My Will
As I ate lunch today and Mayra once again called dibs on my Masterpiece Optimus Prime in case of my death, I thought, "Huh...I should write a will for all of my prized possessions." Not all my stuff...that can go to my parents, or whomever. But the important things. We all have stuff that may not be important to everyone, but is important to you. And some of your closest friends and family.
So, in case of my untimely demise, I bequeeth the following items to:
PD: No one. He gets buried with me.
All of my Transformers: These go to Mayra, including Masterpiece Optimus Prime, Prowl, and Skywarp.
All of my Star Wars Figures, and my Star Wars posters: These go to my Aunt Mary. She can display them proudly in her den. They can be displayed by her plate collection.
If Todd is very insistent, he can have them.
My R2-D2 that obeys voice commands: To Todd, since Mary already has one.
My Darth Maul & Darth Vader Lightsabers: One goes to Gabriel, and one goes to Todd. Todd gets first pick. Once a year, they shall duel each other in my memory.
All X-Men figures (including the Colossus bust), and my Darkseid figure: To Kyle, of course. No surprise there.
Any Marvel or DC figures not listed above: To Gabe. Yes, he is allowed to play with them now.
All of my Comic Books, except for the Voltron ones: To Kyle, to join his collection.
My original Voltron Figure, along with the original comics: To Gabe. May he find the love of one of the cartoon/toys of my youth that I had.
My picture of the Louvre (color), the Eifel Tower (b&w), and the Arc de Triomphe (b&w): To the Claborn's, as they were intended as a wedding gift that--to my shame--I still have not given them.
The rest of my paintings: To my Mother, to be distributed as she sees fit.
My original Sega Master System & Sega Genesis: Either to Sam, or to a museum. Yes, I'm serious.
My couch: You may do one of two things with my couch. 1) Someone amongst my family or closest friends must keep it in a place of honor--not just some garage. It is never to be thrown away. 2) Instead of burying me in a casket, you can just put the couch in the hole, lay me upon it, and put PD in my arms, and bury us like that.
Those are your only two options, and I think we all know which one I prefer. And if they are not followed, then I WILL come haunt you. And you know who "you" are.
My Coffee Table: To the Fuxas, since they are like me and tend to eat more meals in the living room than in the dining room.
My TV and surround sound system: To Bob, so that he can have a big TV, and because he is the only person strong enough to carry it.
My Cookbook: To Sam. Sam, share the catfish recipes with Jared. Share none of them with Mayra. My awesome Marinara recipe I take to the grave with me.
My Swords: To Chad, a fellow enthusiast.
My St. Pats basketballs: To be returned to St. Pats in the cases they are in, with everything that is in them. They can be placed in the trophy case there.
My Grill: To Sam, the only one worthy of following in my footsteps.
My DVD's and books: To be divided amongst my family and friends. However, I make the following recommendations:
The rest you all can sort out.
My Bike: To Bob, as a back up.
My Magic: The Gathering cards: To Todd.
My Basketball: To Little Mike. May it not lead you to fights as it always did with me when I was with you.
All of my music: To Kyle. Good luck figuring out what I paid for and what I didn't. :-)
My Gun: To Dad, to add to his collection.
All of my ****: To be split amongst Bob, Sam, Kyle, and Todd evenly.
My Authentic OSU & Michigan Basketball Shorts: To Eric, to add to his impressive collection. He can also have any jerseys he wishes to keep.
My Baseball and Basketball cards: To Braden, for when he is older. Hopefully this will help him get interested in the hobby.
My Snake Eyes Bust: To Bob.
My Lord of the Rings statue: To Mary.
All of my Christmas ornaments: To Mom.
There you go. Now you all know what to do with my prized possessions if I die. May you love them in your life as much as I did in mine.
So, in case of my untimely demise, I bequeeth the following items to:
PD: No one. He gets buried with me.
All of my Transformers: These go to Mayra, including Masterpiece Optimus Prime, Prowl, and Skywarp.
All of my Star Wars Figures, and my Star Wars posters: These go to my Aunt Mary. She can display them proudly in her den. They can be displayed by her plate collection.
If Todd is very insistent, he can have them.
My R2-D2 that obeys voice commands: To Todd, since Mary already has one.
My Darth Maul & Darth Vader Lightsabers: One goes to Gabriel, and one goes to Todd. Todd gets first pick. Once a year, they shall duel each other in my memory.
All X-Men figures (including the Colossus bust), and my Darkseid figure: To Kyle, of course. No surprise there.
Any Marvel or DC figures not listed above: To Gabe. Yes, he is allowed to play with them now.
All of my Comic Books, except for the Voltron ones: To Kyle, to join his collection.
My original Voltron Figure, along with the original comics: To Gabe. May he find the love of one of the cartoon/toys of my youth that I had.
My picture of the Louvre (color), the Eifel Tower (b&w), and the Arc de Triomphe (b&w): To the Claborn's, as they were intended as a wedding gift that--to my shame--I still have not given them.
The rest of my paintings: To my Mother, to be distributed as she sees fit.
My original Sega Master System & Sega Genesis: Either to Sam, or to a museum. Yes, I'm serious.
My couch: You may do one of two things with my couch. 1) Someone amongst my family or closest friends must keep it in a place of honor--not just some garage. It is never to be thrown away. 2) Instead of burying me in a casket, you can just put the couch in the hole, lay me upon it, and put PD in my arms, and bury us like that.
Those are your only two options, and I think we all know which one I prefer. And if they are not followed, then I WILL come haunt you. And you know who "you" are.
My Coffee Table: To the Fuxas, since they are like me and tend to eat more meals in the living room than in the dining room.
My TV and surround sound system: To Bob, so that he can have a big TV, and because he is the only person strong enough to carry it.
My Cookbook: To Sam. Sam, share the catfish recipes with Jared. Share none of them with Mayra. My awesome Marinara recipe I take to the grave with me.
My Swords: To Chad, a fellow enthusiast.
My St. Pats basketballs: To be returned to St. Pats in the cases they are in, with everything that is in them. They can be placed in the trophy case there.
My Grill: To Sam, the only one worthy of following in my footsteps.
My DVD's and books: To be divided amongst my family and friends. However, I make the following recommendations:
* The Hyperion & Endymion Cantos: To Sam. Please read them. Just give them a chance; you will love them.
* My Samurai Jack Collections: To Todd.
* My Inuyasha Collections: To Kyle. You two can juxtapose these two Collections if you'd like.
* Transformers Season 1 Collection: To Mayra.
* My Michael Crichton books: To Todd when he graduates from college. Todd, I really think you'll love these when you have time to read them. Even Congo, which was a great book, in spite of the fact that it is the worst movie of all time.
* Ultimate Avengers: To Kyle. Yes, you have to keep it.
* Dracula 2000: To Kyle, to make up for him having to keep Ultimate Avengers.
The rest you all can sort out.
My Bike: To Bob, as a back up.
My Magic: The Gathering cards: To Todd.
My Basketball: To Little Mike. May it not lead you to fights as it always did with me when I was with you.
All of my music: To Kyle. Good luck figuring out what I paid for and what I didn't. :-)
My Gun: To Dad, to add to his collection.
All of my ****: To be split amongst Bob, Sam, Kyle, and Todd evenly.
My Authentic OSU & Michigan Basketball Shorts: To Eric, to add to his impressive collection. He can also have any jerseys he wishes to keep.
My Baseball and Basketball cards: To Braden, for when he is older. Hopefully this will help him get interested in the hobby.
My Snake Eyes Bust: To Bob.
My Lord of the Rings statue: To Mary.
All of my Christmas ornaments: To Mom.
There you go. Now you all know what to do with my prized possessions if I die. May you love them in your life as much as I did in mine.
Labels: Will
posted by Michael Pondrom at 9:40 PM
7 Comments:
I'm disappointed. I was hoping for Genesis NBA Jam!
Bo
Bo, I stand corrected. You're right. Sam gets the Master System, you get the Genesis! I thought of that just the other day while I was unpacking and unloaded our great old game.
Michael
I want your pimp hat Mike. That's all. And I promise to care for it more than a basketball or my own body should I have to make that split decision whilst flying through the air
-Tone Loc
AGAIN!!!!!!! How could I forget the Pimp Hat!
Here's the problem Tony: I might want to be buried wearing that. If I'm in a casket with a suit, then I take the Pimp Hat with me. If we do the couch burial, I'll be in my Mavs shorts and a wife b, so the pimp hat is yours. As Kyle, Mom, and pretty much everyone else are considering homicide right now not because they want me to die, but because they want the couch to be buried, it's pretty safe to say that you will end up with the Pimp Hat.
Man! Can't believe I forgot that!
Michael
Oh, and one more thing Tone: there's a cane now. It goes with the Hat. It's yours, too.
Michael
The wife says she wants them whether you die or not. She's on a redecorating tear and thinks they would work nicely.
I'm sure those that know you best know that you, on the couch, in basketball shorts and a wife b is most fitting. Besides, if not for that couch, they'd have to commission a Super coffin that would be long enough to fit you. I've already made a place for the pimp hat (and cane) in my apt
-Tone Loc
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