Other Things To Ponder This NBA Season...

* I think the best bet for the Raptors & the Grizzlies is to tank this season. That's right. Let the Greg Oden and Joakim Noah sweepstakes begin!

That's right. You heard me. For the Grizzlies, they are done this year. There is no possible way they are making the playoffs. However, when Gasol does get back, he'll play them into a good enough position to where they get a late lottery pick instead of an early one. Instead, they should tell him to take his sweet ass time. When he does get back, work him in really slowly--only play him 20 min a night. In the meantime, play the shit out of Rudy Gay, Hakim Warrick, and Stromile Swift. Baptism by fire: if they're going to play in this league (in the case of Gay and Warrick), they'll learn that way. In Swift's case, tell him this is his last chance. Cut his ass if he doesn't make it.

This makes sense because the Grizz are stuck in the no-man's land that is the middle of the playoff pack. They're too good to get a draft pick that will ever help them, but they're not good enough to actually compete for a championship. This injury to their star will allow the team to suck it up and get the great player who can push them over the hump (please see Spurs, San Antonio in the 1996-1997 season).

As for the Raptors, I think this is their plan all along, from the moment Brian Colangelo took over as GM. I think he wanted to trade the first pick last year because he knew it was going to suck, and wanted a top two pick in this draft. So when he couldn't get anyone to offer anything decent for it, he took the Italian guy that he knew wasn't going to do anything at all this year. Then he traded Charlie V--who he knew was going to quit on him in two years anyway--for someone who wouldn't help the team all that much, especially in the short term. He then let Mike James, the team's second best player last year, walk for absolutely nothing. So now they have a team that is worse this year than last year--though this year they actually want the first pick of the draft.

Some people might think that this is unfair, and that the team should put it's best foot forward every season. I say whatever; these teams have taken an honest assessment of their talent this season, know they have no chance, and should just look to the future. Especially the Grizz. Their young players will either be better or be gone, and they'll get a player who can actually put them over the top. The Raps is a little shady since they actually traded away talent, but when it's fake talent like Charlie V, well then again I'm thinking that it's just an honest assessment of one's team and situation.

* I think that the NBA adding the new Owner's Behavior Rule is a sign that the NBA is quite willing to screw Mark Cuban out of another championship this year if they have to. And yes, I'm for the rule, though I'm not for the screwing the Mavs out of the championship.

* What an absolutely pathetic showing by the Heat last night. That actually might be a good thing for them though: if they'd coasted and lost by only 15, then they might have been content to keep coasting. Now maybe their pride is insulted enough that they'll step it up.

Hmmmm...Shaq is just collecting a check now...Zo and GP are 800 years old...they have no bench...

On second thought, no, maybe they're okay with this.

* The Suns looked exactly how I thought they would, and that is bad. Did you see Boris Diaw? Good Lord! He's blown up like a balloon! You know it's bad when the TV announcers are straight up calling you out for being fat and out of shape. That's just pathetic. The guy has one good season and thinks he can just cash it in. I am not sold on this team at all.

* However...and you know how good it pains me to say this...but man the Lakers looked great last night. Andrew Bynum was awesome last night, and he was playing against some good competition (Kurt Thomas). Sure, he'll have his bad days as any 19 year old will, but he gives them someone other teams have to legitimately plan against at center, which they didn't have (sorry UT fans). Mo Evans, as I predicted over this summer, was fantastic, and could easily end up being the biggest offseason steal. Jordan Farmar looked like he might be taking Smush Parker's job sooner rather than later, and even Vlad Rodmanovic looked good out there. But the thing that made me happy was Lamar Odom didn't just play great, but he looked great. I hope the Lakers fail, but I hope I'm wrong about my prediction about him giving up because of what happened with his son. He looked like he was enjoying himself out there, and I'm glad to see that. All this against a team most experts had predicted to win the title this year, and on a team missing three starters from last year--one of whom is a top 5 player in the league.

I wonder, though, how Kobe will affect the team that was playing last night. That was a scrappy, hard working, and entertaining bunch that played hard and played together. Will that continue when Kobe is putting up 30 shots a game? We'll see.

Yes, this is a knee jerk reaction, but man it looks like I was wrong about the Lakers missing the playoffs. I just can't believe how good Bynum looked!

2007 NBA Western Conference Preview

Hopping right into it...

The Bad Team

15. Portland Trailblazers
Yep. That's right. There's only one really bad team in the entire Western Conference. Now do you see what I mean about these teams beating each other up in the playoffs?

Even the Blazers aren't that bad. They've got a borderline All Star in Zach Randolph (a token "if he wasn't crazy/a thug he might have made an All Star game by now), the easy favorite for ROY in Brandon Roy, the second pick in the draft (who I think will be a bust) in Lamarcus Aldridge, and some other decent talent (Darius Miles, Jarret Jack, Jamaal Magloire, Martell Webster), but in the West they will get BURIED.

The Injured Team

14. Memphis Grizzlies
One of my pet peeves in this modern era of professional sports is that training has become so dangerous. It's like professional athletes are so fragile that they can't be allowed to train. How do you improve in the offseason if you don't go out and play basketball? Do you really want guys just sitting on their asses for 3 months? Yet we here that from owners in all sports all the time about the perils of playing in offseason tourneys like the Olympics. I'm sorry, but there is just as much of a chance of a player getting hurt playing in pickup games in Houston or Chicago (just ask Jordan that) in order to stay in shape as there is playing in an organized tournament with trainers on hand.

Unfortunately for the Grizzlies, the worst did happen, when Pau Gasol broke his foot and will miss the first 3 or 4 months of the season in the Goodwill Games. This means that this overachieving team is screwed. Sorry guys. It's as simple as that.

The Meh Teams

13. Seattle Supersonics
Another example of how good the West is: in the East, the Meh Teams start in fifth place. Here, they start in 13th. Any of these teams would easily compete for the 6-8th playoff spot in the East. I mean, here we have a team with a true superstar in Ray Allen, a borderline All Star in a contract year (ie he is going to BLOW UP this season) in Rashard Lewis, and a decent supporting cast in Ridnoir, Watson, and Wilcox. And they're buried in 13th place. Damn.

12. Golden State Warriors
Sure, I'll buy into the "Don Nelson will improve the Warriors" thing like the mainstream media. The difference is, I'll buy into them finishing in 12th place instead of 13th, unlike those numnutses who think they will make the playoffs. Sure, this team will score 110 points a game this season: and give up 118, and finish just about where they always do. Long live the Don!

11. Sacramento Kings
It's all going to go horribly, horribly wrong for the Kings this year. Why? Glad you asked.

A) Mike Bibby is already missing the first two weeks of the season, and I've got a bad feeling that he's going to spend a lot of time on the injured list (if the NBA had an injured list anymore, that is) this season. Just a hunch.
2) This was an overachieving team last year led by two overachieving players: Ron Artest and Bonzi Wells. Artest we'll deal with in a minute. Wells is now in Houston. That's not good.
Charlie) John Salmons was their big offseason acquisition. That's right, John Salmons. Oh, you haven't heard of him? That's right, you haven't. And there's a reason for that. When even Philly--who's propensity for bad contracts has already been discussed here--says, "Wait, you offered him WHAT? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!@!!! Yeah, good luck with that", well, then you know you're in trouble.
Quatro) Can't you see these start to go bad, and Ron Ron just totally losing it? He played on his best behavior last season, with something to prove to his old team that dumped him, with his best friend Bonzi, on a team that was overachieving and he was getting the credit for that overachievement. Do you see that happening two years in a row with him? Or do you see him biting the finger of an opponent off and his insane career finally come to an end? I know which one I think is much more likely.

All this and I still think Kevin Martin is going to have a career year. Hey, someone has to play and score.

The Middle of the Pack

10. LA Lakers
Am I the only one who noticed that the Lakers got even worse this offseason? Kobe's knee needed surgery and it's already taken MUCH longer to heal than they thought. Lamar Odom is dealing with the death of his infant son, and while I hate that that tragedy happened to him, do you see Lamar as the type of guy who will dedicate this season to his son and play lights out, or start hitting the pipe again and mellow his way through the season? Unfortunately, there's a better chance of the latter, and that's too bad because I like Lamar Odom and respected him for finally turning his life around when he went to the Heat. Their biggest offseason acquisition was Valdmir Rodmanavic, which is without question subtraction by addition. Oh, and Phil had hip surgery and is still running around with a cane.

While everyone around them got better.

Good luck with this one Kobe.

9. Minnesota Timberwolves
I'm trying. I really am. There is finally more overall talent on this team this year; that is true. But I just can't like this team. This is another "team full of gunners who need 3 basketballs". Is Mike James talented? Yes, he is. But is a shoot first, second, and third point guard the right answer here? Maybe. KG did do better with Sam Cassell taking the clutch shots and doing a little bit of everything. But how does that get the rest of the offense involved? We'll see. Add to that the fact that the other two, young, talented guard on the team--Rashad McCants and Randy Foye--are also shoot first guard who need the ball in their hands, then, well, you've got a problem.

There is more talent this year, but to me this is a team without a true identity. They could make the playoffs as the 7th or 8th seed; they could drop down to the 10th or 11th seed. Once again, the Middle of the Pack in the West could go a lot of different ways.

8. Utah Jazz
Remember how I've been making fun of everyone for years over Orlando and how "once Grant Hill gets healthy, they'll compete!" Well, Utah is my Orlando. And once again, I think this is the year that they get healthy and compete.

This team has a lot of talent, and I LOVE their offseason acquisitions. Derek Fischer--while horrendously overpaid--is a perfect veteran mentor to Deron Williams. He's a smart player who doesn't need a ton of minutes and can teach the second year player the game, even while still having enough left in his tank to play significant minutes for you during the season. I think Ronnie Brewer was the perfect pick for the Jazz. He's the athletic swingman that they have never had really, and will be a great gamechanger for them. No, he's not going to win the ROY--if nothing else, Jerry Sloan won't play him enough to do that--but he's a great change of pace player for what can be a very predictable team. The core of the team is still there, and finished last season out strong and healthy. So I think that finally this will be there year.

Again.

I just don't learn.

7. Oklahoma City Hornets
I'm not calling them the New Orleans/Oklahoma City for two reasons: 1) That's PC and gay. 2) New Orleans shouldn't even have a basketball team, so while that team is in OKC they're the OKC Hornets.

Anyway, I'm buying into this team as a playoff team. Why?

1) They've got probably the best crowd/arena atmosphere in the league. The people of OK are thrilled to finally have a pro team, and playing in OKC is a huge advantage to the Hornets.
2) Even though they overpaid for a lot of their offseason acquisitions (Chandler, Jackson, Peja), and I think some of them are overrated as players (Peja), they still added talent to the team. And that's a good thing.
3) As scary as it is, CP3 is going to get even better. And David West is probably going to get even better, too.

Do I think this team is on pace to win a championship? No. But I think they're in the playoffs this year. Congrats!

6. Denver Nuggets
While these guys are a little too good to belong to this group, are they a threat to contend with any of the Great teams? No. Not at all. So here they are.

Bottom line: they still don't have a 2 guard, no one can shoot the three consistently, and George Karl is still crazy and will find a way to piss off his players. Count me among those who think 'Melo will have a monster season, though.

The Enigmas

5. Houston Rockets
If anyone comes up to you and says they know for sure how the Rockets season is going to end up, laugh at them and call them a liar. Let's look at the players:

? Bonzi Wells: Big season acquisition for a great price? Yes, this is true. However, he hasn't played in the preseason at all, and we don't know why. No one is talking. Yeah, that's a great start for a shooting guard who averaged over 20 points and 12 rebounds a game against the Spurs in the playoffs and almost every team in the league still said, "You know what? We still think you're too nuts, we don't want you."
? Little Bobby Sura: A healthy Bobby Sura gives them a quality underrated point guard. An unhealthy Bobby Sura gives them Rafer Alston. Enough said.
? Chucky Hayes: Did you know that this is the 31st best player in the NBA? I swear to God, I couldn't make something like this up. That's what John Hollinger of espn.com has to say. More proof of the age old phrase, "There are lies, damn lies, and then there are statistics."
? Shane Battier: Did you know that Battier could walk on water? I didn't. But apparently, having Shane Battier on your team guarantees you a championship. At least, that's what all the pundits have been saying since draft day. Do I think he's great for this team? Yes. But I think the media needs to take a deep breathe, have a seat, and calm the fuck down.
? Yao Ming: So is Yao going to be a dominant player or not? For the 30th straight year, this is going to be the year that answers that question. Really. This is the year. We get an answer.
? TMac: The same question as always with him: how's the back?

In the end, the last question is really the most important. I'm betting it's going to be okay this year. Hence, fifth.

4. Phoenix Suns
Amare'skneeAmare'skneeblahblahblahAmara'sknee.

It all depends on two things for this team: 1) Does Amare recover? 2) If he does, how does he integrate with the team?

Wait, what? There's a second question? I thought if his knee was okay, we just automatically give the Suns the title!

Not so fast! I've got news for people: this team isn't going to score much more than they did last year. They're not going to average 125 points a game. It's not going to happen. So adding a post player who wants to score 25 points a game and really isn't that great of a rebounder to a team like this isn't the end all be all.

Yes, I know it sounds like I'm outthinking myself here. And don't get me wrong: this is going to be a great team by season's end, whether Amare is healthy or not. But I think it's a little much to ask them to put it all together this quickly and win a championship for a team with no bench. And no, Marcus Banks, the Jones Boys, and Barbosa do not make a good bench.

That being said...I wouldn't want to play them in the playoffs. :-)

3. LA Clippers
I'm really high on the Clips. They return the same team as last year, except they have a healthy Corey Maggette all year, and added Tim Thomas. Now I know what you're thinking: "You think that's a good thing that they added Tim Thomas? You hate him!" And yes, that is true. But would I rather have Tim Thomas for $24 million, or Vlad Rodmanovic for $31 million? Give me Tim over Vlad both for the talent and the money. Add another year of seasoning to Shaun Livingston and the rest of the young talent...another year of brilliance from Elton Brand...the fact that the LA crowd is now behind the Clippers...and this is a great team in the making.

The Elite

2. Your Dallas Mavericks!
I like all the Mavs offseason moves. Not love, but like. The bench got even deeper, and the core is not just in tact, but locked up for several years. This is a team that will be a championship contender for years to come. They only reason I don't have them in first is because I don't think they're motivated to play for that--I think there will be a little bit of "we're just waiting for the playoffs" attitude--and with the new bench faces, it might cost the Mavs a game or two to get adjusted to each other. And a game or two is all that will separate the Mavs & the Spurs.

1. San Antonio Spurs
Then again, I keep waiting for the Spurs to age in dog years and just drop over dead. Timmy was amazing in the playoffs, but the wear and tear is getting worse and worse every year. Manu is finally getting to the age where all of his fake flops and international play are starting to wear on him. TP isn't a kid anymore. Finley was a huge sub for them last year, and he's not getting any younger. Bruce Bowen looked completely washed up in the playoffs last year, and is 35. Horry's already said this will be his last season, and his real last season was two years ago.

So why do have them in first? Because they're still the Spurs. The did a great job of picking up two quality big men--Jackie Butler and Francisco Elson--that should help Timmy rack up not quite as many minutes. Also, no one is talking about it now, but I think the addition of Eric Williams will pay huge dividends for them by season's end. He will be a key guy off the bench for the Spurs. And besides, history is on the Spurs' side: when they lose, they come back and win the championship the next year.

However, while I think they will win the West, I think the Spurs have moved into the Yankee's territory of "team that is past it's prime that enters the playoffs looking like they are still the unstoppable juggernaught they used to be, but are no longer quite as talented/hungry/able".

But like I said: it'll be only a game or two that separates them and the Mavericks, and anything can happen.

So remember kids...the NBA.............it's FANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTASTIC!!!!!

Two Years AgoA Friend of MineAsked Me To...

No, not say some MC rhymes. Two years ago, Barry asked me to start writing a blog. Two years ago today, I did so. PJ's Place was born.

Once again, I thank you, my loyal readers, for humoring me with your stout patronage. And as last year, I'd like to thank you by posting what I consider the best and/or most popular posts from the last year.

Thank you all for your time and comments. Enjoy! Here's to another year!

Racism
Cartoons
Sex-Ed
The Rosetta Stone of Dating
For Catholics In Particular
Advice For The Newly Graduated
The Greatest Team Ever
The Torch Is Taken
15 Years
My Trip To New Orleans
or
I Have Now Confirmed Everything I Thought About Louisiana
A Break
Coupla Things...

2007 NBA Eastern Conference Preview

It's time once again, my friends. It's time for the greatest game on Earth to get started.

As usual, the Eastern Conference first. Now I've been very critical of the East the last few years, and for good reason: they have fucking sucked. And please don't say, "If they sucked, then why did the Heat win the title last year?" Here's why:

! They had an easy road to the Finals. The hardest series they played in was their first round series, against the Bulls, and a true NBA champion should not have had that much trouble with that Bulls team. They then cakewalked past a Nets team that featured only older guards, and met what should have been the other Elite team in the Eastern Conference Finals--except the Pistons went Section 8, shit all over themselves, and were easily shown the door. It was the perfect road to the Finals for the Heat.

! Meanwhile, the Four--that's right, Four, not Two--Elite teams in the West spent several weeks beating the Hell out of each other before the Mavs finally made it to the Finals. All Four of those teams were better than the Heat (btw, in case you were wondering, the Four were the Mavs, Spurs, Suns, and Clippers).

! And, of course, the NBA decided that they didn't want Mark Cuban to win a championship, and cheated to make sure the Heat won. It's a fact, but the past is the past, and we're not going to talk about it again.

Anyway, I was surprised when looking at the East's rosters this year to find that they are getting better. They got worse when it came to Elite teams, but overall the teams have improved. Last year, the East looked like this:

Elite Teams: Pistons
Dark Horse Teams: Heat, maybe Cavs.
Good Teams, But No Serious Threat To A Contender: Nets
Don't Completely Suck, But Are Pretty Bad: Wiz, Pacers, Bulls, Bucks
Completely Suck: Everyone else.

That's not exactly an inspiring bunch right there. So how do they stack up this year? Well, I'm glad you asked...

Not As Bad As The bottom Last Year, But Still Pretty Bad

15. Toronto Raptors
I dislike Charlie Villanueva. We've been over this before: once he signs his post-rookie contract, he's going to retire--but he's going to forget to tell everyone he's retiring. And he's going to keep showing up for work.

I want to like T.J. Ford. He's an exciting player. He has great moments. He had the traumatic injury that we all want him to recover from. I want him to succeed.

But the fact is, T.J. Ford is a young Speedy Claxton. Did you want a young Speedy Claxton as your starting point guard? No. Hell, you don't want an experienced Speedy Claxton as your starting point guard. Certainly not for a player that still has to play well for two more years to get his big contract.

As for the rest of the team...if Mo Pete is the answer, I don't want to know the question...Ditto that for Rasho...Again, I want to like Joey Graham, but I don't see him being as good as Desmond is in The League, and to be honest Desmond is a bit of a disappointment...They may have the worst first pick of the draft since Kwame Brown...when you're excited about Anthony Parker coming back from Israel or wherever the Hell he's been playing, that's not good.

There is hope for this team. If T.J. Ford & Jose Calderon combine to make a decent point guard tandem for the season...if Fred Jones has a breakout season for them (and I think he will; someone has to score)...as long as Chris Bosh doesn't get hurt...if Joey Graham improves...if Bargani can give them anything, even just be a good ten minute a game sub...then maybe they won't finish last. But that's about as good as it gets.

14. Atlanta Hawks
Now this isn't near as bad as it was last year. Remember: I think the middle of the East is going to be highly competitive. That's the good and the bad thing for the Hawks.

For the first time in years, they have reason to hope. Joe Johnson proved in the Summer that he's an Elite player. Marvin Williams lit up the Summer Leagues, looks like he might be improving, and will get PT now that Al Harrington is gone. Josh Smith was awesome the last month or two of the season last season. They actually signed a point guard this summer.

Of course, there's bad news. I'll believe Marvin Williams will be a good NBA player when it happens. At best, I think he is still at least two years away from being a solid starter. Don't buy into the Josh Smith hype. He's one of those guys that's going to give you jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjust enough not to give up on him, but will never amount to anything. The point guard they signed? Speedy Claxton. Hey, he's great if he's your change-of-pace backup, but your every day starting point? With Salim Stoudamire as his backup? Ow. The Hawks totally pissed away their draft pick in getting Sheldon Williams; undersized power forwards from Duke do not have good NBA careers (no, Elton Brand is not undersized).

Again, they're better than this year than last. Unfortunately, so is the rest of their conference.

13. Charlotte Bobcats
This team has a lot of young talent that should get better this year. More talent than should be in 13th place. However...something just doesn't feel right to me about this time. I see too many guys who need the basketball in their hands to play well; this seems like one of those "they need to play with at least two, and maybe three balls" kind of teams. Plus, while there is talent there, I think that Okafur, Morrison, and even May to an extent are overrated.

This team has the talent to end up higher. But I think that they're going to end up right about here.

12. Boston Celtics
Every year, there seems to be a team in the NBA that makes you go, "Wow, I didn't think those guys would be good, but I didn't think they'd be THAT bad." I really think the Celtics could be that team this year. If Paul Pierce goes down with a major injury, slide them even lower from here.

Again, there is young talent here. However, here's what I think about that young talent:

$ Al Jefferson: He's going to be out of the league by the end of next season. Sorry Bill. He showed up to the summer league with two years of experience, and was in excellent shape, and he still couldn't do shit there.
$ Gerald Green: He might be a great player, but it's not going to happen this year. I think the best thing that might happen to him is Pierce missing the second half of the season with an injury, which unfortunately is the worst thing that can happen to the C's.
$ Kendrick Perkinds: I've never understood what was so fucking great about this guy. Certainly not his stats. He's a journeyman undersized center is all.
$ Delonte West: Classic "plays hard and smart, but isn't very talented" guy. Meaning he'll always be slightly below average, but he'll endear himself to fans and coaches enough that they'll forgive the "slightly".
$ Sebastian Telfair: You know you're off to a "fresh start" in your new city when you shoot a rapper in training camp. Let's just say I'm not expecting big things. Sebastian being close to his hometown is not a good thing.
$ Tony Allen: Don't make me laugh.
$ Ryan Gomes: See, I think he's got a little something. I think he can become a solid NBA starter, a guy you even consider for the All Star Game once or twice in his career. Unfortunately for the C's, they're going to give Al Jefferson the season to sink or swim, so Gomes is still a couple years away from blossoming.

Throw in Doc Rivers choosing his lineups by shooting dice in the hall before the game, and that Wall Z is involved, and I don't have a ton of faith in this team. I'll say it again: pray that Paul Pierce doesn't go down this year, Boston fans.

11. New York Knicks
Of course, this team could also crash and burn. But I don't know...for some reason, I don't think this team will be as bad as people think/hope they'll be. Hey I hate Isiah Thomas too; I would love it if they are in last place again to spite him. But for some crazy reason--and this is purely intuition--I think he can do a little something with these guys.

I think Stephon is going to have a good season. I think he and Thomas are going to click, and he'll be more comfortable, and Stephon plays well when he's comfortable. Great? No. But well. I think they have good rookies in Frye and Lee, and I think that Balkman--while not good at all--is exactly what this team needs: a hussle guy who does the little things, dives for loose balls, gets excited, and is great for team chemistry. You need those guys. I think you might be able to move Stevie Franchise for something, and who knows? Maybe you get something out of Eddie Curry. I think this team knows they are expected to suck and that people hope they suck, so they're going to play with a carefree, us against the world attitude that surprises people.

Having said all that, we're still only talking 30-35 wins here. But hey--that isn't last place.

The Teams That Are Moving In The Wrong Direction

10. Washington Wizards
This is the year that the Wizards finally come back to Earth. This has been a somewhat surprisingly good team the last few years. Arenas, Hughes, Jamison, Jeffries, and Haywood made a great core. Then they lost Hughes. However, they did a good job replacing him with Caron Butler, so they were able to keep it going. This summer, however, they lost Jeffries, and losing Jefferies is going to hurt the Wizards a lot more than adding him to the Knicks will help the Knicks.

You see, Jefferies was a good glue guy. He didn't need/want to score, but he played good defense, rebounded, and was a good weak side shot blocker. He allowed Jamison and Arenas to do what they do best: score, and score, and score some more. Now, with him gone, and not having filled that void, they're going to be in trouble. Now, Jamison needs to score, rebound, and defend. Same with Butler.

It's like an engine that is under too much pressure. They've been going on fine for a while, even as the engine kept adding pressure, and a crack or two appeared, but it wasn't too much. Now, however, it's time for the engine to start popping open some major cracks that shoot out some bad looking steam. For the first time in several years, when the season gets to crunch time, the Wizards will find themselves standing on the outside, instead of finding a way to be standing on the inside.

9. Philadelphia 76ers
I keep going back and forth on this team.

It's been two straight career years for Allen. This has to be the season where he finally slows down, right? Surely it's time for him to miss significant time with an injury? My God Chris Webber looks like his leg will fall off any minute now. I can't believe he's their 2nd best player. Wow they overpaid for Kyle Korver and Samuel Dalembert. Think they want to be able to make those decisions again? So, AI2, you going to actually do anything this year? He's going to be another promising Small Forward who busts. Willie Green is not going to ever recover from his knee surgery. Rodney Carney will be a bust.

Or...

AI is incredible. He figured it out two years ago, and he's still only 31, so he's got a couple good years left in him. Is Chris Webber a superstar anymore? No, but he's still a damn good power forward as long as he stays healthy. Are Korver and Dalembert overpaid? Yes, but Korver is still a great shooter, and Dalembert is still a good starting center in this league. AI2 is going to make The Leap this year; he's ready to start shining. Adding Willie Green this season is going to be a big plus that no one expects; he's going to give them a good bench presence that they need. Carney is a gamechanger who's going to make some mistakes, but will be a solid rookie who again adds some much needed bench depth. Steven Hunter is a great backup center; he'd start on most teams. Kevin Ollie is overpaid, as well, but he is a solid backup point guard.

As usual, I think the truth is somewhere in between. I don't think AI breaks down, but I think his run of career years ends this year, and he just has a "great" season instead of a "career" season. I do think AI2 makes The Leap this year. I don't think Chris Webber is going to give them much except pouty faces. I do think that Green and Carney will help add some punch to a bench that needed it last year.

When you add up all the pluses and minuses, though, it will be about the same as it was last year: Philly will be counting on one of the two teams above them to slip up at the end of they year; if they do, they will make the playoffs. If they don't, then Philly will just miss it.

Solid Younger Teams That Could Go Either Way

8. Orlando Magic
Yes. I'm doing it. I'm buying into this team. For years, everyone else tried to buy into the Magic, and I said no. "They're not ready," I said. "Don't trust Grant Hill." And I was right.

Maybe all that was missing was me. Maybe that's it. Well, I'm with you now guys. Welcome to the playoffs.

There's still risk here--this team could end up right back in 10th or 11th place. But I don't think so. They've got a bona fide superstar in The Man Child, Dwight Howard. This is the year he averages about 22, 15, and about 2 blocks. I don't like small point guards, but I think Jameer Nelson is smart and driven enough to succeed in this league. It's taken him a coupla years to figure it out, but now he's ready to be a good point guard on a playoff team. And if he's not? I still say Carlos Arroyo is a good point guard in this league. They're set at that position. I think Darko gives you something this year. I think something is 10-12 points, about 8 rebounds, and 1.5 to 2.0 blocks, but that's good starting center numbers in this league. All the pundits who think this is the year Darko establishes himself are way over the mark--at his best, he will be a solid NBA center, and nothing more, and he's still a year or two away from that--but playing next to Dwight Howard, he won't be asked to do much. I think they are going to be pleasantly surprised with what Trevor Ariza brings them. And I think that yes, finally, this is the year that Grant Hill plays most of the season. Will he be a star? No. But he'll be a solid small forward who can score enough to keep teams honest, and that helps.

There are holes, no doubt. If Hedo Turkoglu is your starting 2 guard, well, that's bad. They've pissed away the last two years worth of draft picks (the Spanish guy and J.J. Redick, who will be out of the league in two years). I question their outside shooting. But I think that this is a good young team that plays hard, with confidence, and with spunk, and I think they find their way into the playoffs as the world cheers them on.

7. Indiana Pacers
Here's the thing with the Pacers. I think they're a good young team. The problem? I don't think they realize they're a good young team.

They need to get rid of Stephen Jackson and Jamaal Tinsley ASAP. These guys are cancers who are going to do nothing but underachieve, spoil the chemistry of your team, and turn you into the Blazers of the East. Don't think you can honestly compete with them, because you can't. Even if you get rid of them for $.50 on the dollar, do it.

What does that leave you with? One of the best PF's in the league (Jermaine O'Neal). One of the better young players in the league who just needs to play (Danny Granger). A solid guard/forward who also needs more minutes to shine (Marquis Daniels). Two quality centers (Foster and Harrison). A young point guard who everyone believes has the potential to be a solid player in this league (Sarunas Jasikevicius). Your Prodigal Son who has come home after leaving for the dregs of the NBA, and is ready to do whatever it takes to win (Al Harrington).

That's a good team right there, and that doesn't include whatever you get for dealing Jackson and Tinsley. Look for a solid veteran point and a sharp shooting 2-guard for the two of them. Then let your young team grow together. I promise you they'll do just as well as they would with the more talented, but crazy and evil veterans.

Either way, I think they finish about here.

6. Milwaukee Bucks
I think this team should be higher; I think they're better than the Nets, and maybe even the Pistons if things continue to spiral out of control as they did in the playoffs last season. However, I thought they were better than squeaking into the 8th seed last year, so I'm hesitant to pick them higher.

There is talent and depth at every position on this team. There's really not much to say here, except that there is no excuse for this team to finish any lower than 6th. If they stumble out of the gate, look for Terry Stotts to get the quick heave-ho.

Meh Teams
5. New Jersey Nets
What is a "Meh" team? It's a team that is better than the strong up and coming center of the Eastern conference, but not anybody to be really taken seriously. The first example is the Nets. Once again, Kidd, Carter, and Jefferson will make this team fun to watch and competitive. Once again, they will quickly get sent home in the second round of the playoffs, and will never really compete with any of the Elite or Dark Horse teams.

Meh.

4. Chicago Bulls
Count me among those who aren't as impressed with the Ben Wallace signing. Is he better than Tyson Chandler? Yes. Is he that much better than Tyson Chandler? No.

This is going to be a very good defensive team that is really boring to watch. Here's the problem: if their jump shots aren't falling, this team ain't gonna score shit. Wallace and P.J. Brown (Wallace because he can't do it, Brown because he's too old) are not solid low post scorers. Hinrich, Gordon, and Nocioni are not slashers who create their shots and get to the rim. Deng is, but will he play enough behind those three to make that much of a difference? Not so much. Thomas might be a great player, or he might be Marvin Williams. We definitely won't know this year, as he's going to play slightly more than Darko did his first year.

Don't get me wrong; this is a good team that can compete with the best of them, and if the Pistons struggle, or if Wade, Lebron, or Shaq miss any extended time with injury, they will move up. But they aren't really ready to compete for the title yet, as some pundits would have had you believe after they signed Wallace.

3. Detroit Pistons
Hard to believe that a team that won 64 games last season and I'm predicting to finish in 3rd place is considered "meh", isn't it? Well, that's what happens when you have a classic bell curve for your Conference--lots of guys in the middle, not a lot on either extreme end.

This team could go either way. After the embarrassment of last summer, they could finish here and compete with the elite, though not have enough firepower to be more than a Dark Horse Contender. Or, they could be the classic "right people at the right place at the right time" where the slightest miscue completely throws them off--you know, like losing the heart and soul of their franchise--and drop a slot or two lower. We won't know until they start playing. But I just can't see Chauncy Billups letting that happen.

For the record, I can't remember who wrote this, but I loved this idea: instead of signing Nazr Mohammed, they should have waited and signed Bonzi Wells, especially since he couldn't get shit on the market. Then they could have gone with a more uptempo attack, and counted on all the veterans to keep Bonzi in line. I'm sorry, but if Nazr Mohammed is the answer, then as the old saying goes, you're fucked.

The Best I'll Give Them Is Dark Horse Title Contenders
2. Miami Heat
I still can't believe this terrible team won the title. Sigh...I'm sorry, I promised.

Okay: Shaq, GP, Zo, and 'Toine are aging in dog years at this point in their careers. And what is their motivation? Last year, they all the dream of that elusive title, except for Shaq, who had the dream of the title without Kobe. Now that is motivation. I'm sorry, but at this point in their careers, "repeating" isn't quite the same motivation, especially for someone like Shaq who--God bless him--tends to get distracted easily from the whole "training" thing. They have one good young player--Wayne Simien--who unfortunately plays the same position of the one solid presence on their starting lineup who isn't aging in dog years (Udonis Haslem). And White Chocolate is still your point guard.

Hey, they still have Dwayne Wade. And a 50% Shaq is still pretty good. And if we learned anything in The Finals, it's that any team that DWade is on is not going quietly into the night (sorry, sorry). And this is still a conference with almost no Elite teams. So they'll be right there at the end. Unfortunately for them, I think they just don't have enough firepower to overcome the star power of the...

One Truly Elite Team in the Eastern Conference

1. Cleveland Cavaliers
That's right Ben. Your day has come!

The Cavs. This is a team that did the opposite of the Pistons in the playoffs last year; instead of falling down at mid court, tucking into the fetal position, and sucking their thumbs, they went, "Wait a minute--we can beat any of these guys!" And that, my friends, is a powerful lesson to learn.

Here's the thing. I think they stack up against the Heat PERFECTLY. That's why they'll beat them during the regular season, and that's why I think they'll fairly easily dispatch them in 6 games in the Eastern Conference Finals.

PG--Eric Snow v White Chocolate: Wash. Hell, give a slight edge to Dub C.
SG--Lebron v DWade: Lebron, both in talent and in officiating. That's right DWade. You will not get 25 free throws against Lebron's team, I promise you that. And then your team is fucked.
SF--Hughes v 'Toine: Okay, so really it'll be Hughes v Wade and Lebron v 'Toine, but you know the matchup we all want. Big edge to Hughes here.
PF--Gooden v Haslem: Wash. Probably a slight edge to Gooden.
C--Big Z v Shaq: Wash. Yeah, you read that right. I'm sorry, but at this point in his career, this is about a wash. Maybe a slight edge to Shaq, but not enough to make a difference.
Benches: LOL. Huge edge to the Cavs, and their bench isn't even that good.

This is the year the NBA has been waiting for. This is the year the NBA has been dreaming of since 1998 (the Wizard's years didn't happen, okay?).


This is the Year of Lebron.

Top Five List of the Week: Best Voice Actors

I wanted to expound on this one a little bit. Here's who each of these guys are, and a little bit about what they've done:

* Peter Cullen: Optimus Prime. That's really all there needs to be said. While of course I could go into more detail, and go into his impressive resume, this is really as good as it gets.

* Patrick Warburton: While it used to be that he was best known for being Puddy on Seinfeld, Warburton may in the end be best known for his voice acting. Kronk from The Emporer's New Groove, Joe Swanson from Family Guy, and--my personal favorite--the indomitable Brock Sampson from The Venture Brothers are just a few of the many voices Warburton has brought to life.

* Frank Welker: Referred to as a "voice acting god" by John DiMaggio and Billy West (voices of several Futurama characters), he is famous for doing nearly all of the Decepticons voices, including Megatron. He has done over 1,200 voices in his career, including parts in Futurama (Nibbler, both as the animal and as Lord Nibbler), both Gremlins movies, Scooby-Doo the movie, The Smurfs, and Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends.

* Mel Blanc: The voice of Warner Brothers--Bugs, Daffy, Porky, Tweety, Yosemite Sam. Everybody. Enough said.

* Hank Azaria: While he might be a terrible actor, Hank Azaria is an outstanding voice actor, responsible for over 160 voices on The Simpsons, including Moe, Apu, and Chief Wiggum.

Why It's OK To Hate Baseball Players For Using Steroids And Not Hate Football Players For Doing The Same Thing

We've all been inundated with the baseball steroids scandal for what...five years now? Something like that. Far too long. It's rocked baseball to it's very core. The fans were pissed, the media was REALLY pissed, the owners pretended to be pissed, and the players were pissed that the status quo was changing. Former godlike heroes like Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, and Barry Bonds were turned into pariahs over illegal drug use. Former scumbags like Jose Canseco and Ken Caminiti found unexpected sympathy from the public for admitting to using steroids, and calling out the fact that many players do so. The baseball world was literally turned upside down.

We've all seen the coverage. We've all seen the scandal. We've all become jaded and bored by it. One can easily argue that baseball is not the national pastime anymore.

However, some media members have called hypocrisy on America. "It's not fair," is usually how the argument goes, "that America complains about baseball players using steroids, but does not complain about football players who are obviously using steroids." If both are black, then the pot and the kettle must both be addressed, according to these naysayers.

Actually...yes, it is fair to hold baseball to a steroids standard, and not hold football to one. And here's why.

As usual, an addendum before I begin. I am a fan of baseball. Baseball was the first sport I ever cared about--my parents cared/care nothing for any sport (that one of their children aren't playing in)--and my first experience with anything other than YMCA soccer as a toddler were watching Cubs games on WGN with my grandfather. That's where my sporting career began. Football I hate. That's right, hate. I don't particularly care for the game: I hate America's obsession with it; I find football players are typically among the worst human beings; sports where pure violence is the only goal (football, boxing, etc.) have never appealed to me. So if anything, I should give baseball the benefit of the doubt.

However, baseball gets held accountable in the steroids department, whereas football doesn't. The biggest reason why is history. Baseball is supposed to be America's National Pastime. It is supposed to represent the purity of American sport. Our work ethic, values, competitive spirit, and integrity are wrapped up in the game. It's the pride of our fathers; we grew up watching it, as our fathers grew up watching it with their fathers, as their fathers grew up watching it with their fathers. It combines an elegance, power, finesse, grace, and speed in the gameplay. It combines teamwork with individualism. It's supposed to represent something pure, from a simpler time, that we can all enjoy and feel nostalgic about.

That's why steroids in baseball are so reprehensible. It's a foreign, dirty, underhanded, illegal way to cheat to get ahead. There's nothing pure about it; you're using modern science to cheat the natural purity of your body to make yourself better. You're also using possibly the most disturbing social ill of modern (1960+) American life--the drug problem--to further your fame in a sport that has been held sacred since the 1800's. Steroid use is contrary to everything that appeals to America about baseball.

Football, on the other hand, appeals to America for entirely different reasons. It's a sport of violence and power. There's very little grace or beauty; it's a sport almost purely of strength. It's a game of pure showmanship; there's no unwritten code of not showboating your opponents--quite the opposite, you're expected to show up your opponents. It doesn't have the long history that baseball has enjoyed in America, and thus has always had a more "commercial" feel than the "old tyme game" of baseball enjoys. It's the modern, violent, "in your face" game of the present, not of the past.

Sadly, football is also more entertaining than baseball is. Like it or not, modern America does not like sports where the count is worked over a period of five minutes. It likes a sport where someone is hit every play over and over again. Baseball is boring when compared to football. If that is the truth, then why watch baseball? Again, for the nostalgia, the innocence, the purity. You appreciate the rare exciting moments--the home run, the outfielder gunning out a runner at the plate, etc.--because they are so rare in the classical game.

And that is why steroid use is accepted in football, but not in baseball. Baseball's entire appeal is built into it's innocence, history, purity, and elegance. None of those adjectives apply to steroid use. Football, however, is popular because it's violent, exciting, modern, and values talkin' shit. A sport like that is where you would expect to find the modern ill that is steroid use.

So in the end, it's like combining oil and water: they don't mix. Baseball isn't popular because it's modern; if you compare the game to modern values, it would have ceased to being played years ago. So you cannot introduce an ignoble aspect like steroid use into a game that is surviving purely on its history and purity. Football, however, is the modern champion: it is the most popular sport in America, and its appeal is built on modern values. That is why a modern ill like steroid use can be stomached there: it appeals to enough of our modern wants and needs that we are willing to overlook some of the minor ills that come with it.

Baseball represents the American ideal, and shame on any player who wants to ruin that. Football represents the modern athlete, and if he wants to eventually kill himself using steroids, well, then that's his business.

My Most Recent Trip to CollegeorGod I'm Old

So a couple of weeks ago, I took my adopted little brother Todd on college visits. You see, though Todd is still 10 years old in my eyes, he is now apparently what some call a "Senior" in High School. He wanted to tour TCU and OSU, so who better to take him than his big bro who lives in Dallas and went to OSU?

It was an interesting experience, both seeing TCU in person for the first time, and going to OSU after turning 27 less than a month before. So what was it like?

* While touring TCU (first stop), we walked into one of the dorms, where I was greeted by two incredible sights. The first was a girl who walked in who was wearing one of the plaid sweaters that the Taco Shits girls from Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle wear. It was hilarious. I literally laughed out loud. Unfortunately, as I was the only "big brother" escorting the high school kids around, I was the only one who got the joke. I can't believe there aren't more parents out there who have seen that movie.

The second was a billboard that you saw immediately upon entering the hallways of the dorm. It was entitled "What is sex?" and had little colorful blurbs that said things like, "Are blowjobs sex?" It was one of those things that you didn't notice at first, but my head snapped around so fast when I realized what it said that it almost flew off. I kept waiting for one of the father's to start crying when he saw that billboard. I would have if I had been escorting my daughter through there. Priceless. My biggest regret was we didn't pass by that billboard again so I didn't get a chance to read it in detail.

* TCU is a beautiful college, and obviously is a good school. However, I just can't get into the "college in the middle of a major metropolitan city" thing. It's just not supposed to be that way. I know all the TCU, UT, etc. alumns disagree, but it just ain't right. Just my two cents.

* I-35 is finally fixed up to about 4 miles south of Stillwater. While I'm sure those 4 miles are a fucking train wreck on home game weekends, it means that finally there is a good road up to Stillwater. Thank God that this has happened...now that I no longer have any girlfriends or siblings going to OSU.

I think I'm going to cry now.

* We arrived at Stillwater at 4:30pm on Friday, and after getting out of the car, glancing at the kids walking around, and remembering watching the kids at TCU, I've come to realize that there is a new truth: college students are incapable of going to class without listening to their IPods. Incapable. Can't do it. Every single one of them was jamming to their IPods walking to and from class. I mean, I like music as much as the next guy. I'm listening to .mp3's as I type this. But is it impossible for kids to function now without music? Must life have a soundtrack? What happened to conversation? You know, walking and talking with someone? What happened to enjoy the outdoors, and experiencing a little peace and quiet before or after a hard day? And yes, I realize how old I sound right now.

* Saturday morning we did the OSU tour. First of all, the new Conoco-Phillips Alumni Center looks like a fricking hunting lodge. I felt like I was in Montana about to go hunting for Elk on Brokeback Mountain. It was a little over the top. We spent entirely too much money and resources on that place.

* For OSU alumns: during the tour, when we toured the dorm, do you want to know where they took us? Wentz. Second floor Wentz. A guy's floor.

Are you FUCKING kidding me.

I was seriously pissed. It was, of course, a pig sty: bags of chips everywhere in the lounge, an absolute mess everywhere, white walls that hadn't been painted in God knows when. Without question, Wentz is the worst dorm at OSU, and THIS is the one you take the kids too? Come on ResLife. Get a fucking clue. Go to second floor Parker, where the kids have painted the hallway in a cool theme, and have a clean lounge. Go to Stout, since it was remodeled a few years ago, and has some cool architecture. Go to fucking K-D, which at least has a cool ambiance of being the big dorms. Anywhere but Wentz. We're supposed to convince them to come here, remember?

* Todd and I enjoyed laughing at a brewing new craze among college girls: pink cars. Not hot pink, but definitely pink. We saw two at TCU, and two at OSU. Come on. A pink car? Who would take a person with a pink car seriously? Even if it is a girly girl? Have some dignity!

* Got to play some Dead Rising on Barry's XBox 360. I was very disappointed in that game. Yes, killing the zombies is fun. This is true. But the game doesn't have any voice over actors, and the text that pops up is unreadable unless you have a HDTV. I don't mean it's hard to read--I mean it's un-fucking-readable. Seriously guys...you couldn't have sprung for a cheap voice actor? Come on. Ruins a potential good game.

* So...why are all college kids short? Yes, I know everyone is short compared to me. But back in my day :-) I remember having people close to my height. This isn't the case with girls; if anything, the girls seem to have gotten slightly taller. But there are no tall guys anymore. It's weird. I don't know how to explain it.

* Can I just say, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that the worst Chilis in the world is the one in Stillwater, Oklahoma. It's embarrassing how bad that place is. I'm a Chili's Chicken Enchilada soup expert, and the soup there is so watered down it's not even funny. It's just a terrible place, and I strongly recommend you do not go there.

* However, I still must say that The County Line is still the greatest barbecue in the world.

Here's to being old!