It's the Playoffs! Rest of the predictions.

ROUND 2

Spurs (1) v Mavs (4): The Spurs are 800 years old. Seriously. Horry, Finley, and Van Exel are D-U-N dun. I hurt watching them play. Duncan is in so much pain because of his foot it's just sad to watch, even if you hate the Spurs. Manu gets hurt anytime you blow on him hard--I'm curious to see if he survives the series with Ron Ron.

The Spurs are still an outstanding team. TP is having a great season, Bowen is still a great defender, and half a Duncan is still one of the better PF's in the league. And they still have that champion's luck, as Brent Barry's INSANE shot to send Game 2 against the Kings to OT proved.

But they're not better than a young, hungry Mavs team that's ready to make The Leap in the playoffs. It's time to pass the torch.

MAVS IN 7.

Suns (2) v Clippers (6): I see the Clippers trouncing whoever comes out of the Suns/Lakers series. Am I too high on the Clips right now? Probably...especially considering their overall lack of playoff experience. But here's the thing: they are going to mop up the Nuggets in a max of 5 games, while the Suns/Lakers is going to be a dogfight that goes the distance. Now I believe that a lot of time off is often bad for most teams; it makes them rusty. However, I think Sam Cassell has this team so focused and motivated to do well, that that fact along with how hungry the Clips are to go as far as they can to end their long playoff abscence will keep them sharp to start the series. Plus their size--Brand & Kaman--is going to DESTROY the Suns or the Lakers. Really the Clips are a bad matchup for either team.

CLIPPERS IN 6.

Pistons (1) v Cavs (4): I love Lebron, and I think Cleveland isn't quite as bad as people seem to think they are. That being said...they're no match at all for the Pistons, especially since Rip will have plenty of time to rest his ankle.

PISTONS IN 6. MAYBE EVEN 5.

Heat (2) v Pacers (6): Did I mention that the East sucks? In possibly the most boring second round series ever, Shaq and DWade--especially DWade--are too much for Indiana to handle.

HEAT IN 6.

FINALS

Mavs (4) v Clippers (6): This is going to be a close and wildly entertaining Western Conference Finals. Two young teams trying to reach new ground, with plenty of talent and good matchups. However, I think the Mavs playoff experience, overall superior talent, and the fact that Avery Johnson is 10X the coach Mike Dunlevey is will have the...

MAVS IN 6.

Pistons (1) v Heat (2): The "what could be finer 1 v 2 matchup". Here's what would be finer: if Miami is as good as they were last year. Sorry...even when DWade goes Jordan on Detroit--and he will--it won't be enough, as Antoine Walker ends up killing them.

PISTONS IN 7.

Pistons (1) v Mavs (4): The Clash of the Titans. The New Power in the West seeks to dethrone the Elder Gods of the East. Sadly...it's not time for the Elder Gods to die. As Gene Hackman told his son in The Quick and the Dead, "I ain't old...and I ain't sick." The Pistons are still in their prime, and are not ready to be dethroned.

PISTONS IN 7.

But a Mavs fan can dream, and anything can happen...

It's the Playoffs! Round 1.

And that means it's time for predictions. Yes, I know I'm a couple days late. I always am.

Spurs (1) v Kings (8): I'm very disapointed in this series, and here's why: I really thought it was going to be the best first round series. Laughable, you ask? The defending champs versus an up and down Kings team? How could the stand a chance? I'll tell you how: matchups. Like I always say, it's all about the matchups, and let's look here:

PG: Parker v Bibby - Bibby. Any day of the week. In spite of Tony Parker having a career year.
SG: Bowen v Wells - The advantage for the Spurs is that they take Bowen out of the series by not having anyone for him to shut down. There is no offensive superstar on this team. So he stops Bonzi Wells--big deal. And I question if he's strong enough to stick Artest.
SF: Artest v Manu - Ron Ron can take care of Manu defesnively. Offensively? He'll eat Manu up, and if it's Bowen guarding him he'll still contribute something.
PF: Duncan v Abdur-Rahim/Thomas/Williamson - Since Timmy can't even move anymore, the Kings have enough bodies to pound him with to keep him from being terribly effective.
C: Whoever v Miller: Miller is head and shoulders above whatever center the Spurs run out there.

Here's the thing though: I still wouldn't have picked the Kings to win, becuase I knew Artest would do something stupid at one point. Sure, this is hindsight, but haven't you all been gearing up for Ron Ron to roid out on us? And didn't you think, "It's been long enough, and now that he's in a tough playoff series against a physical opponent, he's going to pop at some point?" Well I did. And he did. The Kings could have survived and made the series interesting even after the asswhooping in Game 1--but once Artest got suspened, that's SA up 2-0, and that's...

SPURS IN 6.

Mavericks (4) v Grizzlies (5): I think Bill Simmons put it best: these teams are almost exactly alike, except the Mavs are better in every way. Really nothing else to say.

MAVS IN 5.

Suns (2) v Lakers (7): Both of these teams qualify as "I don't think they're as good as people think they are." The Suns played the last month of the season as if they were bored and ready for the playoffs to start. That's okay if you're the Pistons, Spurs, Mavs, or Heat--lots of playoff experience there, good nucleus of guys who have played together for a couple of seasons (except Miami)--but the Suns? I don't know if they can just "turn it on".

Yes, Kobe is unstoppable, but the rest of his team still sucks. I really think this series will be decided by the refs--if Kobe gets a call every time someone looks at him, Lakers win. If it's called fairly, Suns win.

SUNS IN 7.

Clippers (6) v Nuggets (3): Just writing the seedings here made me mad. Okay moving on...

The Nuggets best jump shooter--by far--is their center, Marcus Camby. Probably their best 3 point shooter is Earl Boykins. Neither of those is a good thing. Ken is basically out. This team goes in and out funks so fast it's not even funny.

Consequently, they are playing easily the third best team in the West, and perhaps the fourth best team in the league--that's right, I might rank them higher than Miami. The Clips have home court. They are briming with the confidence Sam Cassell has brought to this team. They have their second best player from last year back at the perfect time. They're having fun, and wanting this more than anyone while doing it.

This is going to be an asswhooping.

CLIPS IN 5.

Pistons (1) v Bucks (8): A slighty underacheiving, very inconsistent team versus the best in the league. Good luck with that Bucks.

PISTONS IN 4.

Cavaliers (4) v Wizards (5): Did anyone watch the Wizards play this year? Really. This seems to be all the pundits' pick for an upset in the first round. I have a question for you:

What are you smoking?

This is not a good team. They are very up and down, play absolutely no defense, and don't rebound well. They don't have home court. The Cavs best player is much better than their best player. And like I always say, look at momentum. The Cavs are picking up steam...which means the Wiz better watch out.

CAVS IN 6.

Miami (2) v Chicago (7): God the East sucks.

MIAMI IN 5.

Nets (3) v Pacers (6): Let's see: you've got a team of guards--two of which love their jumper wayyyy to much--led by a guard who has fantastically underachieved in the playoffs for years. You've got a team with untalented, but savvy veteran guards, including the second craziest guy in the league. However, the crazy guy has some talent, and his craziness makes him a good playoff/clutch performer. You've got a team who's only big man/post presence is a Euro who had his first decent season this year--and all he could average was 13 and 7. And that's your best: after him, you've got NOTHING. You've got a team who has one of the better PF's in the league who has just got done recuperating nicely from injury, along with a good outside shooter paired along with him, along with a couple good bigs off the bench. You've got a home team that has the second worst home crowd in the league. You've got a team with a rookie that's shown some real flashes and might bring you something this year. And you've got a team that always plays well in the playoffs.

Give me the upset.

PACERS IN 7.

2006 NBA Awards!

I'm back, and even though typing with one hand makes me want to shoot myself, I can stay silent no longer! I've missed you all, and I've missed writing, and it's great to talk to you again.

Now that the mushy stuff is out of the way, let's get this party started...

Defensive Player of the Year: Andrei Kirilenko, Jazz
I don't know how you can not vote for him if you've ever seen him play, which I had the pleasure of doing last Friday. He will guard ANYONE on the court. It's amazing. I've never seen a team rotate as much as the Jazz do, and it's because they know Kirilenko can stick anyone on the court, from the PG to the center. I'm telling you, if the Jazz could ever stay healthy for a whole season, they would be incredible. Consider Ben Wallace considered, but this is Andrei's.

Sixth Man of the Year: Jerry Stackhouse, Your Dallas Mavericks!
NARROWLY beats out Mike Miller in a very ho-hum category this year. Yes the Grizz have overachieved, but to me the question isn't why is Mike Miller the 6th man, but why isn't he starting? That team isn't talented enough for him to not be starting. Ben Gordon is in a similar situation--he's such an ass and a ball hog that his coach won't start him. I can't reward him for that. Stackhouse, on the other hand, has been the savvy veteran bench slasher/scorer that brought some much needed toughness and attitude to the third best team in the league. Another ho-hum category.

Rookie of the Year: Chris Paul, Hornets
Another ho-hum award, on the fact that Paul won it so easily. I honestly agree with the popular writer's sentiment that anyone who doesn't vote for Paul should have their priveledges revoked.

Most Improved Player: David West, Hornets
This one was unbelievably hard this year. First of all, let's consider these men considered: Carmelo Anthony, Dwight Howard, Nenad Krstic, and Paul Pierce. Good job guys, our thoughts dwelled on you momentarily. Next, DeSagana Diop can consider himself seriously considered, as in, "Man in most year's you'd be a shoe in candidate, it's just unfortunate that this year it was so stacked." Sorry DeSagana--but great job, and enjoy yourself in your first playoffs.

The real debate is between Boris Diaw & David West. I won't bother giving stats because both had incredible seasons, and vastly improved on their previous seasons. The reason I went with West over Diaw (and I literally went home and slept on it before I reached my decision) is that West's team is so much worse. What talent is there on the Hornets? CP3, of course. But who else? Chris Anderson was their third best player, and he was coked up for half the season! P.J. Brown plays the entire game for them, and he's like 800 years old! Speedy Claxton played so much for them that he is a 6th Man Candidate! Whereas Diaw had Steve Nash (reigning MVP), Shawn Marion (the most underrated player in the history of the NBA), Kurt Thomas, and Raja Bell. Much better supporting cast. However...this was an incredibly close call, and congrats to them both.

Coach of the Year: Avery Johnson, Your Dallas Mavericks!
Another tough category. I consider there only three real candidates: Mike D'Antoni, Flip Saunders, and Avery. All are very deserving. However, D'Antoni doesn't get it because I don't think Phoenix is quite as good as everyone thinks (they are a DISTANT third, and only beat Memphis for the 3rd best record by 5 games), and the fact that even without Amare they had such a good core in tact (see above). Flip--who I love--doesn't win it because I think the Pistons coach themselves. That's what makes the Pistons so great: they are a group of true professionals who put the team first, have been together for so long they know each other perfectly, and go bust their asses every night. That's why the Larry Brown era was ending: he wasn't treating them with the respect they deserved. He was riding them like a bunch of kids, and they didn't need that, and they didn't appreciate that. Flip comes in, looks at the group, makes a couple of minor changes along the lines of suggestions, and let's his guys play, which is EXACTLY what he needed to do. Is he a genius and a great coach for realizing that's all he needed to do? Absolutely. But that means he didn't have to "coach" as much, and when the competition is this close, you will probably lose.

Which is what he did. Avery took over a team that was used to playing a particular style of basketball that was lazy and ineffective. He took over a team that had lost key pieces and added new ones that no one knew if they would fit or not. He took over a team that lacked(s) a true leader. And what did he do? Lead them to the best record over 82 games ever for a new coach. He led them to the third best record in the league. He transformed the team to where they finally look like a legitimate playoff contender/championship threat, and not just a regular season flash in the pan. I tend to think coaches are overrated. It's the players, not the coaches. But make no mistake: the Mavs success is not because of Dirk being an MVP candidate, but because of Avery being COY. Congrats Avery.

MVP: Lebron James, Cavaliers
We'll do a quick top 5 in reverse order:

5. Dirk Nowitzki, Your Dallas Mavericks: Only star on the league's third best team. However, as I said earlier, Avery was the key to the Mavs success, not Dirk.

4. Steve Nash, Suns: Fantastic season, great job leading the Suns to a surprising record. But Shawn Marion does not get the credit he deserves for helping to make this team great.

3. Kobe Bryant, Lakers: God I hate him. A great statistical season, and good job leading your team to the playoffs. But you know what I'll hold against him when it comes to MVP voting? The Shaq debacle. Here's why: an MVP should make your team better, not worse. His getting rid of Shaq changed the Lakers from a championship contender every year to a playoff contender. That is not making your team better. I saw a quote last night from Koab about how "my critics said I couldn't lead a team to the playoffs, and I used that as motivation." You still don't get it asshole. You're supposed to lead a team to a CHAMPIONSHIP. Not the playoffs. You don't lower the franchise's value and expectations just so you can fulfill your own selfish ego needs. Until Shaq is no longer a dominant presence in the league, or until the Lakers compete for a championship, Kobe cannot be MVP.

The Kobe, the.

2. Dwayne Wade, Heat. People forget that the Heat were on pace to finish in the middle of the pack in the East until the Heat were playing the Pistons midseason, were down by 13 midway through the 4th, and Wade decided "fuck this, I'm not losing anymore" and scored 17 straight to win the game. It was incredible. It was Michael-esque. And the Heat officially became Dwayne Wade's team that day. You see, up to that point, most people--including the Heat--thought it was Shaq's team, and that the Heat couldn't beat the elite teams in the league without Shaq. That day the Heat realized, "Wait, any time DWade is on the court, we can beat anybody." And they're right.

DWade is my second favorite player in the league right now, behind KG--and it's becoming so sad to watch KG that D might pass him. He has KG's fire and love for the game. It doesn't matter if it's the Skills Competition of All Star Weekend or Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals, DWade NEVER wants to lose--and can and will take his game to incredible heights to get his team there. Congrats on a fantastic season.

1. Lebron James, Cavaliers. Narrowly beats out DWade, and really for one reason: his team was only 2 games worse than the Heat, and his team was far inferior to Wade's. Let's compare each team's two best players:

1. Lebron James. 1. Dwayne Wade
2. Zydrunas Ilgauskas 2. Shaq

Yeah. I'd rather have Shaq, too. In this, his third season, Lebron lived up to all of the lofty expectations that were set for him when he came into the league. And that's why he is the MVP.

As always, some of my own awards:

The Antoine Walker Memorial Most Overrated Player: Peja Stojakavic, Pacers
The Peja went to the Pacers and brought them nothing. Absolutely nothing. And he should have fit in well there with a long post presence as good as Jermaine O'Neal. Antoine Walker also received consideration for this award for almost ruining Miami.

The Shawn Marion Memorial Most Underrated Player: Shawn Marion, Suns
I am constantly at a loss about this. When you listen to people talk about the Sun's surprising season, you hear Eddie House mentioned more than him. HELLOOOO!!!! Just because he always averages 20-10, is one of the best defensive players in the league, and can play any position doesn't mean he's not a fucking factor. God!

The Player I Want To See Traded Most: Kevin Garnett, Timberwolves
You know, normally I don't buy into the "the team owes it to player x to trade him to a contender" argument. But this is one of the situations where I do agree with that. KG has given his heart and soul to this franchise for too long, always playing hard, changing them from league laughingstock to a quality team, never complaining when the franchise made stupid move after stupid move. So please. Trade him. He deserves better than your incompetence.

And if you trade him to the Knicks, I just might have to drive up to Minnesota and hurt Glen Taylor and Kevin McHale.

Best Charles Barkely Comment of the Year
His ongoing ripping of the Mavs. It became a bit for him to say the Mavs weren't an elite team, just to fuck with Cuban and the Mavs fans. It was hilarious, and I enjoyed it--almost as much as I enjoy listening to Charles talk about the importance of playing D since he never bothered to even try on D when he was in the league.

Player I Can't Wait To See Play Next Year: Larry Hughes, Cavaliers
Their big offseason acquisition was injured most of the year. I cannot WAIT to see how great this Cavs team can be with him their all year.

The Shawn Bradley Memorial Player I'd Most Like To See Hit by a Mack Truck: Ron Artest, Kings
Tough competition this year. However, Artest pulls it out by totally ruining the franchise that stood behind his completely insane and overrated ass for years. If they hadn't stolen Danny Granger in the draft, I'd say that the Pacers are done for the next few years. They've still got a chance though.

And finally...

My Favorite "Just Desserts" Winner: Larry Brown, Knicks
For years I've been saying he is one of the worst human beings alive, and is totally overrated as a coach. Finally, this year, as he intentionally sabotaged the team he begged to go to just to win a petty power struggle with the worst GM in the league, he proved me correct--while ruining his reputation in the process.

Thank you Larry. Thank you.

And remember kids...the NBA...it's FANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTASTIC!!!

Ow.

So I broke my left index finger & had surgery on it last week. I took on a car, and while it is true that the car defeated me this turn, I'm confident that next time I will emerge the victor.

Anyway, I'm reduced to hunting & pecking, and as there is no place for me to rest my arm where it is above my heart at my desk, I'll be taking the week off. I know you're fraught with grief over both my condition & my abscence; just stay alive! And I will find you!

Thanks Stu, Mayra, Bob, Kyle, & Yuri--I love you guys, and thanks so much for being such great friends (and brother) and being there with me.