My Penultimate Achievement

When I came to my current place of employment lo so many years ago (2 years in December), jeans were not worn in my group on Fridays. That's right; it was a Formal Friday. My response?

"Oh fuck this."

So, being one who not only keeps it real, but also does not bow down to The Man, I devised a fiendish plan to infiltrate jeans into the society of my area!!!!

First, I began wearing more casual shirts on Friday. Dressier T-shirts, untucked polos, that kind of thing. Then, I moved to jeans--but with dress shoes and button up shirts. Finally, I moved down to my beloved Air Max and polos.

During this period, it became accepted. More people in my area began wearing jeans. Soon, the vast majority of people in my area wore jeans on Friday!

My boss--we'll call him Dave--stayed strong, however. A strict dress shirt and slacks man, he stayed true to his convictions. Knowing that I would have to wait for the perfect opportunity, I bide my time--and waited for the moment to strike!

That moment finally came.

Dave's wife had surgery on her rotator cuff, thus leaving her UNABLE TO IRON HIS DRESS SHIRTS. Dave was forced to begin wearing polos. Like a shark in the water, I smelled blood and moved in for the kill.

For two weeks I urged Dave to wear jeans, since it was the new "casual" Dave. I pointed out how everyone is doing it. I brought it up in front of our Director, who being the wonderful person she is, of course dropped the "No I don't mind if you wear jeans!" comment. And finally, I told him that if he wore jeans, I would bring Krispy Kreme to work.

We both lived up to our ends of the bargain.

My victory is now complete! I will now move on to my next goal…an official policy for jeans on Friday at my company!

"You called down the thunder, and now you've got it...you tell em I'm coming, and Hell's coming with me you hear? Hell's coming with me!"
--Kurt Russell, Tombstone

Guest Post: ACL Is For Me Mashard Henry

PJ's Note: My oldest friend Mashard--who has quite literally forgotten more about music than I know--recently attended Austin City Limits, the giant concert held every September in Austin. It's one of the most popular venues in the US today, and as I both wanted to share that experience with everyone and have a guest author write for PJ's Place, the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone was presented to me with this FANTASTIC article. Enjoy, and thanks Mashard!

For those of you that know me, the sun is not my friend. I hate everything about the summer (except for your lovely ladies in bikini’s), but I digress. Because music is such an important staple of my diet, I was willing to put the heat aside and make the trek 190 miles south to a great town called Austin. Just the fact that I was once again visiting Austin put a smile on face, but going to ACL only widened it. I don’t mean to sound cliché, but I am strongly against anything that puts the nipple in our mouths (MTV) or eliminates the premise of fair competition (Wal-Mart), and this ideology is especially true for music. Give me a sec!!!!! I know what you guys are going to say….”He’s just trying to go out of his way and be one of those fake modern hippie elitist fags.” There is no faking how I feel about music, and if you don’t believe me, quiz me. I’m not proclaiming to be the master of music knowledge, but I do know enough that would back up my reasoning.

I am, however, a fair individual. I’m not looking for reasons to bash MTV; at the same time, I am a realist/humanist (I often refer to myself as a lazy economist). But seriously folks, how great is Ashley Simpson and a Simple Plan? That’s what I thought.

For the past couple of years I have been following the Indie scene in all genres of music, so when I went to ACL I pretty much knew all but a couple of bands. One thing I can tell you, Woodstock 2000 it was not my friends!!! For one they allowed you to bring water into the festival, unlike some festivals (umm..umm the before mentioned) that allowed no water and charged you $6 bucks a bottle. Hmmmm…I wonder why they rioted? Not only was the water thing cool, but they had some of the best Austin restaurants set up in lines serving food. I don’t know how many of you guys have been to Austin, but the food alone is worth the trip. GOOD, CHEAP food. That’s right folks, it was cheap!! I must have been the only person to not lose weight at the show; in fact, I gained three pounds.

This was an event for the true music enthusiast. The festival was set up near Barton Springs in an open field. The one downfall to the event was that the field was made mostly of sand. During the day you couldn’t tell much, but once night fall came there was a cloud of burnt orange (go figure) covering the entire venue. At this point only the strong survived. If you were one of the few that stayed, then you had an agenda…MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!! All of us possessed this agenda (Myself, Jon, Nick, Chris, Holly, Tara, GJ, Andrea, and Danielle). At this point of the day you are hot and worn out, but you dig deep inside because you know good things were continually coming your way. This moment of “wow” happened to me on Saturday. Don’t misrepresent what I’m telling you folks. Yes, it was hot and dusty, but this is what we expected when we signed the dotted line.

I have seen my fair share of bands in my life...I have been to various venues...I’ve seen people enthralled in their favorite bands...I have been a part of a numerous emotional experiences, both good and bad, but after this weekend I have come to the realization that some concerts are great, and some concerts are cinematic. Cinematic you say. Yes, cinematic!!! Picture your favorite movie. You got it? Ok good. Now I want you to picture a moment in that movie when the scene slows down and there is dramatic/soothing music playing. The character is in some deep-rooted transition period realizing that everything fits. His/her surrounding is matching what he/she is thinking. Or, his/her surroundings are leading them to what they should’ve been thinking all along. Either way you spin it, this scene is powerful. It sets the tone for the movie, or answers the questions that were presented earlier. In most cinematic productions the character is experiencing euphoria. No matter how simple it may seem to me and you, we have the conscience to realize what is being portrayed to us. I can honesty tell you that this happened to me over the weekend. I’ve often sat and tried to force myself to have one of these moments. This is no moment of clarity, but a moment of pure delight in that you are in a place where everything fits. Nothing complex, but simple; down to it’s purest form, and when you think about it, this rarely happens to individuals our age. We are no longer children facing new experiences everyday; we’ve seen it all, so when it happens, you treasure it. This is exactly what I did when the band Bloc Party was rocking the AMDA stage at 8 p.m. Saturday night. We and had managed to arrive a little early so we were really close to the stage. About half way through the set, the band played “So Here We Are” from their debut album Silent Alarm. To paint a better picture, “So Here We Are” is a softer melodic song that incorporates 80’s brit rock (take The Cars and The Cure and modernize it). Anyway…about half way through the song there is a delayed guitar solo. At this point I happen to turn around and the concert became cinematic. There was the burnt orange glow of the dust, but it was covering thousands of people. There were people as far back as I could see and each expressing the same enjoyment from something that fit. I immediately tapped my buddy on shoulder and pointed out to the audience and said “Look at that”. He’s immediate response was “It’s amazing!” I did manage to pull out my camera and take a picture of the crowd. Of course it won’t give me the same enjoyment I had at that moment, but at least I will be able to look at it and say “At that point of my life everything fits.”

This was a festival that opened eyes. I can’t even count the number of times I heard people saying “That was the first time I heard that band, they were amazing.” ACL doesn’t carry near the weight of the first Woodstock. Let’s be honest, there is only one Woodstock. It does, however, manage to open the ears for people to music that some feel doesn’t exist. It is the medium that supersedes laziness. Anything worth doing takes hard work, a concept which can easily be relayed to music.

I saw something that I have never seen this past weekend. I have never been to a festival before in my life, especially one where so many bands I loved were playing. I can only imagine how illuminating Woodstock must have been. As a humanist, I did realize how great society can be when broken down to its purest form, but with every transformation it takes a catalyst, and lucky for us that catalyst was music.



Mashard’s Best Performances (No particular Order)

Arcade Fire
The band has the make up of a religious cult. Women and men alike dressed in Amish like garb. That aside, lookout Coldplay; Arcade Fire has the character and the creativity to dethrone the soccer-mom band from a foreign land.

Bloc Party
Bloc Party possess the hard hitting 80 punk sound that would make the Cure jealous and have the Clash singing “London’s calling- we want to know how you guys do that.”. For those who love the lipstick, spiked hair music from the 80s, why don’t you try the more toned down modern version. Plus the lead singer is Black and you gotta love that :-)

Fiery Furnace
I must admit this is one of the bands I didn’t know much about going in. Fiery Furnace possesses the raw edge of Sleater Kinney and the presence and periodic explosions of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Plus from where I was standing the lead singer looked very sexy!!

Franz Ferdinand
They were one of the main acts of the festival. Franz delivers a poppy-flamboyant, youthful performance. They even make songs about giving blowjobs enjoyable (don’t ask just pick up the latest CD and see for yourself).

Black Keys
A two-piece band from Akron, Ohio (guitarist and drummer). That’s right two piece, and they can rock just as hard as any four piece. I know everyone jocks the White Stripes. But this band blows them away in every phase of the game. If you enjoy raw guitar with Blues rifts encompassing a soulful singer, check out Black Keys-Rubber Factory!!!


Some Other Quick Mashard Picks: (Not ACL related)

Best Band Under The Radar
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (Very Talking-Head ‘ish however)

Best Band With A Cult Following
Built to Spill

Best Retro Band
Interpol

Best Country-Rock/Folklore Band
Wilco (I highly recommend Yankee Hotel Foxtrot)

Most Underrated Guitar Player
Doug Martsch (Built to Spill)

Band Slowly Gaining My Interest
The Futureheads

Another Coupla Things...

Sorry, I don't like to do Coupla Things this close together, but I've got a coupla quick hits for you...

* You know what the best "fake call in sick illness" is? Food poisoning. Think about it: You get it suddenly, out of the blue. It COMPLETELY incapacitates you--but only for 24 hours. Once you get it out of your system, you're good to go. It's not suspicious at all that when you come to work the next day you're fine, and with as dirty as most fast food places are, it's very conceivable that you get it.

* Congrats to Oklahoma City for landing the Charlotte Hornets for 35 games this NBA season. This is Oklahoma's chance to make it on a national scale, and no, all you assholes from OU don't count as making it on a national scale. You want to get an NBA team there? You want to make it as a big city instead of a medium sized one? You had better sell out every single game, and it had better be as rowdy as it is in Gallagher Iba. This is your shot. It's up to you if you blow it or not.

* If you live in Houston, please leave now. It's up to a Level 5.

* X Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse comes out today. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am about this. Because it's an X Men game? No. The X Men games carry a long and proud history; both X Men titles for the Sega Genesis were outstanding games, and the original X Men Legends for the Xbox was a great game, as well. Is it because En Saba Nur, perhaps my favorite villain of all time, is in it? No, I don't really like the way they've drawn Apocalypse. It's not bad...but it's not great. It's because, finally, we have an Hack and Slash game genre that can be played online over Xbox live!!!! Finally, Kyle, Sam, Barry and I can destroy the forces of evil together, even though we're in four different places, including 2 different states!! Thank you Xbox! Thank you!

* God I need help.

* Title IX is 33 years old. Let's get rid of it. It's time for a new law, because this isn't fair and doesn't really work anymore.

* The NBA Developmental League (or the "D League") team for the Dallas Mavericks is in Fort Worth. You've got to love that...even if you're in the NBA, if you're not ready for the big time that is Dallas, you get sent to Fort Worth. But hey, if you work hard, then you can come back to the big city. So great...it's like a punishment to be sent to Fort Worth.

* Funny headlines: Northwest Airlines hopes Union Concessions will keep company out of Chapter 11 My response to that? The headline 2 days later: Northwest Airlines files for Chapter 11

* Everyone have fun at Austin City Limits this weekend!

* I rode in a Mini yesterday. That's right, 6'7" 245 pound Michael Pondrom rode in a Mini. Actually, there was a surprising amont of legroom in the front, the stereo kicks ass, and it was a fun little car.

Of course, we did have the top down...

Thanks for the ride Linda!

* Peace.

Happy Birthday...

To my baby brother Sam!

We love you Sammy!

Coupla things...

* So if you haven't noticed, I've found an AWESOME new site, Wikipedia. It's a free online encyclopedia that has an INCREDIBLE database of knowledge, including tons of info on pop culture. Give it a try sometime, even if you have a really random question, like what is the complete storyline to the Mortal Kombat video game series.

* I never thought I'd see this, but I think there's a chance we might actually get a Supreme Court that could repeal Roe v Wade. And I'm not saying whether I'm for or against that, I'm just saying I didn't think it would ever really happen.

* Did you see that Deion Sanders was encouraging all pro athletes to give $1,000 to Hurricane relief funds? Way to be generous there, Deion. Let me ask you this: is there a piece of jewelry you ever wear that costs less than $1,000? You're such a fucking asshole, I hate you Deion.

* So Hell has frozen over...yes, I got talked into playing fantasy football with some of my friends. It's just for fun, there's no crazy money or any of that crap invovled. And I'm very embarrassed to admit this, but I did keep finding myself flipping to Monday Night Football to see how Michael Vick was doing, since he is on my team.

* You know what? If you're under 40, and smoke cigarettes, you shouldn't get health insurance. There. I said it. Let's face it people: if you're under 40, you've known your whole life that it is horribly bad for you, and that you're just going to end up dying a slow, painful, and expensive death from several different types of cancer. And hey, I respect your right to do that to yourself; what I don't respect is your right to use my money to pay for an illness that you knowingly brought down on yourself.

* I read an article in the Wall Street Journal (thanks Kyle for giving that to me) that mentions that the US spends 3.2% of it's GDP (Gross Domestic Product) on the military. Are you fucking kidding me? 3.2%? That's it? I know we're the richest nation in the world (for now), but that's ridiculous! No wonder our military is "stretched thin" with conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan, when--let's face it people--with the size of those countries our military involvement should be a blip on the map to the self proclaimed "most powerful military in the world". I'm sorry, but forget where you stand on the war in Iraq, Afghanistan, terror, whatever, but for the self protection of this country that's insane. Let's make that an even ten, at least.

* Don't hand the Spurs the title just yet. I'm telling you, Finley is basically DUN done, and do you see Van Exel as a Spurs kind of guy? I don't either. Hey, they're still the drastic favorites to win, but as long as Tim Duncan keeps pissing himself in crunch time, I won't be ready to hand over that "why do the other teams even bother" title.

* Have you heard the expression Emos? Here's a web site that describes what an emo is, which apparently is basically a punk rock fan. It's short for "emotional" or "emotions", I forget which. Anyway...so when did punk rock fans become big pussies? Hmmm? I didn't get that memo. Emos? Really? THAT'S the best word you can come up with to call yourself? You couldn't use a tougher word than "emotion" to describe yourselves? Wow, I remember the days when you would cross the street rather than walk by punk rock fans, cause they were ANGRY and CRAZY. How the mighty have fallen.

* So I believe that it is the last posting of Coupla Things that I lauded over the show Rescue Me. In fact...I'm trying to remember what I wrote, I think it might have been something like this:

"The only thing I worry about is them going to far like Homicide and ER did. Both of those shows had their characters' lives get so depressing and terrible that every week I would leave thinking, "My God, that is rock bottom. There is no way things can get any worse for those people." And then next week I would find out oh contraire, mon frere, it can get even worse. That got a little too much for me, and I hope it doesn't happen here."

Or something like that, I don't remember exactly. WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD. So in the last two episodes, Tommy's 7 year old son was run over and killed by a drunk driver--which of course his wife blamed him and left him for, Lou's girlfriend conned $30k out of him, Franco's girlfriend left him, leaving him completely broken hearted, Uncle Teddy shot and presumably killed the guy who ran over Connor (Tommy's son), and the Chief had to move his wife with Alheizmers into a home after she tried to commit suicide. So yeah, I'm done watching the show. Why did they have to make it so damn depressing? Thanks assholes.

* I saw one of the most beautiful sunrises I've ever seen Tuesday morning...I hope you caught it. It was blood red as it was rising over some light clouds, really cool to look at.

* XMen Legends 2 is coming out on the 20th, which I can't even tell you how pumped I am about that. Let's see here: Will my favorite villain possibly of all time, Apocalypse, be prominently invovled? Check. New characters available to play, including Magneto? Check. FINALLY, A MULTIPLAYER HACK AND SLASH THAT CAN BE PLAYED ONLINE? HELLZ YEZ BITCHEZ!!!!! We've been waiting for this so long...it just makes so much sense! It's so easy to do, I don't know why any games haven't had this before. Now Sam, Barry, Kyle and I don't have to beat the game separately, we can meet online and become the unstoppable force we have always been destined to be!

Yeah, am I cool or what?

* I'm sorry, but I love those Bacardi & Cola commercials, the spin offs of Miami Vice. I seriously don't understand how you can't love those. The one where the girl comes up and asks if they remember her name, and they rattle of 20 names until they finally hit hers and she gets all excited and says, "You do remember!" And then she tells the guys they look hot, and Bacardi Guy simply responds with, "Yeah." Priceless.

* I finished Olympos, by Dan Simmons. Once again, Simmons has outdone himself. An outstanding book. My only regret is it's not really the "conclusion" I thought it would be; it definitely reminds me of how Hyperion and The Fall of Hyperion were then really finished by Endymion and Rise of Endymion. But still, if you're into the Trojan Wars, Shakespeare, and/or SciFi at all, I highly recommend Ilium and Olympos.

* And, finally, another thing I can't believe I'm writing: I love Shaq more and more with each passing day. Check out this article about his latest heroics. Seriously, how cool is this guy? As Kyle put it, "He really does just want to be Steel and clean up the streets."

Lance Armstrong & The French

So let's get the story straight here:

* Some guy in a French lab decides to test some blood samples as a new way to check for a drug, EPO. The samples are anonymous, marked only with numbers assigned to each donor.
* The test has nothing to do with the Tour De France, and has only to do with testing this new procedure for finding EPO.
* A couple of days later, the newspaper L'Equipe--who has accused Lance of doping since his first tour win, and has gone through RIDICULOUS means to try to prove this is so--runs a story saying that Lance had tested positive to six samples of EPO. "Somehow" the "anonymous" samples had been tied to Lance, found to be "positive", and then "leaked" to the newspaper. Yes, I'm getting quotations happy.
* The samples are all "B" Samples, meaning Lance passed six "A" samples in 1999. There are no other samples to test against. However, there was not a test in 1999 that would work in finding EPO in a blood sample.
* International testing standards insist that there are two different samples taken to prove a guilty test--which there weren't two samples--and many other policies were violated in this "testing".

We know the rest. The director of the Tour said Lance had fooled everyone, Lance said they were all full of shit, etc., etc.

So here's the thing with Armstrong. I'm not going to hop on here and say, "How dare they accuse Lance, it's ridiculous to even think that he is guilty!" I've always subscribed to the "where there's smoke, there's fire" theory. There have been too many people in his own inner circle--ex-riders and assistants, including one who said she tossed out used syringes--his friendship and trips to see Italian doctor Michele Ferrari, who is on trial right now for distributing EPO to cyclists, and the fact that a clean drug test doesn't necessarily mean that an athlete is really clean (see: BALCO) for me to say I'm 100% sure Lance is clean. Hell, he's even taken EPO before--in his autobiography, he talks about taking it as part of his chemotherapy treatments, and credits it for helping him survive. Where there's smoke, there's usually a fire.

So keeping those facts in mind, and looking at the situation we're in now, here's what I have to say to the French (all of them, not just the newspaper):

Is that the best you fucking pussies can do?

Really? THIS bullshit is what you want to hang your hat on? Do I even need to count the reasons this could be crap? A seven year old "anonymous" sample? Who's been near it? How can you guarentee it's been kept properly? How can you guarentee no outside party has tampered with it? We're talking about a country that used to break into Lance's hotel room to "look for evidence of doping". Just break in while he was riding ON THE MOTHER FUCKING TOUR. You're telling me there's no way they'd tamper with an old blood sample? To quote Peter Griffin, "Come on!"

How did it go from being anonymous to Lance's sample? That doesn't happen by accident...somebody had to go look it up. I saw that 40 of the old samples tested positive...was Lance's the only one that happened to not be anonymous? So it's safe to say that you were looking to find evidence against Lance from Day 1...so you're lying about the original intent of the test now. Doesn't this seem a little orchestrated from the start? You sure you wouldn't tamper with the sample? Just a little? Just a smidge?

Didn't you--the French--establish the rules for testing? The whole two sample thing: now that Lance has tested positive once, now all of the sudden the second sample isn't really necessary, it's just a waste of time? Look French. I know you're used to surrendering...hey, it's what you guys do. But in an international competition, you can't set up a standard of rules, and then just surrender them when you think you might be able to catch a guy you have vehemently hated for seven years.

So in the end, I don't know if Lance cheated or not. Sadly, if somehow it was proved he used some substances, it wouldn't shock me all that much. Between the way the world is today, and the fact that there is smoke out there makes me nervous about his situation.

But don't come here with this shit. This is absolute crap. There's no evidence here; there's so many problems with this situation it's not even worth talking about. Once again, the French come across as vindictive loser pricks desperate to destroy a man they've come to hate simply because he's better than they are. Shame on all of you.

If Lance cheated, you'd better come forward with some ironclad, irrefutable, follow the letter of the law proof that he cheated. If you don't have that, shut the fuck up. This is a man who has overcome incredible adversity, handled himself with class, and has been an inspiration to millions. He deserves more respect than half-cocked theories or horribly mishandled tests. Shame on you, French, and give him the respect he has earned and deserves.

Congrats to Barry & Robin...

Who are having a beautiful baby girl.

I love you guys.