A Blueprint For Fixing My Beloved Dallas Mavericks

So the Mavs have problems. I think we've established this. The question is, how do we fix them?

First things first: we do not fix them in the draft. Get that out of your heads right now. We're not moving up to the top two spots, and that's all there is to it. You're not getting a top two pick in this draft without giving up a top 20 player--and that might not be enough. Take the Grizz for example: if they get the number 2 pick, and Boston decides, "Fuck it, let's blow it up all the way" and offers them Paul Pierce for that pick, straight up...I don't think they do that deal. I don't think I'd do that deal. So while I'm not that high on Oden, yes, I am that high on Durant. But everyone else in the world is that high on Oden, and that's what really matters. In other words, our first round pick in this draft is nothing but a little icing to throw into a trade.

Okay, so now we've established that the draft is worthless to us. What do we need, exactly? Here's what we need:

1) Resign Devean George and Austin Crochere for as little as possible.
2) Convince Jerry Stackhouse to a sign and trade, and not just a straight up signing with someone.
3) A Power Forward with a post game. Someone who scores exclusively from the low block.
4) A big guard. Someone at least 6-3 and at least 200 pounds.
5) A veteran point guard who can run a team and hit an open jump shot. Doesn't have to be a 3 pointer; can just be a mid range (15-18 foot) jumper. Preferably, someone like this who can be incorporated with #4.
6) A slashing small forward. Someone who shoots 3's just well enough to keep teams honest, but scores the majority of their points by taking it to the hole.

That's what we need. Now who's available? And what will we give up for him? Below is a list of who I would trade from the Mavs, in reverse order of importance (worst to first). Within each member of that list is the names that I would want back, in order of importance (first to worst). With me?

Who I would trade our 1st round pick (or any minor player) for
* Earl Watson (PG, Sonics): I would love to get my hands on Earl Watson. I think he's a very underrated point who's never got a real chance to play in any of the situations he's been in. I also think he's very gettable from Seattle, as they are A) going so through much flux right now with the OKC drama, and B) they already have Luke Ridnoir.
* Antonio Daniels (PG, Wizards): Nicely solves #4 & #5, and for a cheap price. Don't know how willing the Wiz are going to be to part with him, though.
* Mikki Moore (PF, Nets): I'm sorry, but I think Mikki Moore is a very underrated player. I'd try to give up less than a first rounder for him...but if I had already made a big play for a guard, and was somewhat desperate for a power forward, I'd give up the 1st.

Who I would trade Jason Terry/Sign & Trade Jerry Stackhouse for
* Corey Maggette (SF, Clips): Perfect solution to #6 & #4 (Maggette can play both the 2 & 3 spot). He's also gettable, as the Clippers flirted with the idea of trading for him all season long. You might even be able to talk me into dealing both Terry & Stack for Maggette.
* Sam Cassell (PG, Clips): Perfect solution to #5. However, Sam I Am does not do well coming off the bench, and at this point you only want to bring Harris off the bench for a star. If you can talk to Sam and convince him that, "It's okay that Harris starts the games--you're going to finish them", then this would be great. This being a contract year for Sam, you might be able to do that. But this is playing with fire.
This might be a hard trade to pull off, because of Shaun Livingston's horrific leg injury that will probably keep him out of all of next season. Also, I wouldn't give up both players for Sam; one or the other, along with our 1st rounder. That's it.
* David Lee (PF, Knicks): Very good solution to #3. Isiah Thomas would be stupid to do this trade. That being said, Isiah Thomas is racist and hates white people (no, I'm not kidding), and Isiah Thomas is stupid (no, I'm not kidding). I don't know if I'd trade Terry for Lee, but I'd trade Stack for Lee in a heartbeat, and then make fun of Thomas for it once I got off the phone. I'd trade Terry for Lee and a draft pick within the next two years.
* Andre Miller (PG, Sixers): Little smaller than I'd like, but a great veteran point. You might have to give up one of the two and the 1st round pick. I'd think long and hard about that, but I might do it.
* Kenyon Martin/JR Smith (PF/SF, Nuggets): This is a big gamble, and I'm not sure I'd do it. However, I'd give both up for the two of them. You're gambling on Ken to be healthy, and Smith not to ruin his welcome here--something he's done for both teams he's played for. A last resort.

Who I'd give up Devin Harris for
* Jason Kidd (PG, Nets): I'd give up Harris, Terry or Stack (one of the other; not both), and the 1st for Kidd. And feel good about it. Kidd perfectly solves #4 & #5; he's gettable, especially if Vince Carter leaves (not a certainty though); that's not much to pay for one of the best point guards of all time. Yes, we are somewhat mortgaging the future. Yes, his jumper still is not consistent. That's okay. He solves enough problems that if we can convince the Nets to do this deal, we do it, and feel great about it.
* Andre Kirlenko (PF, Jazz): I drool at the thought of Kirlenko on this team. True, he doesn't have quite as much of a post game as I would like. However, he can guard ANYONE, and his presence allows him and Dirk to both play hybrid PF/SF rolls that would cause matchup nightmares, and his defensive abilities mean that we won't have someone go Stephen Jackson on us, even when he's playing PF on offense. I think you can EASILY get him for the above trade, maybe even a little less. My only concern is he is going to play so well in the Golden State series that the Jazz don't move him.
I also don't give up any more for him because he is too injury prone. Don't forget about that before you start talking about trading Howard for him!
* Chauncey Billups (PG, Pistons): The only reason I have this so low is I don't think we can really get him. I'd love it if we got Chauncey and didn't have to give up Josh Howard. Unfortunately, I think there is a slim chance of that happening. However, if Detroit came to me and said, "We'll sign & trade Chauncey for Howard straight up; deal?" I'd think LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG and hard about it.
* Andrew Bynum (C, Lakers): At absolute most for Bynum, I would deal Harris straight up. And I'd think carefully before doing that (I'd only do it if I'd gotten a point guard from somewhere else; like Cassell, for instance). The only reason I put Bynum here is that the Lakers are desperate, and Mitch Kupchak is stupid. The combination of those two mean if I'm the Mavs, I'm calling and starting at Terry/Stack, and willing to make my way up to here, just to see if I can get a deal.
* Shaq (C, Heat): How unbelievable is this? That we've reached the point where I say, "Really? Would I give up Devin Harris for Shaq?" But I still don't know the answer to that question. The answer, I think, is no. However, if I can unload some bad contracts (Eric Dampier! Eric Dampier!) and get Shaq, then yes, I'd trade Harris for him. But definitely not straight up--I let go of Harris for Shaq only if I get something else sweet in return.
Time is a funny thing, huh?

Who I'd give up Josh Howard for
* Ray Allen (SG, Sonics): I'd really like to give up less than Howard for him. Here's actually what I'd try: Allen & Watson for Harris, Terry or Stack, our first, and our second or any other bench player. If we can do that, I'm walking away happy, and I'm trying to flip the Other (Terry or Stack) for Sam Cassell or a PF. I think Allen might cost more than that, though. If I can get Allen & Watson for Howard, I do it. If I can just get Allen...maybe. Tough.
* Jermaine O'Neal (PF, Pacers): I question how many miles O'Neal has left, so I'm really hesitant to make this move. However, I think Larry Bird & Donnie Walsh are serious when they say they aren't giving O'Neal away (the opposite of Kuptchak & Thomas: they're not stupid). If I can get O'Neal for anything less (you know the package by now), I do it. I think hard about Howard, and I maybe ask for something else along with O'Neal, but I might do this deal.
* Paul Pierce (SG, Celtics): Pierce is the one player I would trade Howard for straight up and feel that both sides are even. Good deal for both teams.
* Pau Gasol (PF, Grizz): Again, I think they want too much for him, and the Bulls are going to drive his asking price up. I don't really see this happening--even for Howard. Basically, if the Grizz get one of the top 2 picks, I call the next day and offer the Harris Deal and hope in their euphoria they take that. But that's about all you can hope for here.

Who I'd give up Dirk Nowitzki for
Kevin Garnett (PF, Wolves): I've been thinking about this all week. I never though I'd seriously entertain the idea of trading Dirk--trading a star like this is never worth it; at best you get back $.75 on the dollar. But KG...one of the premier competitors in the NBA, who's only had one good team around him--that he took to the Conference Finals and lost to an all-time great Lakers team. I look at this team, and I see a borderline All-Star in Josh Howard, who can slash and has range. I see a deep threat in Terry. I see an up-tempo point guard who's midrange jumper has improved every year in Harris. And if I can turn Stackhouse and our first round pick into someone like Corey Maggette...then yes. I do it. I trade Dirk. Both for KG's low post game, and for filling the leadership void that Dirk never quite could fill. I'd do it.

Free Agents I'd like to acquire
* Grant Hill (SF, Magic): If I'm the Mavs, I'm at Hill's house at 12:01am, or whatever is the first minute that free agents are available. Grant Hill has made his money in his career; at this point, a championship is more important to him. He perfectly fulfills #6 and can even fulfill #4. He brings the veteran leadership role that the Mavs have sorely lacked, and he means we now have more flexability tradewise; now all we need is a PF and a PG. Finally, he's from Dallas (remember Calvin Hill, played for the Cowboys, and if memory serves works for the Cowboys still), and so can be convinced to come here. If you go get him, I'll even let you deal/save money on Devean George by letting him go.
* Matt Barnes (SF, Warriors): Will this take pride-swallowing? Absolutely. But again, Barnes fulfills #6, and if you're really lucky you might get him for cheap (though with each passing Warriors game that is less likely). Finally, you hurt the Warriors by helping yourself, which makes it even better.
* Antonio McDyess (PF, Pistons): Chauncey signs with Milwaukee (most likely scenario). CWebb signs wherever (jokes on them). Will McDyess want to go back to Detroit? Probably not. He gives you #3, and the much needed CHAMPIONSHIP veteran leadership in the locker room. Especially if you make a big splash and get a star guard (Kidd, Pierce, Allen), I go for this option.
* Mike Bibby (PG, Kings): Though he's by far the most talented member of this group, he's A) the least likely to acquire, and B) might have trouble fitting in. Bibby is still a starting, big minutes point guard, and that is what Harris wants to be (and is almost ready to be). Also, he's going to want a lot of money; you'd almost certainly have to sign & trade for him. Is he worth giving up one of our trade bits for? Probably not. Finally...I'm not convinced he's going to opt out this season. The market for him isn't that great, and he's got a coupla good salary years left on his current deal. He didn't have a great season this season, so he might elect to stay a King and get paid.
* PJ Brown (PF, Bulls): Our last resort to fill the PF spot. A solid low post defender and lots of veteran leadership; however, he's getting VERY old. Again, only if you make a big acquisition with a guard, can't get McDyess, and are somewhat desperate.

Who I don't go after under any circumstances
* Vince Carter (SG/SF, Nets, FA): He's a bitch. He's always been a bitch. He'll never win anything meaningful, and when the going gets tough, he checks out. I don't even want to hear his name mentioned.
* Rashard Lewis (SG/SF, Sonics, FA): Very good player. Borderline All Star. But does he help the Mavs in any of the areas we need? Not really.
* Ron Artest (SF, Kings, Trade): I will hurt anyone who even suggests going after this nutcase.
* Ben Gordon (SG, Bulls, Trade): A poor man's Jason Terry. I don't want the real Jason Terry. No thanks.
* Zach Randolph (PF, Blazers, Trade): Yes, he puts up stats. But there's a reason Portland is more than willing to trade him for $.50 on the dollar--he's a team cancer who doesn't play hard and is a constant troublemaker. No thanks.

NBA Postseason Pics

Now, some of you will say I'm cheating, since the playoffs started this weekend. I promise not to cheat and use what happened this weekend (all of my picks will be the same picks I would have made last Thursday), except one, and I'll tell you when I do cheat.


ROUND ONE

Phoenix Suns v. Memphis Grizzlies: The Grizzlies are the poor man's Suns. They do everything the Suns do, just not as well. There's not even anything to talk about here. Suns win in 5...maybe even 4.

Dallas Mavericks v. Houston Rockets: Here's where I cheat. I would have said Mavs in 6 here. However, after watching the Mavs lose game 1, I realized a coupla things: 1) All of the Mavs good players (Josh Howard, Jason Terry, Marquis Daniels, Erik Dampier, Devin Harris, their coach Avery Johnson) except Dirk and maybe Stackhouse are in the playoffs for the first or second time. 2) The Rockets revamped roster is full of saavy veterans like Little Bobby Sura, David Wesley, Dikembe Mutombo, and Jon Barry (I love that fricking guy...I mean, I love him when he's not playing the Mavericks). What scares me is I can honestly see the Mavs collapsing BIG TIME, like losing in 5 or 6. I'll still say Mavs in 7...but I'm really scared that's the homer in me talking.

Seattle Supersonics v. Sacramento Kings: The Kings are so banged up their doing good just to be walking at this point. Oh, and Seattle is a lot better than they are. Sonics in 6.

San Antonio Spurs v. Denver Nuggets: Nuggets in 6. Now, I know you all are thinking I'm cheating on this one, after the Nuggets won Game 1. I'm not. Here's what I've said since last year until this day about these two teams:
# The Nuggets will be the most feared team by the time the playoffs start.
# I have serious questions about how tough the Spurs are after rolling over to the Lakers last year.
# There might not be a team in the league that matches up to the Spurs better. Nene, Camby, and Ken will take turns beating the Hell out of Duncan, and are quick enough to stick with him, too; Andre Miller is better than Tony Parker--Hell, Earl Boykins might be better than Tony Parker; Carmelo better be able to beat Manu, after all the shit he talked this past summer about deserving to play more in the Olympics (can you tell I don't really like Melo?).
# I haven't believed for a second that Duncan's ankle is truly healthy. Carly (The World's Biggest Spurs Fan) can back me up that I've been saying this for two months now: since the All Star break, the Spurs have been saying, don't worry about Timmy's ankle, it's fine, he just needs a week off. And then he takes a week off, comes back, and hurts it two weeks later. He was on my fantasy team this year people; trust me, I KNOW how often he was injured this year. He's not even close to being 100%.
# Denver honestly believes that they are the best team in the league, and are truly motivated to go prove it.

In other words, watch out for the Nuggets. I feel this is the most overrated Spur's team in years.

Miami Heat v. New Jersey Nets: People...let's calm down here. Even if Richard Jefferson came back, was 100% ready to play, and somehow had flow with Vince Carter, this team would still not beat the Heat. And besides...remember what I said in my "How to Pick the NCAA Tournament" Post: A player coming back from injury at the end of the season is not always a good thing. Heat in 5.

Chicago Bulls v. Washington Wizards: So you're leading scorer (Curry) and a key rotation guy (Deng) are out on a team oriented squad. Don't get me wrong; I don't like Curry, I'm much more concerned about Deng being gone. But that's still two players missing off two evenly matched teams. Plus the Wizards are more fun to watch. Wizards in 7.

Boston Celtics v. Indiana Pacers: Here's another gem to be used from my NCAA post: "If everyone in the media/world is picking a surefire upset, it's almost always not going to happen." I like the Pacers. I really do. But Jermaine O'Neal is hurt, Reggie Miller has got to be getting tired by now, and I think the Pacers are looking past the Celtics. I think they've already got their eyes on Detroit in the next round, and how they're going to get them back, and how they're going to show them. And I think that's going to cost them against the Celtics, who are still quietly playing GREAT basketball. I think the Celtics all of the sudden go up 3-0, the Pacers go, "wait, what?" Play super inspired and win the next two, and then the Celts finish them off in a TIGHTLY contested Game 6.

Detroit Pistons v. Philadelphia 76ers: Yawn. Is anyone going to watch this series? Cause I'm not. Pistons in 4. Okay, Iverson is having a great season...Pistons in 5.

ROUND TWO

Suns v. Mavericks: Great series if this happens. I think the Mavs can beat the Suns...I just don't think they're ready to, yet. Too many first time players and coach in the playoffs. Cuban, please stop messing with this team. You can tinker with it, just don't do anything drastic. Suns in 7, but watch out for the Mavs next year.

If Houston wins, the Suns blow them out in 6, and the series isn't really even that close.

Sonics v. Nuggets: I almost feel sorry for either the Sonics or the Kings. Nuggets in 6...and again, I don't think it will even be that close of a series. Seattle is just too banged up to keep up with the Nuggets; Ray Allen will need to average 50pts a game on 50% shooting for it to be competitive.

Heat v. Wizards: Yeah...not even close. Heat in 6, as Brendon Haywood and Kwame Brown get manhandled by Shaq. And I'm loving Shaq, Zo, and Laetner on the same team, BTW. Makes me laugh every time I see it.

Detroit v. Boston: Great season Celts, and I think this series will be more competitive than the media will give it credit fro being. That being said, I think the Pistons have just a little too much firepower. It'll be closer than everyone thinks though. Pistons in 7.

WESTERN CONFERENCE FINALS

Suns v. Nuggets: This series is going to be incredible. I honestly can't decide who exactly is going to win; I could make the case for either team here. I'm going to go with the Suns though, because I feel that the Nuggets have a hole at 2 guard that they've never quite filled. And Joe Johnson, Quentin Richardson, and Jim Jackson can fill that hole. Yeah...anyway, Suns take Nuggets in 7, in what is one of the greatest series in the history of the NBA. This is gonna be so much fun to watch, I can hardly wait.

EASTERN CONFERENCE FINALS
Heat v. Pistons: Man, I REALLY don't want the Pistons to go. I really want to see Dwayne Wade in the Finals. I really want to see Shaq in the Finals without Kobe. But I just can't see a team that's third best player is Damon Jones going to the Finals. I just can't see a team with Eddie Jones and the Artist Formerly Known As Zo in their regular rotation in the Finals. Especially not against the defending champs.

NBA FINALS

Suns v. Pistons: David Stern will decide this series. You think I'm kidding. This is the new versus the old; the new, young, exciting, offense oriented team verses the old, physical, smart, boring, defense oriented team. If David Stern (or the NBA Refs, I should say) let's the Pistons play super physical ball against the Suns, they will win. If Stern has them call a really tight game and not let the Pistons be the Pistons, then the Suns will win.

In an honest series, again, I really want to pick the Suns, but two things keep me from doing that. 1) As we've already discussed, if everyone is picking something to happen, go the other way. And everyone has the Suns winning it all. 2) Another rule for picking basketball games, which doesn't apply for the NCAA, is: No one wins it all the first time. Experience does matter. There is truth to the "Suffering Apprentice" theory. And none of the starters on the Suns has any significant playoff experience except Nash, and they are playing the DEFENDING CHAMPS.

So I'll say Pistons in 7...but dear God, please let me be wrong.

THOUGHTS AFTER THE FIRST WEEKEND OF THE PLAYOFFS

$ Did you see that Tony Parker showed up to the game with Eva Longorio (his girlfriend, the Desperate Wives chick) while wearing a Spurs championship from two fricking years ago? To quote Bob, "WHAT A QUEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR." First of all, you don't show up to the game with your girl. Never. Ever. Ever. Not even your wife. Second of all, you don't wear a championship shirt from TWO YEARS AGO. You don't have bragging rights. The Pistons can show up wearing championship T shirts. If I remember correctly, Tony, you curled up into the fetal position and let the Lakers waltz right over you after Derek Fisher hit that miracle shot last year.

Sorry Carly...but I'm rooting against the Spurs now.

$ Did anyone see Ben Gordon catch a pass at halfcourt off of a steal, have two teammates standing wide open underneath the basket, and instead of passing it up, he dribbled in and scored it himself. I'm sorry, I know he's played real well, and been an exciting rookie, but I don't like this guy. And plays/an attitude like that come back to bite you in the ASS in the playoffs.

$ I don't think the Celtics will go up 3-0 on the Pacers anymore. I think they'll still win in 6, but I think that the ASSWHOOPING they laid down in game one was enough to make the Pacers go, "Oh shit, we'd better wake up and remember we have to beat the Celtics if we want to get to round two to play the Pistons."

$ Is it just me, or are the Suns and Pistons just toying with the Grizzlies and 76ers, respectively? I feel sorry for the Grizzlies, but I'm LOVING it with the 76ers.

$ Why do the Nuggets always have some of the worst uniforms in sports? I hate their powdered blue, wanna-be Carolina uniforms.

$ I love Shawn Marion. He is so incredibly awesome to watch.

And remember kids...the NBA...it's FANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTASTIC!!!!

NBA Western Conference Postview

Time for round 2. Here's the West, if you want to know how this is set up, scroll down and I'll explain in the Eastern Conference Postview.

15. New Orleans Hornets (12): Wow. I mean, WOW. It didn't help that Jamaal Magloire got hurt, and that Baron Davis played uninterested all season, but...wow. I didn't think they'd be THIS bad.

14. Utah Jazz (5): The second most disappointing team in the NBA this year. How were they this bad? Sure, they had injuries, especially to Kirelenko (yes, I know I didn't spell that right; yes, I'm too lazy to look it up), but he's not THAT good. Is he? They had a stacked lineup! It was so balanced! I just don't understand it.

Oh wait, yes I do. And I quote: To make matters worse--the owner of the Cavs is a BLIND GUY. He (Carlos Boozer) stabbed a blind guy in the back! If that is not inviting misfortune on yourself and your team, I don't know what is.

You think I'm kidding. This team is too talented and too well coached to be this bad. For all the injuries and everything...it's karma. There is a God, and sometimes there is justice in the world.

13. Portland Trailblazers (11): Wow. Second only to the Knicks in "you know, let's just fire everyone--coach (already did that), front office, players--and start over. Fuck it, sack the waterboy, too." And like I said in the preseason, they're not even the crazy guys anymore! Especially after the brawl! At least before they were bad, but so nuts you enjoyed watching them. Now they just suck, have bad attitudes, and are crazy enough to piss you off but not crazy enough to amuse you. They're the Cincinatti of the NBA.

12. Golden State Warriors (13): Well, Chris Mullin isn't a completely hopeless GM. For some reason, the Hornets gave him Baron Davis for, well, nothing. I don't know why really. Time for an aside: I think I'm going to make this it's own post, but how many competent GM's are there in the NBA right now? 4? Maybe? Maybe 5? IT'S NOT THIS HARD!!! How can they not find ANYONE qualified for this job? Seriously, I'll write about this next week. Or maybe today, depending on how long the, uh, evening drags.

And we're back to the Warriors. So they got the Baron, which was a good pickup, and they finished the season nicely. So for like the third year in a row, there is "hope" at the end of the season. Yeah...good luck with that, Warriors fans. Maybe Mullin will surprise me this summer, but I see this team sucking for a long time.

11. LA Lakers (8): See, I think this team is either going to gel together, and be a little better than everyone thinks (7th or 8th), or they are going to crash, and finish 10th or 11th, and Kobe will absolutely lose it. You have no idea how happy I am about writing this. Not only did the Lakers miss the playoffs, but they finished BELOW THE CLIPPERS!!!!! I'm so happy right now I can't even stand it. And let's look to the future: the Lakers are stuck in that no man's land where they are good enough to never get a good lottery pick, but bad enough to not actually get into the playoffs (you know, like the Dallas Cowboys are, Mashard). No free agent is going to come here because of Kobe's reputation, and their salary cap situation is a mess. Shaq must laugh himself to sleep every night.

In other words, Kobe, you're going to be on a bad team that you made for a long, long time. And I couldn't be happier.

10. LA Clippers (14): The Clips have got a little something. But you know what? Elgin Baylor and Donald Sterling will find a way to fuck it up. So good job Clips, be proud, and Bobby Simmons I love you for being awesome on my fantasy league team, but I'm not even going to bother writing about you, cause it will all get blown away by the worst owner and one of the worst GMs in all of sports.

9. Minnesota Timberwolves (1): The most disappointing team in the NBA this season. Sam Cassell, Latrell Spreewell, and Michael Olowakandi: I hate you all with all my heart and soul. I hope you get gonorrhea (I'm too lazy to look up how to spell Kirelenko, but I'll look up how to spell that. I'm a weird guy) and burn in Hell. Wally Schzkfjdafjla;ezdfazz, go fuck yourself. You suck, so don't be making trade demands. I HATE YOU ALL FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO KEVIN GARNETT.

8. Memphis Grizzlies (10): Good job Memphis, you made the playoffs again. Now, get a sign and trade going with Stromile, package him with another player or two, and go get another star to put with Pau, because you're never going to be more than a 7 or 8 seed with this lineup. Sorry. It's true.

7. Denver Nuggetts (3): Trust me on this: this team will get better and better and better as the season goes on. By the end of the year, no team in the league will be as feared in the playoffs as the Denver Nuggets. Now, I can't toot my own horn too much here. Obviously, since I picked them to finish third, I didn't pick them to start as badly as they did. They started HORRIBLY. But they are definitely the "team that no one wants to face in the first round." Still, I consider this season a disappointment. They should not have finished seventh, and they will probably lose in the first round because of it. As long as they build off this season, however, they'll be okay.

6. Sacramento Kings (9): I was a season ahead of predicting their fall. They've been barely .500 since the Webber trade--I think they're two games above it? Tru, they've had a lot of injuries, but is that unusual? Bobby Jackson always gets hurt, Peja usually gets hurt, and we'll see about Brad Miller. I'm just saying, if Peja is your best player, you don't have a good team. And...congrats goes to Chris Webber, who--for the first time in his career--actually deserves some praise for playing well this season, and isn't getting it. He did great for this team to start the year, and no one seems to think so. I still hate him, but I have to give credit where credit is due.

5. Houston Rockets (4): Good for you, TMac and Jeff Van Gundy. You started the year off struggling, but you fought through it and came together at the end. BIG props go out too Carroll Dawson, their GM, who did a fantastic job of acquiring a bench for the Rockets without giving up too much (they really only lost Jim Jackson).

4. Seattle Supersonics (15): Yeah...so I was a little off on this one. Good for Seattle; they found a different way to win at basketball, and it's fun to watch, which is good. Good for Ray Allen and Reshard Lewis for finally stepping up for their teams. I get the feeling, though, that this is another 2004 Milwaukee Bucks (like the Celts); that everything went right for them this season, and next season they will be back in the toilet. We'll just see. And it REALLY pisses me off that they get third place since they won their division, but the Mavs are in fourth even though they won 6 MORE FUCKING GAMES! How stupid is that?

3. Your Dallas Mavericks! (6): Wow. So many good things happened this season.

! Dirk became a legitimate MVP candidate, and a true team leader. He also developed defensive skills. In other words, he is the best Maverick ever.
! Erik Dampier proved not too be a thief with his contract, and played well. Not great, but well.
! Jerry Stackhouse did a fantastic job as Sixth Man, and didn't complain about it.
! Josh Howard proved to be a GREAT draft pick, and will be an All Star once or twice in his career.
! Jason Terry did a great job replacing Nash at point. He's not better than Nash, but for this team, I think he fit in better.
! Marquis Daniels played well once he got healthy, and didn't go crazy on us.
! Allan Henderson was fantastic. A genuine good job dirty man.
! Thank the Lord God above, Don Nelson finally left, and it looks like we've got a good coach to replace him. I'm so glad he's gone.

This team is one of the deepest teams in the league, is outstanding offensively, and is finally good defensively. Time will tell if it's well coached, but it's definitely better coached than it was before. Seriously, there are a lot of teams out there who can beat the Mavericks, but there isn't a team in the NBA that I'm afraid of. And that's a great thing.

2. San Antonio Spurs (2): Same old, same old. I don't think they'll win it all this year though. I have serious questions about Timmy's ankle. We've been hearing since the All Star break "it's hurt, but it should be fine in a week!" every month it seems like. I don't expect him to make it through the playoffs without an injury. And the Spurs are going NOWHERE without him.

1. Phoenix Suns (7): Thank you, Phoenix Suns. Thanks for bringing the fast break back to the NBA. Thanks for playing so well together. Thanks for being so much fun to watch. Thanks for changing the way the NBA plays.

If the Mavs don't win, I hope the Suns do, because I want to see this style of basketball rewarded. I want to see it encouraged. No more football without pads. And all of this thanks to the Suns. I knew they'd be good, but I had no idea they'd be this good. Keep ballin fellas, and I'm rooting for you. If the Mavs don't win it, I hope the Suns do, and not just because they've always been my second favorite team.

NBA Eastern Conference Postview

Well, another NBA regular season is complete. What a fantastic year! This has been the best season the NBA's had since the mid 90s. I'm so pumped! The NBA is back! The fast break is back! Offense is back!

Anyway, one of the things that annoys me about the sports media is there is no accountability. I could say something like, "The Hornets will be the best team in the NBA this season!" on ESPN, and nobody would fire me. The sports media gets the priveledge of hindsite, the blessing of being able to throw out predictions that can never be tested, and have no accountability to any of their predictions.

Well I hold myself to a higher standard! Here's my NBA Conference Postviews. I'll have where the team finished in the conference, their name, in parentheses I'll put where I predicted they would finish before the season started, and then comments. If I'm ever quoting myself from my Previews, I'll put it in Italics, like this. Next week I'll have my awards (MVP, LVP, ROY, Player you'd most like to run over with a Mack Truck).

One more thing: I'm not going to list the conference standings in the official NBA capacity. You see, the Sonics finished third in the West because they won their division. However, the Mavs won 6 FRICKING MORE GAMES than they did. So I refuse to acknowledge the Sonics as finishing third. They get fourth. The division thing is so stupid. If you want more on that, ask me in the comments and I'll explain it in there.

Starting at the bottom...

15. Atlanta Hawks (13): Congratulations. You were worse than an expansion team. Much worse. But don't worry; they have a bunch of cap room to sign free agents with this summer! Oh, wait, they had that last summer, too, and no one would come here...

14. Charlotte Bobcats (15): Good job to the Bobcats. They won 18 games as an expansion team, and didn't finish in last place. I don't think this team is in as great of shape as some pundits seem to think (Other than Okafur and Primov Brezec, I don't see anyone having a long term future with this team), but hey, they're ahead of schedule now.

13. Milwaukee Bucks (4): So this team could easily drop a lot further. I hope they keep the same magic they had last year, because I love Michael Redd, and of course Desmond. Root for this team because as a sports fan you should want them to win. They are good guys who play the game the right way. We’ll see though…

So I kind of new they were going to suck. This was the Law of Averages working out: last year, everything went right for them. This year, everything went wrong. I just couldn't pick against Desmond though. I'm sorry.

12. New York Knicks (9):
 There are few more egotistical and disgusting people in the world than Isiah Thomas. So watching him TOTALLY DESTROY ANOTHER franchise is hilarious to me. Seriously, how many chances will he get to fail? This guy literally put an entire LEAGUE out of business (the CBA). Fantastic. Keep embarrassing yourself, Isiah.
 Stephon Marbury and Jamal Crawford are both on this team. Two shoot first, selfish point guards who don't try to play any defense. And aren't great shooters. And are ego-maniacs (especially Marbury). I seriously think they will get in a fight at least once this season.
 Vin Baker was RESIGNED to play on this team. Not only that, but the Knicks had a shot at landing Erik Dampier, and decided to sign Alcoholic Vin instead! I don't even have a joke here. Let's just move on.
 Sorry Knick fans: Allan Houston and his 100 million dollar contract did not die. They're hurt, of course, but still alive, well, and on the bench/salary cap. Wow. Thank God I hate New York--otherwise I would now light myself on fire.

So, in conclusion, this team was even worse than I thought they'd be, and I thought they'd be pretty damn bad.

11. Toronto Raptors (7): I'm not going to talk about Vince Carter here, because he will win some very prestigious awards next week. But yes, for like the third season in a row, he completely fucked this team over. But he's not the only thing. The coach is bad, and Ron Babcock is LAUGHABLY bad as a GM. Seriously, this franchise finishes third to the Knicks and the Blazers as, "you know what? Just fire everyone and start over."

10. Orlando Magic (10): Even though I nailed this team dead on, I'm so disappointed in them. When I was picking them to finish tenth in the preview, I fully expected to be wrong. And so many things went right for them this season: Steve Francis played great, Grant Hill finally played--and played well--Dwight Howard played really well. They started off the season great. But the GM of this team is an idiot, too, and his tinkering and negative attitude really hurt this group. I've got to admit, I've got some questions about Stevie Franchise now. This team should have made the playoffs...it was on pace to make the playoffs...and it didn't, and he didn't exactly have a stellar attitude this season. He needs to prove something to me, and soon, or I'm going to jump on board with his detractors.

9. Cleveland Cavaliers (8): David Stern is beating his head against a wall right now. The Cavs went from possibly being the 3 seed to not making the playoffs. I'm surprised he didn't change the rules for tiebreakers (the Cavs tied with the Nets, but the Nets won the season series). In fact...how about we do this: If two teams are tied for a position, each of their best players plays one on one to see who takes the spot! We could do it on Pay Per View! You wouldn't pay to see Lebron and Vince Carter play one on one, WITH THE PLAYOFFS ON THE LINE? I'm about to pee my pants I'm so excited about this idea! Taj, get David Stern on the phone right now!

Oh, and Cleveland: you'd better get your shit together, RIGHT NOW. If you don't make the playoffs next season, Lebron is walking. So get busy...oh, wait, you don't have a first round pick the next two years? And you don't have a coach, and you're about to not have a GM? Well...shit. Good luck getting someone with that cap room.

8. New Jersey Nets (14): Good for Jason Kidd. He pouted to start the season, and he bitched at times during the season, but when he was on the court, he played his little ass off, which I wasn't expecting him to do. And good for Rob Thorn for getting Vince Carter for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Great trade there. It just sucks that they are associated with Vince. God I hate him now. Let's just move on.

7. Philadelphia 76ers (6): Again, I was pretty close picking this team, but I'm still disappointed in them. Allen Iverson had the best season of his career, and this team has good talent, and the best they can do is finish 7th? I think they should trade Iverson this summer. I'm sorry, but he'll never play this well ever again. The talent they have on this team is what they are stuck with for a while, thanks to the Webber trade. (Good luck with that, BTW.) So while everyone is amazed at how well he played this season, deal him. If not, you'll be trading him in a year or two for $.50 on the dollar.

6. Indiana Pacers (2): Wow. What a season for this team. The brawl, the suspensions, the injuries, and they still finish fricking SIXTH? Hats off to every single member of the Pacers except Ron Artest, and a standing ovation for their coach, Rick Carlisle, and--as much as I hate to say it--Reggie Miller, who played out of his fricking mind this season. These guys were great, and I hope they keep this team together, because I think after this season they have a great nucleus and will be ready to KILL teams next year.

That being said: Ron Artest is not a part of this team. Larry, get rid of him this offseason as soon as possible (which I'm SURE he's planning on doing). You don't even need anything for him. Trade him for Steve Kerr. Hell, just cut him. But make him gone. But seriously people...I don't have to say that. I know Larry Legend will get rid of him. And the Pacers are a better team without him.

5. Washington Wizards (12): Now this was a fun team to watch this year. Kudos to Antawn Jamison, Gilbert Arenas, and Larry Hughes for turning both their individual (which weren't that bad) and team (which were HORRIBLE) careers around this season. I was so impressed. This team was fun to watch. The ran a lot, tried to dunk on everybody, passed well, and shot well. And they have an edge to them...they don't mind getting dirty. They also play the bulls in the first round of the playoffs; the same Bulls they got into a fistfight with in the PRESEASON. This will be a great first round series.

4. Boston Celtics (5): Remember earlier, how I said everything went right for the Bucks last year, so they finished about here? Well, welcome to the 2005 Milwaukee Bucks. EVERYTHING--up to and including the impossible--went right for the Celtics. Let's take a look at what happened, and the odds of it NOT working out.
* The Celtics rookies (Al Jefferson, Tony Allen, and Delonte West) played well and were good contributors to the team (30%).
* Gary Payton was able to stop the slide that started in LA, and was an above average point guard (45%).
* Doc Rivers'--who I like, don't get me wrong, but he has a problem with these two things--in-game coaching and ego did not hurt this team as the season went on (55%).
* Raef La Frentz was actually able to stay healthy all season, and be a successful contributor (60%).
* Ricky Davis played himself to a 6th Man of the Year candidate, and was a truly indispensable part of this team (65%).
* Mark Blount's poor play combined with his ridiculous contract did not poison this team (75%).
* Danny Ainge actually traded to get Antoine Walker back, who played great for the Celtics and ended up being exactly what the C's needed the second half of the season (99.9%).

It's the last one that kills me. I can't believe that actually worked. I'm dumbfounded. Walker was EXACTLY what the Celtics needed. He played great, and his attitude was a huge boost to this team. Good for him. I guess.

And good for the Celtics.

3. Chicago Bulls (11): I cannot believe how well this team has played. Kudos to Kirk Hinrich, the only good Kansas player other than Paul Pierce. Kudos to Ben Gordon, who can score on anyone, at any time. Kudos to Scott Skiles, for putting it all together. There is no star on this team; ever player plays to their strengths, and as a whole, they fit well. Every player on this team has a HUGE hole in their game, but as a team, they cover it well. Great job Chicago.

2. Detroit Pistons (1): I have no idea what to make of this team. The first half of the season, they seemed totally lost. Not listless; listless is okay for the defending champs the first half of the season. They seemed lost, and confused, and unsure of how to play with each other. But they turned it around the second half, thanks largely to the play of Teshaun Prince, who is Michael's pick of "Most Unbelievable Team MVP". Have you looked at this guy? How little he is? There is no doubt in my mind I can beat his ass. But he's become a really good player. Good for you, Teshaun!

As for where the Pistons will finish in the playoffs, who knows? I could see them losing in the second round. I could see them winning it all. Who knows with them? They're not that good, but they've got...it. They're a team of saavy veterans who know how to play together, and are totally committed to winning.

1. Miami Heat (3): Wow. What a great season for Shaq, Dwyane Wade, Udonis Haslem (anyone can play PF with Shaq and look good, can't they? That's got to be the best job in the world...Shaq's PF), Damon Jones, and maybe even Eddie Jones. They managed to put a full starting five together, and so are probably my pick to win it all (We'll find out later for sure). But Dwyane Wade was incredible this year. Just totally took his game to another level; I couldn't be more impressed with him. I cannot wait to watch him in the future. With Lebron and D Wade leading the NBA, I can't wait to see the future.

Well I'm spent. Western Conference coming soon!