2 Assholes
1) Johnny Damon: Now I'm not one of the Red Sox faithful. Sure, I cheer for the Red Sox because they are the archenemy of the Yankees, who I do believe are truly evil and a bane to society. But I do not live and die by the Red Sox's success; a season in which the Yankees finish 4th and the Red Sox finish third is fine with me. Personally, I find Sox fans to be a bit annoying, as just because they really really WANT a championship doesn't mean they are entitled one. There were lots of other franchises that had long losing seasons, too.
But I digress!
The point of this is, even though I don't have a huge loyalty to the Red Sox, I still anoint Johnny Damon as an asshole. Let me put it to you this way:
You don't leave the Red Sox for the Yankees.
You just don't.
Hell, you could make a case for leaving the Yankees for the Red Sox. But you CANNOT leave the Red Sox for the Yankees.
In pro sports, Red Sox v. Yankees is one of the last true rivalries. Hell, it might be the only true rivalry left. The fans of both squads honestly dislike each other, and to an extent, the teams legitimately dislike each other as well. It really is more than just a game--even more than just a game against a good team--when these teams square off. The rivalry is one of the traits that made America love sports, and it is dying. Make no mistake of that. The rivalry is why people like college sports more than pro sports--almost the only reason why.
Now let's look at Johnny Damon's situation: he's the hero of one of the most notable teams in the history of sports. He's entrenched at a position where no one on the Red Sox will even think of moving him. He's allowed to be an idiot in Boston. He can act/dress/party/look any way he likes, and not only will management let him get away with it, but the public will adore him. I cannot stress him enough: THE PUBLIC WILL ALWAYS ADORE HIM. I honestly believe he could literally commit murder in Boston and get off scott free. He literally had the perfect situation.
Now he's going to a team that will restrict his freedom: he won't be allowed to dress, act, look, or speak the same way; the fan base will be lukewarm to him, as he was the villain who was paramount in destroying them and causing their team to commit the greatest collapse in pro sports history; he'll be under constant scrutiny from a media that will not adore him and from said fan base that will quiest whether or not he is good enough to justify his contract; he is playing with a group of players who--with the exception of Jeter--don't have the love of the game or the competitive fire his former teammates had.
All for $10-12 million dollars. I will promise you something, Johnny: you would have EASILY made that money in endorsements in Boston over the rest of your life. You're not going to get endorsement offers like that in New York; you aren't and won't be a hero there; you're third or fourth banana on the team. Hell, you're probably the fifth or sixth most popular presence on the team, behind the coach and the owner. Penny wise, pound foolish.
So good luck with that Johnny. You're an asshole, and no one will ever really care about you again.
2) Kobe: Ahhh...Kobe. My favorite basketball player. Now let me tell you what I am: a Mavs fan. Make no doubt about that. So you think when it came to Kobe's 62 points through 3 quarters and then sits out the 4th, I would be okay with that, as he was destroying my team.
Nope. Sorry.
Now I'm not here to go too long into reasons why Kobe is an asshole. That would be about the same as informing you that the sky is blue. No, I'm here to give Kobe (start saying it k-obe where the "obe" sounds like Obo, minus the last "o". ch-ob. It's fun. Thanks Mike Rhyner of The Hardline on Sports Radio 1310--The Ticket for coming up with that) some good advice.
Kobe, stop trying to convince us you're a nice guy. You're not. We know you're not. You're an asshole. You're a completely selfish, self-centered asshole. And we know it. We've known it for years. We haven't liked you for years--if ever. So give it up and stop trying to convince us that you're anything other than that. Just admit what you are, and relish in your role of the villain.
Like sitting out the fourth quarter. It was so ridiculously obvious that you were going to do that, in order to try to show the world that you "aren't a shoot-first gunner" and that you didn't want to show an opponent up. It's almost comical Kobe. No matter what you try to do, you almost always seem to choose the wrong option. You always choose the wrong thing to do.
You should have stayed in the game Kobe. You were on your way to something special. It's like watching a no hitter where the opposing team has also scored 10 runs--even if it's against your team, eventually you get to the, "Hell, I'm watching something special here, maybe history in the making--let's see where this ends up." We already know you're a black hole (Basketball Dictionary: Black Hole--A player who once you give them the ball, is going to shoot no mater what. The reference is in regards to the gravitational pull of a black hole: once an object is sucked into a black hole, it can't come out), and you were having one of those rare nights where that was okay. We WANTED to see you be yourself, and shoot to your hearts content. Let it fly! There was magic in the air that night, and all you had to do was do what you do best, do what is the only thing your little black heart desires to do.
I mean, Kobe, you had taken 31 shots through 3 quarters--with 0 assists! 0! Now, in scoring 62 points in 3 quarters, don't you think you were probably double teamed a few times? Tripled? Hell, I bet once or twice you had 4 guys on you. Surely SOMEONE was open.
Now I'm not saying you were wrong--you scored 62 points in 3 quarters, and you shot 58%. That's about as close to perfection as you can get as a basketball player. But the fact is, IT PROVES YOU ARE A GUNNER. SO STOP PRETENDING THAT YOU AREN'T!
Look at Jordan's 50+ games. I promise you that he had at least 4 assists in each of them. I'm not even going to bother looking it up.
We're not stupid Kobe. You are who you are. Quit trying to impress us, or get us to love you, because you're an asshole, and it's never going to work. Just be who you are, and you'll get a small nitch of people to appreciate and maybe even love you. But you're never going to be Magic...or Larry...or Michael...or Lebron. NEVER. The general public will never love you Kobe. You're an asshole, and we know it.
Just be what you are.
But I digress!
The point of this is, even though I don't have a huge loyalty to the Red Sox, I still anoint Johnny Damon as an asshole. Let me put it to you this way:
You don't leave the Red Sox for the Yankees.
You just don't.
Hell, you could make a case for leaving the Yankees for the Red Sox. But you CANNOT leave the Red Sox for the Yankees.
In pro sports, Red Sox v. Yankees is one of the last true rivalries. Hell, it might be the only true rivalry left. The fans of both squads honestly dislike each other, and to an extent, the teams legitimately dislike each other as well. It really is more than just a game--even more than just a game against a good team--when these teams square off. The rivalry is one of the traits that made America love sports, and it is dying. Make no mistake of that. The rivalry is why people like college sports more than pro sports--almost the only reason why.
Now let's look at Johnny Damon's situation: he's the hero of one of the most notable teams in the history of sports. He's entrenched at a position where no one on the Red Sox will even think of moving him. He's allowed to be an idiot in Boston. He can act/dress/party/look any way he likes, and not only will management let him get away with it, but the public will adore him. I cannot stress him enough: THE PUBLIC WILL ALWAYS ADORE HIM. I honestly believe he could literally commit murder in Boston and get off scott free. He literally had the perfect situation.
Now he's going to a team that will restrict his freedom: he won't be allowed to dress, act, look, or speak the same way; the fan base will be lukewarm to him, as he was the villain who was paramount in destroying them and causing their team to commit the greatest collapse in pro sports history; he'll be under constant scrutiny from a media that will not adore him and from said fan base that will quiest whether or not he is good enough to justify his contract; he is playing with a group of players who--with the exception of Jeter--don't have the love of the game or the competitive fire his former teammates had.
All for $10-12 million dollars. I will promise you something, Johnny: you would have EASILY made that money in endorsements in Boston over the rest of your life. You're not going to get endorsement offers like that in New York; you aren't and won't be a hero there; you're third or fourth banana on the team. Hell, you're probably the fifth or sixth most popular presence on the team, behind the coach and the owner. Penny wise, pound foolish.
So good luck with that Johnny. You're an asshole, and no one will ever really care about you again.
2) Kobe: Ahhh...Kobe. My favorite basketball player. Now let me tell you what I am: a Mavs fan. Make no doubt about that. So you think when it came to Kobe's 62 points through 3 quarters and then sits out the 4th, I would be okay with that, as he was destroying my team.
Nope. Sorry.
Now I'm not here to go too long into reasons why Kobe is an asshole. That would be about the same as informing you that the sky is blue. No, I'm here to give Kobe (start saying it k-obe where the "obe" sounds like Obo, minus the last "o". ch-ob. It's fun. Thanks Mike Rhyner of The Hardline on Sports Radio 1310--The Ticket for coming up with that) some good advice.
Kobe, stop trying to convince us you're a nice guy. You're not. We know you're not. You're an asshole. You're a completely selfish, self-centered asshole. And we know it. We've known it for years. We haven't liked you for years--if ever. So give it up and stop trying to convince us that you're anything other than that. Just admit what you are, and relish in your role of the villain.
Like sitting out the fourth quarter. It was so ridiculously obvious that you were going to do that, in order to try to show the world that you "aren't a shoot-first gunner" and that you didn't want to show an opponent up. It's almost comical Kobe. No matter what you try to do, you almost always seem to choose the wrong option. You always choose the wrong thing to do.
You should have stayed in the game Kobe. You were on your way to something special. It's like watching a no hitter where the opposing team has also scored 10 runs--even if it's against your team, eventually you get to the, "Hell, I'm watching something special here, maybe history in the making--let's see where this ends up." We already know you're a black hole (Basketball Dictionary: Black Hole--A player who once you give them the ball, is going to shoot no mater what. The reference is in regards to the gravitational pull of a black hole: once an object is sucked into a black hole, it can't come out), and you were having one of those rare nights where that was okay. We WANTED to see you be yourself, and shoot to your hearts content. Let it fly! There was magic in the air that night, and all you had to do was do what you do best, do what is the only thing your little black heart desires to do.
I mean, Kobe, you had taken 31 shots through 3 quarters--with 0 assists! 0! Now, in scoring 62 points in 3 quarters, don't you think you were probably double teamed a few times? Tripled? Hell, I bet once or twice you had 4 guys on you. Surely SOMEONE was open.
Now I'm not saying you were wrong--you scored 62 points in 3 quarters, and you shot 58%. That's about as close to perfection as you can get as a basketball player. But the fact is, IT PROVES YOU ARE A GUNNER. SO STOP PRETENDING THAT YOU AREN'T!
Look at Jordan's 50+ games. I promise you that he had at least 4 assists in each of them. I'm not even going to bother looking it up.
We're not stupid Kobe. You are who you are. Quit trying to impress us, or get us to love you, because you're an asshole, and it's never going to work. Just be who you are, and you'll get a small nitch of people to appreciate and maybe even love you. But you're never going to be Magic...or Larry...or Michael...or Lebron. NEVER. The general public will never love you Kobe. You're an asshole, and we know it.
Just be what you are.
posted by Michael Pondrom at 3:41 PM
2 Comments:
I'm always amazed at your readership, Mike.
LOL...for that, Bo, I'll leave that up.
Michael
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