My Trip To New Orleans or I Have Now Confirmed Everything I Thought About Louisiana
I've always believed that Louisiana was evil. Like, pure evil. The example I give is this: if the Devil ever comes back to our world to start the Apocalypse like in The End Of Days, it won't be in New York or L.A. like Hollywood always shows it. It will be in Louisiana--either in some deep, dark Voodoo filled swamp, or in New Orleans.
Seeing New Orleans this weekend confirmed those beliefs in my mind.
I'm just going to give you random thoughts and observations from the Murder Capital of the World. No, I'm not kidding. Both good and bad. Mostly bad. And even some of the ones that I consider "good" some people would probably consider bad. So here it is.
If you're from New Orleans and/or love that part of the world, you'd best just stop reading now.
* New Orlineans (not sure if that is spelled right, and don't care) are probably the laziest people in America. I was embarrassed that I had to call these people Americans. Any Welfare opponent has the perfect case with which to base his argument against, in Post-Katrina New Orleans.
First of all, the unemployment rate in NO should be 0. 0. Not a single person. Every single business down there is DESPERATE to hire anyone with a pulse. Every store has a "Now Hiring" sign in front. They literally cannot keep businesses open because they don't have enough staff. Wal Mart closes at 9:00pm. Read that again. WAL MART CLOSES AT 9:00PM. Can you fin believe that? Yeah, I can't either. The Wendy's down there--every single one--have huge banners that offer a $250 signing bonus and a $125 weekly bonus to anyone willing to work. And none of those places can stay open past 9:00pm, either.
Those people are so God damn lazy that they would rather sit in their little trailers that FEMA has provided them and collect their FEMA checks than go get a job and start working. It's unbelievable. It's a perfect example of everything that is wrong with a Welfare State.
* Make no mistake: Katrina--or the levees that the city of New Orleans and state of Louisiana did not keep in good enough repair--kicked that city's ass. There's still a ton of damage across the city, and there is debris EVERYWHERE still. And the whole time I was there, I saw only two cleaning crews. Now granted: I was there over a weekend. But they still have a ton of work to do.
* The good people of New Orleans honk more than any group of people I've ever heard in my entire life. It's amazing. They honk at everything. They honk so much you honestly stop paying attention. And remember: I come from a family that isn't shy about using their horns, and we can't hold a candle to these people.
* There is alcohol EVERYWHERE. Let me emphasize that again: EVERYWHERE. You can buy liquor in the grocery stores. Seriously. Bought a bottle of Captain Morgan at Winn Dixie (speaking of, that Captain Morgan commercial where the two guys walk into a pizza store, order a pizza delivery, and then ride home with the pizza dude is GREATNESS). And I can't buy a bottle of the good Captain anywhere within the city limits of Irving. God that pisses me off.
Also, there are to go daiquiri shops everywhere. With drive through's. Now I know what you are thinking: how can you have a drive through at a place that sells alcohol? Easy: you're basically allowed to drink & drive there. Yeah. You read that right. The way that the law is written, you can have a daiquiri in your hand in the front seat--as long as it doesn't have a straw in it. If it has a straw, then it's an open container. But as long as it doesn't have a straw, and as long as a popo doesn't see you actually take a drink, you're cool.
* So on Saturday, Sam and I go play basketball at the health club he works out at--decently posh place. The court was right by the pool. Well, there was some lady running around there in HIGH HEELS. That's right. She was doing the bathing suit and high heels, constantly walking--I'm sorry, I mean strutting--from the pool to the bar (that's right, there's even a bar at the health club. I couldn't make this up), waiting for guys to hit on her. It was HILARIOUS. I'm sorry, no matter how hot you are, wearing heels to the pool is just going to get you laughed at.
* While Tulsa still retains the title of "Worst Roads in America", as having overall the worst roads, New Orleans does have worse spots than they do in Tulsa. There was seriously a couple of spots where I didn't think our car was going to make it out of it if we went in--but there was no way around it, as it was too big. This could have been caused by Katrina, or it could have just been really cheap, shitty roads.
* The skyline of New Orleans is pretty and impressive. Xavier University is very cool looking, and the Hotel de Cirque is beautiful with the lights that go across it. They've also lit the bridge up to where it looks real nice. The Superdome, while not being aesthetically pleasing, is impressive to behold because of it's size.
* The bars down there were really cool. Good atmosphere, not a lot of pretentious crowds. Decent prices on drinks--about the same as what you pay in Dallas. Sam complained about a lack of Microbrews down there, but as he's a weirdo for drinking beer anyway, he's alone on that one ;-) Somehow I got out of there without having a daiquiri or a hurricane, though I have fallen in love with Sangria thanks to NO.
* Bourbon street was impressive to behold--both good and bad. It's cool to have that many places to go hang out and easily bounce around from. That was nice. Combine that with the sense of history that Bourbon has, and it makes for a good time. However, it's just filthy, and sleazy, and you have to be prepared for anything while walking around--people throwing up in the middle of the street, fighting in the street, that kind of thing. It's a coked up version of 6th Street in Austin. I'll take 6th Street over that any day--there's only so much debauchery a normal person can stand. And FUCK Mardis Gras. I say this when it was not crowded at all down there. I cannot even imagine being down there when that street is so packed that you can't even move. The very thought makes my skin crawl.
* We ate at Emeril's, Emeril Lagasse's place in downtown. The food was good, but not great. Also, the portions were smaller than they should have been. I had some Red Snapper, and Sam had a New York Strip. I would have to say I wouldn't go back: it was premium prices for underwhelming food. Too bad, because I love Elzar, and was really looking forward to going there. We needed another shot from the Spice Weasel. BAM!
* All in all, I would say I would go back if I had a reason to (meet a friend, family vacation, some kind of trip with buddies), but would not just go back myself to see the city. And even then I would go for 2, 3 days max. It's a cool place to go out and drink at, but that's it, and that definitely does not make up for the myriad of bad things going on in the city. I'll take 6th Street over Bourbon Street anyday.
Seeing New Orleans this weekend confirmed those beliefs in my mind.
I'm just going to give you random thoughts and observations from the Murder Capital of the World. No, I'm not kidding. Both good and bad. Mostly bad. And even some of the ones that I consider "good" some people would probably consider bad. So here it is.
If you're from New Orleans and/or love that part of the world, you'd best just stop reading now.
* New Orlineans (not sure if that is spelled right, and don't care) are probably the laziest people in America. I was embarrassed that I had to call these people Americans. Any Welfare opponent has the perfect case with which to base his argument against, in Post-Katrina New Orleans.
First of all, the unemployment rate in NO should be 0. 0. Not a single person. Every single business down there is DESPERATE to hire anyone with a pulse. Every store has a "Now Hiring" sign in front. They literally cannot keep businesses open because they don't have enough staff. Wal Mart closes at 9:00pm. Read that again. WAL MART CLOSES AT 9:00PM. Can you fin believe that? Yeah, I can't either. The Wendy's down there--every single one--have huge banners that offer a $250 signing bonus and a $125 weekly bonus to anyone willing to work. And none of those places can stay open past 9:00pm, either.
Those people are so God damn lazy that they would rather sit in their little trailers that FEMA has provided them and collect their FEMA checks than go get a job and start working. It's unbelievable. It's a perfect example of everything that is wrong with a Welfare State.
* Make no mistake: Katrina--or the levees that the city of New Orleans and state of Louisiana did not keep in good enough repair--kicked that city's ass. There's still a ton of damage across the city, and there is debris EVERYWHERE still. And the whole time I was there, I saw only two cleaning crews. Now granted: I was there over a weekend. But they still have a ton of work to do.
* The good people of New Orleans honk more than any group of people I've ever heard in my entire life. It's amazing. They honk at everything. They honk so much you honestly stop paying attention. And remember: I come from a family that isn't shy about using their horns, and we can't hold a candle to these people.
* There is alcohol EVERYWHERE. Let me emphasize that again: EVERYWHERE. You can buy liquor in the grocery stores. Seriously. Bought a bottle of Captain Morgan at Winn Dixie (speaking of, that Captain Morgan commercial where the two guys walk into a pizza store, order a pizza delivery, and then ride home with the pizza dude is GREATNESS). And I can't buy a bottle of the good Captain anywhere within the city limits of Irving. God that pisses me off.
Also, there are to go daiquiri shops everywhere. With drive through's. Now I know what you are thinking: how can you have a drive through at a place that sells alcohol? Easy: you're basically allowed to drink & drive there. Yeah. You read that right. The way that the law is written, you can have a daiquiri in your hand in the front seat--as long as it doesn't have a straw in it. If it has a straw, then it's an open container. But as long as it doesn't have a straw, and as long as a popo doesn't see you actually take a drink, you're cool.
* So on Saturday, Sam and I go play basketball at the health club he works out at--decently posh place. The court was right by the pool. Well, there was some lady running around there in HIGH HEELS. That's right. She was doing the bathing suit and high heels, constantly walking--I'm sorry, I mean strutting--from the pool to the bar (that's right, there's even a bar at the health club. I couldn't make this up), waiting for guys to hit on her. It was HILARIOUS. I'm sorry, no matter how hot you are, wearing heels to the pool is just going to get you laughed at.
* While Tulsa still retains the title of "Worst Roads in America", as having overall the worst roads, New Orleans does have worse spots than they do in Tulsa. There was seriously a couple of spots where I didn't think our car was going to make it out of it if we went in--but there was no way around it, as it was too big. This could have been caused by Katrina, or it could have just been really cheap, shitty roads.
* The skyline of New Orleans is pretty and impressive. Xavier University is very cool looking, and the Hotel de Cirque is beautiful with the lights that go across it. They've also lit the bridge up to where it looks real nice. The Superdome, while not being aesthetically pleasing, is impressive to behold because of it's size.
* The bars down there were really cool. Good atmosphere, not a lot of pretentious crowds. Decent prices on drinks--about the same as what you pay in Dallas. Sam complained about a lack of Microbrews down there, but as he's a weirdo for drinking beer anyway, he's alone on that one ;-) Somehow I got out of there without having a daiquiri or a hurricane, though I have fallen in love with Sangria thanks to NO.
* Bourbon street was impressive to behold--both good and bad. It's cool to have that many places to go hang out and easily bounce around from. That was nice. Combine that with the sense of history that Bourbon has, and it makes for a good time. However, it's just filthy, and sleazy, and you have to be prepared for anything while walking around--people throwing up in the middle of the street, fighting in the street, that kind of thing. It's a coked up version of 6th Street in Austin. I'll take 6th Street over that any day--there's only so much debauchery a normal person can stand. And FUCK Mardis Gras. I say this when it was not crowded at all down there. I cannot even imagine being down there when that street is so packed that you can't even move. The very thought makes my skin crawl.
* We ate at Emeril's, Emeril Lagasse's place in downtown. The food was good, but not great. Also, the portions were smaller than they should have been. I had some Red Snapper, and Sam had a New York Strip. I would have to say I wouldn't go back: it was premium prices for underwhelming food. Too bad, because I love Elzar, and was really looking forward to going there. We needed another shot from the Spice Weasel. BAM!
* All in all, I would say I would go back if I had a reason to (meet a friend, family vacation, some kind of trip with buddies), but would not just go back myself to see the city. And even then I would go for 2, 3 days max. It's a cool place to go out and drink at, but that's it, and that definitely does not make up for the myriad of bad things going on in the city. I'll take 6th Street over Bourbon Street anyday.
posted by Michael Pondrom at 7:47 PM
14 Comments:
Go back to Dallas...Jack***. We don't want you there either!
Of course they don't want you there Mike... you make them all look bad because you have a job and some personal pride. Since I'm moving to Atlanta in a month everyone tells me I need to go to Mardi Gras since I'll be "so close" but I tell ya what... I wouldn't go to Mardi Gras if I LIVED in New Orleans. I'd leave the state. If I wanted that kind of drunken debauchery I'd just invite a doped up drunken Courtney Love over and have her puke on me, pee on my living room floor, and destroy my house
-Tone Loc
To my New Orleanian friend: sorry bud. But in the words of the immortal Tupac Shakur, "I ain't trying to gas you up; I just call em like I see em."
I hope you all prove me wrong. But I don't think you will.
Michael
So...
Should the NBA move the Hornets back to New Orleans?
If so, should the Sonics move to OKC?
Inquiring minds want to know?
I wasn’t surprised to read your opinions about New Orleans. Within the first 5 minutes of meeting me and finding out I was from New Orleans, you voiced your opinions about the evils of the city although you had never set foot there. I defended my city then, and I will do it now.
You finally had your chance to see New Orleans. I had hoped you would see more than the ruins of a once amazing city and would see more than the sordid side of Bourbon St. You went into the city with a closed mind and expected the worst—and that is exactly what you found. You are definitely entitled to your opinions, but your opinions represent a great deal of ignorance. How can you make such blanketed statements of a place and its people when you have only visited the area for a weekend?
As much of a history lover as you are, I am surprised you didn’t stop to appreciate the historic value of the city that surrounded you. You walked along streets that were filled with authentic Spanish structures and iron works that date back to the late 1700’s and mid 1800’s. You were surrounded by an area that was traveled by the Pirate Jean Lafitte and the Voodoo Queen, Marie Laveau; you stood on the land that was fought on by Andrew Jackson in the Battle of New Orleans; and you were in the locale of the Cabildo where the signing of the Louisiana Purchase took place. You were in the city that was the home of famous artists and authors such as: Edgar Degas, George Rodrigue, Harriet Beecher Stowe, William Faulkner, and Tennessee Williams. Instead of enjoying the uniqueness of the city and the culture in which you were immersed, you went to an overrated, overprized restaurant owned by a Food Network chef. There are quite a few restaurants that you should have visited, such as The Court of Two Sisters or Brennan’s, which definitely would have made you say ‘BAM’. Instead of seeing the vulnerability of New Orleans, you dwelled on the post-Katrina closing times of Wal-Mart and Wendy’s as well as the alcohol availability and consumption of the area.
Most of the city was immersed by flood waters (http://www.nola.com/katrina/graphics/flashflood.swf). How is any city to rebuild so much in less than a year? The flood waters did not discriminate. It took from the ‘lazy’ and the hard-working alike. Not only were the levees broken, but the spirit and the lives of the people of the Crescent City were broken as well (http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1221982,00.html). You have no idea what it feels like to not be able to return to your home for a month, to wonder if everything you have worked for your whole life has been erased, or how it feels to be separated from your family after such a traumatic event. How can you be so asinine to believe that a $2000 debit card from the Red Cross can replace all your belongings after your insurance company has found some loophole in which not to pay? How can you believe that most of New Orleanians enjoy sitting back in their little white FEMA trailers that are now taking the place of the homes in which they once lived? Can you only imagine how demeaning your own Marine Veteran father would feel to apply for post-Katrina welfare assistance or to rely on the kindness and generosity of people from an unfamiliar city or town? I do, Michael.
Your comments are insulting to my family, to my friends, and to me. All of whom have struggled to rebuild their lives and their community. All of whom welcomed your brother into their homes and into their lives wholeheartedly and with first-rate New Orleans hospitality. The people and the city will rebuild and we will be even stronger and more beautiful than before. Unlike the other New Orleanian that wrote in response to your blog, I do want you to see the city again and to see it for all the greatness, culture, and history that it has to offer.
-Tiffany
Okie dokie.
To begin with, I will again quote the words of the immortal Tupac Shakur:
I ain't tryin to gas ya up, I just call 'em like I see 'em.
I don't blame you for defending your city, of course. I do the same with mine. And you're absolutely right--I did not experience the history of New Orleans. I went to no museums, saw many but did not go in and visit any historical landmarks, and I LOVED your quote about Emerill. That was just priceless. So hey, more power to you.
That being said, I am also objective when defending my city--in other words, I don't try to gas up my city, either. Which is what I think you're doing with yours.
No, I didn't go in with a closed mind. Honestly. I have no way to prove that; you can believe that or not as you will. I'm sorry, but just look at the city! Look at the condition it is in, still, a year later. Do I expect it to be fixed? No, of course not. Do I expect it to be further along? Not really--I don't have the expertise to say how quickly repairs should be moving. But least of all, I expect to see almost everyone working towards a common goal. I expect to see the people of a city working to make that city whole again. I ESPECIALLY expect to see that when there are ample opportunities for people to go out and make their city better--and New Orleans is obviously NOT taking advantage of those ample opportunities. This is a fact, and the evidence is incontrovertible.
A question: what is the city of New Orleans famous for? Honestly. When you say New Orleans to anyone in the world, what is the first thing that comes to their mind? Is it the Pirate Jean Lafitte or the Voodoo Queen Marie Laveau? Is it the Battle of New Orleans? Is it Faulkner? Of course not. You say New Orleans to anyone, and the first thing they think of is Mardis Gras. 99% of the time. And Mardis Gras is Bourbon Street and the French Quarter. So how can I be wrong on basing my opinion of the city on the two of most popular landmarks? Really? That's ridiculous of me?
Should I have gone to see those other spots? Sure, if I had time. But I was in town for literally two days--I only had time to hit the high points. And whether you like it or not, those are your high points.
As for going personal and bringing my father and his veteran status into this conversation, I will begin by referencing a quote Al Pacino gave to Harry, Jimmy, and Trent in Scent of a Woman. My friends know to what I am referring. I can only imagine how demoralizing losing your home to a hurricane must be. But I can promise you one God damn thing--me, or my Marine Veteran father, or my brother, would not sit on our asses and do nothing to move on with our lives. We would not steal BILLIONS OF FUCKING DOLLARS from the government in order to take advantage of the situation. And I speak from experience from that Tiffany: I've received unemployment insurance from the government before. I've been on the dole. And you know what I did while I did that? I spent that money wisely, worked hard, and found myself a job. Two jobs, actually. So don't fucking bring my father, or his service to his country, or my own person, into some bullshit about how we would be too demeaned to work after having to ask for government assistance after a disaster. You can get off your fucking high horse. We're responsible Americans, and are proud to be such, and if we take from our country, we God damn well give back to it.
My comments aren't insulting to you, your family, your friends, and all the good people of New Orleans who have worked hard to try to rebuild their city. The unfortunate truth is that you are outnumbered; there are far more people who are willing to do nothing, who take no pride in their city, and are living off the welfare of the state--or robbing from the state--instead of working hard as you have to rebuild your city. I feel sorry for you; the only way you can be insulted is if you find that pity insulting.
And the fact that you welcomed my brother, your friend, into your home has nothing to do with this conversation. At all. Of course I'm happy that your family has welcomed my brother, but you are a good person, and you are his friend. I would expect nothing less from one of his friends. Don't try taking credit for things that you are suppossed to do, by the definition of friendship. You are too good of a person for that; it is beneath you.
So I'm sorry. I'm sorry that my opinions offended you. But New Orleans is what it is. Of course there are good people there, like you and your family. But unfortunately, you are too few, and for that you few have my pity.
I ain't tryin to gas ya up, I just call em like I see em.
Bo I forgot to answer you...the answers to both of your question, according to Sam and I, are yes and yes. But I would change the word should to will.
The Hornets are going back to New Orleans. George Shinn already tried to keep them in OKC, and was already overruled by David Stern. So even though the Hornets were losing money and had bad attendance before they lost 3/4 of their population, they are going back.
As for the Sonics, the city of Seattle has pissed David Stern off. One thing the Commish does not stand for is a city daring to say no to a new arena, and that's exactly what they've done. Anything short of perfect attendance and an immediate vote for a new arena means the Sonics will be coming to OKC sooner rather than later.
I once again petition the NBA to choose a new nickname upon moving to OKC. The Oklahoma City Super Sonics would be the dumbest names in the history of dumb names, surpassing the Utah Jazz.
Michael
And if that name relates to "sooner" in anyway... woe be unto them.
Ray
Definately! There is nothing about OKC that says SuperSonic. Then again, there is nothing about Memphis that says Grizzlie.
My vote is for "Oklahoma City Roughnecks". Its unique and definately exclusive to Oklahoma. Alas, they will probably go for something like "Oklahoma City Tornadoes" so they can keep the WNBA team name, "Storm".
Speaking of...what's worse...losing Chris Paul or gaining a WNBA franchise?
I can live with the OKC Roughnecks, though you know they will end up playing MC Lyte way too much.
Losing CP3 baby. The WNBA can be (somewhat) ignored; getting to only watch 2 years of possibly the greatest point guard of our era is just cruel.
Michael
Ditto Tupac’s quote, white boy. . .
I think I know the quote from Scent of a Woman to which you refer . . . pretty harsh.
I have to admit, my comment may have been poorly worded, but the Marine Veteran I was referring to was my father, not yours. Sorry if you took offense to that statement, but it was me who had to look at my father and see the hopelessness in his eyes. He’s a stubborn, strong-willed, hard-working man. I had never seen that vulnerability in my father before those late August days and I never want to see it again. In no way did I say that he or any of us were too demeaned to work; I stated that it felt demeaning to ask for help.
Maybe in a way I was trying to “gas up my city”. I wanted to show you that there was more to New Orleans than beads, boobs, and beverages. Now I pose a question to you: what is the city of Dallas famous for? When you say Dallas to anyone in the world, what is the first thing that comes to his or her mind? The first thing people think of 99% of the time is a grassy knoll and a cheesy television show from the ‘80’s. Ninety-nine percent of the world can’t be wrong about what they think about Dallas, can they? So in saying that, I guess your statistics and statements about New Orleans are totally justified.
I don’t need your pity, but I do need you and Sam’s friendship. In the end, that’s what really matters not this battle over work ethic and city cleanliness.
-Tiffany
HEY...
Don't forget the Cowboys.
Michael
The only reason I would ever go to new Orleans is for beads, boobs, and beer. And the only reason I would ever go to Dallas would be to see a Mavs game/Cowboys game (assuming 2 of my good college buddies didn't live there). So yes, you're both right. That's what New Orleans is, and that's what Dallas is. game over.
-Tone Loc
The reality is that most cities are fairly similar. They may not have the same entertainment or scenery, but the people still go to work each day. The kids go to school. Times are sometimes hard and sometimes times are good. There are conservatives; there are liberals. Intelligent and stupid. Rich and poor. People get married, people are born, people die. Doesn't matter if its New Orleans, Dallas, or Timbuktu.
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