NBA Western Conference Postview

Time for round 2. Here's the West, if you want to know how this is set up, scroll down and I'll explain in the Eastern Conference Postview.

15. New Orleans Hornets (12): Wow. I mean, WOW. It didn't help that Jamaal Magloire got hurt, and that Baron Davis played uninterested all season, but...wow. I didn't think they'd be THIS bad.

14. Utah Jazz (5): The second most disappointing team in the NBA this year. How were they this bad? Sure, they had injuries, especially to Kirelenko (yes, I know I didn't spell that right; yes, I'm too lazy to look it up), but he's not THAT good. Is he? They had a stacked lineup! It was so balanced! I just don't understand it.

Oh wait, yes I do. And I quote: To make matters worse--the owner of the Cavs is a BLIND GUY. He (Carlos Boozer) stabbed a blind guy in the back! If that is not inviting misfortune on yourself and your team, I don't know what is.

You think I'm kidding. This team is too talented and too well coached to be this bad. For all the injuries and everything...it's karma. There is a God, and sometimes there is justice in the world.

13. Portland Trailblazers (11): Wow. Second only to the Knicks in "you know, let's just fire everyone--coach (already did that), front office, players--and start over. Fuck it, sack the waterboy, too." And like I said in the preseason, they're not even the crazy guys anymore! Especially after the brawl! At least before they were bad, but so nuts you enjoyed watching them. Now they just suck, have bad attitudes, and are crazy enough to piss you off but not crazy enough to amuse you. They're the Cincinatti of the NBA.

12. Golden State Warriors (13): Well, Chris Mullin isn't a completely hopeless GM. For some reason, the Hornets gave him Baron Davis for, well, nothing. I don't know why really. Time for an aside: I think I'm going to make this it's own post, but how many competent GM's are there in the NBA right now? 4? Maybe? Maybe 5? IT'S NOT THIS HARD!!! How can they not find ANYONE qualified for this job? Seriously, I'll write about this next week. Or maybe today, depending on how long the, uh, evening drags.

And we're back to the Warriors. So they got the Baron, which was a good pickup, and they finished the season nicely. So for like the third year in a row, there is "hope" at the end of the season. Yeah...good luck with that, Warriors fans. Maybe Mullin will surprise me this summer, but I see this team sucking for a long time.

11. LA Lakers (8): See, I think this team is either going to gel together, and be a little better than everyone thinks (7th or 8th), or they are going to crash, and finish 10th or 11th, and Kobe will absolutely lose it. You have no idea how happy I am about writing this. Not only did the Lakers miss the playoffs, but they finished BELOW THE CLIPPERS!!!!! I'm so happy right now I can't even stand it. And let's look to the future: the Lakers are stuck in that no man's land where they are good enough to never get a good lottery pick, but bad enough to not actually get into the playoffs (you know, like the Dallas Cowboys are, Mashard). No free agent is going to come here because of Kobe's reputation, and their salary cap situation is a mess. Shaq must laugh himself to sleep every night.

In other words, Kobe, you're going to be on a bad team that you made for a long, long time. And I couldn't be happier.

10. LA Clippers (14): The Clips have got a little something. But you know what? Elgin Baylor and Donald Sterling will find a way to fuck it up. So good job Clips, be proud, and Bobby Simmons I love you for being awesome on my fantasy league team, but I'm not even going to bother writing about you, cause it will all get blown away by the worst owner and one of the worst GMs in all of sports.

9. Minnesota Timberwolves (1): The most disappointing team in the NBA this season. Sam Cassell, Latrell Spreewell, and Michael Olowakandi: I hate you all with all my heart and soul. I hope you get gonorrhea (I'm too lazy to look up how to spell Kirelenko, but I'll look up how to spell that. I'm a weird guy) and burn in Hell. Wally Schzkfjdafjla;ezdfazz, go fuck yourself. You suck, so don't be making trade demands. I HATE YOU ALL FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO KEVIN GARNETT.

8. Memphis Grizzlies (10): Good job Memphis, you made the playoffs again. Now, get a sign and trade going with Stromile, package him with another player or two, and go get another star to put with Pau, because you're never going to be more than a 7 or 8 seed with this lineup. Sorry. It's true.

7. Denver Nuggetts (3): Trust me on this: this team will get better and better and better as the season goes on. By the end of the year, no team in the league will be as feared in the playoffs as the Denver Nuggets. Now, I can't toot my own horn too much here. Obviously, since I picked them to finish third, I didn't pick them to start as badly as they did. They started HORRIBLY. But they are definitely the "team that no one wants to face in the first round." Still, I consider this season a disappointment. They should not have finished seventh, and they will probably lose in the first round because of it. As long as they build off this season, however, they'll be okay.

6. Sacramento Kings (9): I was a season ahead of predicting their fall. They've been barely .500 since the Webber trade--I think they're two games above it? Tru, they've had a lot of injuries, but is that unusual? Bobby Jackson always gets hurt, Peja usually gets hurt, and we'll see about Brad Miller. I'm just saying, if Peja is your best player, you don't have a good team. And...congrats goes to Chris Webber, who--for the first time in his career--actually deserves some praise for playing well this season, and isn't getting it. He did great for this team to start the year, and no one seems to think so. I still hate him, but I have to give credit where credit is due.

5. Houston Rockets (4): Good for you, TMac and Jeff Van Gundy. You started the year off struggling, but you fought through it and came together at the end. BIG props go out too Carroll Dawson, their GM, who did a fantastic job of acquiring a bench for the Rockets without giving up too much (they really only lost Jim Jackson).

4. Seattle Supersonics (15): Yeah...so I was a little off on this one. Good for Seattle; they found a different way to win at basketball, and it's fun to watch, which is good. Good for Ray Allen and Reshard Lewis for finally stepping up for their teams. I get the feeling, though, that this is another 2004 Milwaukee Bucks (like the Celts); that everything went right for them this season, and next season they will be back in the toilet. We'll just see. And it REALLY pisses me off that they get third place since they won their division, but the Mavs are in fourth even though they won 6 MORE FUCKING GAMES! How stupid is that?

3. Your Dallas Mavericks! (6): Wow. So many good things happened this season.

! Dirk became a legitimate MVP candidate, and a true team leader. He also developed defensive skills. In other words, he is the best Maverick ever.
! Erik Dampier proved not too be a thief with his contract, and played well. Not great, but well.
! Jerry Stackhouse did a fantastic job as Sixth Man, and didn't complain about it.
! Josh Howard proved to be a GREAT draft pick, and will be an All Star once or twice in his career.
! Jason Terry did a great job replacing Nash at point. He's not better than Nash, but for this team, I think he fit in better.
! Marquis Daniels played well once he got healthy, and didn't go crazy on us.
! Allan Henderson was fantastic. A genuine good job dirty man.
! Thank the Lord God above, Don Nelson finally left, and it looks like we've got a good coach to replace him. I'm so glad he's gone.

This team is one of the deepest teams in the league, is outstanding offensively, and is finally good defensively. Time will tell if it's well coached, but it's definitely better coached than it was before. Seriously, there are a lot of teams out there who can beat the Mavericks, but there isn't a team in the NBA that I'm afraid of. And that's a great thing.

2. San Antonio Spurs (2): Same old, same old. I don't think they'll win it all this year though. I have serious questions about Timmy's ankle. We've been hearing since the All Star break "it's hurt, but it should be fine in a week!" every month it seems like. I don't expect him to make it through the playoffs without an injury. And the Spurs are going NOWHERE without him.

1. Phoenix Suns (7): Thank you, Phoenix Suns. Thanks for bringing the fast break back to the NBA. Thanks for playing so well together. Thanks for being so much fun to watch. Thanks for changing the way the NBA plays.

If the Mavs don't win, I hope the Suns do, because I want to see this style of basketball rewarded. I want to see it encouraged. No more football without pads. And all of this thanks to the Suns. I knew they'd be good, but I had no idea they'd be this good. Keep ballin fellas, and I'm rooting for you. If the Mavs don't win it, I hope the Suns do, and not just because they've always been my second favorite team.