URINAL...HE CAME OUT OF THE STALL AND HE DIDN'T WASH!" Then run screaming down the hallway.

@ People who talk on their cell phones in public bathrooms: Now don't get me wrong, I support the "phone on the pot" while at home. But in public? This happens at my office ALL THE TIME. I do not understand it. It's insulting to everyone in the bathroom. The bathroom is a quite place. The OverBathroomTalker is one of the most annoying guys out there, but to not even being talking to someone in the bathroom is even worse. It can wait! Whatever conversation you want to have can wait! We want some privacy, some peace and quiet, and a chance to read or play with our Palm Pilots/Cell Phones while in the bathroom. We don't want to hear your half of the conversation!
Responses: If he's at a urinal, go to the one next to him and flush it, so the person on the phone can hear that. If he's in a stall, go into the one next to him and flush repeatedly. Also fart as loudly as possible. If he comes in after you, and isn't sitting near you, go stand in front of his stall door and drop lines like "Good Lord, that was the best shit I've ever had!" or " Did you hear how runny that poop was? Maybe I should get somebody to look at it." Added tip: don't do this with your boss.

@ People who call coke anything other than coke (Pop, Soda, etc.): It's coke, God dammit.
Response: If it's a man, point out how gay they sound. If it's a woman, tell them to recognize the universal dominance of Coca-Cola, and call it coke. Not Coke; coke.

@ People who are nosy and don't take the hint: God I hate you. Most of the time, you're just being rude. It's not that you're not taking the hint, it's that you don't want to take the hint, so you pretend like you're not picking up on it. Well, stop. If I'd wanted to answer the question, I would have, asshole.
Responses: If you think they might just not be getting it, and you like the person, remember that it's okay to say, "You know, I just don't want to talk about that at all right now." If you think that they might just not be getting the hint and you don't like the person, say, "Are you dumb as a fucking rock? Can you not get the hint that I don't want to talk about this? Well, since Concept Clues are a topic that is obviously way too advanced for your dumb ass, let me spell it out for you: I don't want to talk about this with you; Jesus Christ, I've laid terds that are smarter than you!" If you think they are being a bitch or an asshole about it, then you can go with the direct approach: "Way to ignore the fact that I don't want to talk about it, you fucking bitch. Since you're too rude to respect my privacy, why don't you just fuck off and die?" You can also try the artful approach: "Actually, instead of talking about that subject that you know I don't want to talk about, why don't we talk about how your herpes is doing, you stupid slut?" Man this is fun just to type!
Additional Item: My favorite is when you're talking to someone, they keep bringing something up, you tell them politely that you don't want to talk about it, she gets mad, and then you ask a random question (like, "So you're going to kickboxing tonight?") in order to change the subject, and she refuses to answer the question until you answer hers. The best response to this is to laugh like she's the stupidest thing you've ever seen in your life, and hang up on her.

@ Men who don't return The Nod: This is one of the biggest insults a man can give to another man. It's not up there with sleeping with your sister...but it's close. The Nod is a sacred thing we men share with each other. We share it with the ladies on occasion, too, but it's not sacred, it's just a way to say "Hi". For a man to not return the nod is the same as walking up to a man and bitchslapping him.
Responses: Sadly, there is no middle ground here. If it's in public, go beat his ass. If it's at work, do everything you can to humiliate the guy and get him fired.

@ Men who call girlfriends/female friends "My girl" or "lady friend": Those are two of the creepiests phrases in the English language. Is there anything more insulting? Especially "lady friend". I'd rather be called a bitch or a whore than a "lady friend", if I was a woman. It's so condescending in a hoighty-toighty sort of way.
Response: If a guy hears another guy refer to his girlfriend as "My Girl", then that's a free pass to sleep with her. It'll be easy to get her, and she'll appreciate it too. You'll just have to go up and be nice to her and treat her with respect--something she is obviously not getting at home--and there is no way a guy who says that is any good in bed, because he is obviously too selfish. She's probably never even heard of half of the, umm, "things" you can do; otherwise she wouldn't be putting up with that kind of shit. (And yes, I am mostly kidding...mostly.) As for the "lady friend" comment, make fun of him immediately and as much as possible. If you're at dinner or drinking, spit your drink on him, and say, "I'm sorry; did you say 'Lady Friend'? Are you serious? You are! What kind of pervert are you? You slip women rufies, don't you? Don't lie. Remind me never to possibly share the same punch bowl with you; God knows how many hookers you've slept with." Trust me, you'll feel better in the end, and you will have struck a blow for womenkind. Or something.

So there you go people. If you do any of these things, please stop for the sake of society. Also...wave when someone does something nice for you, like if they let you in during traffic, wave. No, you don't have to, cause you don't do good deeds for rewards, but that does encourage people to continue to do good deeds, and sadly in this day and age, we need to encourage more people to do that.

You guys rock!

I'm sorry, maybe I'm missing something...

But how can we not execute Jane Fonda for treason?

Check this out: Fonda Article


Welcome back. So, if you haven't heard the Hanoie Jane story, you now have the rated G version. That woman went to Vietnam and encouraged the North Vietnamese to continue to fight against the Americans. Many historians say that at the time, the North Vietnamese were actually considering surrender, but after such a prestigious (at the time) celebrity threw her support behind them, they decided to push on, deciding that they could outlast American resolve.

I've also heard that Jane visited a POW camp, and the Vietnamese lined up soldiers to show "how well they were being treated." Many soldiers wrote their social security numbers on slips of paper, in the hopes that Fonda would pass the word along to the military and their families in order to let them know that they were still alive. Fonda walked down the line, shook their hand, and asked all the men how they were being treated. They slipped her the paper in the handshake. At the end of the line, after taking all the slips of paper, she simply handed them to the guard in charge.

This woman committed treason. This wasn't a war protest; she was actively helping the enemy, and sadly affected the outcome of the war to her country's detrament. She now has ADMITTED AS MUCH in her latest book. It drives me crazy that she is still a member of this country after betraying it so.

I wish evil upon Jane Fonda. Truly. I hope she lives the rest of her life with no happiness, and that horrible things happen to her. She is a traitor, and an evil person, and she deserves whatever she gets.