Coupla Things...UPDATED!

* UPDATED: Check out this link to the CMRA home page. The third advertisement down on the page shows several riders racing. In the end, it stops and focuses on one rider when it shows the dates of the next two races. The rider it is focusing on then is the one, the only, Bob Pondrom, CMRA champion and current instructor! Congrats Bob for continuing to excel out there.

* UPDATED: One thing I forgot to mention (but that I did mention in my 2007 preview): The Lakers having Trevor Ariza (missed most of the season to injury last season) is a HUGE boon for them.

* Watching Lebron James shoot free throws in crunch time Tuesday night reminded me a lot of Doug Gottlieb shooting free throws in college. That, as you can see, is not a good thing. I'm starting to think it's a mental thing with Lebron, and that he might not ever improve on this aspect of his game.

* I'm sorry, but how is trading a first and a third round pick for Roy Williams a bad trade? Roy Williams is a Pro Bowl wide receiver in the NFL. The Cowboys have a need at wideout and considered drafting one in the first round this season; they would have almost certainly drafted one in the first round next season. Knowing that you will be losing a first on a receiver, then isn't it worth it to give up a third on a proven commodity, especially with the landscape riddled with "can't miss" receivers who did, in fact, miss (see Rodgers, Charles and Williams, Mike). Throw in the fact that the Cowboys have extra picks in next year's draft, and this is a good trade to me.

* I have a rather simple question: How is "redistributing wealth" any different from "Communism"? That's right, I used the C word, and I stand by it.

As you already know, I will be voting for John McCain on November 4th. That being said, I spoke rather glowingly about Obama back in September considering I was planning on not voting for him. I even made the comment that I was comfortable with him leading the country.

As his campaign has gone on, and--most importantly--as his lead has lengthened, I've become more and more concerned as I feel that Obama has dropped his guard. This concerns me for two reasons: 1) he had a guard to drop in the first place, and 2) how radical many of his ideas really are.

I'm sorry people, but giving people who don't pay taxes cash while increasing the taxes of those who do isn't "Tax Reform"; it's welfare. And the answer to the question above is simple: yes, when the government starts deciding who should make what, at best that is Socialism, and at worst you quickly start "redistributing wealth" and end up with Communism.

As Kyle is fond of saying, words have power. As the election has gone on, Obama seems to be using synonyms of words we don't like in order to trick the populace into not realizing he's supporting these words.

I don't like that. I like someone who is straightforward, and I certainly--as do most Americans--don't like the words Obama is using.

I hope I'm wrong, and that I'm looking to much into this. Especially since Obama is probably going to win the Presidency.

* Now this is a judge I would gladly vote for. The minor drawback with a legal civilization is that you can't just look at people and say, "That's fucking stupid; just go away."

* You know what? Phuck Philly. That long suffering city that hasn't won a title since...wait, 1983? I was alive in 83! My brother was alive in 83! Plus haven't you been to the Super Bowl in the last five years? Weren't you in the World Series in the last decade? Weren't the Sixers a playoff team LAST PHUCKING SEASON? I might hate Philadelphia more than I hate Detroit. Sit down, shut up, quit your bitching, and stop pretending that you're Cubs fans, who haven't won in A HUNDRED PHUCKING YEARS!!!!!!!!

* You know, this video might be a complete fake. I couldn't confirm or deny it online. Either way...it's pretty funny. If I was this guy, I would have got up, handed the groom the rings, and walked out of the wedding. Just got in my car and driven home.

* And then the Lord Jesus Christ, our savior, said to his Apostles: "And lo unto you, my Church better be 4Real, yo." Well, our Lord and Savior got his wish. The 4Real church finally exists. The first line on that page is PRICELESS. Thanks for my lovely and talented girlfriend for clueing me into this.

* I really enjoyed this diatribe about the subprime market, as many of his views mirrored my own. That is, of course, until I got to the last paragraph.

Look, I don't know much about hemp. I've never smoked weed, don't really have a desire to, and don't know a whole lot about that plant and it's various uses. All I know is, it's hard to take a dude seriously--even when you have a return of 866%--if you're last paragraph is a diatribe on the beauty and uses of hemp.

I'm just sayin.

* I'm done with the Jedi. That's right, you heard me. I'm pulling my support of the Jedi.

Does this mean I'm siding with The Sith? Of course not. I still stand for the forces of good and justice. However, I don't think the Jedi really stand for this anymore--honestly, I have no idea what the phuck the Jedi are doing.

First, I've always had a problem with the Jedi's "No Love" belief. Really? You're supposed to be a good guy and you reject love? With all due respect to those Buddhists and Hindu sects who subscribe to the theory of breaking all attachments to free the soul, but that's the stupidest phucking thing I've ever heard in my life. Any good guy who rejects love...I mean, he's just really missing the point.

Second, I've always found it hypocritical that the Jedi are perfectly comfortable slicing their way through thousands of bandits, mercenaries, and clones to their goal--but once they get to the head bad guy, it's suddenly against the code to kill anyone.

Perfect case in point: Star Wars: The Force Unleashed. WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD! SKIP TO NEXT BULLET POINT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE ENDING! Anyway, TFU is set between Episodes 3 and 4, and deals with the founding of The Rebel Alliance. So you've got this kid, Vader's apprentice, who eventually switches to The Light Side. He goes to the Death Star, beat Vader, and then beats the Emporer. So he's got the Emporer on the ground, he's swinging his lightsaber to kill him--and the Jedi who helped him switch sides grabs his arm, and pulls the, "No, you can't kill him, that's the path to the Dark Side!"

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR PHUCKING MIND?

Let's see. This guy has killed not millions, but BILLIONS of people. He's enslaved an entire galaxy. He's totally destroyed all members of the Order that are committed to justice and good--including the little kids that belonged there. He's currently building a space station that can destroy planets. You REALLY think that the universe isn't better off without this guy?

And what happens? The Emperor hops up, kills you (Vader's Apprentice), and then goes on to blow up a planet, and kill billions--wait, that's not true, he probably kills TRILLIONS--more people in the next 20 or so years.

In the words of Happy Gilmore, "Where were you on that one, dipshit?"

So Jedi, phuck it. I'm done with you. You guys are so dumb, you're part of the problem, and not the solution. And thank you, George Lucas, for ruining yet another beloved group of characters for us.

* No matter how this turns out, there's one thing we can all be assured of: it's all Hawns Bwix's fault.

* Speaking of crazy phucking Commies, check this out from our gracious Olympic hosts in the East. Were I an Olympic athlete, I would consider it one of the highlights of my career to have made that list. Good for you Jennie Finch! This just makes me love you even more!!!!

* According to this report, Dallas is getting the Black Super Bowl in 2010, to be played at JerryWorld. (BTW, that shall henceforth be the name of the new monstrosity being built in Arlington: JerryWorld. I have spoken!). And if you don't think I'm pee in my pants excited about this, well, then you just don't know me.

* Finally, a sad moment in the NBA. Greg Oden finally played his first NBA game last night...and couldn't even make a quarter before he got hurt. Everyone swears up and down that this is one of the nicest kids in the world, and that his talent is unbelievable. That's all fine and good...but at this point, I think it's much safer to say his career will be like Grant Hill's in Orlando: injury plagued, and leaving us with the knowledge that we missed someone who could be truly special.

The good news in this story for Portland fans, however, is that this does not affect my predictions for the Blazers. I still think they get 8th in the West. With all respect due to Oden, but his offensive game is terrible. You can tell he's played his entire life just being able to drop step dunk on anyone. This, of course, isn't going to cut it in the NBA. Oden still has a long way to go to develop as a complete player in the league, so having him wouldn't have helped you all that much this season. Add to the fact that Rudy Fernandez looked like the real deal last night, and this is still a team that can win in the West.

Good luck Blazers, and good luck Greg Oden. I have a feeling you're going to need it.

Almost Heroes List

It's time for the latest installment of my heroes list: PJ'S Almost Heroes.

Who are these guys? These are the bad guys who--deep down inside--are really good guys who always seem to get in trouble. Or bad guys that finally saw the error of their ways, and are seeking redemption for the pain they've seen. Or good guys that just keep managing to get in trouble from time to time. Or mercenaries available to the highest bidder...but do have at least some streak of honorable code in them.

Think of them as the bad guys we love to root for.

10. Crovax
Crovax was a incredible warrior who was cursed upon killing a dark angel, and eventually became one of the most powerful evil beings in the Magic universe. However, I always felt sorry for him: Magic took the "destiny" approach with Crovax, where he had no choice but to fall under the curse of evil while fighting for justice. I was happy in Planar Chaos--the Magic version of Marvel's "What If"--the curse was not passed to Crovax, and he instead became an exceptional hero.


9. Toxin
I've always felt that Venom was a character that got a somewhat bum rap--he's had moments, and his desire to protect "innocents", as he calls them, is noteworthy. However, to put it lightly, in the end Venom was just too insane to be thought of as a good guy. Marvel solved the almost hero with Venom recently by having the symbiote (the evil part) gain more power and grow more crazy, but had Carnage give birth to Venom's "grandson", Toxin. Toxin bonds with a cop, and the two eventually reach a level of respect/compromise that allows Toxin to become more of a hero. I also like they way they draw Toxin, and I've always thought the Venom powers were cool.




8. Artemis Entreri/Jarlaxle Baenar
Two of Drizzt Do'Urden's most powerful enemies, who eventually like each other's company enough that they abandon their "pure killing" ways and travel the world looking for adventure together. Entreri is the second greatest swordsman (behind Drizzt) and possibly the greatest assassin in the Forgotten Realms universe, and Jarlaxle is the flamboyant Dark Elf who is a jack of all trades--and Master of all them. Jarlaxle, especially, I find hilarious.


7. Richard B. Riddick
The last of the Furyans, a legendary warrior planet in the Pitch Black/Chronicles of Riddick universe. Riddick is the modern anti-hero, the arrogant bad ass who has respect for no one and has no qualms about killing an enemy. When push comes to shove, however, he does tend to make the good decision, and as the story has evolved we find that the people Riddick has "murdered" weren't so innocent after all.


6. Scorpion
Scorpion is the hellspawned ninja from Mortal Kombat. While Scorpion can be (somewhat easily) tricked into serving the forces of evil, a closer look at his story shows that he was betrayed and murdered by the forces of evil, and has fought for revenge and justice ever since.


5. Lobo
The "Main Man", as Lobo likes to call himself, might be more powerful than Superman. The epitome of the arrogant motorcycle punk, Lobo is truly a lout: a drunk, loud, abonxious, violent bounty hunter who sells his services to the highest bidder, and even likes to brag that he wiped out the rest of his species for his Science Fair project (he gave himself an "A"). In spite of this, when push does come to a punch that will send you across the planet, Lobo does have a sense of honor and a willingness to do the right thing. Especially if that means he gets to beat someone up--then he's definitely all for it. Or if a hot girl is involved. When all is said and done, you have to love Lobo if for no other reason that he annoys Superman so much.


4. Darth Vader
Talk about a character butchured. Once upon a time--before Episode II: Attack of the Clones--the Dark Lord of the Sith would have been the unquestionable number 1 on not only this list, but in almost everyone's. Now, however, as Lucas has seemingly gone on a campaign to destroy his most beloved character, we see that Anakin was almost as much of a spoiled brat as he was legendary hero.

In spite of this, you still can't deny the appeal of The Dark Lord of the Sith--the power, the voice, the costume, and the redemption. In spite of Lucas' attempts to ruin him, he is still one of the greatest characters ever, and is the epitome of the good guy who loses his way, but finds it in the end.



3. Lord Sesshomaru
The son of the legendary Demon Lord Inu no Taishou and brother to the powerful half demon Inuyasha, Lord Sesshomaru reminds me a lot of one of my favorite villians, Darkseid--he hides an ocean of emotions (mostly rage, those that changes as the series progresses) beneath an icy, aloof demeanor. The difference between the two, though, is Sesshomaru has grown throughout the series Inuyasha to not only feel compassion towards, but love to innocents--specifically his adopted ward, Rin. This compassion has changed him from one of the most powerful villains in the Inuyasha universe to one of its greatest heroes--if he notices you to help you. Sesshomaru also is in my patheon of favorite voices, as David Kaye perfectly matches his voice to the character.


2. Deadpool
Deadpool has gone from a freak, let's-try-him-once character in the Marvel Universe to one of their biggest stars. The "Merc With A Mouth" is a mercenary who posses a healing power at least equal to Wolverine's, along with the martial skills to put him on par to all but the strongest characters in Marvel. The best part of Deadpool, though, is his mouth. One of the most hilarious characters in comic books, Deadpool is thoroughly insane (ummm...in the good way?), AND is well aware that he is a character in a comic book (Loki told him--hence his comments in his first comic as seen on the left). Deadpool will be played by Ryan Reynolds in the Wolverine: Origins movie (fantastic casting) coming in 2009, and make no mistake: Marvel is grooming him to be one of their future stars. I'm looking forward to that, as Deadpool can be summed up perfectly in one word: fun.


1. Boba Fett
Without question the most popular underground character in Star Wars, Boba Fett is the perfect clone of Jango and eventually rises to become Mandalore of the Mandalorian Commandos (Mandalore being a name/title to the leader). Why is Boba Fett so cool? Honestly, I don't even know how to put my finger on it. Maybe it's because he's so good at what he does, even though he lacks the power that so many of his targets possess. He is without question though one of the greatest characters in Star Wars, and the greatest Almost Good Guy.

NBA Preview 2008: Western Conference

Here we go again...

Last five years Eastern Conference bad.

15. Oklahoma City Thunder
The Thunder has a bright future. Kevin Durant is going to be a star; Jeff Green will be an All Star; I'm not as high on Russell Westbrook as some, but he's going to be a very good point guard for years to come. That being said...they're still going to take their lumps this year. However, this is a team at least moving in the right direction...

14. Sacramento Kings
...whereas the Kings, most certainly, are not. This team is really bad and could easily end up in last place, especially if Kevin Martin misses any time. I'm laughing in advance at anyone who drafts Brad Miller this year, as I expect him to age in dog years at this point.

13. Memphis Grizzlies
Another bad young team who is at least moving in the right direction. I love what I'm hearing from Mike Conley, who I still think will be an All Star at some point in his career. I'm not as high on Rudy Gay as some, but this is definitely his team at this point. And as for O.J. Mayo...I mean, come on, you have to admit the guy is facinating. He could be a future All Star...he could be a complete and total bust...and either way, I fully expect to see him in a courtroom wearing a huge fur coat trying to convince a judge not to send him to prison for the coke and hookers police found in his hotel room (see Irvin, Michael). It's going to be entertaining, I promise you that much.

It's going to get worse before it gets better...

12. Golden State Warriors
I would bet damn near everything I owned that Don Nelson will not finish the season as head coach. I'm shocked he didn't use the club fining Monta Ellis as an excuse to leave then. It's all about to fall horribly apart for Golden State, trust me on this.

11. LA Clippers
I'm really sorry after everything that's happened to the Clips lately...but doesn't this feel like a season that is just headed towards disaster? There's the promise from signing The Baron...and then David Falk fucks over the Clippers and makes Elton Brand leave. Then there's the ugly divorce with Elgin Baylor. Now you've got a team where your three best players--The Baron, Marcus Camby, and Chris Kaman--are all injury prone yet coming off injury free years (once again, they're due), and they play two positions. Throw in you have arguably the worst starting two guard in the league (Mobley), and your only three quality bench players are the most overrated rookie from the last draft (Eric Gordon), the reigning craziest player in the league (Ricky Davis), and the laziest player in the league (Tiim Thomas). Let's just say I don't see this ending well.

10. Denver Nuggets
I'm basing this on the lineup they have now...and I'm about 95% sure they deal Iverson at the trade deadline for draft picks. So there is plenty of potential for this team to move, and it ain't up (sorry Eric). Also...does anyone see Melo as the kind of player you want to rebuild around, nurturing young high draft picks on how to win the NBA? Yeah...I don't either.

The frisky young teams.

9. Minnesota Timberwolves
Okay, so is there about a 90% chance that we're going to look back in a year and laugh at me for picking the Wolves this high? Unquestionably. But I've got a feeling about this team this year...I think they can make some noise. Al Jefferson should be an All Star this year. They have a great shooter/savvy veteran in Mike Miller. Randy Foye looks like he's starting to put it together a little. Rashad McCants continues to recover from knee surgery and is looking good. They actually have good depth (Craig Smith, Kevin Love, Ryan Gomes) at forward. And Corey Brewer has to get better at some point, right? I mean he can't really be as bad as he's looked, can he?

I know I'm going to probably regret this. But I'm going with my gut, and putting the Wolves here anyway.

8. Portland Trailblazers
I think this season decided Portland's future...and there's a lot more danger here than people realize. As you know, I believe in momentum--strongly. I feel that momentum has been building, and it's time for this team to take a step, make the playoffs, play well, inspire their fans, and delight the entire NBA.

The thing I worry about? Injuries.

Brandon Roy is injury prone. Make no mistake, Greg Oden is injury prone. They DESPERATELY need both of those players to play at least 72 games this season.

I think if they stay healthy, the Blazers take that step, make the playoffs, play well there, and go forward to a bright future. But if they have a major injury, I think they don't make the playoffs, and momentum shifts on them: injuries keep ocurring in the future, fans get exasperated waiting for this team to gel, and it falls apart.

I know this sounds weird, but trust me, that's how it works. There's no rhyme, no reason, you can just feel it coming. I hope they do well this season, because this is a fun group of likeable guys in a city that loves basketball. Because if they don't make the playoffs, this team will end up being done.

TIMEOUT!!!!

Per Bo's comment in yesterday's post...


Back to it.

The Changing of The Guard.

7. Phoenix Suns
In the end, I feel like the team that lost easily to the Spurs in five games last year is who the Suns are. I think this is the year Little Stevie Nash starts to slip, and he doesn't have much room to slip. I think Barbosa's days of being the quickest guy on the court every night are done; he doesn't recover from his subpar year last year. I think Diaw continues to be a pussy Frenchman and doesn't get any better. I think Raja Bell is just about completely done. I think Shaw is even more done this year than he was last year.

There are some things I like about this team. I loved the signing of Matt Barnes, who is not only a good player in his own right, but having him will mean Grant Hill plays less minutes, which will make Grant Hill a better player. While I do think Robin Lopez has become overrated, he's still a good backup center. And I do think that Amare is going to have the monster year that John Holinger thinks he's going to have.

In the end, though, the minus outweigh the pluses, even before you factor this in: this franchise will rue the day they sent Mike D'Antoni away.

6. San Antonio Spurs
Originally, I had this team fourth. But as time went on, I just couldn't get past this one thought:

"How in the Hell is the team going to win games without Manu Ginobli?"

Missing Ginobli for 25 games is HUGE. People forget that he was the Spur's MVP in the regular season last season. That's right; it wasn't Timmy, it was Manu, and it wasn't even close. He was spectacular last season.

This year, the Spurs have added no one, their all a year older, and I think that TP slips just a little bit as the Hollywood lifestyle he's living with his wife catches up with him a little bit.

Eventually, even immortals end up dying.

5. Your Dallas Mavericks!
Could this be wishful thinking from the homer in me? Absolutely. But hear me out, after I spent most of the offseason thinking that the Mavs might not even make the playoffs:

* Changing from Avery Johnson to Rick Carlisle will mean better play just on the basis of effort alone from the players. And seriously, can you even blame them? After three years of listening to Avery Johnson scream at you about anything and everything in that annoying voice, wouldn't you get sick of hearing that? I always though Avery was overrated as a coach due to his early success anyway, and seriously, how hard is it to look better than Don Nelson after he's checked out on a franchise? Watch the Warriors this season and you'll see. On the contrary, I've always thought Rick Carlisle was a good coach at each of his previous stops. Big boost for the Mavs, especially this year.
* I think Josh Howard has a good regular season, as he's been through so much shit (as he well should have been) in the offseason that he has a, "Finally, I can just go out and play ball!" kind of season. That being said, if a team offers someone 75% of his value at the trade deadline, I JUMP at that move.
* Would I rather have Devin Harris and two first round picks than Jason Kidd? Yes, I would. However, I do think Jason Kidd isn't as done as everyone is saying, and will play better this season than he did last.
* I think Brandon Bass has a great season, and establishes himself as a 6th Man of the Year candidate. I think he puts up almost a double double (I'm thinking at least 12 and 9ish), and I think the way he attacks the rim and tries to dunk on people is EXACTLY what this team needs.
* I'm glad that Rick Carlisle is giving Antoine Wright some good run in the preseason, as I think he's a decent player who can play good minutes. And while I'm far from convinced that what he's done in preseason will translate in any way, shape, or form to the regular season, even I must admit that Gerald Green has looked good in the preseason.
* Good God, did I just list Antoine Wright and Gerald Green as reasons the Mavs will have a better season? Hold on a minute, I've started sobbing...

Okay, I'm back. The biggest reason, though, is that the West is not as competitive as it has been in years past, and I feel like the Mavs have slipped less than the other teams. This team will be better than most people expect, though make no mistake: the championship window has closed for this team.

The Enigma.

4. Houston Rockets
Please. Like you didn't think a team that has Ron Ron and the two most frequently injured stars in the league qualifies as an enigma? This team could finish third, or could finish eighth.

Quickly before I get to my radical idea for the Rockets: I love the talent on this team, and love the bench. I still don't like the point guards, still worry about injuries to Yao and TMac as you can see their pictures in the dictionary next to the phrase "It's not if, it's when", and I worry about Ron Ron being a crazy asshole like he is. Nothing earthshattering for this team. So here's my radical idea:

Why don't the Rockets sit Yao for the first 20 games this season?

Look, the Rockets proved last season that they can win in the regular season without him. Everyone believes that part of the reason Yao is so oft-injured is the ridiculous schedule his Masters in China keep him on, and given the fact that he came back too early from his broken foot to play in the Olympics this summer, this season is no different. Sure, everyone's saying he'll be fine, but you know he won't be.

So why not tell him, "Look man, why don't you get some rest? Sit back, relax, take the first 20 games off, make sure you're fully healed. We'll be waiting for you when you get back."

There's only one real downside: the need to integrate a dynamic player like Ron Ron into this team. But look at it this way: Yao starts on game 20. The Rockets take, say, 40 games to really gel as a team and get comfortable with playing with each other. The kick it off around game 60-65, and ride that momentum into the playoffs, where they will have homecourt because they easily have enough talent to get fourth in the NBA without Yao for 20 games.

Do it Rockets. You need to. Because if you think you're going to get Yao for the entire regular season and playoffs, well, let's just say I won't be the one who will be surprised.

The Dark Horse Contender.

3. Utah Jazz
I like this Jazz team. They're a likable team, and on paper they look just as good as the Hornets and Lakers. However...there's something missing on this team. There's something that's just not there. This team is the perfect example of stats versus the real world. John Hollinger, ESPN's statistician, LOVES this team. Predicted them to win the West. However, every no one else did. Almost everyone had them in the top three, cetainly the top four...but no one had them as number 1.

It's why you can't just use stats to judge the real world. This team looks fantastic, and has played very well...but in the end, I think they fall just short.

The True Contenders.

2. New Orleans Hornets
I think they Hornets get second in the regular season, but end up winning the West and playing in the Finals. This is a fantastic team that is even built to withstand the inevitable Da Peja injuries (Posey backs him up now, and don't forget the underrated Julian Wright). Are there holes? Sure. They'll miss Jainero Pargo. It would be nice to have a better backup PF/C. But that's about it, and with the addition of Posey, who as we know is a longtime fav of mine, this team has what it takes to make it to the Finals.

1. LA Lakers
So why do I have the Lakers in first and not in the Finals? First of all, because I think the Lakers will put an inordinate amount of emphasis on winning the regular season. I also think that once their in the playoffs, there are several shortcomings that will show up. Do you see Lamar Odom suddenly becoming a clutch playoff performer when he's already unhappy about his role/contract with the team? Yeah, me neither. Do you see Pau suddenly become a physical clutch performer in the playoffs? No way. Do you see Andrew Bynum being a force his first time to play a full season and his first time to play in the playoffs after coming back from major knee surgery? Not a chance. Do I think Kobe's schizophrenia will come back to haunt them when in the playoffs as he chases so desperately for his own title? God, please let that be the case.

In the end, I think Kobe wants it too bad, and I don't think he'll ever win a championship on a team that he's the premier player. Of course, that could be wishful thinking on my part.

So there you go everyone. And remember, the NBA...it's FANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTASTIC!!!!!!!!

NBA Preview 2008: Eastern Conference

For the first time in about five years, I don't have a sarcastic comment about how bad the East is. This conference has finally gotten more competitive, with some intriguing teams here. Let's hop right in.

I'll give them this...they're a lot better than the worst of the East used to be.

15. New Jersey Nets
This team isn't all that bad: Devin Harris will be a borderline All Star, Vince Carter is still a top 50 player in the league, and I think Sean Williams will play well this year. If one of the other rookies (Brooke Lopez, CDR, Yi--I know he's a soph, just go with it) or if Bobby Simmons or Jarvis Hayes puts it together, they could finish 2-3 spots higher. I think it's more likely, though, that Vince Carter either gets traded for draft picks midway through the year or pouts through the whole season, the rookies don't do much, and Simmons and Hayes continue to suck. We'll just see.

14. New York Knicks
Look, there are few bigger fans of Mike D'Antoni than I am. The man is an amazing coach. That being said, this team still sucks. In fairness to them, they will be better this year, but unfortunately for them their conference is better this year, too. Throw in the fact that Mike & Donnie (Walsh, the GM) will be swapping the roster as the year goes, and this does not translate to wins. As long as Stephon is on this team, it's bottom three in the Conference, guaranteed.

13. Charlotte Bobcats
God I love seeing Larry Brown fail...and fail he will with this underachieving, piece of crap team. I'm sorry, but I think D.J. Augustin is horribly overrated, and if you're counting on May, Wallace, and Okafor (after having signed a ridiculous contract) to stay healthy all season, well, you just don't know these guys. Throw in Larry throwing his usual tantrums and demanding all new players be brought in, and this team could easily finish last.

Some potential...but I just don't see it working out.

12. Milwaukee Bucks
I like what the Bucks have done in the offseason. Better coach, added a better player for a terrible player. In the end, though, I just don't think this is a very good TEAM. It reminds me of a fantasy league team: several players who put up good numbers, but no star to pull it all together, and each player has holes that keep it from working together. Could finish higher, but I doubt it.

11. Chicago Bulls
I'm just not buying the Bulls. Sorry. If you don't think Ben Gordon is going to be a cancer on this team, then you just haven't been paying attention. After this year, can we finally agree that Tyrus Thomas is just another average forward? Luol Deng continues to be one of the most overrated player in the NBA; how is a player this highly thought of when he is a midrange jump shooter whose best season produced 18pts and 7 rebounds? Trust me on this: Joakim Noah is not an NBA starter, let alone a star. Larry Hughes & Nocioni's best years are behind them, and that's not saying much. And as for Derrick Rose...I think he's going to be a great player, but I don't see him lighting it up enough to pull this team--that is still just a bunch of jump shooters--together. Ironically enough, the one person I do think is underrated is Kirk Hinrich (and you know what I normally think of white guards). He's not an All Star, but he's better than everyone has him labeled.

This team just needs to call it quits and start over.

Atlanta Hawks
There are things I like about this team. Mike Bibby in a contract year. Al Horford continuing to improve, who I think will end up being an All Star at some point in his career. Mo Evans is better than people realize. And while Williams over Paul continues to be yet another jewel in Chad Ford's laughable career, people haven't noticed that Williams has improved every season and is an above average player. If he keeps it up, he could make the leap to "good" player this season.

So why don't I have this team higher? Two things: 1) Losing Josh Childress, which has been discussed enough that I really don't need to touch on it that much. But he was definitely one of those unselfish team guys on a team of selfish players who kept it all together. Most importantly, however, is 2) Josh Smith has his big contract. Seriously, the Hawks might as well just have him not show up anymore. He will never play hard again. I'm sorry, it's over. Josh Smith is the reincarnation of the Sonics (wisely) trading Shawn Kemp rather than giving him a huge contract. They knew as soon as he got him money, he was done, and that was it.

Sorry Hawks fans. You think you helped your future, and unfortunately you really destroyed it.

The Enigmas

9. Washington Wizards
This team could go one of two ways: Tough Juice and Jamison could stay healthy all season, Andray Blatche and Nick Young could continue to improve, Arenas could come back the second half of the season and give this team a spark, and this team could finish three spots higher than this.

Or...

Jamison and Butler could both struggle with injuries as they have most of their careers and as they did not last season (meaning they're due), the young players stagnate instead of improve, Arenas could come back later than anticipated, be a shadow of his former self when he does return, and do nothing but cause disharmony upon returning, and this team could finish three spots lower.

I can see either scenario, and honestly, I think the later is the more probable. I have a bad feeling about this year for the Wiz. And I've also got a bad feeling about Arenas, who I think might be done as an elite player.

8. Miami Heat
Count me among those who watched the Olympics and thought, "Man, Dwyane Wade is really good when he is healthy." If Wade stays healthy, Shawn Marion stays motivated, and Beasley stays out of trouble, this team can beat anyone on any given night. Are those three huge ifs? Yes. Could it go the other way and they finish three spots lower, especially if Wade misses ANY significant time to injury? Yes. But I'm rolling the dice on a rejuvenated Wade and a Shawn Marion in a contract year.

And if I'm the Mavs, I try to trade Josh Howard for him in a heartbeat if the Heat struggle and start shopping him.

7. Indiana Pacers
The token "young team that can makes the jump and even makes some noise this year." People forget that this team missed the playoffs by one game last year. They've done a great job cleaning up their chemistry issues; I thought the Ford-O'Neal trade was just what both teams needed; their draft added excellent depth; I think Danny Granger makes the All Star team this year. The only problem I have with this team is that we are counting on Mike Dunlevey, which I am vehemently opposed to doing. However, with Jarrett Jack, Marquis Daniels, and Brandon Rush backing up the guards, I think even if (when) Dunlevey slips the Pacers can still make the playoffs--as long as Granger makes the leap.

TIMEOUT!

In case you wanted to see the greatest Sports Illustrated cover ever:



And now back to the preview...

Frisky...but not quite there yet.

6. Philadelphia 76ers
It might be my suspicious nature...but I just have a bad feeling about this team. I shouldn't; on paper, they're fantastic: an outstanding mix of athleticism and strength, good mix of youth and veteran know-how, and last year's success to build on.

I just don't know though. It's usually tough adding a star player, especially to a young team--there's a learning curve. There's the fact that most of the "surprise, we came out of nowhere because several guys played out of their minds last season!" teams fall back to Earth the next year. And there's the bad karma from Elton Brand's departure (see Boozer, Carlos' first two years with the Jazz after fucking over a blind guy). This team is too talented to finish any lower than sixth in the East, but I think the "championship contender" status is way premature. The really do remind me of the Jazz the year Boozer joined them...and that took 2-3 years. I think the same applies here.

5. Toronto Raptors
Poor Raptors. They just can't seem to get out of the 4-6 spots in the East. Even though I like the addition of O'Neal, the fact is the rest of the conference got better, too, so I don't see them rising much higher. Their borderline disturbing lack of depth will cost them in the long run.

4. Orlando Magic
Some pundits have the Magic as a Eastern Finals contender. I don't see it. First of all, Turkoglu will not play as well this season as he did last season. No knock on Turkoglu, who is a good player, but he is not an All Star, and that's the level he played at last year. That was his best year last season. Dwight Howard still does not have the offense to make this team a championship contender, and their bench is still inadequate. I do love the Pietrus signing, but this team still has no backup big men, and have arguably the worst starting point guard in the NBA.

Good team, potentially even a very good team...but not a great team.

Yawn.

3. Cleveland Cavaliers
Is Cleveland better than the Pistons? Unquestionably. But same old story with the Cavs: Lebron (especially after the Olympics) coasts through the first half of the season, turns it on second half. I also think they'll miss Joe Smith more than anyone thinks they will. This team just cares about the playoffs...nothing new there...yawnnnnn...

2. Detroit Pistons
Yawwwwwnnnn...Pistons have great regular season, lose in second round of playoffzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........

SSDD for this team.

The Defending Champions

1. Boston Celtics
I'm not worried about this team's motivation at all. I think that few returning champions in history have been as motivated to win another as this bunch. What concerns me is Danny Ainge's apparent motivation. Look, I understand that James Posey had to cash in and you couldn't afford to keep him. But you couldn't bring in another quality small forward? None? No one for the, "Hey...want to win a ring?" like the Lakers used to in the Shaq era? Let me assure you that--in spite of what John Hollinger might say--Tony Allen is NOT the answer to the "who will replace James Posey" question.

However, this team is still outstanding. Count me among those who think Rajon Rondo will be a borderline All Star this year. The Big Three are as motivated as ever. I think Powe and Davis get even better. This team still wins 60, and still finishes in first place.

Coupla Things...

* I saw two movies on video over the weekend, Forgetting Sarah Marshall and You Don't Mess With The Zohan. Both were well received comedies that came out roughly around the same time. I enjoyed Zohan: it was funny, and I felt it was more of a throwback to Sandler's original greatness (Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, The Waterboy ) and not his more recent mediocre flicks (I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, Click). Sarah Marshall, however, I felt was mediocre at absolute best. I'm sorry, but showing me Marshall's (not Sarah Marshall, the guy who plays Marshall from How I Met Your Mother) penis over and over does not make for a funny movie. I just thought it was an unimaginative date/chick flick that just tried to be gross once or twice instead of actually trying to be funny.

* I think that by far the worst thing Marge ever did was put meat juice in Lisa's food. I'm still flabbergasted by that: it's so out of character for her, I almost don't believe it happened.

* Courtesy of Jared, the best Kim Jong-Il impersonator (from Team America) I've ever heard, I give you a site devoted to the wonderful language of Engrish.

* I'm sorry, but the Olympic medals from Bejing are ugly as sin. I almost don't blame Jason Kidd for giving his away to pay for his gambling deb...I mean, uh, to give to a friend!

* Someone brought up to me the other day that people were trying to lower the drinking age to 18. After much debate, I decided that I'm in favor of this.

I do see both sides of this issue: I do believe that most 18 year olds would be better served waiting until they were 21 to start drinking. However, I don't think that you can deny them that ability when 18 years old are competent enough to vote, serve in the military, drop out of school, and be considered an adult legally. You can't have one without the other.

Here's an idea for you though: make it a requirement to be 18 and have a high school dipolma or GED. If you drop out and don't get an equivalent, you have to wait til you're 21. This would keep the older high school students from drinking, and would decrease the dropout rate (you think kids wouldn't finish school or at least make sure they get their GED if they knew they could cut 3 years off the drinking age?). It shows a level of matrurity necessary for drinking, and would be easily denoted on a Driver's License or State ID that you need to buy drinks anyway.

Problem solved.

* Shikaka!

* It seems to me that US Olympic Sprinters in 2008 went through what US Basketball went through in 2004. I hope they realize that, too.

* An amusing look at the rules that The Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote follow. Personally, I was always rooting for the Coyote. The Road Runner just thought he was too bad ass. You're not a cheetah, you're just a road runner, for God's sake!

* Did you know...that brats are slightly better for you than Hot Dogs? Both surprising and a little scary, huh? I looked it up: lower calories, lower fat, lower cholesteral, lower sodium.

* Here's a fascinating article on abortion. I'm going to just leave this be, and encourage you to read it.

* "Kin" is just a really weird word.

* Question for you in the Seinfeld mode: why do Health Fairs always give away candy? If you work at a company that is large enough, typically they have a health fair once a year. Each booth invariably ends up giving away candy. Why? It's a health fair! Shouldn't you be giving away water, fruit, and nutritional bars?

* You know, Adam Baldwin really is a great actor. Baldwin is a classic "That Guy" actor who anyone would instantly recognize (he's done everything from Full Metal Jacket to the Firefly series to currently starring on Chuch), and the guy always delivers. He also chooses well: he's one of those actors who anything he chooses is probably going to be something you're going to enjoy.

And the best part? No, he's not a Baldwin brother. Just happens to have that name.

* How, exactly, does Al Davis think he's not going to pay Lane Kifman? This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life. What a cheap old bastard.

* And, finally, as if we needed more proof that Fantasy Sports have become an important part of mainstream American life, we have our first reports of violence committed purely over fantasy sports.

Enjoy.