Coupla Things...

Wasting no time:

* I'd like to call out all of the companies who are trying to squeeze out Netflix. All of these backdoor deals being made to where you can sell new movies directly (from your cable providers or gaming consoles), rent them at Blockbuster, or buy them at any store...but yet somehow they're not available to rent from Netflix? That's bullshit, and collusion. Shame on all of you.

* It's got to be at least a little demeaning to be a male performer in a rock band with a female lead singer, right?

* Growing up in the great state of Texas, every person is subtly forced to choose sides in the UT-ATM feud. Even if you don't attend either school--even if you don't really care about either of them--you inevitably find yourself leaning one way or another to one of the two. Well, I always leaned towards Texas for a variety of reasons, one of the biggest being what I felt was ATM's somewhat ridiculous obsession with beating Texas in football. It really is true that most ATM fans would rather go 1-10 and beat Texas than 10-1 and lose to them. I always felt that was pathetic.

As such, I would like to apologize to ATM fans, because I am now totally on board with that logic as it applies to OSU-OU.

OSU has had an amazingly good season, especially considering this was supposed to be a rebuilding year. We're 10-2, playing in a somewhat respectable bowl game, and ranked an impressive 14th in the BCS. And none of it matters to me because we lost to those OU sons of bitches!!!

So I'm sorry, ATM fans. I now know how you feel.

* Very late chiming in on this, but one of the billboards I drive by (and let me tell you, I could write an entire post on the billboards I drive by on my way to work. You've got to love I-30) on my way to work jogged this in my mind. I would like to commend the female journalists like ESPN's Jemele Hill who put a stop to the Ines Sainz controversy by pointing out that the Jets hadn't harassed a female reporter because Sainz is more akin to a Playmate than a reporter. Good for them for not doing what the media loves to do these days: jump on any perceived action--no matter how flimsily it applies to your cause--and make a mountain out of that molehill in order to get ratings and advance your own cause, even if it has nothing to do with what really happened.

And how does it apply to the billboard? Azteca (the station Sainz "reports" for) has a, shall we say, very well-endowed chick in a skin tight white t-shirt with a soccer ball...well, what do you think a true reporter might be doing with a soccer ball? Doing the "how many time can you kick it with one foot" bit? Kneeing it into the air? Heading it into the air? All of which are common, exciting, and meaningful activities in the game of soccer.

No, this chick is holding her arms behind her head in a pantomime of throwing the ball in, allowing us to notice her skintight shirt and well-endowedness...an age-old word I just made up. Yes. Truly, this station is committed only to the highest levels of journalistic integrity!

The lesson, as always: if you want to be treated like a professional, then act like a professional. As usual, it's about personal responsibility.

* As someone who has had a bacon flavored bourbon, please take my word and avoid this like the plague. You're welcome.

* For all of you people who are incensed over the new airport scanners that let's a TSA employee see you semi-nude: I want you to go home, talk your clothes off, take a good look at yourself in the mirror, and then go find that TSA employee and apologize to him for having to look at you in that state, and thank that person for being willing to suffer through your ugly ass in order to keep you safe.

Let's get a life here people. If the worse that new security brings us is some situations where we get to make the "not so far on the first date!' jokes in order to keep us secure, I think we'll all live.

* I have a question I can't believe no one has asked about the Dallas Cowboys (can you believe I'm talking about football twice? I promise, it really is me): does anyone else wonder if Jason Garrett was tanking to get Wade fired? Literally, one week, with Tony Romo, we have the worst offense in football. Like two weeks later, with Jon fricking Kitna, we're suddenly scoring 35+ points a game? With the same offensive coordinator? This just seems like the Aaron Eckhart character in Any Given Sunday to me. I'm not saying it's for sure, but I can't believe no one has at least brought it up.

* As is far too often the case, I feel like Mugatu in Zoolander ("Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!") when it comes to Sarah Palin. As I've mentioned before, there are a variety of reasons why Palin isn't a valid Presidential candidate. However, when she couldn't even bother to finish one term as Governor of Alaska, she moved from "it's too bad she didn't have more success" to "are you fricking crazy? Who do you think you are, lady?". As she's stumbled around the country like a drunk baby the last coupla years, she's dropped further and further down the respect scale for me, and only further proved that she is absolutely not qualified to be in the White House in any way, shape, or form. In spite of all this, because of Fox New's obsession with her, and her being the first major figure (I hate even writing that) to publicly embrace the Tea Party (a move some would call "shrewd", which I would call "a last desperation heave from 3/4 court that just happened to go in"), she's mentioned as one of the leading Republican Candidates. There is one word to describe this: insane!

I was thrilled when Ed Rollins finally called out the Emporer for being butt-ass naked when he correctly pointed out that as many times as Palin might say it, she is not Ronald Reagan. The Republicans do have a golden opportunity to upset a sitting President, but allow me to be the first to predict that there is no way in HELL that Palin will beat Obama. It's ludicrous!!!!!

There's one silver lining to this cloud: in 2012, Kyle Holmes will be over 35 years old. So if it's Palin-Obama in 2012, I assure you everyone, I will be writing in Kyle Holmes! And I encourage you all to do so, too!

* Finally, a high note: I've added a new web site to the list on the right, and it is one of my favorites of all time. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to Cracked.com.

This site has some of the best lists I've ever seen: the most badass Bible verses ever, insane true facts about Starcraft, and several awesome lists about Zombie apocalypses, to name a few. But that's not all! It also has awesome videos (on why the Back To The Future series is awful AND horribly creepy, and why bad powerpoint presentations still take time), and hilarious looks into what would happen if Street Fighter 2 characters drank on the job.

The site is insane and fantastic. I can't recommend it enough. Check it out, and thank me later!

The Last Word on the Sarah Palin Experience

I wanted to write about this topic after the election, but I didn't because I wanted to stay positive about the many good things that happened. However, it's a topic that needs to be addressed, so we'll discuss it now.

The media and the Republican Party's treatment of Sarah Palin has been absolutely revolting.

We crossed the line from the normal bullshit "this is the candidate we don't like" coverage to just plain petty, spiteful, and untrue. Allow me to address these topics one at a time:

* The claim that Palin didn't know that Africa is a continent is riGoddamndiculous. She's the Governor of Alaska. She's a fucking college graduate. She knows what a continent is. Shame on you.
* The whole shopping spree thing...first of all, I'm doubting she spent as much money as they said she did. For the sake of argument, however, let's say that she did. WHO FUCKING CARES? She's the first female VP candidate! She needs to look her best at every minute of every day. Really, you don't think men aren't going to judge her on her appearance? You don't think women are going to judge her on her appearance? What woman do you know that doesn't read Cosmo, Elle, Allure, or some other fashion mag? NONE!!!! THAT'S ALL WOMEN DO IS JUDGE OTHER WOMEN BY THEIR APPEARANCE! Sorry ladies...but if Palin has proved anything, it's that the toughest glass ceiling a female politician is going to have to crack is the one that her fellow girls built over her head.

And as for buying the rest of her family clothes...really? You don't think she should have done that? What was the first issue on her campaign: her family and the issues therein. In today's "What's Lindsey Lohan's sister wearing today" world, you don't think it was necessary for all of her family to dress well? Listen you faukers, you're the ones who go out and buy fashion mags nonstop, and watch E! News and What Not To Wear and all that crap. THIS IS THE SOCIETY THAT WE CREATED, AND WE HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME FOR IT BUT OURSELVES. So please, let's not penalize the lady for going out and buying the most expensive clothes for her and her family, because yes, we would hold it against her if she did not do so.

* The answering the door in the towel thing. So apparently here's what happened: two McCain staffers came to her hotel room to speak to her about strategerie, Palin answered the door in the towel wrap--you know, just like we've all seen a million women do in our lives--told the guys to come on in and chill with her husband in the living room area while she finished getting ready. Apparently these two yes men were flabbergasted by this.

Hey yes men: FUCK YOU!!!

This is one of the most sexist things I've heard of in a long time. How is this an issue? So McCain and Obama never did an interview/discussed strategy while working out with their shirt off in the gym? Never discussed politics in the locker room, or the steam room, and they never had to let someone into their room right after the got out of the shower?

If I had to guess, I would say that candidates are working what...20 hours a day? At least? Probably about the only sleep they get is on the plane/bus from place to place. So I'm sorry, I have no problem if Palin...or McCain...or Obama...or Biden...answer the door to their rooms in their towels, and tell THEIR FUCKING STAFFERS to go into the other room and wait for them to get ready. I admire the hard work all four of them put in during this difficult season. To claim that Palin was doing the most to maximize her time is somehow inappropriate is just ridiculously sexist.

As for the Republicans, I have news for you. Here's the top five reasons John McCain lost the Presidential election:

1. John McCain was attached to the Republican Party, which is attached to the personification of Evil, Dick Chaney.
2. John McCain was attached to the Republican Party, which is attached to George Bush, whose Presidency is one of the worst of all time.
3. John McCain was attached to the Republican Party, which had control of Congress and the Presidency for almost two full terms and did nothing to improve the country.
4. John McCain's pivotal moment during the campaign--the time out he called to try to fix the economy--was a total and complete failure in which he appeared to hurt the situation more than he helped it.
5. Sarah Palin's addition as VP didn't add any new voters to the Republican Ticket.

What do you notice on that list? You notice Palin's name didn't occur until Number 5, and that was a DISTANT five. The Republican loss wasn't because of Sarah Palin, it was because of the almost complete failure of the Republican Party in the last five years. Nice try pinning it on the girl, but as Truman said, the buck stops here. YOU all had the opportunity to do great work for this country, and YOU didn't. That's the reason you lost. End of story.

Finally, to be fair, I will say this to critique Palin, both to show that I'm not just a blind Palin-lover, and because I think it's both true and something that needs to be said to her:

Sarah...you're through.

I'm sorry Sarah, but you're done. You're not running for President in 2012. You're not running for President in 2016. Your job was to excite the populace and inspire women and moderates to vote for you. Fairly or not, you did neither. It doesn't matter whether the criticism laid on you by your fellow fems was fair, it doesn't matter whether the media's portrayal of you was correct. What matters is a simple question: did people go out and vote for you? The answer was an obvious no, and given how hostile both of those groups were towards you, there's no reason to think that will change in four years. There's no reason to think that will change in even eight years. So quit talking about it, quit hinting at it, and quit trying to stay in the national spotlight. Enjoy your fifteen minutes, be proud of the landmark you did accomplish, and go back to being Governor of Alaska. Maybe you can be Alaska's Senator, but that's about as good as it's going to get for you. Like it or not, you're done. Sorry to be the one to break it to you.

So there you go. The Sarah Palin experience is now over. One thing, in the end, we can all agree on, no matter what our stance, beliefs, and prejudices were against her: she definitely made things more interesting.

Good night, and good luck.