The First Annual "Itoldyouthatbitchwascrazy" Awards!
Thank you, thank you! Welcome to our latest segment: The First Annual "Itoldyouthatbitchwascrazy" Awards! That's right ladies and gentlemen, boyz and girlz, today we honor a woman who is so certifiably insane that whenever you hear a story about her, you immediately want to say to whoever is telling the story, "Itoldyouthatbitchwascrazy!" There's actually nothing annual about these awards; I just think that any time you can work in a Blank Annual Awards title, you should.
And the winner goes to...Tamara (who is at least smart enough not to give us her last name). At this point I will ask you to check out Tamara's web site, and come on back here.
http://www.datetosave.com/
Your back? Good! Can you believe that nutjob? Itoldyouthatbitchwascrazy! See, isn't it fun to say?
A coupla thoughts after going through this site:
1) I like how you're encouraged to date "cute" or "hot" guys. Apparently, if you're ugly and in need of the good Lord's saving grace, well, you can take your damned ass somewhere else. Have fun in the burning fires of Hell, ugly people!
2) The 10 tips are perhaps some of the funniest things I've ever seen. Bill Simmon's Unintentional Comedy Scale is off the charts here.
* "If he wants to hold your hand...give him a Bible." Huh? You can't even hold hands? Damn...I missed that part of the Bible, "Thou shalt not hold hands if thou isn't married and Christian." Does that include shaking people's hands? Holy Shit! It's a good think I'm Catholic and not Christian, otherwise I'd be going to Hell for shaking people's hands! Woe to us all!
* "If he asks to pay for dinner...remind him that Jesus also paid a debt he did not owe!" So does this mean you're paying for your dinner? ROFLMAO...I'm calling Shenanigans on that stuck up egomaniacal bitch paying for her own meal. Get out your brooms!
* "After you dump him...tell him that Jesus Christ will never leave or forget him." Unlike me. I love the wording too. Way to be honest. At least she doesn't say, "After you move on to save another soul". What a nut!
3) Your selling shirts? Are you kidding me! So exactly how much money have you made on this?
4) In her questions, she hautighly says that she "doesn't date anyone that she meets online". Why not, you crazy bitch? What's wrong with dating people you meet online? Is it somehow better to meet only hot guys, whore yourselves out to them to get them to come to church, and then dump them? And if your goal is truly to date as many guys as you can in order to bring them to the Lord, shouldn't you use any resources available in order to find guys to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior? I guess I'm just not following her logic here...see, Itoldyouthatbitchwascrazy!
So Tamara, we thank you. Congratulations on being our first award winner. Hopefully, some of us will be able to meet you someday, and get to make fun of your crackah ass. And OSU grads...let's take this moment to think about our dear friend who also did this while we're at school. That's right, we know someone who did the same thing. I won't say her name here...but cloudkicker, we're thinking about you now. Holler at Tamara sometime, you can trade evil stories.
And the winner goes to...Tamara (who is at least smart enough not to give us her last name). At this point I will ask you to check out Tamara's web site, and come on back here.
http://www.datetosave.com/
Your back? Good! Can you believe that nutjob? Itoldyouthatbitchwascrazy! See, isn't it fun to say?
A coupla thoughts after going through this site:
1) I like how you're encouraged to date "cute" or "hot" guys. Apparently, if you're ugly and in need of the good Lord's saving grace, well, you can take your damned ass somewhere else. Have fun in the burning fires of Hell, ugly people!
2) The 10 tips are perhaps some of the funniest things I've ever seen. Bill Simmon's Unintentional Comedy Scale is off the charts here.
* "If he wants to hold your hand...give him a Bible." Huh? You can't even hold hands? Damn...I missed that part of the Bible, "Thou shalt not hold hands if thou isn't married and Christian." Does that include shaking people's hands? Holy Shit! It's a good think I'm Catholic and not Christian, otherwise I'd be going to Hell for shaking people's hands! Woe to us all!
* "If he asks to pay for dinner...remind him that Jesus also paid a debt he did not owe!" So does this mean you're paying for your dinner? ROFLMAO...I'm calling Shenanigans on that stuck up egomaniacal bitch paying for her own meal. Get out your brooms!
* "After you dump him...tell him that Jesus Christ will never leave or forget him." Unlike me. I love the wording too. Way to be honest. At least she doesn't say, "After you move on to save another soul". What a nut!
3) Your selling shirts? Are you kidding me! So exactly how much money have you made on this?
4) In her questions, she hautighly says that she "doesn't date anyone that she meets online". Why not, you crazy bitch? What's wrong with dating people you meet online? Is it somehow better to meet only hot guys, whore yourselves out to them to get them to come to church, and then dump them? And if your goal is truly to date as many guys as you can in order to bring them to the Lord, shouldn't you use any resources available in order to find guys to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior? I guess I'm just not following her logic here...see, Itoldyouthatbitchwascrazy!
So Tamara, we thank you. Congratulations on being our first award winner. Hopefully, some of us will be able to meet you someday, and get to make fun of your crackah ass. And OSU grads...let's take this moment to think about our dear friend who also did this while we're at school. That's right, we know someone who did the same thing. I won't say her name here...but cloudkicker, we're thinking about you now. Holler at Tamara sometime, you can trade evil stories.
Labels: Itoldyouthatbitchwascrazy Awards
posted by Michael Pondrom at 2:39 PM
5 Comments:
lol I'm pretty sure that whole website is a joke, much like http://www.landoverbaptist.org, which is hysterical.
And let me say this... it sucks ass to be one of her evil stories. That name conjures up a lot for me... ugh, talk about heartburn.
Nick
I debated a lot about whether it is serious or not...while I hope it is a joke, here's the thing: I looked through the Forum, and a LOT of people are taking it seriously. And that's no bueno.
Yeah, you're who I was thinking of good buddy. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and what she did to you was just wrong.
Michael
In keeping with the "religious" theme, Oh my holy God! Nick, I don't even know who they're talking about, but what an idiot whoever it was! And how nice to have someone assume you're certainly damned to hell without their all powerful--and in this case hot:)--intervention. We Catholics get that a lot--it's loads o' fun.
Robin
P.S. Itoldyouthatbitchwascrazy!!! That is fun!
That was laugh out loud funny...and I'm in a cubicle about 10 ft from my boss's office.
You guys are making me blush.
Michael
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