Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Coupla Things...

* I saw Iron Man opening weekend. Simply put, it might be the best superhero movie ever made. It was outstanding. Robert Downey Jr. does a fantastic job; he might be a crackhead, but the man is an excellent actor, and was born to play Tony Stark. Another big plus is Jeff Bridges. Normally I can't stand him, but he does an outstanding job in this film.

This is one of those rare comic movies that transcends comics while staying very true to the original story. Anyone would (and is) enjoy this movie. I highly recommend it.

* Speaking of comic movies, they're making another Hulk movie. I find this hilarious. Marvel is now producing their own movies, which is leaving them with more control over the final product, and basically they are saying, "Yeah...that first one sucked so bad, we're going to just go ahead and pretend it didn't happen and do it again." The really funny part, of course, is that they're correct in their assessment.

* Dude, Fat Lip by Sum 41 is one of the best songs ever.

* One of the NBA players that I've despised most in my life is Karl Malone. You see, probably my biggest pet peeve as a player are guys who play dirty and super physical...but throw a FIT whenever you touch them, and act like the slightest thing is a huge, violent act. This is the veritable definition of "Bitch" and describes Karl Malone to a T. Anyway, since I hate him so much, I actually enjoyed this article detailing what a fucking scumbag he is. I feel terrible for his son, who obviously still wants a relationship with his father in spite of everything. All the best to him, as he deserves it.

Dad, thanks for being a great father. God I'm lucky.

* I can't believe I'm saying this...but it's reached the point where I don't blame Clinton for staying the race. She's about 150 delagates behind...and that's based on 500 estimated superdelegates! Those guys could go either way!

What has happened to America the last couple of elections? Why can we no longer make a decision about anything? I can't believe we keep splitting down the middle like this. It needs to stop! This is the founding father's nightmare; we need a decisive victor. I have no idea who that will be at this point, but good God we've got to come up with someone (and please don't let it be Clinton).

* If you use ledger--the 11X17 paper--to turn something in at work, you are officially too old. Sorry.

* No, MSNBC, I don't want to take your survey. Please stop asking. Thank you.

* Finally, some NBA postseason awards:
Defensive Player: Kevin Garnett, Celtics. A no brainer.
6th Man: Manu Ginobli, Spurs. I still find it ridiculous that they use him as a 6th man.
Rookie of the Year: Kevin Durant, Supersonics. Also a no brainer. All of this Al Horton nonsense was, well, just nonsense.
Most Improved Player: Hedo Turkoglu, Magic. I'll have you know that I spelled his last name without looking it up, and I'm pretty sure that's right. If that doesn't qualify me as an NBA expert, I don't know what does.
Coach of the Year: Byron Scott, Hornets. Why not? Ho-hum year in this category.
MVP: Kobe Bryant, Lakers. You know how much it physically pains me to name him MVP. But I fall into the camp that the MVP was either Kobe or CP3, and whichever team won the West should get it. Sadly, the Lakers won the West.
The Antoine Walker Memorial Most Overrated Player: (Tie) Jason Kidd, Mavericks & Shaquille O'Neal, Suns. The veritable definition of "much ado about nothing" this season. That's not true; they did ruin both of their team's chances when they traded for them, so that is something. It amazes me that with so many "smart" people running NBA teams, they still get seduced by big names. Shaq and Kidd are two of the best players of all time, but at this point they are D-U-N done. I'm sorry, but it's true.
The Shawn Marion Memorial Most Underrated Player: Jose Calderon, Raptors. I'm pretty sure John Hollinger--the stat guy for espn.com--had at least a dozen orgasms thinking of Jose Calderon this year. He had a 5.4 assist to turnover ratio! He shot 52% from the field as a jump shooter! And he could barely start on his own team because of TJ Ford. Congrats Jose.
The Player I Want To See Traded Most: Carmelo Anthony, Nuggets. Nothing that has happened to Melo has been a surprise to me. I always thought he was overrated, and always thought that he would be a disappointment. In some ways, he's actually exceeded my expectations; 26-7-3 is nothing to turn your nose up to. If Melo's going to have a chance to turn himself into a premier player--a guy who can lead a team to a championship--he's going to need a change of scenery to do it. This happens to athletes; sometimes you can tell, they just need to move. Like the Supreme Court with porn, there's nothing to define, you just know it when you see it, and I've seen it with Melo and the Nuggets. For both of their sakes, I hope they move him.
The Shawn Bradley Memorial Player I'd Most Like To See Hit By A Mack Truck: Josh Howard, Mavs. It's not because he ruined the Maverick's season. It's not because he's a pothead. It's because of the actual interview where he admitted to pot use. Listen to that. He has to be the dumbest human being who ever lived. I think I lost at least 20 points off of my SAT score just by listening to him and Michael Irvin try to carry on a conversation. Curse you Josh Howard! Curses!

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6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

TOTALLY agree with you on Iron Man. It was brilliant. it wasn't even a badass comic book movie... it was a badass movie. And RDJ was simply fantastic. I was even shocked that Gwyneth Paltrow didn't make me want to gouge my eyes out. (Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes in Batman Begins was gut-wrenching). I'm really looking forward to the new Hulk movie.... for some reason I can't see Norton as David Banner (probably because of the casting of the old TV show) but I refuse to believe Ed Norton will do anything less than an "incredible" job. AHAHAHAA, man... I kill myself. Of course the movie I'm MOST looking forward to is Dark Knight. I hope it's as good as Batman Begins.

In other news... I finally bought the 20th Anniversary Monster Squad DVD today. It has to be the first time I've watched it in 15 years easily. I had a grin on my face the entire time. There's nothing like re-enjoying something you enjoyed so much as a kid. I watched that movie probably a million times and to hear all the old lines, and see all the old scenes... one of the best things ever. And it's crazy to see thins from a different perspective. Who knew 20 years ago that the guy who played Wolfman would turn out to be Uncle Rico in Napoleon Dynamite!?! Craziness.

- Tone Loc

3:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I haven't seen Iron Man yet but I will.

Jesus of Suburbia is about 1000 times better than Fat Lip.

and finally,

damn you Joint Howard.

John.

8:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Iron Man. Great Movie. Anyone know if there is somewhere online that has the clip from the end of the credits?? Yes Mike, I know I should have stayed.


Only during the offseason.....

What an idiot. I may be mistaken, but I do believe that Josh's interview transcripts have just given every single law enforcement official probable cause for pulling him over when they see him "ridin dirty," especially in the offseason. Granted, weed isn't crack, but you get caught with enough of the green spinach you can still do some serious time, have assets siezed, etc. And who knows what else they'd find during a Mary-Jane raid? Some R-Kellyesque "I wanna piss on a 14 year old" videos?? Some crack? Maybe Josh has a Scarface fettish...(I know that's a big reach with young NBA players), and he's got a couple of illegal gats (to use the term popular with the ballers) a la Tank Johnson. He and we, shouldn't be surprised when he gets a lot more legal attention this summer and in the future.

The funny thing about this Josh "blunt/split/doobie" Howard ordeal, is that Josh thought he was breaking this story wide open. Come on. Everyone knows that the NBA might as well change its name to the MBA (mary-jane ballerz association). If you have any doubt about this, look at any picture of "Sleepy" Sam Perkins. I doubt there was ever a moment, on or off the court, that Sam wasn't flyin high from a visit from puff the magic dragon. So I wonder if the NBA is going to start offseason drug testing?

9:34 AM  
Blogger Michael Pondrom said...

Seriously, how have I not written a blog about the pure, unadulterated greatness that is Monster Squad? I need to get this done. 29th anniversary edition is a classic. When Dracula gets mad and rips the door off his car...I mean, I don't know how that guy didn't get an Oscar for that performance alone! :-)

No. The NBA will never test for pot, because A) the public doesn't care, and B) 80% of the league would get suspended.

I just can't get over that interview. Good LORD.


Michael

9:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Had to throw this in for anyone who may not have read it in Bill Simmons' column. "Hey, just because the Mavs are long gone from the playoffs doesn't mean we have to stop making Josh Howard jokes, right? Can we call the 2008 Mavericks team video "Howard and Kumar"? Do you think he ever tried to get Shawn Bradley high? Has Visine approached him about becoming its new endorser yet? Does he own a 7-foot bong that he named "Desagana?" How many times do you think he toked up with a teammate, then fell over in hysterics imitating Avery Johnson's voice? And can ESPN organize a Josh Howard roast so I can stand on a dais and make these jokes as someone like Jerry Stackhouse keels over in hysterics and does the slumped-over-and-pounding-the-table routine?" - Bill Simmons

- Tone Loc

1:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Get a clue Mr. Rogers, ALL the best artists ar crackheads.

2:30 PM  

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