The Precise Location of Villainy
Now you know I don't like to rag on any religions here.
...
Ha ha...
HAHAHAHA...
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
{wipes tears from eyes} Okay...whew...that was a good one. But seriously: I'm not going to knock anyone's religion today. And I want to make sure I point that out before I start, and I'll touch on why at the end, when I say why Scientology isn't a religion.
So South Park (I'm not going to italicize it over and over) did an episode in November mocking Scientology, who joined a long line of...well...everything that Trey Parker and Matt Stone has mocked on their biting and hilarious show.
As you know, Isaac Hayes is the voice of Chef, perhaps the most beloved character on South Park. As you may or may not know, Hayes is a Scientologist.
In early March, Isaac Hayes released a carefully worded statement, asking out of his contract and saying he could no longer do the voice of Chef, as the show's "religious intolerance" was too much for him to associate with.
Parker & Stone released a statement saying that they found it ironic that Hayes never had a problem when the show mocked (repeatedly) religions other than Scientology, which they have done for years. However, they said if Hayes wanted out, they would let him go.
The Scientology episode was set to be replayed in mid-March on Comedy Central, which is owned by Viacom. However, it was pulled at the last minute--apparently by the nefarious TOM CRUISE (I'm going to start capitalizing his name like the intros to Star Wars always did with THE EMPIRE, THE EMPEROR, and DARTH VADER), who threatened not to promote Mission Impossible 3. MI3 is being released by Paramount, which is also owned by Viacom.
Parker & Stone responded with a scathing release, which I will simply quote here:
"So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!
Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu."
Who is this "Xenu" they refer to, you ask? Why allow me to enlighten you. Xenu is an evil alien who brought humans to earth a billion years ago, forced them to watch 36 hours of TV to brainwash them, and then left them on Earth to live out our current history. The goal of Sceintology is apparently to release our minds from Xenu's brainwashing, which is really fricking hard to do, but only required 36 hours of TV.
I'm not even kidding. I looked it up. Read all about it. This is Scientology. Apparently, the reality we live in as actually just an episode of Stargate: SG-1.
You know what? I'm just going to move on from here.
About the same time the episode gets pulled, details about Isaac Hayes come out. First, he had a stroke on January 17, and has been working to recover from that since then. Friends and family say the last thing that he has been worried about is how South Park is portraying religions: he's busy trying to walk and talk again. Second, Hayes has not only enjoyed working with, but been grateful to Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Even though Hayes is famous for his music, he doesn't own the royalties to any of his famous songs. In other words, when Parker & Stone approached him, he was flat broke. They literally saved him financially with Chef, and he has never forgotten that. Third, Hayes in early January, just before his stroke, had this to say about the Scientology episode:
Interviewer: "They did just do an episode that made fun of your religion, Scientology. Did that bother you?"
Hayes: "Well, I talked to Matt [Stone] and Trey [Parker] about that. They didn't let me know until it was done. I said, 'Guys, you have it all wrong. We're not like that. I know that's your thing, but get your information correct, because somebody might believe that [expletive], you know?' But I understand what they're doing. I told them to take a couple of Scientology courses and understand what we do. [Laughs.]"
Oh yeah. He sounds livid.
This culminated in this season's premier of South Park, where the Super Adventure Club brainwashes Chef to molest little boys, and eventually he gets killed. At his funeral, Kyle encourages everyone not to hate Chef, but hate the people who brainwashed him. It was a HILARIOUS episode.
So it's pretty fucking obvious what happened here. Isaac Hayes had a stroke, and the Sceintolgists that are required to be around him at all times--you know, to help rid him of the brainwashing Xenu gave him--took advantage of this sick man and quit the show for him.
First, I must give credit to Trey Parker & Matt Stone, who--not to sound like a hick here--are two great Americans. In this day of Political Correctness, these are two men who poke fun at everything, stand up and say what they think is wrong, and back down from no one. How great is that? How refreshing is that?
Do they cross the line sometimes? Of course. Does anyone in the world agree with them all the time? Of course not. But these are two guys who say what they mean, are consistent with what they believe, and make no apologies for it. Thank God for upright and honest voices in the visual media today.
Next, I must say to Scientology: FUCK YOU. That's right. I cannot stand anyone who takes advantage of the sick and the aged, and that is obviously what Scientology has done here. You want to brainwash dumb, easily influenced Hollywood actors? Fine. More power to you. But when you start taking advantage of the disadvantaged, then the gloves come off.
You're not a religion. You're a cult, or an evil, Satanic group. A religion is a group that worships a deity for good, not for evil, and your work is all about evil: advancing your own aims, exerting your own influence, and hurting those who don't think inside you're little box. You're the Totalitarians that everyone is afraid of. Fuck off and die.
So congratulations Sceintology. You got an old man with a stroke off a TV show you didn't like. Fortunately, you did it to the two people in the world today who are willing to call a spade a spade, and have the influence to let the evil you do be known. So go fuck yourselves Sceintology.
And as for you Isaac Hayes...I hope you recover, both from your stroke, and from your brainwashing. Not Xenu's brainwashing (seriously? Xenu? They're not even trying with a name like that), but from L. Ron Hubbard's brainwashing.
...
Ha ha...
HAHAHAHA...
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
{wipes tears from eyes} Okay...whew...that was a good one. But seriously: I'm not going to knock anyone's religion today. And I want to make sure I point that out before I start, and I'll touch on why at the end, when I say why Scientology isn't a religion.
So South Park (I'm not going to italicize it over and over) did an episode in November mocking Scientology, who joined a long line of...well...everything that Trey Parker and Matt Stone has mocked on their biting and hilarious show.
As you know, Isaac Hayes is the voice of Chef, perhaps the most beloved character on South Park. As you may or may not know, Hayes is a Scientologist.
In early March, Isaac Hayes released a carefully worded statement, asking out of his contract and saying he could no longer do the voice of Chef, as the show's "religious intolerance" was too much for him to associate with.
Parker & Stone released a statement saying that they found it ironic that Hayes never had a problem when the show mocked (repeatedly) religions other than Scientology, which they have done for years. However, they said if Hayes wanted out, they would let him go.
The Scientology episode was set to be replayed in mid-March on Comedy Central, which is owned by Viacom. However, it was pulled at the last minute--apparently by the nefarious TOM CRUISE (I'm going to start capitalizing his name like the intros to Star Wars always did with THE EMPIRE, THE EMPEROR, and DARTH VADER), who threatened not to promote Mission Impossible 3. MI3 is being released by Paramount, which is also owned by Viacom.
Parker & Stone responded with a scathing release, which I will simply quote here:
"So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!
Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu."
Who is this "Xenu" they refer to, you ask? Why allow me to enlighten you. Xenu is an evil alien who brought humans to earth a billion years ago, forced them to watch 36 hours of TV to brainwash them, and then left them on Earth to live out our current history. The goal of Sceintology is apparently to release our minds from Xenu's brainwashing, which is really fricking hard to do, but only required 36 hours of TV.
I'm not even kidding. I looked it up. Read all about it. This is Scientology. Apparently, the reality we live in as actually just an episode of Stargate: SG-1.
You know what? I'm just going to move on from here.
About the same time the episode gets pulled, details about Isaac Hayes come out. First, he had a stroke on January 17, and has been working to recover from that since then. Friends and family say the last thing that he has been worried about is how South Park is portraying religions: he's busy trying to walk and talk again. Second, Hayes has not only enjoyed working with, but been grateful to Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Even though Hayes is famous for his music, he doesn't own the royalties to any of his famous songs. In other words, when Parker & Stone approached him, he was flat broke. They literally saved him financially with Chef, and he has never forgotten that. Third, Hayes in early January, just before his stroke, had this to say about the Scientology episode:
Interviewer: "They did just do an episode that made fun of your religion, Scientology. Did that bother you?"
Hayes: "Well, I talked to Matt [Stone] and Trey [Parker] about that. They didn't let me know until it was done. I said, 'Guys, you have it all wrong. We're not like that. I know that's your thing, but get your information correct, because somebody might believe that [expletive], you know?' But I understand what they're doing. I told them to take a couple of Scientology courses and understand what we do. [Laughs.]"
Oh yeah. He sounds livid.
This culminated in this season's premier of South Park, where the Super Adventure Club brainwashes Chef to molest little boys, and eventually he gets killed. At his funeral, Kyle encourages everyone not to hate Chef, but hate the people who brainwashed him. It was a HILARIOUS episode.
So it's pretty fucking obvious what happened here. Isaac Hayes had a stroke, and the Sceintolgists that are required to be around him at all times--you know, to help rid him of the brainwashing Xenu gave him--took advantage of this sick man and quit the show for him.
First, I must give credit to Trey Parker & Matt Stone, who--not to sound like a hick here--are two great Americans. In this day of Political Correctness, these are two men who poke fun at everything, stand up and say what they think is wrong, and back down from no one. How great is that? How refreshing is that?
Do they cross the line sometimes? Of course. Does anyone in the world agree with them all the time? Of course not. But these are two guys who say what they mean, are consistent with what they believe, and make no apologies for it. Thank God for upright and honest voices in the visual media today.
Next, I must say to Scientology: FUCK YOU. That's right. I cannot stand anyone who takes advantage of the sick and the aged, and that is obviously what Scientology has done here. You want to brainwash dumb, easily influenced Hollywood actors? Fine. More power to you. But when you start taking advantage of the disadvantaged, then the gloves come off.
You're not a religion. You're a cult, or an evil, Satanic group. A religion is a group that worships a deity for good, not for evil, and your work is all about evil: advancing your own aims, exerting your own influence, and hurting those who don't think inside you're little box. You're the Totalitarians that everyone is afraid of. Fuck off and die.
So congratulations Sceintology. You got an old man with a stroke off a TV show you didn't like. Fortunately, you did it to the two people in the world today who are willing to call a spade a spade, and have the influence to let the evil you do be known. So go fuck yourselves Sceintology.
And as for you Isaac Hayes...I hope you recover, both from your stroke, and from your brainwashing. Not Xenu's brainwashing (seriously? Xenu? They're not even trying with a name like that), but from L. Ron Hubbard's brainwashing.
posted by Michael Pondrom at 7:05 PM
2 Comments:
You'd think intergalactic aliens could come up with a cooler/better design than a DC-10.
Michael
You know George Lucas really missed the boat on this one - at least the whole Jedhi and force stuff doesn't sound nearly as retarded as the stuff LRH came up with. I might have considered going to a holy Jedhi temple - but Scientology --- puh-lease!
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