My Most Recent Trip to CollegeorGod I'm Old
So a couple of weeks ago, I took my adopted little brother Todd on college visits. You see, though Todd is still 10 years old in my eyes, he is now apparently what some call a "Senior" in High School. He wanted to tour TCU and OSU, so who better to take him than his big bro who lives in Dallas and went to OSU?
It was an interesting experience, both seeing TCU in person for the first time, and going to OSU after turning 27 less than a month before. So what was it like?
* While touring TCU (first stop), we walked into one of the dorms, where I was greeted by two incredible sights. The first was a girl who walked in who was wearing one of the plaid sweaters that the Taco Shits girls from Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle wear. It was hilarious. I literally laughed out loud. Unfortunately, as I was the only "big brother" escorting the high school kids around, I was the only one who got the joke. I can't believe there aren't more parents out there who have seen that movie.
The second was a billboard that you saw immediately upon entering the hallways of the dorm. It was entitled "What is sex?" and had little colorful blurbs that said things like, "Are blowjobs sex?" It was one of those things that you didn't notice at first, but my head snapped around so fast when I realized what it said that it almost flew off. I kept waiting for one of the father's to start crying when he saw that billboard. I would have if I had been escorting my daughter through there. Priceless. My biggest regret was we didn't pass by that billboard again so I didn't get a chance to read it in detail.
* TCU is a beautiful college, and obviously is a good school. However, I just can't get into the "college in the middle of a major metropolitan city" thing. It's just not supposed to be that way. I know all the TCU, UT, etc. alumns disagree, but it just ain't right. Just my two cents.
* I-35 is finally fixed up to about 4 miles south of Stillwater. While I'm sure those 4 miles are a fucking train wreck on home game weekends, it means that finally there is a good road up to Stillwater. Thank God that this has happened...now that I no longer have any girlfriends or siblings going to OSU.
I think I'm going to cry now.
* We arrived at Stillwater at 4:30pm on Friday, and after getting out of the car, glancing at the kids walking around, and remembering watching the kids at TCU, I've come to realize that there is a new truth: college students are incapable of going to class without listening to their IPods. Incapable. Can't do it. Every single one of them was jamming to their IPods walking to and from class. I mean, I like music as much as the next guy. I'm listening to .mp3's as I type this. But is it impossible for kids to function now without music? Must life have a soundtrack? What happened to conversation? You know, walking and talking with someone? What happened to enjoy the outdoors, and experiencing a little peace and quiet before or after a hard day? And yes, I realize how old I sound right now.
* Saturday morning we did the OSU tour. First of all, the new Conoco-Phillips Alumni Center looks like a fricking hunting lodge. I felt like I was in Montana about to go hunting for Elk on Brokeback Mountain. It was a little over the top. We spent entirely too much money and resources on that place.
* For OSU alumns: during the tour, when we toured the dorm, do you want to know where they took us? Wentz. Second floor Wentz. A guy's floor.
Are you FUCKING kidding me.
I was seriously pissed. It was, of course, a pig sty: bags of chips everywhere in the lounge, an absolute mess everywhere, white walls that hadn't been painted in God knows when. Without question, Wentz is the worst dorm at OSU, and THIS is the one you take the kids too? Come on ResLife. Get a fucking clue. Go to second floor Parker, where the kids have painted the hallway in a cool theme, and have a clean lounge. Go to Stout, since it was remodeled a few years ago, and has some cool architecture. Go to fucking K-D, which at least has a cool ambiance of being the big dorms. Anywhere but Wentz. We're supposed to convince them to come here, remember?
* Todd and I enjoyed laughing at a brewing new craze among college girls: pink cars. Not hot pink, but definitely pink. We saw two at TCU, and two at OSU. Come on. A pink car? Who would take a person with a pink car seriously? Even if it is a girly girl? Have some dignity!
* Got to play some Dead Rising on Barry's XBox 360. I was very disappointed in that game. Yes, killing the zombies is fun. This is true. But the game doesn't have any voice over actors, and the text that pops up is unreadable unless you have a HDTV. I don't mean it's hard to read--I mean it's un-fucking-readable. Seriously guys...you couldn't have sprung for a cheap voice actor? Come on. Ruins a potential good game.
* So...why are all college kids short? Yes, I know everyone is short compared to me. But back in my day :-) I remember having people close to my height. This isn't the case with girls; if anything, the girls seem to have gotten slightly taller. But there are no tall guys anymore. It's weird. I don't know how to explain it.
* Can I just say, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that the worst Chilis in the world is the one in Stillwater, Oklahoma. It's embarrassing how bad that place is. I'm a Chili's Chicken Enchilada soup expert, and the soup there is so watered down it's not even funny. It's just a terrible place, and I strongly recommend you do not go there.
* However, I still must say that The County Line is still the greatest barbecue in the world.
Here's to being old!
It was an interesting experience, both seeing TCU in person for the first time, and going to OSU after turning 27 less than a month before. So what was it like?
* While touring TCU (first stop), we walked into one of the dorms, where I was greeted by two incredible sights. The first was a girl who walked in who was wearing one of the plaid sweaters that the Taco Shits girls from Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle wear. It was hilarious. I literally laughed out loud. Unfortunately, as I was the only "big brother" escorting the high school kids around, I was the only one who got the joke. I can't believe there aren't more parents out there who have seen that movie.
The second was a billboard that you saw immediately upon entering the hallways of the dorm. It was entitled "What is sex?" and had little colorful blurbs that said things like, "Are blowjobs sex?" It was one of those things that you didn't notice at first, but my head snapped around so fast when I realized what it said that it almost flew off. I kept waiting for one of the father's to start crying when he saw that billboard. I would have if I had been escorting my daughter through there. Priceless. My biggest regret was we didn't pass by that billboard again so I didn't get a chance to read it in detail.
* TCU is a beautiful college, and obviously is a good school. However, I just can't get into the "college in the middle of a major metropolitan city" thing. It's just not supposed to be that way. I know all the TCU, UT, etc. alumns disagree, but it just ain't right. Just my two cents.
* I-35 is finally fixed up to about 4 miles south of Stillwater. While I'm sure those 4 miles are a fucking train wreck on home game weekends, it means that finally there is a good road up to Stillwater. Thank God that this has happened...now that I no longer have any girlfriends or siblings going to OSU.
I think I'm going to cry now.
* We arrived at Stillwater at 4:30pm on Friday, and after getting out of the car, glancing at the kids walking around, and remembering watching the kids at TCU, I've come to realize that there is a new truth: college students are incapable of going to class without listening to their IPods. Incapable. Can't do it. Every single one of them was jamming to their IPods walking to and from class. I mean, I like music as much as the next guy. I'm listening to .mp3's as I type this. But is it impossible for kids to function now without music? Must life have a soundtrack? What happened to conversation? You know, walking and talking with someone? What happened to enjoy the outdoors, and experiencing a little peace and quiet before or after a hard day? And yes, I realize how old I sound right now.
* Saturday morning we did the OSU tour. First of all, the new Conoco-Phillips Alumni Center looks like a fricking hunting lodge. I felt like I was in Montana about to go hunting for Elk on Brokeback Mountain. It was a little over the top. We spent entirely too much money and resources on that place.
* For OSU alumns: during the tour, when we toured the dorm, do you want to know where they took us? Wentz. Second floor Wentz. A guy's floor.
Are you FUCKING kidding me.
I was seriously pissed. It was, of course, a pig sty: bags of chips everywhere in the lounge, an absolute mess everywhere, white walls that hadn't been painted in God knows when. Without question, Wentz is the worst dorm at OSU, and THIS is the one you take the kids too? Come on ResLife. Get a fucking clue. Go to second floor Parker, where the kids have painted the hallway in a cool theme, and have a clean lounge. Go to Stout, since it was remodeled a few years ago, and has some cool architecture. Go to fucking K-D, which at least has a cool ambiance of being the big dorms. Anywhere but Wentz. We're supposed to convince them to come here, remember?
* Todd and I enjoyed laughing at a brewing new craze among college girls: pink cars. Not hot pink, but definitely pink. We saw two at TCU, and two at OSU. Come on. A pink car? Who would take a person with a pink car seriously? Even if it is a girly girl? Have some dignity!
* Got to play some Dead Rising on Barry's XBox 360. I was very disappointed in that game. Yes, killing the zombies is fun. This is true. But the game doesn't have any voice over actors, and the text that pops up is unreadable unless you have a HDTV. I don't mean it's hard to read--I mean it's un-fucking-readable. Seriously guys...you couldn't have sprung for a cheap voice actor? Come on. Ruins a potential good game.
* So...why are all college kids short? Yes, I know everyone is short compared to me. But back in my day :-) I remember having people close to my height. This isn't the case with girls; if anything, the girls seem to have gotten slightly taller. But there are no tall guys anymore. It's weird. I don't know how to explain it.
* Can I just say, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that the worst Chilis in the world is the one in Stillwater, Oklahoma. It's embarrassing how bad that place is. I'm a Chili's Chicken Enchilada soup expert, and the soup there is so watered down it's not even funny. It's just a terrible place, and I strongly recommend you do not go there.
* However, I still must say that The County Line is still the greatest barbecue in the world.
Here's to being old!
posted by Michael Pondrom at 9:08 PM
1 Comments:
I'm feeling old as time goes on too. The last time I visited OSU was during a school break so I didn't get to see all the "new trends". It's funny how your perception of things changes as you get older.
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