Valentine's Day
First of all, Happy Valentine's Day to everyone. Now that that's out of the way, I'll proceed to rip it.
Does anyone like this holiday? Anyone at all? Let's look at how several different groups view this day:
* Single women get horribly depressed on Valentine's Day.
* Single men don't give a shit one way or the other; if anything, they're happy that they don't have to participate in all the nonsense.
* Non-married men in a relationship fucking hate it, because it costs them two months salary no matter how much money they make.
* Non-married women in a relationship aren't that into it, because all they do is freak about where they are going to go for the date, what he's going to get them, and what they're going to do to him if he doesn't do a good job.
* Married couples don't really care; they are smug in their realization that they're married, and don't have to go through all the crap that this day brings on. They are annoyed, however, at all the crowds and the prices of objects, and thus stay home to avoid them.
So let's review: the closest anyone gets to feelings of joy is the joy single men get at not participating. Yeah. This is fun for everyone involved.
So tell me women: why do you partake in the farce? Why do you let yourself get sucked into this Hallmark Holiday? It's true! The prices of flowers triples at least, every possible dating avenue jacks their prices and gets RIDICULOUSLY crowded, and the pressure put on both parties makes you both miserable!
And does this really make you feel good? If you're in a relationship, do you really feel better, do you really feel like your man really cares about you if he gets you something on a day that is constantly plastered all over the news, and that he knows he will be HORRIBLY ridiculed by men and women alike if he doesn't go out of his way to do something nice to you? Wouldn't it be safe to say you might have some serious relationship problems if this is the only time of year your man does something romantic with you?
And what the fuck do men get out of this? The best women only get a token gift for their men. I'm sorry ladies, but I don't think I've EVER had a male friend come rushing up to me the next day and go, "oh my God, do you know what blank did/got for me for Valentine's Day?" And I know plenty of great women who have wonderful relationships. It's just that this isn't a holiday about love anymore; it's a holiday about "get your woman a super nice expensive gift and date or she gets to cut your balls off". And EVERYONE buys into this! WHY? WHY??????
So please ladies. Fight the power. Refuse to participate in Valentine's Day. And this doesn't mean the mantra that damn near every woman in the world says and almost none truly mean, "OhIdon'treallycareaboutValentine'sDayIpromiseit'snobigdeal." I mean, tell him for real you don't want anything more than a card, and if he does get you something, let him know you meant it by refusing to accept it. Encourage your girlfriends to do the same.
What's sad is this used to be a very nice holiday. Now it's a sick and twisted game of oneupmanship that no one enjoys. A pox on Valentine's Day I say. Be Romantic the other 364 days of the year. Let's sit this one out.
Does anyone like this holiday? Anyone at all? Let's look at how several different groups view this day:
* Single women get horribly depressed on Valentine's Day.
* Single men don't give a shit one way or the other; if anything, they're happy that they don't have to participate in all the nonsense.
* Non-married men in a relationship fucking hate it, because it costs them two months salary no matter how much money they make.
* Non-married women in a relationship aren't that into it, because all they do is freak about where they are going to go for the date, what he's going to get them, and what they're going to do to him if he doesn't do a good job.
* Married couples don't really care; they are smug in their realization that they're married, and don't have to go through all the crap that this day brings on. They are annoyed, however, at all the crowds and the prices of objects, and thus stay home to avoid them.
So let's review: the closest anyone gets to feelings of joy is the joy single men get at not participating. Yeah. This is fun for everyone involved.
So tell me women: why do you partake in the farce? Why do you let yourself get sucked into this Hallmark Holiday? It's true! The prices of flowers triples at least, every possible dating avenue jacks their prices and gets RIDICULOUSLY crowded, and the pressure put on both parties makes you both miserable!
And does this really make you feel good? If you're in a relationship, do you really feel better, do you really feel like your man really cares about you if he gets you something on a day that is constantly plastered all over the news, and that he knows he will be HORRIBLY ridiculed by men and women alike if he doesn't go out of his way to do something nice to you? Wouldn't it be safe to say you might have some serious relationship problems if this is the only time of year your man does something romantic with you?
And what the fuck do men get out of this? The best women only get a token gift for their men. I'm sorry ladies, but I don't think I've EVER had a male friend come rushing up to me the next day and go, "oh my God, do you know what blank did/got for me for Valentine's Day?" And I know plenty of great women who have wonderful relationships. It's just that this isn't a holiday about love anymore; it's a holiday about "get your woman a super nice expensive gift and date or she gets to cut your balls off". And EVERYONE buys into this! WHY? WHY??????
So please ladies. Fight the power. Refuse to participate in Valentine's Day. And this doesn't mean the mantra that damn near every woman in the world says and almost none truly mean, "OhIdon'treallycareaboutValentine'sDayIpromiseit'snobigdeal." I mean, tell him for real you don't want anything more than a card, and if he does get you something, let him know you meant it by refusing to accept it. Encourage your girlfriends to do the same.
What's sad is this used to be a very nice holiday. Now it's a sick and twisted game of oneupmanship that no one enjoys. A pox on Valentine's Day I say. Be Romantic the other 364 days of the year. Let's sit this one out.
posted by Michael Pondrom at 9:19 AM
25 Comments:
" Single men don't give a shit one way or the other; if anything, they're happy that they don't have to participate in all the nonsense"
Amen to that. What makes it even better is that I live with a guy that is doing all the ridiculous Valentine's day stuff.
The cynic in me tells me that most "romantic" gifts are just BS anyways. People give romantic gifts for their own purposes. Either to avoid criticism, on a day such as V-Day, or to appear romantic, caring, etc. Rarely does the gift seem to have to do anything with the girl.
"What'd you get her?"
(fill in the blank)
"Why?"
Oh, I dunno, it's nice I guess.
Do girls even want the retarded gifts men buy? It's like giving just for the sake of giving with no thought of usefulness or purpose, other than the self-satisfying illusion of "romance."
Doesn't it make sense to actually talk with your girl, listen to what she wants, where she's going, who she wants to be, and find something that will help get her there?
Hell, I don't know...
Nick
I agree with you Mike. Valentine's has gotten too big and hyped. Its all marketing...almost as bad as Christmas.
Nick, I think thoughtless and generic gifts at Valentine's are stupid. But women LOVE thoughtful random gifts, even if they are of just the "thinking of you" type. Its the spontaneous and out of nowhere that is romantic, not the hyped or the standard.
Just my opinion, take it for what its worth.
Thanks guys. I'm with Bo; I love giving random Romantic gifts, too. It is selfish in that it is a great feeling for me, the gift giver, to see the person I love happy and surprised. But if that's the case, then everything we do in life is "selfish" in that it makes us feel good (even eating what we need to survive). However, I do not like Halmark and conventional thought telling me when I need to give Romantic gifts, and even telling me what kind of Romantic gifts to give.
One thing I forgot to mention, that I alluded to but didn't spell out: I don't like Valentine's Day because it insults me as someone who does handle his business. I don't need to be told to get flowers, get presents, spend some quality alone time, go out on romantic dates, etc., with the people I care about/love. It pisses me off that I'm "supposed" to do it at a certain time of year. It's insulting to every responsible man who shows the person he loves that he loves her year round.
Michael
Batman > Spiderman
I just wanted to state that for the record. And yes I know Spiderman is Marvel.
Second, while at lunch one of those retrospective idiot moments happened (these only occur with women by the way.)
Valentine's Day is great for single men for a 2nd reason. It has got to be the easiest day of the year to ask a girl out.
"Got big plans tonight?"
If she says, "Yes," then no harm no foul, you just respond with a big smile and say, "Well that sounds nice."
If she says, "No," then it doesn't get much easier.
"Really? I find that hard to believe. Well let me take you out for dinner, you shouldn't be without a Valentine tonight" or some variation of such...
And of course, I realize this after I turn away from a cute girl at the local UPS store... idiot, idiot, idiot.
To be continued...
Nick
I knew you would be, sorry. The Ray makes it in the top ten, fo sho.
Michael
"2 months salary on diamond earrings?" Dude?? Two words...Cubic Zirconium.
LOL...hopefully Bo's wife doesn't read this.
:-)
Michael
"On the flip side I will say this...
I love my girlfriend more than anything. So much so that I go out of my way all the time to make her happy. MANY days. Not just Valentine's Day. I love to see her smile, I love to warm her heart, and I just love to make her happy. People who aren't in love will never understand this. You just can't. "Why would you spend an hour and a half putting a bear together?" Because I love her and it makes her happy. It's as simple as that. "
Once again, it seems to me it's all for show, not to mention a waste of time and money. This asinine gift giving stuff is completely ephemeral -- it generates an ultra-temporary happiness based on the production and consumption of materials.
A girl will be truly happy if she's with a man that she wants.
If she has to be coaxed into happiness with *fill in the blank*, especially *all the time*, that's crazy. I don't even endorse this stuff, but if your relationship is into the random gift thing, *GIRLS* are the ones who are supposed to give the random gifts, and by like at least a 3 to 1 ratio. Men are supposed to be masculine and aloof about such things. Then when you finally give a gift, the girl feels like you've really gone out of your way to come up with something. Once again, not that I endorse this line of thinking, but girls are supposed to give more of the random gifts than men (who should be giving them few and far between and NEVER more than the girl).
I say chill on the constant random stuff. Be together and be real. And if you decide to give a REAL gift, if it's purposeful and relevant, it'll be that much more meaningful.
And for those playing along at home, I went back to the UPS store but apparently she works the morning/afternoon shift, so she wasn't there : )
Nick
And oh, yes... Batman vs. Spiderman
No one can contest that Spiderman would beat the crap out of Batman.
But Batman gets style points, and overall is a much cooler superhero than Spiderfag.
Even if you don't want to call him a superhero, fine. He's still cooler, and that's what counts in comic-book characters... coolness.
Nick
SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU IDIOTS. A woman, a good woman, accomodates your seasons - football, basketball, baseball, whatever. The weekend before Valentine's day was Superbowl weekend. Why do you have to make this a chore? Set up guidelines on how much to spend or whatever, if money is the issue. If you don't want to do V-day in protest, agree on it ahead of time. Don't bitch about it and still do it. That's just lame.
On the point of Valentine's Day being a manufactured holiday - tell me one holiday that has not been twisted and deformed by capitalism away from the true meaning of the event? Christmas? MLK? July 4th? Halloween? For every holiday that you can name, I can name an industry or group that uses it to their advantage. Don't blame the collective for your inability to really reach the true meaning of the day.
Personally, I not only spent V-day with my boyfriend, I also took the time to call, write, email anyone that is important to me. Family, friends. That's how I celebrate this day.
SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU IDIOTS. A woman, a good woman, accomodates your seasons - football, basketball, baseball, whatever. The weekend before Valentine's day was Superbowl weekend. Why do you have to make this a chore? Set up guidelines on how much to spend or whatever, if money is the issue. If you don't want to do V-day in protest, agree on it ahead of time. Don't bitch about it and still do it. That's just lame.
On the point of Valentine's Day being a manufactured holiday - tell me one holiday that has not been twisted and deformed by capitalism away from the true meaning of the event? Christmas? MLK? July 4th? Halloween? For every holiday that you can name, I can name an industry or group that uses it to their advantage. Don't blame the collective for your inability to really reach the true meaning of the day.
Personally, I not only spent V-day with my boyfriend, I also took the time to call, write, email anyone that is important to me. Family, friends. That's how I celebrate this day.
Maybe guys just think that it makes them cooler to bitch about Valentine's Day. So be it.
Veteran's Day
Veteran's Day Sale.
Labor Day!
Girls accomodate guys' sports, but guys accomodate girls' talking, not to mention the rest of the stuff ... chick flicks, etc. Those things cancel each other out.
There is no male equivalent to Valentine's Day. NONE. No day in which a girl could fail to show up, or not buy a present, or whatever, and not have it become the Apocalypse. You see with sports... the thing we care about... is the SPORTS. Female presence is optional. It's just not the same as V-Day, at all. The idiocy lies in thinking the two could even possibly come close to offsetting.
And the reason it comes off as a chore is because men are being told to do it. As Mike is saying, it's kind of a slap in the face to men who do things throughout the year. 364 spontaneous days of romance just aren't enough apparently, you've got to be told to make it happen on V-Day.
As for the true meaning? *grabs the barrel containing fish*
Valentine's Day origination has to do with men telling women they like that they'd like to date them, court them, whatever. Originally, it had NOTHING to do with reaffirming existing relationships. Valentine's Day is a day to start new ones.
So if you want to travel down that road, then girls should be lucky that existing boyfriends get them anything at all, cause the day isn't even for them.
Nick
There are sales on non-holidays and non-holiday weekends also, so I don't think that counts. It's just a recognition of people having the day off, not an attempt to change the meaning of a holiday.
A good example is Christmas, where we do/buy/celebrate stuff that isn't even Christ related.
Nick
Labor Day Sale. Beer. Boats. Beaches. Theme Parks.
On the point of supposed "force," no one says that you have to give thanks on Thanksgiving or presents on Christmas. Why does anyone fall into patterns of expectations if they don't want to? I'm simply asking why does Valentine's Day have this perception of being a one-way street. I think I'm a good girlfriend 365 days of the year (366 in a leap year). I buy little gifts, I do little things for my man. Still, I don't object to celebrating our relationship on Valentine's Day. Like I said, it's for both of us. And I will point out, with easily providable proof, that I spent a good deal of time hoping my boyfriend would like my gift. Because I want him to be happy and I wanted to give him that feeling. It's also an opportunity for me to splurge a little. Just like everyone else does at Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Now, I don't celebrate Christmas, so maybe this holiday seems a bit more universal to me.
Calm down everyone.
Nick, I don't even know what to say to your comments, really. Do you do nice things for your mom? Buy her a present every once in a while, get her something for Mother's Day, that kind of thing? Do something for her to let her know you love her? Again, sure this is for "show" in that you're "showing" her that you love her. That doesn't make it cheap or unreal, which is what you're suggesting doing the same thing with a girlfriend is.
Now I agree if it has to be constant, then you probably have a goldigger on your hands. But we're not even talking about material purchases here. It can be anything that let's her know she is special to you. I hate to say this, but I think that when you fall truly in love someday you will feel differently. I'm sorry because that sounds so haughty, but in this instance I think it is true.
That being said, I think your point about men and women giving gifts is an excellent. Traditionally, it should be the higher ratio the other way around, you're exactly right Nick. However, as I've grown up, I've found that the stereotypical man that every woman in the world likes to bitch about really DOESN'T FUCKING EXIST. Sure, there are some guys like that out there, but they are in the minority. The "macho man" stereotype died long ago, and women today are just using that to try to get more out of us.
And no ladies, I won't apologize for that comment.
Nirupa, I have to disagree with your argument, as well. Comparing Valentine's Day to women "putting up with" men watching sports is totally off base. In any relationship, one partner does things/enjoys activities that the other partner does not. They choose to tolerate and sometimes participate in said acitivities if they want to be together. In some relationships, the girl may LOVE college football and hate to shop, and the guy may hate all sports and love to shop. Occasionally, the guy will sit down and watch a game with the girl, and occasionally, the girl will go shopping with the guy. To compare the fact that couples--and men and women, in general--do things that the other person/sex doesn't like to do really has no place here. I'm sorry, not trying to make you mad, but I just see this as a case of comparing apples to oranges.
Now comparing Valentine's Day to other Holidays is a good comparison. I recognize that there are good comparisons here, especially with Christmas. However, I feel like there is a difference.
You can say that Christmas has become to commercial, and it has for the vast majority of the world. However, there is still some of the orginal, pure meaning that exists for every HUMAN on the planet. EVERYONE gets a gift. The goodwill that is shared because of the season is shared with everyone. There is a real event--Christ's birth--that is being celebrated, and even if you don't believe in Jesus Christ, you can still celebrate in the joy and goodwill that the season brings.
Valentine's Day doesn't have that. It's not really celebrating a particular event, like Christmas. It's celebrating "love". Again, I say to you: if you need for ANYONE--Halmark, the Catholic Church (SAINT Valentine's Day), etc.--to set aside a date that you HAVE to celebrate being in love with your girlfriend, ladies, YOU NEED TO DROP THAT GUY. A true man isn't reminded, or forced to love his girl. He does that on his own. And if you need dates to look forward to, do something that has real meaning. Your anniversary. The first time you kissed. The first time you met. The first time you made love. SOMETHING that is unique and special to you, not something that you are TOLD to celebrate, with no other reason than some vague notion of "let's celebrate this feeling today".
And Nirupa, don't play dumb. You're too good for that. Everyone reading this, Nirupa is the exception to the rule. She did a FANTASTIC job this Valentine's Day. I mentioned earlier that I've "never had a guy run up to me and say, 'guess what my girl got me/did for me/said to me on Valentine's Day'". Well, if I knew Kumar better, he would have done that, and for the first time in my life, I would have been impressed. However, that's not right that this would be a first time.
The guys above are right about one thing, ladies. This is a holiday that is all about you, and there isn't another date that is all about us. It's as simple as that. And it's NOT supposed to be that way. So don't sit here and pretend that we should be thrilled with this fake holiday that we give everything on and--the vast majority of the time--you give little or nothing on. Hey, when I have a girlfriend, I'll go through the motions like everyone else. And she won't get a hint of what I'm saying here. But this IS a fake holiday, and that's all there is to it.
Sorry.
Michael
One more thing...
If you mean that Spiderman would beat Batman in a "Street Fighter II" straight out physical battle, yes you're right, because he's stronger and more agile.
But Batman would kick Spiderman's ASS in a battle. He's too smart, and Spiderman doesn't have that much of a physical advantage over him.
And Batman is 100x cooler.
Sorry Tone.
Michael
People fall into expectations they don't want to because if they don't then there are heavy consequences. Mad girlfriends, mad families, etc. No one's holding a gun to anyone's head, but a pissed off girlfriend is pretty close.
On the comparative holidays/events, lets look at birthdays, anniversaries and fellow one-timers like Christmas (which is a birthday really), and Thanksgiving. They can't really relate to V-Day, because the purpose of these days is to remember/celebrate actual events - the day you were born, your first date with someone, etc.
Whereas the purpose of V-Day isn't to commemorate one specific event necessarily. We're not celebrating anything about Valentine, it's just a day to be romantic. Compared to birthdays, it'd be like celebrating your own birth everyday and still having one day marked as the ULTRA-PINNACLE-APEX of your birthday. It's a little outrageous.
Mother's Day is the closest thing to Valentine's Day cause it's not a specific event either, just a time when we're supposed to celebrate moms. But Mother's Day doesn't really have any tingle of ickiness because most of us don't spend much time with Mom nowadays, so it is nice to have a day set aside to remember her. But with boyfriends/girlfriends, you are probably spending a lot of time together as is.
On the perception of V-Day as a one-way street giftwise, lets pose these examples between Partner A and Partner B.
Case 1: Partner A's ready for work and heads for A's car. On the windshield is an envelope from B.
and
Case 2: Partner A comes home and 30 dozen roses from B are in A's house.
In Case 1, it's hard to tell if A is the guy or girl. But in Case 2, A is almost certainly, without exception, the woman. I think the perception, correctly, is that the more lavish the gift, the more it tends to be from the man. Men are the ones that seem to bend over backwards for girls... flowers, jewelry, etc. In every movie, and almost all real life situations, the guy takes the girl out for dinner. When that time comes where someone brings out a jewelry box or any gift, it's always the man. It's probably just a product of society... I mean guys don't really wear jewelry, or put flowers in their house, but then again, you don't see girls taking out an envelope containing front-seat tickets to a sports game at dinner.
I don't really know if there's anything wrong with the idea of Valentine's Day by itself. Spending time with a loved one -- how can you really attack that? It's just unsettling that if you DON'T do something on this one specific day, that it seems to completely overshadow anything done on a regular basis.
Anyhoo, I'm way past rambling here...
Nick
You know, a person normally doesn't take offense at the idea of being exceptional...
But I'm learning in this exchange that girls are pretty much damned. Evidently a cross section of guys believe that we, as a gender, are hell bent on bleeding you dry or making you suffer. I'm simply inclined to embrace the stereotype at this point. If you want to rollover and let Hallmark dictate your actions, well, enjoy. I won't hesitate to enjoy a holiday that encourages me to dress up pretty (whether or not I go somewhere nice) and spend some time being happy with someone who makes me happy. Considering I have been both single and significant othered on this day before... that means I can have fun with family, friends or boyfriend.
Funny we posted the same stuff about the "eventness" of some holidays.
As far as me, personally, with presents...
1) I'm not against presents. I'm against BS presents. Buying a dayspa deal for mom to relax since she's been working so hard lately? Fantastic. Getting her some random makeup in a box, or candles, or some other BS just for the sake of it? Hate it. HATE IT. HAAAATE IT. The first gift is thoughtful, the second one is for "show" or to appear caring and is an abomination, an absolute abomination.
2) I'm against spending way more than is necessary for the sake of extravagance.
3) I'm against one person doing all, or way more, gift giving than the other person.
4) I'm against a ridiculous frequency of small, random gifts. A tough week at the office merits something like that, but just for the sake of? It's not an abomination, but I don't like it. I also think a lot of it will create an atmosphere where the person receiving such gifts feels compelled to return the favor, just for the sake of it.
As for gifts with girls that you're mad about, I've been down that road. I understand being punch-drunk about a girl, almost to the point of nausea, and wanting to do anything for her. I also know that you could stack me up against 1000 other guys in a contest called "How romantic can you be?" and I would win it hands down. There's absolutely no contest. It's not that I haven't been through it, or that I'm anti-romance or anti-gift. I'm just anti-stupid romantic, and anti-stupid gifts.
Nick
Why are male birds more colorful than female birds?
First of all...
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU IDIOTS."
Wow. Stop whatever you are doing right now, and marry Pondrom. Immediately. Clearly, you are the perfect girl for him.
Second,
"Labor Day Sale. Beer. Boats. Beaches. Theme Parks."
Labor Day is a subversive communist invention. The only way to properly celebrate Labor Day is to engage in vigorous capitalism.
Third,
Valentine's Day is not a holiday. Valentine's Day is the anti-holiday. Holidays are when we celebrate something in common as a society. There is a reason we have to set a date for Columbus Day - because if we didn't, no one would know when to show up for the parade. Why do we need to set a date for Valentine's day?
Let's face it, Valentine's day is not about "love", it is about romantic feelings. And why should I celebrate anyone else's romantic feelings (...other than the fact that they are useful for the propagation fo the species)? Romantic feelings are something that inherently draw people out of the larger society, romance seeks privacy in which to express itself away from the distractions of others.
Since there is nothing communal about the way Valentine's day is celebrated, or about the value it celebrates, Valentine's day is the anti-holiday.
Finally,
"Why are male birds more colorful than female birds?"
Because the female birds all read the same magazine and saw that red is the "in" color this season.
-mjm
Perhaps some of the most brilliant writing to grace this site. Thank you, Michael.
Michael
I'm a little late in the game here as I never remember to read Michael's blog until he emails me. I just want to comment on his the V-day rant and point out that some girls do believe in equality for the holiday. My guy did a great job on our first V-day together...a flower and this dinner/dancing/Frank Sinatra band deal which was a surprise. I, in turn, did the following: had a rose delivered to his mailbox at work that morning and bought him some fun/somewhat useful gifts (throw blanket for couch, chocolate flavored cigars, flask, bottle of maker's mark, and a heart-shaped cheesecake). I believe I might have even outdone him considering his interesting attempt at my b-day gift the day before - Tim Duncan picture.
Anyway, all I have to say is yes, it's a stupid holiday. We shouldn't need a holiday to tell someone how much we care for them. However, it's nice that it does force us to stop and celebrate it. And not ALL girls are thoughtless and selfish when it comes to 2/14. Gentleman, if you like what you see, get my info from PJ. :-)
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