Coupla things...
* Sorry I've been such a bum lately everyone. With Christmas, the new job, and coaching again (7th grade B team this year), I've been SWAMPED. Things will calm down after Christmas. Until then, please accept my humblest and most abject apologies.
* I don't know how many of you are watching The Boondocks, the newest Adult Swim cartoon on Cartoon Network. It comes on Sundays at 10:00pm. If you're not, you should. I have this to say about whoever created this though: if they're black, then it is one of the most daring and stark social commentaries I have ever seen. If they're white, then it is potentially the most racist show ever shown on television.
* The smartest thing women ever did: somehow convince men that they don't like sex.
* People who put those fake bullet hole decals on their car should not be allowed to breed or vote.
* Histories greatest police officers:
! Wyatt Earp
! Lone Wolf Gonzaullas
! Eliot Ness
! Joe Pondrom
! Shaquille O'Neal
That's right Miami. Watch the fuck out. Shaq is on the case.
God I love Shaq. I don't know if I've ever pulled a 180 on how I feel about a person as much as I have Shaq since he won his first title.
* Speaking of the NBA, so Ron Artest wants to be traded, and Pacers President Donnie Walsh has said that he will try to do so. My question to Donnie--who is without question the best GM in the NBA--is this: what took you so fucking long? After Danny Granger fell into the Pacers' laps at the draft, here's what my press conference afterwards would have looked like:
"Hi, I'm Michael Pondrom, GM of the Pacers. Welcome to our post-draft press conference. Is everyone in the media here? Okay good. Now that we have Danny Granger, I'm here to auction off Ron Artest. Not trade. We're going to have an auction. I've got the other 29 teams on conference call, and away we go...do I have a Dr. Pepper? Dr. Pepper anyone? There's Gary St. Jean proving he is the most overrated GM in basketball by taking that offer. Can I get a six pack of beer? Six pack of beer? Oooh there's Billy King chiming in for the Hawks! Like they don't have enough small forwards already, now they need a completely insane one. What about a handle of Crown? Handle of Crown anyone? There you are! Ron Babcock! It was only a matter of time before you chimed in on this deal! God you might be the worst GM in basketball. Oh well, at least it's Canadian Whiskey, you should have plenty of that. How about $1,000? Can I get anyone to actually give me some cash for this nutjob? I know you're not interested in that, Donald Sterling...YES! The moment I've been waiting for! Isiah Thomas just offered me the island of Manhattan for Ron Ron! I knew I could count on you to make the worst move Isiah! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
Or something like that. You get the idea. But seriously, if I'm the Pacers, I'm calling the Nets and seeing if I can get Vince Carter or Richard Jefferson IMMEDIATELY, and hoping Thorn is just too bored with this mediocre and unexciting team to remember that Ron Ron is certifiably insane and roided out of his mind.
* Is it just me, or is everyone way to excited about King Kong? How is this movie going to be great? Over the top computer effects don't excite us how they used to, so being able to see a "cool" King Kong isn't going to impress me. I'm VERY iffy on the casting--Jack Black in this role? Really? And what about Adrien Brody selling his soul by doing the big box office flick? The Life Is Beautiful guy is the guy we want to see running around with Kong? And doesn't this seem like a story that was great once, but there is no way it could be good again? I'm just not very on board with this one.
* Let's say you're getting a massage from an attractive woman about the same age as you. You find out through conversation that she is single. When is it okay to ask for her number? Is it okay to ask for her number? Do you do it before or after you put your clothes back on? What is she doesn't want to give it to you? What if she REALLY doesn't want to give it to you...can you be arrested for that? The reason I ask is I know a guy who pulled this off. Let me just say sir, I salute you! All men salute you!
* Yes, the Colts should go for an undefeated season, and everyone should stop worrying about it. How often does a team truly have a chance to go undefeated? Someone wins the Super Bowl every year. Shut your pie holes, announcers. And the whole "rest your starters" thing I'm not a huge fan of. When you're an athlete in season, taking a week off can throw you out of your grove. It rarely actually works out--most teams that "take time off" show up unprepared and flat.
* There's a new Winnie the Pooh coming out--with no Christopher Robin! Zounds! There's a red haired, blue eyed little girl with a ridiculous looking bicycle helmet on! Pooh fans are up in arms. I simply say that Winnie the Pooh is one of the most overrated characters of all time. Even as a little kid he annoyed the shit out of me. How come a whiney little bear is amusing? Quit your fucking whining and go find some honey if you want honey, you limey piece of shit! It's like he expects the honey to walk into his mouth.
* And, finally, some word on Richard Pryor. I've always felt that there's one line that summed up Richard Pryor perfectly, a line that all good comedians like to say regarding him: "If you don't steal from Richard Pryor, you're not funny." That's true. He was a hilarious man, and while I'm happy he's gone so he doesn't have to suffer anymore, he will be missed.
* Merry Christmas everyone!
* I don't know how many of you are watching The Boondocks, the newest Adult Swim cartoon on Cartoon Network. It comes on Sundays at 10:00pm. If you're not, you should. I have this to say about whoever created this though: if they're black, then it is one of the most daring and stark social commentaries I have ever seen. If they're white, then it is potentially the most racist show ever shown on television.
* The smartest thing women ever did: somehow convince men that they don't like sex.
* People who put those fake bullet hole decals on their car should not be allowed to breed or vote.
* Histories greatest police officers:
! Wyatt Earp
! Lone Wolf Gonzaullas
! Eliot Ness
! Joe Pondrom
! Shaquille O'Neal
That's right Miami. Watch the fuck out. Shaq is on the case.
God I love Shaq. I don't know if I've ever pulled a 180 on how I feel about a person as much as I have Shaq since he won his first title.
* Speaking of the NBA, so Ron Artest wants to be traded, and Pacers President Donnie Walsh has said that he will try to do so. My question to Donnie--who is without question the best GM in the NBA--is this: what took you so fucking long? After Danny Granger fell into the Pacers' laps at the draft, here's what my press conference afterwards would have looked like:
"Hi, I'm Michael Pondrom, GM of the Pacers. Welcome to our post-draft press conference. Is everyone in the media here? Okay good. Now that we have Danny Granger, I'm here to auction off Ron Artest. Not trade. We're going to have an auction. I've got the other 29 teams on conference call, and away we go...do I have a Dr. Pepper? Dr. Pepper anyone? There's Gary St. Jean proving he is the most overrated GM in basketball by taking that offer. Can I get a six pack of beer? Six pack of beer? Oooh there's Billy King chiming in for the Hawks! Like they don't have enough small forwards already, now they need a completely insane one. What about a handle of Crown? Handle of Crown anyone? There you are! Ron Babcock! It was only a matter of time before you chimed in on this deal! God you might be the worst GM in basketball. Oh well, at least it's Canadian Whiskey, you should have plenty of that. How about $1,000? Can I get anyone to actually give me some cash for this nutjob? I know you're not interested in that, Donald Sterling...YES! The moment I've been waiting for! Isiah Thomas just offered me the island of Manhattan for Ron Ron! I knew I could count on you to make the worst move Isiah! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
Or something like that. You get the idea. But seriously, if I'm the Pacers, I'm calling the Nets and seeing if I can get Vince Carter or Richard Jefferson IMMEDIATELY, and hoping Thorn is just too bored with this mediocre and unexciting team to remember that Ron Ron is certifiably insane and roided out of his mind.
* Is it just me, or is everyone way to excited about King Kong? How is this movie going to be great? Over the top computer effects don't excite us how they used to, so being able to see a "cool" King Kong isn't going to impress me. I'm VERY iffy on the casting--Jack Black in this role? Really? And what about Adrien Brody selling his soul by doing the big box office flick? The Life Is Beautiful guy is the guy we want to see running around with Kong? And doesn't this seem like a story that was great once, but there is no way it could be good again? I'm just not very on board with this one.
* Let's say you're getting a massage from an attractive woman about the same age as you. You find out through conversation that she is single. When is it okay to ask for her number? Is it okay to ask for her number? Do you do it before or after you put your clothes back on? What is she doesn't want to give it to you? What if she REALLY doesn't want to give it to you...can you be arrested for that? The reason I ask is I know a guy who pulled this off. Let me just say sir, I salute you! All men salute you!
* Yes, the Colts should go for an undefeated season, and everyone should stop worrying about it. How often does a team truly have a chance to go undefeated? Someone wins the Super Bowl every year. Shut your pie holes, announcers. And the whole "rest your starters" thing I'm not a huge fan of. When you're an athlete in season, taking a week off can throw you out of your grove. It rarely actually works out--most teams that "take time off" show up unprepared and flat.
* There's a new Winnie the Pooh coming out--with no Christopher Robin! Zounds! There's a red haired, blue eyed little girl with a ridiculous looking bicycle helmet on! Pooh fans are up in arms. I simply say that Winnie the Pooh is one of the most overrated characters of all time. Even as a little kid he annoyed the shit out of me. How come a whiney little bear is amusing? Quit your fucking whining and go find some honey if you want honey, you limey piece of shit! It's like he expects the honey to walk into his mouth.
* And, finally, some word on Richard Pryor. I've always felt that there's one line that summed up Richard Pryor perfectly, a line that all good comedians like to say regarding him: "If you don't steal from Richard Pryor, you're not funny." That's true. He was a hilarious man, and while I'm happy he's gone so he doesn't have to suffer anymore, he will be missed.
* Merry Christmas everyone!
posted by Michael Pondrom at 10:12 AM
1 Comments:
Great comparison to Godzilla Nick.
I like your list Nick, I didn't think of the Jazz, and you don't have the Nets. That's the only way we differ. Here's my thoughts on Ron Ron on each team:
Lakers: I think this deal could be good for both teams. Do Odom for Artest straight up. Odom obviously isn't happy there, and his athletisicm would be a great fit in Indiana. Artest would fit well there because he would teach the young guys a physical style of ball that they are lacking. Plus, I think he would get enough shots since only two people get to shoot.
Knicks: Sure, the Knicks would love him. But who do the Knicks have to offer? I say 2 names: Marbury and Frye. Do you want Marbury? Yeah, I don't either. And here is a theme you will hear over and over from me: The Pacers are not a team of the future. The Pacers have 2 to 3 years left to win the title with this nucleus. So someone like Frye isn't exactly what they're looking for. If they trade Artest for Frye, I almost say they have to trade O'Neal too and go young.
Heat: You're right on about not trading Artest to a contender. Plus, Artest wants more shots, and he ain't getting that with DWade and Shaq.
Kings: Not bad. I can live with Peja for Artest. However...does that make the Pacers too weak to compete?
Jazz: I really like this for both teams basketball-wise. The nucleus the Jazz has built is not working. It just isn't. They need to shake it up one way or another. Boozer, Okur, or AK47--yes, even him--should be available for the right player. I'm sorry, but AK47 is going to be one of those players who is always injured. They need to shake up that team.
However...the Jazz are VERY image conscious. They don't like Thugs; they want their John Stocktons and guys like him. So I don't see them trading for the nuttiest asshole in a league of nutty assholes.
So finally, we have the...
Hawks: Same as Knicks though. Who is a veteran talent that you trade for? I don't want Joe Johnson for Artest. If I'm going to go young, I'd rather have Frye and Knicks picks, and all you're going to get is youth and picks from the Hawks.
I really think they're best bet is to try to pull VC or Jefferson from the Nets. That's another team that needs to shake things up; the end of last season was nice, but it ain't happening again.
You know what else scares me though? If I'm Walsh, I'd deal him to Dallas for Josh Howard and Marquis Daniels or Devin Harris in a heartbeat. And I can maybe see the Mavs making that deal...
Please don't Mavs.
Michael
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