Heroes: 10 to 1

This is it kids. The best of the best. Every one of these guys gets their own pic.


10. Magneto (X Men): What? Magnus, the principal adversary of the X Men? Yes. He makes the heroes list. Magneto has always been a half and half guy; sometimes good, sometimes bad. But whether you like it or not, even his evil acts--attempting to eradicate homo sapiens in order to protect the mutant species--were not the evil actions prompted by greed, powerlust, or personal gain. In the end, when Marvel and DC combined to do their ultimate Good v. Evil showdown comic, Magneto was sided with the good guys--and that's good enough for me.
Magneto is Erik Magnus Lehnsherr, a Holocaust survivor who eventually grew to become the most powerful mutant on Earth. Magneto can shape and manipulate magnetic fields, either artificial or naturally occurring. Any form of energy that is in any way related to magnetism is his control, and he can manipulate the entire electromagnetic spectrum. He also has minor psychic abilities. Magneto is a born leader who tries to do the right thing, but in the end strives for one thing: mutant safety through mutant domination.

9. Gandalf the Grey (Lord of the Rings): Mithrandir, the White Rider, the one who would eventually become Gandalf the White. Gandalf was the ultimate wizard: wise, powerful in his magics, subtle, and stern. But he was also so much greater than most wizards: he cared for the world around him, he was devoted to good (a rarity amongst wizards), he was a great warrior and an adept swordsman, and never resided in one place for an extended period of time. He was powerful, just, and used his power to make the world a better place. Gandalf Greyhame was the ultimate mix of warrior and wizard. The Enemy of Sauron, one of the greatest evils ever, and the world was fortunate that it had one of the greatest heroes to counter him.

8. The Shrike (Hyperion Series, by Dan Simmons): Another "is he a hero" candidate, The Shrike has been many things to many people: hero, demon, avatar, Lord, and pain. The Lord of Pain, as his cultist followers call him, is really a construct from the distant future when God--our God, the God of humans--wars against the machine's Ultimate Intelligence, their own self created god. The Shrike can move in "Fast Time", meaning he can slow down time to move at whatever rate he wishes it to travel (for instance, he can slow time to where he is moving at normal speed, but it would take a human a week to complete a blink). Four armed, over three meters tall with ruby faceted eyes, The Shrike's skin is black caraspace completely covered in spikes. He is truly terrifying to behold.
The Shrike has been sent back in time both to destroy humanity and to protect it. As a guardian, he is second to none. He is a warrior without peer, and has only been bested in single combat ones: by Colonel Fedhman Kassad, the very warrior whose essence was used to create The Shrike in the future.

7. Sub-Zero the Younger (Mortal Kombat): Not to be confused with his older brother of the same name (who would eventually become the evil Noob Saibot), Sub-Zero is one of the Earth realms greatest defenders. As you can guess, Sub-Zero commands ice; he can create and shoot balls of ice from his hands, freezing his enemies, and can also make an ice statue of himself that will freeze his enemies if they touch it. He can also create a very powerful ice sword from ice.
Sub-Zero's older brother was killed by Scorpion in the original Mortal Kombat. Sub-Zero then took his brother's title and place amongst the cadre of ninja assassins known as the Lin Kuei. At one point he left the Lin Kuei, was scared on the right side of his face, and marked for death. He eventually took over as leader of the Clan and has since been using it to fight for good and the safety of Earth Realm. While Johnny Cage and Liu Kang have earned more glory for the exploits in defending Earth, Sub-Zero has always been one of the stalwart defenders, and arguably the most important.

6. Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars): The venerable Jedi Guardian Obi-Wan Kenobi is one of the greatest Jedi to have ever lived. It was he who defeated both Darth Maul and Anakin Skywalker, and set Luke Skywalker on the path to saving the galaxy from the Empire established by the evil Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Sidious.
Unfortunately, it was his perceived failing that most people--and he himself--probably remember. Obi-Wan become the Master of Anakin Skywalker after the death of Qui-Gon Jinn, and blamed himself for his apprentice's fall to the Dark Side. He also did not kill Anakin after their duel, thus leading to the emergence of the powerful Sith Lord, Darth Vader.
Obi-Wan was a powerful Jedi and a skilled warrior. His skill with a lightsabre ranked him amongst the greats, and The Force was strong with him. He was also a kind soul who cared about doing the right thing and helping those in need around. He was strong in the Light.

5. Wolverine (X Men): Probably Marvel Comics most visible character, Wolverine is one of the most popular comic heroes of all time. A mutant possessing an incredibly healing ability (Wolverine is probably immortal) and three bone claws that can be extended from just above his knuckles in each hand, Wolverine's bones were bonded with the unbreakable metal Adamantium by the Canadian government as part of the Weapon X project. His unbreakable bones, healing factor, and his bone claws now covered in Adamantium that can cut through anything except Adamantium make him a truly formidable warrior.
Unfortunately, another part of the Weapon X project was the wiping of Wolverine's mind. He doesn't know of his Origins, any family, or what his past holds. Those few memories he does have are suspect at best; some could have been placed in his mind as part of the Weapon X training. He has been with the X Men for many years, fighting to make the world a better place.

4. Ryu (Street Fighter video game series): Ryu is the Japanese warrior trained in the martial art Ansatsuken, and is famous for his two most powerful moves: the Hadoken, or Dragon Ball, and Shoryuken, or Dragon Punch. Ryu is the winner of the original Street Fighter Tournament, and gave Sagat the scar he bears on his chest during the final battle of the tournament (courtesy of his Dragon Punch). Ryu is on a quest for purity through battle, but still fights to keep the world safe from evil men like M. Bison and Akuma.

3. Colossus (X Men): Piotr Nikolaievitch Rasputin is the quiet, loving artist who can turn his skin into metal with a thought and become one of the strongest beings in the universe, Colossus. Colossus has been an X Men as long as Wolverine has, but longs for the simple life on the Russian farm he grew up on. However, he realizes that with great power comes great responsibility, and uses his incredible strength and fighting skills to fight for peace and justice in the world. He is devoted to his friends on the X Men, but most especially is devoted to his little sister, Illiana, who is the mutant known as Magick. The great warrior with the heart of a poet, Colossus is one of the greatest and most admirable heroes of all time.

2. Snake Eyes (GI Joe): Snake Eyes, or the Silent Master as many of his students call him, is one of the greatest heroes who ever lived. Snake Eyes is a ninja master who is also trained in modern warfare--one of my favorite Snake Eyes comics is one where Cobra Commander creates a room that is designed to specifically disrupt the minds and fighting styles of ninjas. He defeats Snake Eyes' clan brother, Storm Shadow, in the room, as Storm Shadow is only trained in ninjitsu. When Snake Eyes goes to rescue him, he also enters the room and listens to Cobra Commander arrogantly explain how his ninja skills are useless in here, and how he will defeat him. Snake Eyes then blows up the room--with Cobra Commander in it--with a rocket launcher. :-)
I digress. Snake Eyes dresses in all black, and wears a mask to cover his face, which was disfigured in an accident. His vocal cords were injured in the same accident, leading to his silence. He is one of the original recruits to GI Joe, and learned ninjitsu along side his best friend, Storm Shadow. He has been romantically linked to Scarlet on again off again for years. He has faithfully sided with GI Joe and fought to keep the world safe from COBRA since its inception.

And now, without question, the greatest hero ever is...


1. Optimus Prime (Transformers): The leader of the Autobots, and the greatest hero that ever existed, in any universe, ever. Making this list was hard, but choosing number 1 was not. Optimus Prime combines the greatest traits of all heroes: love of the defenseless, compassion of all living things, a desire for justice and peace, and unerringly stays on the side of right. He strives always for the best of things, for all. He is also a brilliant strategist, a charismatic leader, and a formidable warrior. He's also willing to go all the way: once you've crossed the line, and refused to turn from the side of evil, Optimus Prime is going to kick your ass. And not feel bad about.
That's the thing that I think I admire most about Optimus Prime. No hero I've ever seen has managed to walk that fine line so well. In both our fiction worlds and the real world, we always seem to struggle with when to use might in order to enforce the right. Optimus Prime has never had that problem. There are few more caring, compassionate heroes than he; however, when faced with true evil, Optimus is ready to put it down, and will not feel bad about it at all. They--Megatron, Shockwave, Starscream, Unicron--all have made their choice, and will now have to live with the consequences of their decisions and actions. It's as simple as that, and that's the way it should be.
Optimus Prime is the leader of the Autobots, a benevolent group of Transformers--mechanical beings from the planet Cybertron. They fight against the Decepticons, a group of evil Transformers bent on conquering Cybertron and the rest of the galaxy. Optimus can transform into a Mack truck, and has a variety of different weapons, including his Ion Canon and Laser Axe. Optimus carries the Autobot Matrix of Leadership, which grants the Leader of the Autobots exceptional powers.

Heroes: 20 to 11

Don't worry, everyone: I'll make a SPECIAL off-Friday to post to give you my top ten heroes tomorrow.

20. Colonel Fedman Kassad (Hyperion series, by Dan Simmons): Kassad was the greatest warrior in the history of the Hegemony of Man. A FORCE Marine, Kassad was known as the "Butcher of South Bressia" for the total war-like way he defeated the Ousters on the planet Bressia. He was the only human to ever beat The Shrike in single combat. He was also devoted to his love, Moneta, and to protecting the human race. Kassad was such a complete warrior that it was his spirit that was used in creating the galaxy's ultimate killing machine: The Shrike. As Kassad laughingly put it, "I conquer my enemy; I destroy him; and then I become him."

19. T-101 (Terminator 2 & 3, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger): Cyberdyne Systems Model 101, The Terminator. Sent back in time to protect the hero of the future, John Connor. Masterfully played by Arnold as a robot with a soul, The Terminator was one of the coolest characters of all time. Hasta la vista, baby.
18. Arcades Sabboth (Elder Dragon Legend from Magic: The Gathering card series): Another of the Elder Dragon Legends, Arcades Sabboth is one of my favorite pictures from any of the Magic series. He is also one of the most powerful cards in the game.
17. Roland of Gilead (The Dark Tower series, by Stephen King): Roland Deschain is The Last Gunslinger, the last ruler of the land of Gilead to stand in protection of The Light. A decendent of King Arthur, Roland is on a quest to protect the Dark Tower--the nexus of all realities in the Stephen King universe--from those who would seek to destory it.

16. Samurai Jack (Samurai Jack cartoons, Cartoon Network): Long ago in a distant land, Evil Incarnate--a sorceror named Aku--flung a young Samurai into the future, where Aku had established control of the world. The Samurai--who quickly acquired the name Samurai Jack--possesses a magical sword that is the only thing that can harm Aku. Jack fights tireless to find a way back to his past, so he can undo the evil future that is Aku.
15. Aragorn, son of Arathorn (Lord of the Rings, by JRR Tolkein): The heir of Isildur, The King of Gondor, Chieftan of the Dunedain, Leader of the Fellowship of the Ring, Aragorn is the first great king in the age of man. He has no peer in battle, and is a wise, just, and generous king.
14. Batman (DC Comics): Batman is in some ways the opposite of Superman: while Superman is the ideal that we all strive for, Batman is the pinacle of human achievement. He is an example of the best of what we can be--and the worst of what can happen to us on the way there. Batman doesn't have the inherent nobolity of Superman, nor the physical skills. He is tirelessly devoted to his craft, and uses every bit of his being--mind, body, resources--in order to accomplish his goals. In the end, however, the reason I like Batman more than Superman is because, as I mentioned earlier, Batman is willing to get his hands dirty. In some ways, it's not Superman's fault: he has to be the ideal we've given him. But I've always identified more with Batman and others we'll see later on the list, the heroes who always fight for good, truth, and justice, and are willing to do whatever is necessary in order to fight for those ideals. There's no holding back with them.

13. Voltron (Voltron cartoon/comic series): Voltron, Defender of the Universe, is a giant robot that could be formed by combining 5 robot lions. Voltron fought to protect the planet Arus from the evil King Zarkon, his son Lotor, and the witch Hagar, who would create giant Robeasts to try to defeat Voltron. Each lion was piloted by a different human. One of the few drawbacks to Voltron was it inspired the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Yes, I'm embarrased to say that.
12. Grimlock (Transformers): Grimlock was the leader of the Dinobots, and was the strongest Autobot behind only Optimus Prime. Orignally selfish, haughty, and stupid, Grimlock grew to be an effective leader of the Dinobots, someone who truly cared about the people he was to protect, and one of the best warriors the Autobots had. Grimlock is featured front center in the picture below.



11. Shinobi (Shinobi video game series): Shinobi was the code name for Joe Musashi, a ninja who originally had to save the children from the Oboro clan who were being kidnapped by Zeed. This game, orignally released on the SEGA Master System, led to a score of games on several different systems. I'm pretty sure Shinobi was the first console video game I ever played, and remains one of my all time favorites. Shadow Dancer: Revenge of Shinobi for the SEGA Genesis is one of my favorite games of all time.

Heroes: 31 to 21

31. Drizzt Do'Urden (Dark Elf novels by R.A. Salvatore): One of the greatest swordsmen to ever live, Drizzt is one of the very few Dark Elves to be good. He dual wields two scimitars with magical properties, and his innate magical abilities as a Drow give him an edge in battle, as well.
30. Dante (Devil May Cry video game series): The son of the legendary demon knight Sparda, Dante is a demon hunter who runs the "Devil May Cry" investigation agency. Armed with his handguns--Ebony & Ivory--and his powerful sword Alastor, Dante fights against the forces of evil, including his own twin brother. Dante is also able to switch to a devil form, where he takes on the appearance and abilities of a demon.
29. Neo (The Matrix movies): The One himself, Neo is a human created by the machines in order to eliminate the "anamoly" that is humans aware of the existance of The Matrix. Neo is super strong, fast, and can fly. He also has the ability "to remake The Matrix as he sees fit". In the end, he brings peace to the machines and the humans, while defeating Smith, the personification of evil.

28. Madmartigan (Willow): Madmartigan--played by Val Kilmer--claims to be the greatest swordsman to ever live, and does not disapoint. A drifter and scoundrel who befriends the nelwyn Willow, Madmartigan fights alongside Willow to protect a baby princess from the evil Queen Bavmorda.
27. Duncan MacLeod (The Highlander TV series and fourth movie): The Highlander, played by Adrian Paul, was the greatest of a race of immortals inhabiting the Earth. These Immortals could only be killed when their head was cut off, and then their essence--skills, abilities, memories--would be passed to The Immortal who killed him. The Immortals lived their lives through the centuries, when they would wait for The Gathering, in which all would compete for The Prize, when one Immortal was left standing. In the end, there can be only one. It is believed that Duncan will eventually win The Prize.

26. Storm Shadow (GI Joe): Storm Shadow was the head ninja of COBRA, and in the beginning of the GI Joe storyline, was Snake Eyes' enemy. However, later we learned that he really infiltrated COBRA to find who murdered his uncle and the head of the Arashikage ninja clan, the Hard Master. Once he had succeeded in avenging his master (against Cobra Commander), Storm Shadow joined GI Joe. Storm Shadow is a ninjitsu master with only one peer: his best friend and clan brother, Snake Eyes.
25. Superman (DC Comics): Kal-El, Clark Kent, the Last Son of Krypton. We all know Superman's story. Why isn't he higher? I admire Superman for what he stands for: he represents the best in mankind, the ideal we should all strive for but can never truly hope to achieve. The world needs Superman. However, the world also needs men who fight for truth and justice...but are willing to get their hands dirty. I identify more with these men, as we'll discuss later. Still, Superman is a hero who stands alone.

24. Master Chief (Halo video game series): The armored Spartan soldier fights to protect the Earth for The Covenant, a group of fanatical aliens intent on destroying the human race. Master Chief is the ultimate soldier: protecting his people from any danger, no matter what.
23. Blade (Marvel Comics): The Daywalker, a child born immediately after his mother was bitten by a vampire. Blade inherited all of the Vampire's strengths--super strength, speed, regenerative abilities, longer life span--and none of their of their weaknesses--he's not alergic to silver or sunlight--save one, the thirst for blood. He controls this with a special syrum. Blade fights to protect mankind from vampires and any other supernatural evils he comes across.
22. Iron Man (Marvel Comics): Millionaire genius Tony Stark was injured by industrial sabotage, weakening his heart to the point where he would die. He then built a suit that not only would help strengthen his heart, but give him super strength, speed, and the ability to fly. Now he fights evil as Iron Man, one of The Avengers.
21. Seraph (The Matrix movie series): The Guardian on The Oracle, Seraph protects The Oracle and later Sati from any that would seek to harm them--machine or human. An incredible warrior, he even defeated Smith when he was an Agent. Little is known about Seraph's past, though it seems that he did work for The Merovingian at one point.

Heroes: 41 to 32

So it will come as no surprise to most that I keep a list of my personal favorite heroes.

I showed this list--ranked in alphabetical order--and he asked me if it was in order of importance. Well, I took that as a challenge, and organized my top 40 heroes. So yes, now I will beat you down with said list.

Note: this is not a list of most powerful heroes, or greatest heroes, or a ranking of who could beat who. These are just my personal favorite heroes. Enjoy!

41. Ermac (Mortal Kombat video game series): Red-robed ninja, created from the souls of dead warriors. Martial arts master and telekenetic. Fights to protect Earth from various evil gods.

40. Prowl (Transformers): Pictured top left, along with Jazz and Mirage, Prowl is the second in command of the Autobots, and is one of the greatest tacticians ever. He is incredibly accurate shot, and an excellent hand to hand combatant as well. Can transform into a police car.
39. Mack the Knife (Captain Commando arcade game): A Mummy commando armed with two Knives and a do rag. I don't know why, but I always loved this guy.
38. Inuyasha (Inuyasha anime series): Definitely not your typical hero, Inuyasha is a half human/half demon searching for the shards of the legendary Shikon jewel. He carries the powerful sword Tetsyga (originally made from one of his father's--one of the most powerful, but good, demons ever--fangs), and has several different abilities.
37. Hercules (Greek mythology): The bastard son of the god of gods, Zeus, Hercules was the most powerful man to ever live. Famous for the Ten Labors of Hercules.
36. Thrall (Warcraft PC game series): Thrall was a young orc slave raised by humans in the land of Azeroth. He eventually rose to become Warchief of the Orc Horde, and brought honor to his people and peace with the humans.

35. Nicol Bolas (Elder Dragon Legend from Magic: The Gathering card series): An incredibly powerful Magic card with a really cool picture, I've always wanted to know more about the storyline of the Elder Dragon Legends (they came about before I started playing Magic).
34. Gimli son of Gloin (Lord of the Rings): Gimli was the dwarven representative of the Fellowship of The Ring. A powerful warrior, Gimli was deadly with his battle axe and dwarven strength. His father, Gloin, was one of the 13 dwarves who went with Thorin Oakenshield to retake the Lonely Mountain from Smaug, which led to Bilbo Baggins finding The One Ring.
33. Smoke (Mortal Kombat video game series): Seen as both a grey-clad Ninja and a greyish Robot, Smoke was Sub-Zero's best friend in the cadre of Assassins known as the Lin Kuei. Smoke wore a grey uniform and smoked--literally. He had the ability to turn invisible and teleport. Unfortunately, Smoke was captured by the Lin Kuei and turned into a cyborg. He has been the pawn of several different evildoers ever since.
32. Goliath (Gargoyles cartoon): Goliath is the leader of the last Gargoyles clan. Stone by day, living creatures by night, they are guardians of modern day Manhattan, as they know live there thanks to a spell.

Coupla things...

* So I'm hooked on a TV show: Rescue Me, the Denis Leary firefighter show on FX. I rented the first season on DVD, and have watched about half of the second season. I keep forgetting to watch it because I'm not used to watching TV. How do people remember to watch all those shows? Anyway, it's a great show, and I recommend it to anyone. It's got some really funny moments, but plenty of serious ones, as well. Fans of Homicide: Life on the Streets and ER would probably like this show a lot. It does a good job of drawing you into the characters' lives and making you feel for them. The only thing I worry about is them going to far like Homicide and ER did. Both of those shows had their characters' lives get so depressing and terrible that every week I would leave thinking, "My God, that is rock bottom. There is no way things can get any worse for those people." And then next week I would find out oh contraire, mon frere, it can get even worse. That got a little too much for me, and I hope it doesn't happen here. But it's great, and you should watch it.

* I was going to make Tom Cruise the Second Annual "Itoldyouthatbitchcrazy" Award winner, but it was just too easy.

* I mean, that would be like giving it to Anna Nicole Smith or Courtney Love.

* Okay, so check this one out.
Welcome back. Now, is there any doubt that we're all in for it? Personally, I'm expecting Noah's Flood--or Sodom and Gomorrah--just about any day now. I don't mean to come off as some nutcase right wing Christian here, but can we fucking draw the line somewhere? I didn't ask for more respect for the Sacrament of Marriage on my birthday list this year; apparently that should be an annual request, as well.
I'm just waiting for Matt Damon to show up and rain sulphur down on us all. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer.

* So you know how you're supposed to wear a different band's Tshirt if you go to a concert? Like if I go see Maroon Five, I should wear a Jimmy Eat World Tshirt. So...if you go to a comic movie, does that mean you have to wear a different character's shirt? Can it just be a different character, or does it have to be a different universe, like if it's a Marvel character I have to wear a DC shirt? Just wondering. Does it not count if you completely dress up as one of the characters from the movie?

* Die, TO, die. Oops, I mean, um, The, TO, the.

* Did you see that Tiger Woods left the PGA Championship to fly home? Check this out: going into the last hole, he was one back of three guys tied for the lead. So if they all bogeyed the last hole, they would have had a four way tie for the lead and a playoff. So instead of hanging around to possibly win the PGA Championship, he flies home!!! He can't wait a couple hours. How insane is that? Do we have another Doug and Jackie Christie on our hands here? Does his wife have that much control on him, or is he that addicteded to tappin that ass? Seriously, can you believe that?!?!? Guess we've answered the question, "Has getting married affected Tiger Woods golf game?"

* What is the deal with personalized license plates in Oklahoma? I drove up there last weekend, and it seemed like a quarter of the cars had one. It was amazing! And they were all state of Oklahoma plates too. When did you people get so sure of yourselves? I thought you were just "OK" and content to be that? And I don't think there was a single one of those personalized plates that didn't violate the sacred commandment, "Thou shalt not havest a personalized license plate unless thou ist a hot maid."

* Real quick since this is running a little long: finally got to see Sin City when it came out on video this week. GREAT movie. WARNING: SPOILERS. It's set up like a comic book, where there are several different stories, instead of one long movie. It reminded me of Four Rooms and Pulp Fiction in the way they told the various stories, which was very cool.
The cinematography was incredible. Simply incredible. Their use of color and black and white was sensational, and added so much to the story. It made it not just a good story to watch, but you enjoyed watching the movie itself because of the creative way they shot it. I'm pretty sure it's the most violent movie I've ever seen--I would not want to watch an "unrated" version of this--but because of the way they shoot the movie, it helps make it seem less violent than it actually is, and thus more watchable. The soundtrack was great, too.
The costumes were fantastic--Marv looks like a Titan, yet at the same time looks like Mickey Rourke; the subtle way they set Dwight up as a Dark Superman was really cool, and if you don't think I'm rooting for Clive Owen to be the next Bond, you're crazy; every woman in the movie is breathtakingly beautiful--I even found Brittany Murphy attractive in this movie, and she does nothing for me. And of course, I could watch the Jessica Alba scenes every day.
It really is a fantastic movie, and I recommend you see it. However, I will warn you again: it is really violent. And for those who don't know me, I like violent films, so for me to say that is really saying something.

* So I'm playing Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic on Xbox. No, not the second one, which has been out for several months, I'm just starting the first one. Yes, I know it's pathetic that I call myself a Star Wars fan and a gamer. Moving on, I can't tell if I like the RPG (role playing game) genre or not. There are times I really like it, and times it gets really boring and annoying. My character is a male soldier, who of course doesn't waste his time with blasters. I'm straight to dual wielding swords (you're damn right he's ambidextrous, and I can't wield lightsabres until I'm a Jedi), and is a bad ass mother fucker. I'm moving through the game fairly quickly, and enjoying the game. You won't catch me playing Final Fantasy now, but I'll probably play all of the Star Wars games of this type as they come out.

My name, you ask? Ryu.

* On to the piece de resistance: Barry F's art. He's asked to be called Barry F, as he does not want his last name online. Just let it slide. Anyway, here's some of his work:



Here's a flag he did, and I really like this picture, and not just because I'm assuming that he's recognizing the dominance of the Great State of Texas with the single star.



This is a ball. One thing I must say about Barry: he doesn't tell me very many titles of his work. Barry please feel free to hop on the comments and give us cool titles to your paintings. I really like this one, too. Okay, I'm going to stop saying that, because I like them all.



I think this is one of Barry's personal favorites. He drew this a long time ago; my sophomore year of college I believe? No idea at all on a name here.



One of the few that I actually know the name for: Scary Girl. I used to know why Barry found her so scary, but I don't know anymore.



Here's one I threw in: Barry's original design for Etc., Inc., that is linked to on the right. I wanted to show you guys how versatile his work is. You'd be SHOCKED at how many logos Barry has drawn for OSU over the last 5 years. I'd say damn near nothing comes out of Career Services anymore that he doesn't create, and he's done the Orange Peel logo for at least the last two years, right Barry?

Obviously, this is just a smidge of his work. I have an incredible picture of his representing the oppression of women in the world, and some of the stuff he's drawn for Robin is breathtaking. Hopefully he'll scan some more stuff in and send it to me (hint, hint good buddy). Also, he's currently by commissioned by Mr. Kyle Edward H. to do a series for him, and I've seen some of those, which are AWESOME. I can't wait til Kyle gets those up.

Anyway, that's Barry F's art. I'll be his agent; if you are interested in more of Barry's work or even commissioning him to do something for you, just throw a comment on the blog and either him or I will get in touch with you.

Showers (not the clean kind)

Gentlemen,

I come to you today to speak to you about a great travesty being forced upon the male gender. Obviously, it's being forced upon us by women, and it is one of their most dire and sinister plots to date. The problem: men being included in wedding and baby showers.

Where the Hell did this come from? It's a recent trend, I'd say it started 5 to 8 years ago. All of the sudden, men are being invited--and even expected to come--to these things. I'm sorry, but I've almost never known a woman to come away with positive things to say about a shower. They all consider them to be an asswhiping. They get together, do really girly things, and come home and complain about half of the women there, leading to many "Itoldyouthatbitchcrazy"'s from us men. It's a formal event, so there's nothing really fun to do there, and little to no drinking. Why would we want to be included in this? Ladies, this is stuff that YOU dreamed up (you don't see men doing anything like this), and if you don't like it, too bad, you started this trend, and now you have to live with it. Sorry, but there is no reason or appeal for us to be there.

So why are we being included? I see two reasons: First, so the showeree (is that what she's called?) can get more presents. Yeah. I'm calling you out on that. Second, and this is probably the most popular reason, is because our wives/girlfriends want us to suffer. That's right. Whenever they have to do something they don't like that can in any way, shape, or form be couple construed, they drag us into it. Misery does love company, especially in relationships. So shame on you ladies. Shame on you for starting this function that you no longer enjoy, and instead of getting rid of it, dragging us into your misery!

Now, I'm not saying I'll never go to a wedding/baby shower. But I'm going to need the following items for me and my present to be in attendance:

1) A nice meal spread. And I don't mean crappy POS finger foods that are either dirt cheap or RIDICULOUSLY expensive that no one wants to eat, I mean some good real food. Chick fil a chicken nuggets, pizza, BBQ, something like that. Or fire up the grill. Hell, I'll do the grilling, as long as you buy all the stuff. :-)
2) Alcohol. Beer & Wine are a must at either event, and sorry baby shower lady that you can't drink, but we're giving you lots of presents, so we should be able to enjoy a nice drink. If it's a wedding shower, you must have at LEAST one type of hard liquor (rum, whiskey, vodka, etc.).
3) Some kind of game/activity. Sorry ladies, but we're not going to stand around, hold a tray of finger foods for an hour and "chat" or "mingle", clap as you open presents for an hour, and then go home. Might I suggest some Xbox? I'm sure if Robin has a baby shower and guys are invited, I know there will be a lot of Halo played. While I myself am not a big fan, Poker would be good to throw out there. Even some fun group board games like Cranium, Trivial Pursuit, or Taboo are serviceable--however, if that's all you do, you'd better have liquor there and not just beer & wine. Finally, if you don't want to do any of those, some kind of game should be put on--football, basketball, baseball, whatever. The point is, we need something that we enjoy doing, because sitting around and talking and fake laughing is not something we do well.
4) Don't take a ridiculous amount of time to open presents (especially at a baby shower where you have trouble standing up and down to hug everyone). Say thanks, give The Nod, and move on to the next one. No five minute productions on every fucking present about how excited you are and how special it is, etc., when it's an ugly punch bowl you're never going to use.

So there you go. We men are happy for you. Really. Congratulations on your baby, or your wedding. But we don't need to go to a female celebration to let you know we're happy for you. It's best if we just sit this one out.

Fireside Chat

Oh, hi. I didn't notice you come in. I was just sitting here, enjoying a good book and some hot chocolate by a pleasant fireplace fire. Of course, I'm sitting in a red formal chair that is on a bearskin rug. It's a cold winter's night outside. Anyway, please, sit down, relax, and let's have a chat about the site. Would you like a steaming cup of hot chocolate?

So, a couple of changes to the site. First of all, I've added a new link and removed an old one. The Book of Ratings has not been updated in over a year, so it's out. I found a hilarious new online comic the other day, Ctrl+Alt+Del. Yes, it's another gaming comic, so if that doesn't do anything for you, don't go. But it is greatness...almost as good as the PA.

I guess it's going to be Seinfeld week here at PJ's Place. Why, do you ask? I have no idea. It just seemed like the right thing to do.

I'm also going to start experimenting with pictures. I've seen some cool things done with photos on other blogs, and I'd like to start using some on my own. Hopefully, Barry will send me some of his art like I asked him to so I can post a lot of it here. Thus you'll probably start seeing some posts with random pictures every once in a while.

First, we'll go with a pic of me, in case there is anyone who doesn't know me who reads this, which I doubt. I like this picture; I'd entered my first chili cookoff this past year at my place of employment, and a photographer for the company newspaper snapped this photo of me serving some of my chili to my good buddy Nirupa. I like this pic for two reasons: 1) I can't smile for pictures, I'm a horrible picture taker, but I actually do have a decent smile in this one, and--most importantly--2) I love the fact that I'm serving chili to Nirupa, my Hindu Vegetarian buddy (and no, it's not Vegetarian chili). She'll be reincarnated as a cow for this one, I'm sure.



So that's that. Next, to try to prove to you all that I do, in fact, have some culture, I'll put my favorite work of classic art up here. Monet's Lily Pond has been my favorite work of art since my senior year in high school, when my Calculus teacher had it hung up in her classroom.



And, finally, I have to show my true colors. Lots of ways I can take this...I think I'll go with this, since I just mentioned Ctrl+Alt+Del earlier. Here's some art by Tim Buckley, which you can find by clicking on his site. It's a Sith conceptual drawing he did for Jedi Knights II.



Hopefully Barry will send me his stuff soon...I like Tim, but he's not near as good as Barry is.

Like I said, I want to play with this awhile, so more will come later. Enjoy that hot chocolate!

NBA Offseason Moves--Western Conference

Western Conference--Southwest Division

Your Dallas Mavericks!
Additions: None
Subtractions: Probably Michael Finley (SG, amnesty)

Amazing isn't it that in a summer full of moves, the Mavericks have made none. Hell, they didn't even have a draft pick. There's still plenty of time since they didn't need to make any major moves, anyway.

Something must be said for Michael Finley, who is one of my favorite--if not my favorite--Mav of all time. Michael Finley is the only current Mav whose jersey I own. He was the first good to great player who decided that he wanted to stay and play it out with the Mavericks after the HORRIBLE early 90s. He was an incredibly exciting, athletic player who had a great jumper and had some highlight reel dunks. He was the quiet star who gave the Mavericks respect not just amongst their fans, but amongst the rest of the league.

Unfortunately, Finley fell in love with his jumper. As good as Finley was--the man is an All Star--he could have been much better, but he never attacked the rim. He just loved standing outside and jacking up 3's too much. Now he's entering the twilight of his career, he won't even attempt to drive to the basket, and his defense--never a strong point--is atrocious now. He can still fill it up on any given night, but more often than not, he's just going to drive you crazy and hurt the team. Sadly, on this young team that's getting better, it was really time for him to leave. The Mavs will save $50 million when they waive him. That's a no brainer. He's got to go.

I'll miss Michael Finley, and I hope he stays in Dallas after he retires. The Mavs as we know and love them would never have been without him. Thanks Mike!

Houston Rockets
Additions: Stromile Swift (PF, FA);
Subtractions: None

Good signing in Stromile Swift. All the Rockets want their PF to do is run the floor, rebound on both ends, play good defense, and occasionally score. That's all Swift is good for, but he can do that reasonably well. Whenever Ryan Bowen is starting for you in the playoffs, that's not good.

The Rockets still need to pick up a point guard--either a starter or a good backup, Little Bobby Sura can play the opposite of either--and no, Luther Head doesn't count.

Memphis Grizzlies
Additions: Bobby Jackson (PG, trade); Eddie Jones (SF, trade); Damon Stoudamire (PG, FA); Hakim Warrick (PF, draft)
Subtractions: Bonzi Wells (SG, trade); James Posey (SF, trade); Jason Williams (PG, trade); Stromile Swift (PF, FA); Earl Watson (PG, FA--probably)

Okay, like I said earlier, I think we can safely say that Jerry West--one of the shrewdest judges of talent in the history of the NBA--has lost it. Wells for Jackson wasn't terrible, since the team had to unload Bonzi Wells, but the Jones trade was horrible. And signing Damon Stoudamire...why? Why trade Bonzi Wells and then bring in a guy with even more attitude and off court baggage, but isn't even as talented a player? Why not spend that money on resigning Earl Watson, who is a better player and is familiar with how to run the team? The Grizzlies 15 minutes are about up.

New Orleans Hornets
Additions: Chris Paul (PG, draft); Brandon Bass (PF, draft)
Subtractions: None

The Hornets got incredibly lucky when Paul fell to them at number 4 in the draft, and even picked up a nice little PF in the 2nd round in Bass. Jamaal Magloire--their only All Star--has asked to be traded. The Hornets probably could have ended up with Danny Granger on draft night had they traded him then. Oh well, their loss. I don't know if he'll get moved in the offseason or not; I've got a feeling that if he was going to get dealt, it would have happened by now. But you never know.

San Antonio Spurs
Additions: None
Subtractions: None

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Northwest Division

Denver Nuggets
Additions: Julius Hodge (SG, draft)
Subtractions: None

I'm still disappointed with this off season for the Nuggets. Four draft picks and all you can net is Julius Hodge? You haven't picked up a single shooting guard? Bobby Simmons, Raja Bell, even Juan Dixon? I haven't heard that they're waiting for Michael Finley or Allan Houston when they are amnestied. All this team needs is a sharp-shooting 2 guard to stretch the defense, and it doesn't seem like they're looking for one. Why not?

Minnesota Timberwolves
Additions: Rashad McCants (SG, draft)
Subtractions: Latrell Sprewell (SF, FA)

Sigh. I feel so sorry for my favorite player in the NBA today, Kevin Garnett. The Timberwolves could have picked up Danny Granger or Joey Graham in the draft...and they get a head case in Rashad McCants. They've been trying like crazy to deal a pouting Sam Cassell...no luck. They did at least lose Latrell, who can't play and thinks he should be making a ridiculous amount of money. This team needs to pull it together, and they're just not. I feel so bad for KG, the consummate pro.

Portland Trailblazers
Additions: Martell Webster (SG, draft); Jarrett Jack (PG, draft); Juan Dixon (PG, FA)
Subtractions: Damon Stoudamire (PG, FA)

I'm started to get excited about Portland, for two reasons. The first of which is this is a young team that's starting to look like they might be putting it together. Sebastian Telfair, Martell Webster, and Travis Outlaw (who is TEARING UP the summer league) are all young and talented. Zach Randolph is a top ten PF in the league with top 5 potential. Theo Ratliff and Joel Przybilla fill the center hole nicely. Darius Miles will never be a star, but he's become a solid veteran. Ruben Patterson can D up anyone in the league, and Juan Dixon can shoot like crazy. This team has the talent to be incredible in a couple years.

The second reason is because the Trailblazers are still certifiable insane. Sebastian Telfair could pull a Ray Lewis and kill someone on us any day now. Martell Webster is a high school player, so God knows what hanging with all the nuts will do to him. Travis Outlaw is named fricking Outlaw, shattering the Unintentional Comedy Scale. Zach Randolph is too lazy to get up most mornings, and his high school coach once said of him: "Ever morning when I get up and read the paper, and I see that Zach didn't shoot anybody or get shot, I'm happy." I couldn't make that up. Ruben Patterson is a registered sex offender in the great state of Oregon, and once missed a month of the season for breaking his eye socket--when Zach hit him in practice. D Miles got suspended last season for going nuts on Maurice Cheeks--one of the most laid back and easygoing coaches in the NBA, supposedly. I would pay damn near everything I own for Joel Przybilla to keep a diary on how crazy he thinks his teammates are, and how scared he is of them. And, finally, there's something about the name "Jarett Jack" that makes me think that Jarett Jack will fit in very, very well here (Jarett Jack and Luther Head coming into the NBA at the same time has to be two of the best names to come into the NBA ever, right? Those are fantastic names. Okay, at this point I'm just babbling.).

In other words, anything can--and will--happen with this team.

Seattle Supersonics
Additions: Johan Petro (C, draft); Mickael Gelabale (F, draft)
Subtractions: Antonio Daniels (PG, FA); Jerome James (C, FA)

Sorry Sonics fans, but this is the Bucks of two years ago. One year of greatness where everything clicks, and POOF, it's all gone next year. They still haven't resigned Vladmir Radmanovic, and he has no interest in resigning with them, except for the fact that no one seems to have any interest in signing him. They're going to miss Antonio Daniels (not Jerome James though), and they drafted two French guys. TWO guys from the country of FRANCE. That's not a good draft. And their ability to maneuver is gone now that they spent so much money on Ray Allen. Not a bad offseason, but I just get the feeling that it's all going to come crashing down next year.

Utah Jazz
Additions: Deron Williams (PG, draft)
Subtractions: Raja Bell (SG, FA)

Basically, the Jazz needed three things to happen this offseason: 1) get a point guard, 2) get rid of Carlos Boozer's bad karma for fucking over a blind guy, and--most importantly--3) get Andrei Kirilenko healthy.

They've done 1 and 3. 2 remains to be seen. Hire some witch doctors or something. Still, a good offseason for the Jazz--they didn't need to panic, and they didn't. I still think this team can/should be great.

Pacific Division

Golden State Warriors
Additions: Ike Diogu (PF, draft); Chris Taft (PF, draft)
Subtractions: None

For once, not a bad draft by GS (please Ike don't let me regret saying that). This team has some interesting pieces...but it's Golden State, I'm sure it will all go horribly, horribly wrong.

LA Clippers
Additions: Yaroslav Korolev (SF, draft); Cuttino Mobley (SG, FA)
Subtractions: Bobby Simmons (SF, FA)

One step forward, two steps back. Same old Clips. Good luck with the Russian guy and Mobley!

LA Lakers
Additions: Kwame Brown (PF/C, trade); Andrew Bynum (C, draft)
Subtractions: Chucky Atkins (PG, trade)

LOL. I'm waiting for the headline, "Kobe Bryant goes on rampage, kills Mitch Kubtchek and Jerry Buss! Phil Jackson stops him trying to take out Jeanie!" What's going to happen this year? The Lakers are obviously rebuilding...is there a chance in Hell he's going to put up with that? This should be an interesting season for the Lakers, again.

(BTW...I finally saw a picture of Jeanie Buss, the owner's daughter and Phil Jackson's girlfriend. I've always wondered why everyone goes on and on about her...and it's cause she's fucking HOT!!! She's older...I think mid 40s? But wow! Good job Phil! Crazy rich and hot! Now I understand why he came back to LA...)

Phoenix Suns
Additions: Raja Bell (SG, FA); Kurt Thomas (C, trade)
Subtractions: Joe Johnson (GF, FA); Quentin Richardson (SF, trade)

Losing Joe Johnson hurts, and they overpaid a little for Raja Bell. However, with all the weird shit that is going on with Joe Johnson (a whole nother column in and of itself), I'm starting to think that maybe letting him go isn't such a bad thing...

While I'm glad they got Thomas so Amare can play PF now, the Suns backcourt is still ridiculously thin. They heave to beef it up somehow. And Boris Diaw isn't the answer.

Sacramento Kings
Additions: Francisco Garcia (SG, draft); Bonzi Wells (SG, trade)
Subtractions: Bobby Jackson (G, trade); Cuttino Mobley (SG, FA)

The Kings are rather interesting. They appear to be going with the "no superstar, team oriented" concept, and I see that somewhat working, as it did for the Grizzlies a few years ago. And no, before you ask, Peja is not a superstar. If Bonzi Wells can become anywhere close to the player he was in Portland, they had a good offseason. If not, losing Cuttino Mobley is never a bad thing in my book.

NBA Offseason Moves--Eastern Conference

Even though the offseason just officially opened, a lot of moves have already been made, and damnit, I just can't wait anymore. So even though there's several questions left (Where will Eddie Curry and Tyson Chandler end up? Will the Mavs cut Michael Finley?), here's a team by team analysis of significant changes to each team's roster.

Eastern Conference--Atlantic Division

Boston Celtics
Additions: Gerald Green (SG, draft); Brian Scalabrine (PF, Free Agent FA)
Subtractions: Gary Payton (PG, FA); Antoine Walker (PF)

The more I look at the Celtics roster, the more I think they have to move Paul Pierce. The Celtics don't have a point guard (no, Marcus Banks doesn't count as an NBA starting point), and they are obviously going young (as they should). Scalabrine was brought in to teach Jefferson post moves and play for him when he's in foul trouble--I still can't believe they spent $15 mil on him. Like I said, they are doing the right thing; I just don't see Paul Pierce--or Ricky Davis--as being a part of that.

New Jersey Nets
Additions: Shareef Abdur-Rahim (PF, trade); Jeff McInnis (PG, FA); Antoine Wright (GF, draft)
Subtractions: None.

I could throw Richard Jefferson in the Additions, too. The Nets have already had a fantastic offseason. Abdur-Rahim (who they got for only a conditional first round pick) is no Kenyon Martin, but he's exactly what the Nets need: a good, tough low post scorer who rebounds well. I've always loved Jeff McInnis--I think he has a fantastic game, and I think he's got a bum rap with his "attitude" problems (you'd have gone crazy if you were on the Clippers with Lamar Odom and Michael Olowakandi, too). He's a great pick up as a backup point. The Nets have one of the best backcourts in the league--Kidd, Carter, Jefferson, McInnis, and a talented rookie in Antoine Wright. The Nets will be a force to deal with next year, as long as Carter doesn't play like a total pussy.

New York Knicks
Additions: Larry Brown (Coach); Quentin Richardson (GF, trade); Nate Robinson (PG, draft); Channing Frye (C, draft); Jerome James (C, FA).
Subtractions: Kurt Thomas (PF, trade); Allan Houston (SG; amnesty claus).

Of course the biggest additional is Brown, but don't let that fool you: this team will still suck next year. The Knicks are one of the few teams in that they probably aren't done dealing in the offseason, since Brown will definitely want to make some moves. Here's what I want to know: everyone in New York is so excited about the two new rookies, Frye and most especially little Nate Robinson. A) Let's calm down on Nate Robinson. 5'9" rookie point guards will only contribute so much, people. B) It's not going to matter anyway. Brown doesn't play rookies. Just ask Darko.

They'll be fun to watch, though, as in it's going to be fun watching Larry Brown try to kill Stephon, Jamaal Crawford, and Isiah Thomas. I see a Law & Order episode coming out of this one.

Philidelphia 76ers
Additions: Maurice Cheeks (Coach)
Subtractions: None.

The Sixers had about a million free agents, and somehow managed to keep them all. However...this is after finishing in seventh in the weak ass East, all while Allen Iverson was having a career year...so, do we really want to keep all these guys? Sure, they're young, but I just don't see all the upside that Philly does. We'll see; everyone's real excited about Cheeks, so now we'll see how well these kids improve now that they all have fat contracts.

Toronto Raptors
Additions: Chalie Villanueva (LOL...I mean, PF, draft); Joey Graham (SG, draft)
Subtractions: Donyell Marshall (PF, FA).

See the draft grades. This team is going to suck for a long, long time.

Atlantic Division

Chicago Bulls
Additions: None (yet).
Subtractions: None (yet).

As I said earlier, Tyson Chandler and Eddie Curry are still out there, and are the best free agents left. Chandler will almost assuredly end up with the Bulls. Curry...that's a different story. I see this going down one of two ways: 1) Curry doesn't find any good offers, ends up signing a one year deal with the Bulls but being very pissed about it, shows up to the season out of shape and with a bad attitude, sucks the first half of the season, and plays his heart out the second half in order to get a contract. Curry is like Shawn Kemp used to be: I would never give him more than a one year deal. You always want him playing for more money; once he's set, he'll balloon to God only knows how many pounds. 2) The Hawks will sign Curry for a RIDICULOUS amount of money, the Bulls will laugh and say, "Okay", and Curry will become an even fatter Shawn Kemp.

In case you can't tell, I don't have much respect for Eddie Curry.

Cleveland Cavaliers
Additions: Danny Ferry (ROFL...General Manager); Larry Hughes (SG, FA); Donyell Marshall (PF, FA)
Subtractions: None.

The Cavs may have gotten the steal of free agency when they signed Larry Hughes. I'm sorry, I'd rather have him over Ray Allen or Michael Redd, and they got him for $20 mil less. I don't know why people don't have more respect for Larry's game, he's been unstopable at both ends of the court for two years. Finally, Lebron has someone else on his team who can actually score. The Cavs probably aren't done, either; they're desperately trying to trade Drew Gooden, and still need a starting point. Great offseason for the Cavs so far.

And look at it this way, Cavs fans: Danny Ferry HAS to be a better GM than he was a player. Right?

Detroit Pistons
Additions: Flip Saunders (Coach).
Subtractions: Larry Brown (Coach).

I could put Darko as an addition, since he'll finally get a chance to play. But since I don't think he has any game, I won't do that. God I hope the Pistons do great with Flip, thus making Larry Brown look bad.

Indiana Pacers
Additions: Ron Artest (SF, suspension); Danny Granger (SG/SF, draft), Sarunas Jasikevicius (PG, FA).
Subtractions: None (maybe Austin Croshere, amnesty).

The rich get richer. Personally, I'd trade Ron Artest for whatever I can get for him, and roll the dice with Danny Granger, who will be one of the top players from this year's draft. I still can't believe the Pacers ended up with him. Sarunas Jlafjdl;afjdal;fjka;e is supposed to be the best point guard in Europe, and supposedly is good enough to take over as the starting PG the second half of the season. In other words, the Pacers should be BAD ASS next year.

Should be.

Milwaukee Bucks
Additions: Adrew Bogut (C, draft); T.J. Ford (PG, spinal injury); Bobby Simmons (SF, FA).
Subtractions: None.

The Bucks spent a TON (too much) money keeping all their free agents this summer. There's a lot of if's this year...if T.J. Ford returns to pre-injury form and keeps improving, if Bogut can play like a lottery pick (I'm not even going to ask him to play like a number 1 pick, just a lottery pick), if they can play Bobby Simmons, Desmond Mason, and Michael Redd at the same time (I think Mase may be dealt sooner rather than later), then the Bucks might do something. Like finish fourth or fifth in the East. At best.

Wow, the Bucks should have spent their money wiser.

Southeast Division

Atlanta Hawks
Additions: Marvin Williams (SF, draft); Salim Stoudamire (PG, draft); Joe Johnson, (GF, trade)
Subtractions: Boris Diaw (GF, trade)

Well, the Hawks did finally manage to convince someone to play with them, when they got Joe Johnson to sign. Expect him to jack up almost as many shots as Antoine Walker did, though, since that's the only reason he would leave the Suns to come play for the Hawks. He will rue the day he made this decision.

Good job drafting Marvin Williams and not Bogut (thank the Bucks for keeping you from making that mistake), but so far Marvin has looked HORRIBLE in summer leagues. The media thinks that Marvin has incredible potential, and I agree, but I just can't shake the feeling that he's going to end up being a bust. There's just something mentally not right with him.

There's still a chance the Hawks will get Eddie Curry, to which I say good luck with that. If that happens, expect Curry to hit 450 pounds in the next three years. Hell, 500 isn't out of the question.

Did I mention that all of the Hawks average to good players (Al Harrington, Marvin Williams, Josh Smith, Josh Childress, and Joe Johnson) play two positions (2 & 3). Okay, that's not entirely fair: Johnson can play a little point. A little.

Well, like I said, Johnson was a good signing, even if they had to ridiculously overpay to get him. I'd say good luck to the Hawks fans if they had any.

Charlotte Bobcats
Additions: Raymond Felton (PG, draft); Sean May (PF, draft)
Subtractions: None (yet)

This one can also be qualified with a "see my draft" column. I think the Bobcats dropped the ball in the draft, but they want to suck to get good draft picks for another year or two, so it wasn't too big of a loss. I don't think they should let Gerald Wallace go, however, which it looks like they're going to do. To whom I don't know.

Miami Heat
Additions: James Posey (SF, trade); Jason Williams (PG, trade); Antoine Walker (PF, trade); Wayne Simien (PF, draft)
Subtractions: Eddie Jones (SF, trade)

Now onto the busy beavers. Kudos for the Eddie Jones trade--you got three starters for half a starter. Hell, I'd have traded Eddie Jones for James Posey straight up, and then laughed at the Grizzlies.

(And yes, I realize that that means laughing at Jerry West. But he thought Hakim Warrick went to Princeton! Princeton! How do you make that mistake? 5 minutes after drafting him, you say he went to Princeton on national TV? And it's not like you could say, "Well, he was torn between Sean May and Hakim Warrick, and they went with Warrick, but he still had May on his mind, so he accidentally said North Carolina." No! It's Princeton! No one from Princeton has anything to do with the NBA draft. Wow.)

Sorry, got a little off track there. Anyway, Posey reminds me of Eddie Jones ten years ago, when Eddie was still good. Great defender, athletic swingman, can put the ball in the basket when he gets it but doesn't need it, above average three point shooter. You know, a great compliment to Shaq and Dwayne Wade.

I've never been a big fan of Jason Williams, but I'll give him this: I think he's made an honest effort to mature as a player and as a person since coming to the Grizzlies. The problem he's had there is, who does he learn from? Who was the savvy veteran to teach him the ropes, to keep him in line? Who was looking out for him, and who did he respect enough to listen to when they he needed someone to slap him upside the head? No one. Memphis was an exceptional team in that it was a team full of misfits who found a way to put it together. That was nice to see, but that didn't help him out.

Now, however, he has literally the biggest star in the game. I see The Big Aristotle adopting JWill, and making him his running buddy. I see him teaching him when to be flamboyant, and when to calm down. I see him slapping JWill upside the head--and how many times would it take Shaq slapping you upside the head for you to get the point--when he gets too out of control. Like him or not, Shaq is a winner, and Shaq is one of--if not the--smartest superstars in the game (look how well he made sure he meshed with Dwayne Wade. Sure, he did that in order to win and to be a good teammate, but if you don't think he REALLY wanted to mesh well with his new superstar guard in order to make his old superstar guard look like an even bigger asshole, you're crazy). In other words, this is JWill's chance to become the player he's had the potential to be. If he can't make it here, he can't make it anywhere.

Now Toine...that's a different story. I don't know if I can think of a worse player to put on this team. You want a PF who: can't jump (can he even dunk anymore? I honestly don't think so); can't offensive rebound; plays spotty D (sometimes he's great at D, but when he pouts, he's badddddd); can't shoot, but will jack up so many shots he makes Allen look pass happy; and thinks he should be the number 1 option on any team. Plus his game just doesn't fit well with Shaq and DWades. He doesn't shoot well enough to to take advantage of Wade's penetration and Shaq's kick outs, and he won't do the dirty work underneath that Shaq likes his PFs to do. In other words, the Heat should hope that Toine doesn't make too much of a stink when Udonis Haslem is starting over him and even Simien's is getting some PT by about the All Star break. I'd encourage Miami to get rid of him for the first decent offer they could get, but I have no idea who would want him.

Still, that's a pretty damn good trade for Eddie Jones. The Heat are still without question top 3 in the East.

Orlando Magic
Additions: Fran Vazquez (F, draft); Travis Diener (PG, draft); Keyon Dooling (PG, FA)
Subtractions: Fran Vazquez (F, draft); Doug Christie (SG, trade or cut); Jackie Christy (psycho, trade or cut)

HEHEHEHEHEHE. I couldn't resist. First, I had to put Fran Vazquez as both an addition and a subtraction, since the Magic drafted him in the lottery and then he said, "You know what? I'm going to chill in Spain one more year." Great job guys. You passed on Danny Granger, Gerald Green, and Joey Graham (amongst others) to get him. And trust me, you won't want him once he gets here.

Then after only half a season of Mrs. Christie, you're going to do WHATEVER it takes to get rid of her and her husband after dealing Cutino Mobley (I never thought I would be for keeping Mobley for anyone, but the Christie's would have to be it) for him. Wow.

Dwight Howard...get out as soon as you can!

Washington Wizards
Additions: Caron Butler (SF, trade); Antonio Daniels (PG, FA)
Subtractions: Larry Hughes (SG, FA); Kwame Brown (PF, trade)

As cool as I think it is to see Hughes go to Cleveland, I'm a little disappointed. The Wizards were a fun and fantastic team to watch last year; it would have been really cool to see him, Arenas, and Jamison gel.

The Wizards recovered well: duping LA to trade them Caron Butler, and picking up Antonio Daniels as a free agent. Hughes' loss is still huge, however. Hopefully Caron can finally fulfill is potential here and go from an average starter to a star; I still can't believe he's not a bad ass. Not a good offseason, but not as bad as it could be.

Uh oh.

First, I saw this.

Wow. I mean, I can somewhat understand. You become Mace Windu--perhaps the most powerful Jedi swordsman who ever lived--in what was apparently a lifelong dream (Jackson called George Lucas and BEGGED him to be a part of Star Wars; Windu's character was created specifically for him and his interest in the movie). So you're leaving Star Wars, you now have some cool swordplay skills, and you think you're a Bad Ass Mother Fucker.

But Afrosamurai?

I've never seen it...but it is called AFROSAMURAI. Does anyone think anything with that bad of a name could be any good?


Then, possibly even worse, I saw this.

Now, I'm a big Highlander fan. The TV show was great, the first three movies were good (sure, they have the worst plot continuity of any movie series ever, but it's all good fun). However, the fourth movie (Highlander: Endgame) was possibly the worst movie ever made. Definitely top five. You had to see it to realize how bad it was.

Now I see that they are not only making another movie after that absolutely horrible piece of cinema that completely ruined the franchise, but I see that they are going with the plot of the second movie, in which they left the simple formula of immortals on Earth and tried to say they were aliens from the planet Zoust (most Highlander fans just pretend like the whole "they're really aliens banished to Earth" thing never happened).

In other words, I don't have any hope that this movie will be any better.

And yes, I'm a huge fricking nerd.