Coupla Things...

Okay, some of these are so old it's somewhat ridiculous that I'm writing about this. But I'm going to anyway. Why? Because I have a decent excuse: I'm getting married in a month. It's like having a baby; it's an automatic "get out of jail free" card. I will pass Go, I will collect $200, and I hope you enjoy at least some of this.

* I know this is really old, but I feel like I needed to share this article anyway. Check out this article from msnbc.com, that I swear to God at the time could be reached by the following link from their front page: "Obama backs himself into corner on taxes. Analyst: It appears the only way to pass the giant health care bill is to find new ways to tax.

Okay, give me a moment to turn on the sarcasm font...thank you...here we go:

Wow, really? Are you serious? My God! I never saw this coming! Where could this have possibly come from? But...but...Obama said that it wouldn't! He SAID! There's no way this is possible. Surely, this "analyst" is wrong. How could one of the most expensive and reaching undertakings the federal government has ever attempted cause us to raise taxes? That's ridiculous! I just cannot even imagine such a thing!

Okay, now we can move on.

* Speaking of turning on the sarcasm font...seriously, why don't we have a sarcasm font? Wouldn't life be a lot easier if we had that? How many times have you heard someone complain about an email/text/IM being misinterpreted because they were being sarcastic and it didn't come across? I'm shocked Microsoft hasn't labeled one of their ten thousand fonts Sarcasm yet. If we have Wingdings, we can have Sarcasm. Props to my buddy Jainya for first calling for the Sarcasm font.

* I'd like to nominate the Reebok Toning Sandals as one of the stupidest inventions in the history of mankind. First, let's take a look at the Reebok Toning Sandal.



Looks like just another flip flop, doesn't it? You know, flip flops, that are worth $5-20? It's even kind of ugly for a flip flop. But no, Reebok wants you to pay $60 for this thing! And it's claim that it can tone is about the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Here's what a true training shoe looks like:



Yeah. You can see how that will build your leg strength, because it would suck to walk in it. Wearing arguably the most comfortable footwear in the world? Sorry, not going to do much for exercising leg muscles.

Good luck Reebok. You fail again.

* You know, you can say a lot of things about George Bush's success as President. But as this article shows once again, there is no doubt that he is a good man.

* So check out this clip.

Is that not the scariest/most amazing thing you've ever seen? I was terrified just to see that poor guy try to stand on the top step of that ladder in that huge, bulky, very unsafe costume. To then do a FRICKING REVERSE FLIP 360 DUNK and not only not kill himself, but immediately leap up and go cartwheeling down the court afterwards? That is arguably the greatest mascot stunt ever. I am now rooting for Milwaukee from now on as long as they aren't playing the Mavs. FEAR THE DEER BABY!!!!

* So let's talk about David Letterman briefly. First, check out Chris Rock just ripping Dave, proving once again that Chris Rock is greatness. But that's beside the point. Let's talk about David Letterman first, and how somehow people still like him and he has a reputation as a good guy.

So I read a pretty detailed article about this guy who was arrested for blackmailing Dave. Apparently this guy is a moderately successful producer who's getting hammered by his ex-wife in a classic "everyone in Hollywood is rich even though very few actually are" kind of way. He's dating this girl who works on Dave's show, and they are living together. She comes home with Dave one day in his $300k car--so there's no doubt it's Dave driving--parks about two houses down from this guy's--so it's really easy to see from the house--and they proceed to make out in the car for about 20 minutes, so there's no doubt about what's going on in there. So this guy gets pissed, decides, "F it", and writes a screenplay about Dave that chronicles his affairs (note the plural) that he offers to sell to Dave first. The guy gets busted for blackmail.

Now forgive me...but what exactly did this guy do that was so wrong? If he had written anything that was untrue about Dave, then maybe you can talk to me. But if this is all shit that Dave did, this guy has every right to write it all down and sell it to the highest bidder. If the highest bidder is Dave, so be it. This wasn't a back of the room thing or anything, they guy went through agents to do it too. And could Dave be more of an asshole about this whole thing? Bad enough you're stealing what probably qualifies as this dude's common law wife, but to rub it in his face like this? Fuck you Dave! Especially when you're married with a brand new kid at home. I just don't understand how not only does A) the other guy get the book thrown at him and B) Dave makes one or two jokes about it and oh, it's okay, we don't need to hate on Dave like we do Tiger and everyone else. Well allow me to say: Hey Dave...fuck you too!

* So we all know I'm a huge fan of Sports Radio 1310 The Ticket (I've been a good P1 since '96). Well, I heard this clip (click on 1-HL-FRA) on the radio yesterday driving home...and laughed so hard that I cried. When I listened to it again this morning on their podcast, I laughed so hard that I cried again. And that's all that I'm saying about that.

* So the big question in the world today isn't how long we should torture BP execs for their criminal behavior, but where is Lebron James going? Here's what I see the % breakdown by team:

40% = Cleveland Cavaliers. The good news for Cleveland is that they have the best chance of any individual team of resigning him. The bad news is that there's a better overall chance of him going that him staying. Look, for years I've said that Lebron James was leaving for sure. I'm not quite as sure as I was that he's leaving, because I think the Knicks and the Nets have not done as good a job to entice him as they should have, but I would still be surprised if he stayed in Cleveland. The Cavs are what they are, and Lebron is now in the prime of his career. There's no longer "the future"; he needs to start winning titles now, because in three years he'll have finished 10 years in the NBA, and little by little his body will start to slip. He needs to go, and not only does he know it deep down inside, but I still think that he wants to go. And you know what Cleveland? I don't want to hear shit from you either when he leaves. You were the ones stupid enough not only to boo him, but to boo him in the playoffs of a contract year! What were you thinking?
25% = New York Knicks. Personally, I think Lebron would be a fool to go to New York. There isn't a good talent base there. As much as everyone likes Mike D'Antoni, and as successful as his coaching is in the regular season, it has translated into 0 titles, which is the end game Lebron is after. Donnie Walsh has had a coupla seasons to improve New York's chances of landing Lebron, and there is no more compelling of a reason for Lebron to join the Knicks since Donnie got there. However, I still think the Knicks are the leader of the others because unquestionably Lebron is obsessed with the Knicks. All players have that "dream" team they want to play for, and that team is the Knicks for Lebron. The real question is how big is his ego: I think Lebron is a smart guy, but is his ego just big enough to ignore the last seven years in Cleveland, and for him to convince himself, "You know what, there are big names here...it's New York...I'll finally have another star player to play with...I can do this, I'm good enough to make this happen!"? That's the (literally) billion dollar question.
16% = New Jersey Nets. If the Nets had the Brooklyn deal done this season--and probably even next--I'd have them closer to 40 or 50%. But since they are still at best two full seasons away? That really hurts them. I like The Tzar (the new Russian billionaire owner of the Nets), and I actually think the Nets have a better young supporting class to surround Lebron with than most people do, but I still just don't think they have what it takes to get the deal done. If they had the first pick, I think this is a lot more enticing, but losing that really hurt them too.
13% = Chicago Bulls. I agree totally with Bill Simmons that Chicago makes the most sense for Lebron from an overall standpoint. First, I think it is the best fit from a basketball standpoint by a mile with the exception of one other team: a star young point guard, one of the best big men (again, how pathetic is the state of bigs in the NBA right now if he is one of the best) in the league in Noah, nice supporting pieces/trade bait in Hinrich and Deng. As the Bulls have proved the last two seasons in the playoffs, this is a good young team that needs a true start to put them over the top and turn them into a true contender. It also fits the "major market" bill that is so important to Lebron, and of course it's also got the backing of El Jefe himself, who might be the only person in the world Stern can't fine for saying Lebron should go to a particular team.
There are two big problems with the Bulls, however: Michael Jordan and the Reinsdorfs. First, I don't think Lebron wants to live in Jordan's shadow, I think he wants to carve out his own destiny, and he can not do that in Chicago. I've got news for everyone: at his age, Lebron is not going to win 7 rings. It's just not going to happen. And I think the only way he goes to Chicago is if he can top Jordan in rings, which he can't do. Second, I think Jordan, Pippen, and Jackson's hatred of the Reinsdorfs also puts Lebron off. He likes the people around him to worship him, and history there says he isn't going to get that. I think he's learned to be wary of the front office around him, and I think that's a big red flag for him.
5% = Your Dallas Mavericks! That's right. The Mavs are the darkest of the dark horses in the race to get Lebron. I think that they are the second best fit for Lebron from a basketball standpoint: a superstar who is not only willing to play second fiddle to Lebron, but who's game would be perfect as a compliment to his; a good big in Haywood, a point guard who can run the offense and who Lebron has tremendous respect for; good trade bait in Damp's expiring contract and expendable talent in Caron Butler (expendable if you get Lebron) to make another move to bring in another big piece. Throw in the fact that Mark Cuban is the best owner in basketball from a "just win" standpoint, and that Dallas not only is a major market but can also use the Death Star to promote Lebron even more, and it's a nice package.
Personally, if I were the Mavs, I wouldn't even try to get Lebron. I would put a full court press on Dwyane Wade, and try to woo him with all of the above (which applies even more to Wade) and a "see Dwyane, everyone else wants Lebron first but then you, but we only want you!" package. But that's a story for another day. But the Mavs will go after Lebron like everyone else, and they do have a shot, however slim.
1% = Everyone Else.No one else has any real chance of a shot, but here you go just to run through the list of media names: I think it's 1000X more likely that DWade leaves the Heat than convinces Lebron to come there. I don't think any first tier star will ever choose to play for Donald Sterling, so the Clippers are out as long as he's alive. Not only do I not think that Lebron wants to play with Kobe (and even more vice versa), but I don't think they would really fit well together. Lebron to the Lakers is just Laker's fans pipe dream. If anyone mentions the Grizzlies cap space to you, just stop talking to them immediately.

So there you have it. July 1st is going to be very interesting.

* Finally, I'd like to recognize the passing of a truly great man, the greatest coach and most probably the greatest man in the history of any sport: John Wooden. John Wooden--the former UCLA basketball coach is almost universally accepted as the greatest basketball coach ever--died on June 4th, and with that the sports world lost a man that simply does not exist anymore. Not only did Wooden compile an unthinkable 664-162 record while winning 11 national championships (one of those as a player himself), but he was widely respected as one of the greatest human beings to live. My disdain for coaches, from high school to the pros, has been well documented here, and that's because there aren't men like John Wooden anymore. As fantasticlly successful as this man was, he still was absolutely sincere and never strayed from the tired old cliche of being a basketball coach second to be a teacher and positive influence of young men. I will always believe that that was why Wooden retired when he did (at the end of the 1975 season, having won the NCAA championship): he saw the direction that sports were heading, decided he didn't want to be a part of that, left and never looked back. Sadly, in this day and age, not only are there so few men to admire in positions of power throughout the world, but the system is set up that men who you would admire cannot succeed. John Wooden was truly the last of a Golden Age; the world was blessed to have this man, and we will never have another man like him.