Your Guide To The Last Two (2) Days of the NBA Season

Good God. Has it really been over a month since I've written about the NBA? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? We need to fix this, and quickly.

* First, I'll do the awards real quickly for you, because they're fairly easy this year. 6th Man is unquestionably Jason Terry. He was born to play that role, and it's too bad that the Mavs don't have anyone better than Antoine Wright to start ahead of him. Most Improved is Kevin Durant. Right when he was getting to the point where people were starting to think, "Hey, shouldn't he be better? I mean, he was one of the most anticipated rookies ever...shouldn't he be better than he is?" he jumped two levels and started killing everyone. The good people of OKC wouldn't trade their team for anyone who doesn't have a player named "Lebron" on it right now. Coach of the Year...you know what, who really cares? I don't go to watch coaching. Give it to Stan Van Gundy because at least he's funny. ROY is Derrick Rose.

As for MVP, for some reason there's a lot of debate about this, which is just idiotic. Lebron James is the MVP. Period. End of story. He's the MVP however you look at it: he led his team to the best record (best player on best team logic), his team would be lottery-bound awful without him (player who is most valuable to his team), and he's the best overall player in the entire league. Look, Dwight Howard and Dwayne Wade had great seasons. Kobe played well. Good for all of them. But this isn't even close.

* The most disappointing team in the NBA this season? I'm going to do one from each conference: In the West, it's the New Orleans Hornets. Were the Suns a mess? Absolutely, but we knew they were fading. The Hornets were arguably the third best team in the league last season, and were only supposed to get better. Instead, if my predictions for the last two days of the season (see later) come true, then the Hornets will finish in seventh, and will most likely lose in the first round of the playoffs to a very mediocre Nuggets team. They didn't take one step forward, they took two steps back.

In the East, it is unquestionably the Toronto Raptors. Basketball just might be done in Toronto. This team should have been better than it was, and is an absolute LOCK to lose it's only star player after next season. If the economy in the NBA stays bad, the Raptors are in trouble for sure.

* Conversely, the most surprising team in the West was unquestionably the Denver Nuggets. Yes, the AI-Chauncey trade was totally unpredictable before the season, but even after that happened, did ANYONE think that, "Oh yeah, the Nuggets will finish in second place!" would be the outcome of that trade? Anyone?

In the East, I have to go with New York, for two reasons: 1) The Knicks were surprisingly good this year, and yes, I realize I'm saying this about a team that finished second to last in the conference. 2) The Knicks were so surprisingly good that their coach and GM intentionally sabotaged the team to make it worse this year. "Why would they do that?", you ask. Glad you asked--for two reasons: A) Because the Knicks were doing well enough that they knew they were about to enter the perennially mediocre period--they had players who were overperforming, leading them to make the last spot of the playoffs, were they would get spanked, get a crappy draft pick, and be stuck in the muck again. They don't want that. They WANT to be in the lottery this year and next year. B) Because adding more lottery picks adds talent that will help convince Lebron and Chris Bosh, or Lebron and Steve Nash, or Lebron and Amare, or Lebron and Amare to join the team in 2010. They want to be bad...but not horrible. Kudos for Mike and Donnie for being smart enough to avoid the perennial stinky middle.

* If you don't enjoy watching the Portland Trailblazers play, then the problem is with YOU, my friend. And if you don't think that with the right matchups they won't end up in the Western Conference Finals, then you are mistaken.

* Okay, here's some more awards for you: The Saddest Player of the Year Award goes to Greg Oden, who is a good kid and works hard but who is never, ever going to scratch the surface of what people (not me) thought he would be. This award will be named after him in two years. The "They're Dead, Finally!" Award goes to the San Antonio Spurs. I enjoy laughing every time I read one of those "Don't sleep on the Spurs, as long as they are playing they are in it!" columns from the media. Really? Two of their big three can't walk, and their fourth best player is arguably Roger Mason. The Most Underplayed Player Award goes to Anthony Randolph, the talented rookie on the Warriors who is an amazing athlete who might or might not be able to play basketball, but since he never plays enough under The Drunk Idiot (Don Nelson) we'll never know. The Most Likely To Have Received Joe Smith Money Without Being Caught Award goes to Cutino Mobley, who was traded from the Clippers to the Knicks, suddenly discovered he had a heart problem even though he'd been fine to play, oh, the day before, and then immediately decided to retire and clear up money from the Knicks cap rather than keep playing and collecting the rest of his contract. I'm just sayin. The Most Hilarious Moment of the Season Award goes to Andrew Bynum, for getting photographed carrying Hoez on his back at the Playboy Mansion after missing months with a knee injury, and then less than a week later the Lakers deciding, "You know what? Suit up. You're fucking playing." You have to love the NBA.

And, finally, the coveted Antoine Walker Most Overrated Player of the Year Award winner has to go to Tracy McGrady. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a TMac hater as much as some are. When your team is never favored to win a first round matchup, I have a hard time trashing you completely as a player just because you never manage to slay Goliath. That being said, though, when your team is predicted to be a better team in the West, you suck for the first quarter of the season, you decide to quit for the season, almost everyone writes your team off, and then your team goes out and proceeds to FINALLY be favored in a first round matchup with home court advantage--probably finishing one game out of second place in the conference--then you, sir, have to win the Most Overrated Player Award. Sorry TMac. That's just a no brainer.

* Okay, so here's how I'm predicting the season finishes these last two days in the exciting Western Conference where 2 through 8 are up for grabs.

8: The reeling Jazz lose to the Lakers and are stuck with 8th, since Phil plays his whole team for a half in order to incorporate Bynum back in. Two quick thoughts on the Jazz: 1) Please feel free to make fun of John Hollinger--the stat guy on espn.com--for picking the Jazz as the best team in the NBA. Don't get me wrong, I love stats as much as the next guy, but there is nothing funnier than watching a overly arrogant guy who believe that statics only loses. It's so predictable, and so rewarding. I'll even tell you what his defense is going to be: he's going to complain about injuries derailing the team. Uh, John? When you have Carlos Boozer, Andrei Kirlenko, and Matt Harpring on your team, and your best player starts the season with an ankle injury, you can't use injuries as a defense. You must EXPECT the injuries John. Have fun. 2) Look, I know it's against Federal law to critique Jerry Sloan...but this team has one of the best starting fives in the league, and has several good backups (Harpring, Korver, Knight, and the only guy who could even be mentioned in Most Improved Player next to KD, Paul Milsap). Yes, we've established that injuries hurt them this season. But at some point don't you have to look at this team and say, "Hey, why aren't we ever taking that last step to Elite team?" And at some point doesn't that answer have to be the coach? Just wondering.
7: The Hornets lose another tough game, this one to the Rockets. They play Denver in the first round, in a 7 game could go either way series.
6: The Mavs beat the Rockets at home to clinch the eighth spot, wildly exceeding expectations, and setting themselves up perfectly for the first round.
5: The Rockets once again fail to gain home court advantage in the first round, proving that--even while there--the curse of TMac lives on.
4: A hot Portland team beats the Nuggets in a game that gives them home court advantage against the Rockets.
3: San Antonio is in third place and plays the Mavs in the first round--in spite of home court, the Spurs will lose if they play they Mavs. You heard it here first.
2: Denver hangs onto the two seed in spite of a loss to Portland.

This would be and incredibly awesome set of circumstances if it weren't for the fact that that Portland has to play the Lakers in Round 2, which is the real Western Conference Finals. The Lakers win easy, it's damn near a pic 'em between the Nugz and the Hornets--I'll go with Chauncey's vetern leadership having the Nugz pull it out, but I would not be surprised at ALL if CP3 wills the Hornets to a win--the Mavs beat the team they are most designed to beat in the Spurs in the battle of fading 90's powers, and Portland fairly easily beats the Rockets as they continue to be frustrated in getting out of the first round. In the second round, the Mavs put up a decent fight but lose to either Denver (who the Mavs don't match up with this year) or the Hornets (as Chris Paul averages a quadruple double, and no, I'm not kidding). The Lakers and Portland play a wildly entertaining series that really isn't ever in doubt, but shows the potential that Portland has for the future in the two games they win--one at LA. In the WC Finals, the Lakers kick the shit out of whoever is left, and I mean whoever--Spurs (who if they somehow manage to survive this far, can no longer even walk), Rockets (as Ron Ron goes nuts during game 3 or 4 as Kobe lights him up for his fourth 40 point game while talking shit the entire time. Hell also freezes over as this is the only time I root for Kobe), Mavs (the Mavs will not win one game against the Lakers as long as Kobe is there as they are presently constructed), Hornets (CP3 dazzles but the series is never really close, as the Lakers big men just beat David West into submission), or Nuggets (as Melo and Chauncey [the most overrated playoff performer ever] finally bows to the playoff pressure and play like crap, while the rest of the Nuggets just have a "We're happy to be here!" mentality). This is how I see the West finishing out, and yes, it is most certainly a Mavs' fan's best case scenario and wishful thinking. It does have a pretty good chance of happening though.

* I'm still going to write and NBA Playoff Preview once the final seedings are done, so I'm not going to to an Eastern Conference Preview here. However, let me spoil the book but telling you the end up front. Without question, with 100% certainty (barring injury), I'll tell you this:

Lebron James will win his first NBA championship this year.

* What a great end to the season. Remember folks...the NBA...it's FANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTASTIC!!!!!