Basketball 101 or How To Make People Want To Play With You

I was going to do another NBA blog, as the Magic's big trade, OKC's implosion, the Heat's resurgence, and the Mavs' disastrous week needed to be addressed. However, I'm too traumatized from the Mavs' week to talk about the NBA right now. So instead, let's have a quick verbal basketball clinic.

After taking essentially two weeks off after the holidays, I've been back to playing a lot of pickup ball during the last week, which is great, because all of the college kids are home from school with nothing to do. This means you get a good mix from "young athletic dumb guys who don't really know basketball but are going to start playing intramurals when they get back to school" to "the ex high school athlete who has either gotten much better or much worse in his six months without coaching, as he figured out either 'Hey, now that I don't have some fat asshole yelling in my ear all the time, and can play my game and have fun and do better!' or 'Oh man, I really have no idea what I'm doing now that I'm not being told what to do all the time'." So for those of you who need it, here are some do's and don'ts on the basketball court that can easily make you both a much more effective player, and a player that people actually want to play with.

One thing to make sure to point out: every player who has picked up a ball on a regular basis has done most if not all of these things (myself included). Just make sure you don't do them over and over again, or at LEAST get angry at yourself when you realize you're doing them.

* Don't: pretend to go for a steal on defense because you just want to play offense. Anyone who's played more than three games has played with this guy. He could give a rat's ass about D, so the second his guy is passed the ball, he goes for a steal that he has a .01% chance of getting, and when the offender (as in offensive player) goes to the basket, he just keeps on going to the offensive end instead of trying to catch back up to him, rebound a potential miss, etc. Invariably, this guy also makes a big deal of throwing his arm up on the snowbird (a player staying back on offense while his team plays D in the hopes of an easy bucket). The Supreme Asshole Move of this (or the TSA as it shall henceforth be known) is when the guy is so arrogant that he actually bitches at his teammates who were back playing D that they didn't throw the ball out to him fast enough so he could get the wide open layup, since they were too busy playing 4 on 5. On the bright side, when someone does this to you from now on, you can just say, "Dude, don't be a TSA" and enjoy ignoring the guy as he keeps asking you what that is.
Do: The complete opposite of that. Just play fricking defense man. If you want to win, whethere it's in pro ball, a league, or a pickup game, you've got to play some D. Nut up and do it. If you're on the team of the guy who does this, above all do NOT reward his bad behavior, even if he is wide open on the snowbird and your team can get the now needed point. Don't encourage bad behavior.

* Don't: try to thread the needle on a pass over and over again. Everyone wants to make a highlight play, sure. But the reason they are called "HIGHLIGHTS" is because they are the out of the ordinary plays that don't happen very often during a game. So please, no oops every other time down the court, or nifty backdoor passes at a thousand miles an hour to sneak past all of the defenders, or constantely trying to sneak a pass in between 2-3 guys. You might feel better about that one you connected with that guy with, but the reason you're both sitting on the side for the next game is the three you threw out of bounds, and the three more that someone picked off and turned into a fast break layup.
Do: practice making good passes instead. Remember, just because a pass looks easy/boring doesn't mean that it is so. If you really want to be known as a good passer, make sure you practice leading your player to where his momentum is carrying him (hopefully towards the basket), looking away from the person you're going to pass to so the defense relaxes, passing to the part of the area of their body they like to catch the ball in, and hitting him in the correct hand. Hey, speaking of...

* Don't: throw a pass to your post man that is on the side of his body where he is pinning his defender/his defender is standing. One of my personal biggest pet peeves in the world. Look guards, not only does it frustrate us enough how hard we have to work to get open, knowing that 60% of the time at least you're going to look at us and decide, "You know what...NAHHHHHHH..." and either pass it around the perimeter or shoot it yourself, but nothing in the world is more frustrating than we have a guy pinned on one side of our body (let's call it the left in the example), and we have our right hand in the fricking air, telling you, "PASS THE BALL RIGHT HERE!", and you still pass it to our left hand, at best meaning we're now completely out of position and have to just pass it back to you, and most commonly ends up in a steal. This is incredibly frustrating on three levels: 1) the obvious in that it's now a fast break inducing turnover, 2) we know that you're now even less likely to look at us and decide to throw us the ball the next few trips down the court, and 3) it always looks to everyone else in the fricking gym like we just screwed up and let the guy steal the ball, when in fact it's the complete opposite.
Do: throw it to the opposite side of the body the defender is standing/pinned on. It's really as simple as that. Now bigs, you can help: obviously make sure you have a good pin going with your off arm and your butt, but also make sure you have a hand high in the air if you want a good, fast chest pass to that side, or (as I like to do in this instance) point fairly emphatically where you want him to throw the ball if you want a bounce pass for the "step out and face" catch. But guards, pay attention to your big, and if you throw the crappy ball, apologize profusely so your big will appreciate you letting at least your teammates know that you don't want the big to take the blame for that.

* Don't: yell at your teammates to rebound or play defense when you are doing neither. A far too common occurance in pickup ball. This is automatic induction into the TSA Club; do not pass Go, do not collect $200; you're in buddy. This is about as dick of a move as you can make in pickup ball. And yes, I'm talking to you, short loudmouth guy at the LA Fitness on Skillman that I'm going to end up grabbing a rebound one day and then firing into your head Danny Ainge to Mario Elie style.
Do: not be a TSA. It's pretty straightforward. Guys on his team, make sure you tell him to shut up. Remember: don't encourage TSA behavior.

* Don't: continue to shoot shots you don't have a chance in Hell to hit. Look, part of the fun of pickup and part of the practicle side of using it as practice is to take shots you wouldn't normally take. That's understandable, and there's nothing wrong with firing up one or two of those a game. But do not be that guy who just horribly missed his fifth three of the game and then runs down the court shaking his head and mumbling, "I can't believe it." Believe it dude. It's not happening. Just stop.
Do: take your practice shots early in the game, and don't take more than two if you miss them both and it's not a blowout. Remember, the goal is to win the game/stay on the court. You're not going to get more practice if you miss four of those in one game and you're sitting on the sidelines. Don't waste the time of the guys you're playing with.

* Don't: pass the ball at a time or place where they have no chance of success. I love this one, because so often it becomes a TSA. If you're a guard playing with a plodding big man, and you throw him the ball at the three point line as he's jogging to go post up, and he barely catches it, does the wide eyed "triple threat swirl" a coupla times to try to figure out what to do, and turns it over either by traveling or throwing it to the other team, that is YOUR turnover. Know your personel, and don't put them in a position that they can't possibly be successful in. Similarly, if you had the guy mentioned above who loves to shoot shots he doesn't have a chance in Hell of hitting, and you throw him a pass in that spot that he leaves when your team is trailing by one point with either the clock running down or next point winning, then it's YOUR fault when you lose the game (well, mostly your fault. Seriously, be smart and stop taking that shot!). If you know that guy can't resist three's but can't hit them, and the game is on the line, then be selective. And if you then throw a fit and yell at the guy you just did that to, then that's a TSA dude.
Do: think about your personel and what the game situation is. If it's early in the game, or you've got a big lead, sure. Let the guy have some fun/work on something he needs to get better at. But otherwise, pay attention to people's skill sets, and plan accordingly.

* Don't: not run to a trapped player with no dribble, and instead yell, "I'm open!" from the other side of the court. This is basically 101. Everyone's coach taught them this on the first week of practice in their first year, but it is still one of the most common mistakes you'll see in basketball, all the way up to the pro level. I don't get it. I guess maybe people are so open they get greedy and want the easy score? I don't know the logic behind it. And yes...if after the play you say to the trapped guy, "dude, I was wide open, why didn't you pass to me" instead of "Man, I'm sorry I didn't run over to you", then that's a TSA homey.
Do: run as close as you can possible get to him to get the ball. Look at it this way: even if the other team does steal the ball after you run over there, it's probably not going to turn into a fast break since it's a 2 on 2, whereas the heave out of the double team leads to a wide open fast break layup 90% of the time, and an And 1 from a dumb foul on the fast break layup 8% of the remaining 10% of the time. So go get the ball.

* Don't: cut to the basket and not look for a pass. I've gotten to where I will throw the ball to players in pickup games who I know aren't going to catch it just to teach them the lesson to learn to look while cutting. If you cut to the basket without looking for the ball, all you've done is A) put your body next to the basket, meaning that if the man with the ball beats his defender, he now has to get around you and B) since your defender invariably followed you down there, you've now added an extra defender in the most valuable space on the court (at the rim) while completely taking yourself out of the picture as an offensive option. To say nothing, of course, about the fact that you've just missed an easy scoring opportunity.
Do: look to score every time you cut, even if you're completely covered. Look, nothing worries a defense more than a guy in the paint/at the rim. So even if you know you're covered, throw your arm in the air, make a big show of looking at the guy with the ball, and maybe even take a quick step towards him, if for no other reason that one of the other defenders might sag towards you...leaving the guy who he should be guarding with an advantage.

* Don't: ever stand behind a defender, especially in the paint. A guy kept doing this to me yesterday, which basically inspired this article. Remember, the defense is always going to try to be Ball-Defense-Man. Offense, you always want to be Ball-Offense-Defense. Now there's nothing with a good rockabye (lulling a defender to sleep): staring of in the other direction, even taking a lazy step the other way like you're tired, and then bam! Jump in front of him for a pass. That's one of the best basic moves in basketball. Conversly, however, nothing is worse when I have the ball, and I'm thinking, "Man, he's got an opening, I'm sure he's just roackabyeing him!" and I pass the ball and the offensive player just looks flustereted, and it turns out he just had his thumb up his ass. This goes double if you're in the paint, because again, you're taking up valuable space AND bringing an extra defender down there (again, the most important spot on the court) while making yourself no offensive threat whatsoever.
Do: make sure you can get in front of your defender if there's any possible chance he can pass you the ball. If you think your defender is distracted, take one step closer to the passer. Take a step back if necessary to give yourself a better passing angle. Do whatever you can so it's not simply Ball-Defender-Man. And for God's sakes, if you're down low, either get in front of him, or get the f out of there.

There you go people. Do those simple things, and A) you're play will improve dramatically, and B) people won't hate playing with you, which also tends to help your play improve dramatically.