Sometimes Good Things Do Happen To Good People

In proof of this, I give you Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett. Without question, these are two of the nicest guys in the NBA--The Onion sarcastically lauded Allen for being "a decent human being" a few years back--who have been stuck on crappy teams with little hope of making the playoffs, let alone making any noise once they got there.

Well, that's all changed now.

Now, suddenly, three of easily the top 25 players in the NBA--including one of the top 20 players of all time--find themselves all on the same team, while still in their prime (albeit at the tail end), and all in the LEastern Conference.

In other words, they now have what they've always wanted: a legitimate chance to compete for an NBA Championship.

Let's look at the Celtics' roster:

PG: Rajon Rondo
SG: Ray Allen, Tony Allen
SF: Paul Pierce
PF: Kevin Garnett, Big Baby
C: Kendrick Perkins, Brian Scalabrine

Are there holes in that roster? Of course. Tony Allen is coming off of major knee surgery, and I've always felt he was overrated to begin with. I still don't think Rajon Rondo is ever going to be a starting point guard in this league. Obviously when you are counting Brian Scalabrine as part of your bench, you have no bench.

But you know what? You still have three players who need to be double teamed in your starting five. Do the math. And these players complement each other perfectly and will make each other better: the dominant low post player, the do everything forward, and the lights out shooting guard. All three are good guys who are committed to do anything to win. All three are good to great defenders and rebounders. All three can pass well. It's perfect.

What's missing? Point guard is by far the biggest whole. If I'm the Celtics, I'm calling Brevin Knight right now and talking him into coming for as cheap as possible. If they get him, then they can make the NBA Finals this season. If they don't and have to roll the dice with Ty Lue or Jeff McInnis, then it's probably just the Eastern Conference Finals. Not a bad turnaround for a team tanking games to get Kevin Durant last season.

The bench will hold the Celts back this year, but not next. Think they'll have trouble convincing a vet or two to sign next year to round out that bench? Think Big Baby--who we've already established will be motivated since he was drafted in the second round--will be out of shape with KG riding his ass every day? Think Rajon Rondo's atrocious jump shot can't be helped when Ray Allen is teaching him to shoot?

This is a team that can easily win the East. And if the Heat/Mavs Finals two years ago taught us anything, its that anything's possible once you get there.

It's been a crazy ride for the Celtics, and did they get tremendously lucky in having Kevin McHale make yet another bad trade? Yes they did. But through (literally) dumb luck, they've managed to put together a team that's going to be entertaining to watch, full of hungry stars who you like cheering for, and who are going to be the creme of the crop in the Eastern Conference for the next three to five years.

You can't ask for much more than that.

My Will

As I ate lunch today and Mayra once again called dibs on my Masterpiece Optimus Prime in case of my death, I thought, "Huh...I should write a will for all of my prized possessions." Not all my stuff...that can go to my parents, or whomever. But the important things. We all have stuff that may not be important to everyone, but is important to you. And some of your closest friends and family.

So, in case of my untimely demise, I bequeeth the following items to:

PD: No one. He gets buried with me.

All of my Transformers: These go to Mayra, including Masterpiece Optimus Prime, Prowl, and Skywarp.

All of my Star Wars Figures, and my Star Wars posters: These go to my Aunt Mary. She can display them proudly in her den. They can be displayed by her plate collection.

If Todd is very insistent, he can have them.

My R2-D2 that obeys voice commands: To Todd, since Mary already has one.

My Darth Maul & Darth Vader Lightsabers: One goes to Gabriel, and one goes to Todd. Todd gets first pick. Once a year, they shall duel each other in my memory.

All X-Men figures (including the Colossus bust), and my Darkseid figure: To Kyle, of course. No surprise there.

Any Marvel or DC figures not listed above: To Gabe. Yes, he is allowed to play with them now.

All of my Comic Books, except for the Voltron ones: To Kyle, to join his collection.

My original Voltron Figure, along with the original comics: To Gabe. May he find the love of one of the cartoon/toys of my youth that I had.

My picture of the Louvre (color), the Eifel Tower (b&w), and the Arc de Triomphe (b&w): To the Claborn's, as they were intended as a wedding gift that--to my shame--I still have not given them.

The rest of my paintings: To my Mother, to be distributed as she sees fit.

My original Sega Master System & Sega Genesis: Either to Sam, or to a museum. Yes, I'm serious.

My couch: You may do one of two things with my couch. 1) Someone amongst my family or closest friends must keep it in a place of honor--not just some garage. It is never to be thrown away. 2) Instead of burying me in a casket, you can just put the couch in the hole, lay me upon it, and put PD in my arms, and bury us like that.
Those are your only two options, and I think we all know which one I prefer. And if they are not followed, then I WILL come haunt you. And you know who "you" are.

My Coffee Table: To the Fuxas, since they are like me and tend to eat more meals in the living room than in the dining room.

My TV and surround sound system: To Bob, so that he can have a big TV, and because he is the only person strong enough to carry it.

My Cookbook: To Sam. Sam, share the catfish recipes with Jared. Share none of them with Mayra. My awesome Marinara recipe I take to the grave with me.

My Swords: To Chad, a fellow enthusiast.

My St. Pats basketballs: To be returned to St. Pats in the cases they are in, with everything that is in them. They can be placed in the trophy case there.

My Grill: To Sam, the only one worthy of following in my footsteps.

My DVD's and books: To be divided amongst my family and friends. However, I make the following recommendations:

* The Hyperion & Endymion Cantos: To Sam. Please read them. Just give them a chance; you will love them.
* My Samurai Jack Collections: To Todd.
* My Inuyasha Collections: To Kyle. You two can juxtapose these two Collections if you'd like.
* Transformers Season 1 Collection: To Mayra.
* My Michael Crichton books: To Todd when he graduates from college. Todd, I really think you'll love these when you have time to read them. Even Congo, which was a great book, in spite of the fact that it is the worst movie of all time.
* Ultimate Avengers: To Kyle. Yes, you have to keep it.
* Dracula 2000: To Kyle, to make up for him having to keep Ultimate Avengers.

The rest you all can sort out.

My Bike: To Bob, as a back up.

My Magic: The Gathering cards: To Todd.

My Basketball: To Little Mike. May it not lead you to fights as it always did with me when I was with you.

All of my music: To Kyle. Good luck figuring out what I paid for and what I didn't. :-)

My Gun: To Dad, to add to his collection.

All of my ****: To be split amongst Bob, Sam, Kyle, and Todd evenly.

My Authentic OSU & Michigan Basketball Shorts: To Eric, to add to his impressive collection. He can also have any jerseys he wishes to keep.

My Baseball and Basketball cards: To Braden, for when he is older. Hopefully this will help him get interested in the hobby.

My Snake Eyes Bust: To Bob.

My Lord of the Rings statue: To Mary.

All of my Christmas ornaments: To Mom.

There you go. Now you all know what to do with my prized possessions if I die. May you love them in your life as much as I did in mine.

NBA Offseason Moves

Okay here's how it's going to be: we're going to pretend the 2007 Playoffs never happened. In fact, with all the tanking, we're going to just pretend the 2007 season never happened. No offseason awards. No thoughts on the end of the playoffs. No ripping the Spurs for finally showing their true colors. No ripping David Stern for turning the corner and going from "bold, shrewd marketing genius who does whatever it takes to keep his league successful" to "megalomaniacal, selfish, pompous ass whose absolute power has corrupted him absolutely". Actually, the latter will probably get written someday, but not now! Now we're focusing on the future!

So far we've had the biggest draft since 2003, and an interesting offseason where there's already been plenty of trade talk and free agent movement. Rather than do a draft review, I'm going to just discuss the major happenings of the offseason so far.

Greg Oden selected by Portland/Kevin Durant selected by Seattle: There's been a ton of "which do you take first" talk with these two. I do think Kevin Durant will be the better player; the kid is just incredible. There's no other way to describe him. However, I do see Portland's way of thinking about having a dominant center--and while I think LaMarcus Aldridge can grow into a nice PF, "dominant" and "center" he is not. Say what you will about the changing NBA, look at who has won all the titles since a certain someone retired in 1998: Shaq, Tim Duncan, and Ben Wallace. Every single team that has one a title since Jordan's retirement has had an All Star Center.

Yes, they may have passed on the next Jordon. But Houston passed on Jordon, too, and I don't hear many people ripping them for drafting Hakeem Olajuwon. I think that's what happened here.

Portland then immediately trades Zach Randolph to Knicks for Channing Frye and Steve Francis: Okay, this is a guy whose high school coach is quoted as saying he checks the Obits every day to see if he's dead, and breathes a sigh of relief every time he doesn't see him there. Is he a dominant NBA player? Yes. Is he a selfish team cancer who embodies the "Jailblazers" image in Portland that you are desperately trying to get rid of? Yes. Does he have a ridiculously restrictive contract that's going to kill your team for years? Yes. If you can unload him for a young SF who immediately gives you a talented and imposing front line of Greg Oden, Lamarcus Aldridge, and Channing Frye--the shortest of who is 6'10"--don't you do so, even if you are only getting back about $.60 on the $1 when comparing the talent level? Now you've got a dynamic young front line, who are being led by the charismatic, hard-working, and likeable Rookie of the Year from last season. This is the very definition of addition by subtraction.

On the other hand, your team is already screwed with all of the bad contracts you've added over the years. You have very little talent, and very little room under the salary cap to make any maneuvers. You have a chance to give up one of your worst contracts and a team cancer that you almost bought out last year (Steve Francis), while adding one of the top 30 talents in the NBA. Sure, he'll probably get himself killed in New York in 3 or 4 years, but you can still get 3 or 4 good years out of him. And they're not even insisting on a draft pick!

In other words, this is a good trade for both teams.

Al Horford at #3 and Acie Law at #11 to the Hawks: Please see the KG article below. Now you tell me: would you rather have these two players, or Amare Stoudamire?

I fucking hate the Hawks. They are a blight on the NBA, and need to be contracted.

Grizzlies take Mike Conley at #4: I think Memphis has actually planned this whole thing out. This is a team who made the playoffs 3 years in a row, but never won a game. They were the perpetual "mediocre to good team who is stuck in a rut"; they'd never get bad enough to add some dynamic players, weren't good enough to make any real noise.

And then their best player breaks his foot the season before one of the most talented drafts ever.

Seriously, does anyone think Pau Gasol was worth 30 games? They won 49 games last year, and 22 this year. That's a 27 game swing! And the only difference was they lost Gasol for 23 games! The numbers just don't add up, people.

I think Jerry West is smart enough that when that happened, he said, "Perfect. We've lost our best player, so now we have an excuse to have a horrible season. We're going to tank, add a fantastic player, and then turn it around. We're going to give my younger players--Kyle Lowry, Rudy Gay, Hakim Warrick--the chance to go out, learn, and prove if they've got anything. Then we'll take whatever stud we get in the draft and take it to the next level in the next 2-3 years, which are still in Gasol's prime."

It's a great plan when you think of it.

I love Mike Conley--I think he's the third best player in the draft, and will eventually be one of the best point guards in the NBA. If Rudy Gay can just get 75% of his potential, then this is going to be a fantastic team in 2 to 3 years.

Boston trades Jeff Green to Sonics for Ray Allen and Glen "Big Baby" Davis: Yet another great trade for both teams. First, let's get one thing straight: as long as Danny Ainge and Doc Rivers are running the Celtics, you are not competing for a championship. I'm sorry. It's not going to happen. What you're competing for is "entertaining team that can make it to the second round of the playoffs." And that's what you have here. Jeff Green or Corey Brewer (we'll discuss Yi in a moment) are both nice, talented players who will have good NBA careers. I think Brewer will even make a coupla of All Star games, and Green might make one or two if he's lucky. But these are not franchise players, and they were the best left. Combine that with Paul Pierce's demands, and this is a good trade. A core of PP, Ray Allen, and Al Jefferson can get you into the playoffs in the East easily. If Tony Allen, Gerald Green, and/or Rajon Rondo give them anything at all, then they can make the second round.

A lot has been made of Ray Allen's age; Simmons brought up the fact that only one shooting guard has put up good stats after 35, and that was Reggie Miller. My answer to that is: who is the closest player to Reggie Miller in the NBA? I.E., who is a shooting guard who is an outstanding pure shooter, has an effortless stroke, has kept his body in pristine condition over the years, and survives on his shooting ability and knowledge of the game, not just his athleticism? That describes Ray Allen perfectly, right? I can easily see Ray Allen running off Al Jefferson/Kedrick Perkins screens for the next five years. Calm down Celtics fans. You're going to be fine.

In fact, you even get a cherry on top: Big Baby. Here was a guy with first round talent who slipped to the second round because everyone was worried he would eat himself out of the NBA. Well, now that he was insulted, and doesn't have a guaranteed contract, he's going to pull a Charlie Villanueva: go in, play hard, and dominate for several years to get revenge on those who insutled him. It's the perfect situation for both Davis and the Celtics. I still think Big Baby eats himself out of the NBA eventually (just like Charlie V's craziness will eventually take over and he'll ruin his career), but it will happen in 5 to 7 years instead of 1 to 2 years. That's a good deal.

At the same time, Seattle just added a talented winner who everyone loved, but scouts questioned whether this guy had the knack for being The Man. Everyone felt he would be better as The Back Up Guy--the second best player to a star. More of a Pippen than a Jordan, for example. If only Seattle had just added a few minutes earlier a star player who people were already comparing to Jordan...someone like, oh, Kevin Durant. It's almost like it was meant to be.

On top of that, Seattle just lost a huge contract that will allow them to have the cap space to pick up a stud in free agency in a coupla years--you know, right when Durant and Green have figured out the league and are becoming a dominant force.

Again...great trade for both teams.

Yi to the Bucks with the 6th pick: This is hilarious on so many levels. Let's list the ways:

$ This guy is a fucking scrub who will be the next Wang, not the next Yao.
$ This is a good team in Milwaukee that is one or two players away, and they just pissed it all away by passing on Chauncey in free agency and not picking up a stud SF (Corey Brewer? Al Thornton?) with this pick.
$ Yi actually thinks he has bargaining power and thinks there is a high demand for his services, even as he goes and sucks it up in the summer tournaments, so he's refusing to play for the Bucks so far.
$ The Bucks are dreaming of trading Yi for someone like Golden State--even though Goldent State just let their most tradeable asset, and the asset that the Bucks could have used, go to the Bobcats for nothing.

The only hope they have is moving Yi for something good, which the odds of that happening are getting worse by the day. And even if they do move Yi for Monta Ellis and Bradan Wright, is that a good fit for this team? A point guard who can only score with a 2-guard who can only score? Another mediocre PF who will never reach his talent (see Villaneuva, Charlie)? When you could have had Corey Brewer? Idiocy.

Golden State trades Jason Richardson to Charlotte for Bradan Wright: That sound you heard was a sigh of relief from me. See, I was worried that once again Golden State would come back to haunt my beloved Mavericks next year. Instead, they traded their second best player for a rookie who isn't going to amount to much of anything, and are talking about then trading that player and one of their surprises from last season for a Chinese guy who is going to amount to even less than the other rookie.

Whew. Thanks Don! Keep drinking! See you in the lottery!

Rashard Lewis signs with the Magic for around 5 years, $75 million: Is this a good deal? Not really. But look at it this way: They were going to pay Darko $50 million if they didn't do this. That is one of the worst ideas of all time. They desperately need someone who can score on this team, and even though they have one of the best rebounders in the NBA, they still need help rebounding as there is no one to rebound after Dwight Howard. So you're adding a 6'10" SF who can shoot, penetrate, and score on the block, is a good (not great) rebounder, and is only 28 years old. Compare that to giving one of the biggest busts of all time (a guy who has averaged 5 points and 3 rebounds in his career) and has a reputation for being lazy $50 million, and suddenly this becomes not so bad of a deal.

You were an 8 seed in the East last year; now you're a 6 seed easily, maybe even a 5 if you get lucky.

Now go find a real point guard, because Jameer Nelson is not a starter in the league.

Transformers Movie Review

I love the Transformers.

Optimus Prime is my favorite hero. Transformers are my favorite toys of all time. Transformers is my favorite cartoon of all time.

I love the Transformers.


So when I heard a live-action movie was coming out, I was cautiously optimistic. When I heard that Optimus Prime's paint job would be blue with red flames instead of solid red, and that it started Tyrese, I was despondent. I thought it was going to suck.

But then it was announced that Peter Cullen would reprive his role as the voice of Optimus Prime. And--as more and more trailers and commercials were released that looked good--my hopes were raised. I was once again cautiously optimistic.

Last night, I went to the first showing available of Transformers.

***

It was a very good movie; I'd give it four stars out of five. The Transformers were amazing. Simply amazing. They looked great, their personalities and voices all fit, and were very entertaining. The plot was good, and while it did slow down with some cutesy parts in the middle, kept you interested in spite of the long run time (144 minutes). The actors all did a good job, which surprised me since I liked pretty much none of the actors they hired.

Go see it. Michael Bay did a great job, and I can't wait for the sequal.